Women freak me out

moody said:

peoplesuck said:

she was very easy to offend though, maybe ive spent too much time around offensive people?

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probably both

peoplesuck said:

I know all people arent like that but im completely blown away by the level of hypocrisy this girl is achieving. I slightly offend you on accident and now you are going to be rude to me intentionally? I shake my head, what even is this generation of people.

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Girls are like that. Passive aggressive to the max.

peoplesuck said:

Toward the end she said she was surprised I didnt try anything.

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That could have been taken as offensive by some girls.

peoplesuck said:

also I called her "man" a few times.

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That would defiantly offended her.

peoplesuck said:

The only reason I ask this, Is because in some ways I feel like it was my fault. Thats typical victim talk, but Idk. I have too much curiosity.

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This is my inner-INTJ coming out now, because I think I can see the situation clearly enough to become judgmental:

This is victim talk. Everything you've said about whats happened between you and that teacher, from my perspective, was her fault. Every step of the way. I think most everyone else would agree with me.

She was the adult/older person. It is impossible to have a relationship as equals between a teacher and a student, the adult will always have the leverage. I don't know her, she's probably not some evil person, but she wronged you.

She took advantage of you. You hadn't have close relations before, and whether she knew what she was doing or not, she took advantage of that.

I can't tell you whether or not it would be a good idea to seek her out. I think that's really up to you. I've not been in a situation like yours, and even other people who have would all feel differently. If you feel the need for closure, I'd say go for it.

I don't think you can ever predict how closure will go. I'll use an example of my own:

I had a really close friend in middle school who went to a different high school. (We were extremely close; always finishing each others sentences when talking to someone else, and attached-at-the-hip). I loved them as much as you could platonically love a friend. For the first couple of years afterwards, we stayed close, and were in frequent contact. It slowly degraded to talking less and less, and then I'd see that they'd volunteer less and less information. Later in high school I started having a rough time medically (unbeknownst to me) and with living situations, so my self-esteem and anxiety got the better of me. I started instigating conversations less and less, because they would always wait for me to do it anyway. I still think it was mainly their awkwardness that made us loose friendship (considering I've been able to avoid that with the rest of my old/childhood friends).

For a while throughout that, I felt very resentful about the situation. I felt like I was trying so hard to remain friends, but they just didn't care enough to have the extra thought. I still check up on them every now and then to make sure they're okay, and a while ago I face-timed them. It was the first time in about five years I'd talked to them face-to-face. At first I was excited about it, but as I talked to them, all those feelings of self-conscious "I'm just bugging them" and despirately trying to keep their interest in a conversation started coming back. I realized that I'd gotten really hurt getting sidelined so much, and that I just wouldn't be okay with being their friend again because of that "shut-out."

I realize this is completely different that your situation, but talking to them face-to-face again helped me validate my own feelings on the matter. I've not felt completely resentful about how I friendship ended since then, because I've gotten proof of my feelings. The person they used to be was my best friend. The person they are is just another person I wouldn't bend over backwards for anymore.

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You are a bit late to the party on the teacher thing, I have figured out a few things regarding her. Firstly, Im quite sure I have kept her close to my heart, hoping one day to come to the conclusion, that I needed to see her. Its really not a good idea, not in my best interest. Also, As marbles helped me realize, I think she broke it off because she wanted something sexual, and she could tell I did not. Im over it, for real this time.
I have more important things to think about. Regarding your story, I can see how in your case closure was important, but like we all agreed, this woman took advantage of my being dumb and naive, there is no way she intended to have a platonic relationship with me, those were not the signals I was receiving. What ever the point of our relationship, it was not good for me, and it has served its purpose.
The girl you are taking about in the beginning was my first real, intimate interaction with a girl in pretty much ever, that was my first time really cuddling. Also, I have been gauging my dates, and I can be offensive, I grew up with very insensitive people, their habits rubbed off on me. Working on it atm, Its not hard to not offend most people, just dont make jokes at others expense, without their consent.

Also something funny, I told entp girl she was cold at least 30 times, each time she got more upset. As it turns out, if your body temperature is 110, everyone feels cold, all the time. It took me way too long to realize that, that was what she was trying to tell me. I can be very slow and dumb sometimes. How do you explain that, someone who is typically somewhat quick, occasionally being very slow. Thick?
En tykk boi

peoplesuck said:

You are a bit late to the party on the teacher thing, I have figured out a few things regarding her. Firstly, Im quite sure I have kept her close to my heart, hoping one day to come to the conclusion, that I needed to see her. Its really not a good idea, not in my best interest. Also, As marbles helped me realize, I think she broke it off because she wanted something sexual, and she could tell I did not. Im over it, for real this time.
I have more important things to think about. Regarding your story, I can see how in your case closure was important, but like we all agreed, this woman took advantage of my being dumb and naive, there is no way she intended to have a platonic relationship with me, those were not the signals I was receiving. What ever the point of our relationship, it was not good for me, and it has served its purpose.
The girl you are taking about in the beginning was my first real, intimate interaction with a girl in pretty much ever, that was my first time really cuddling. Also, I have been gauging my dates, and I can be offensive, I grew up with very insensitive people, their habits rubbed off on me. Working on it atm, Its not hard to not offend most people, just dont make jokes at others expense, without their consent.

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Realized that afterwards but is what it is!
I just realized what “atm” means...
People are all sorts of sensitive about random shit, so you’re definately on the right track. You never know what’s a trigger for someone, boy or girl.

moody said:

peoplesuck said:

You are a bit late to the party on the teacher thing, I have figured out a few things regarding her. Firstly, Im quite sure I have kept her close to my heart, hoping one day to come to the conclusion, that I needed to see her. Its really not a good idea, not in my best interest. Also, As marbles helped me realize, I think she broke it off because she wanted something sexual, and she could tell I did not. Im over it, for real this time.
I have more important things to think about. Regarding your story, I can see how in your case closure was important, but like we all agreed, this woman took advantage of my being dumb and naive, there is no way she intended to have a platonic relationship with me, those were not the signals I was receiving. What ever the point of our relationship, it was not good for me, and it has served its purpose.
The girl you are taking about in the beginning was my first real, intimate interaction with a girl in pretty much ever, that was my first time really cuddling. Also, I have been gauging my dates, and I can be offensive, I grew up with very insensitive people, their habits rubbed off on me. Working on it atm, Its not hard to not offend most people, just dont make jokes at others expense, without their consent.

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Realized that afterwards but is what it is!
I just realized what “atm” means...
People are all sorts of sensitive about random shit, so you’re definately on the right track. You never know what’s a trigger for someone, boy or girl.

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Indeed, I still appreciate your post.
Learning what atm means atm.
I just let the other girl know im sort of taken now, I said we could probably still be friends but it would take effort not to get too close. She didnt like something about that, and said, if thats how you want it, see ya.
uhm WOT, how did I offend her? people are difficult.

peoplesuck said:

I just let the other girl know im sort of taken now, I said we could probably still be friends but it would take effort not to get too close. She didnt like something about that, and said, if thats how you want it, see ya.
uhm WOT, how did I offend her? people are difficult.

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People take that as you not being interested, and “let’s be friends” is tagged as a “bye bitch” type of thing. A lot of people take it like that, anyway. It’s really dumb because there’s nothing wrong with being friends, but it’s been unfortunately imbedded within social innuendos.

I’ve had this problem too, in a different t way: when someone’s shown interest in me, but I don’t know them well so I don’t really reciprocate, thus I’m apparently “ghosting” and “giving mixed signals.” It’s annoying, because it’s not like I difinitively dislike them, it’s that I don’t know them and I’m not going to treat them any differently than another person because they’ve implied that they’re interested. I know it’s been different for other people, but in my person experiances, if I happen to somehow “signal” I’m not interested, then it’s taken as “rejection.” I don’t think people mean to be that black and white, but it’s really difficult to balance reading too much into something versus trying to respect someone’s boundaries.

moody said:

People take that as you not being interested, and “let’s be friends” is tagged as a “bye bitch” type of thing. A lot of people take it like that, anyway. It’s really dumb because there’s nothing wrong with being friends, but it’s been unfortunately imbedded within social innuendos.

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I see, I wasnt aware. I think in some ways she rejected me before she could feel rejected. I dunno

moody said:

I’ve had this problem too, in a different t way: when someone’s shown interest in me, but I don’t know them well so I don’t really reciprocate, thus I’m apparently “ghosting” and “giving mixed signals.” It’s annoying, because it’s not like I definitively dislike them, it’s that I don’t know them and I’m not going to treat them any differently than another person because they’ve implied that they’re interested. I know it’s been different for other people, but in my person experiences, if I happen to somehow “signal” I’m not interested, then it’s taken as “rejection.” I don’t think people mean to be that black and white, but it’s really difficult to balance reading too much into something versus trying to respect someone’s boundaries.

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While I agree completely, i'm the worst offender of this, if you reject one move, you must not like me. Thats part of the reason I don't make moves. Im not sure where I learned that, perhaps not having any meaningful relationships where disagreements were ok.
sounds like something learned from a relationship of being a certain way for someone, Again i don't know where I picked that up, but that's probably the next big thing on my list.
I have such a huge issue with only accepting negative feedback, not even in this context. When i get advice, i typically take compliments and positivity as pandering, or pity, meanwhile, I take negativity as fact and honesty. I gotta stop doing that. Im doing much better with this, hopefully thats somewhat evident. Its hard for me to take compliments, which is obviously a low self esteem issue.

Im sitting here petting my BT speaker thinking of her...XD
what even brain, what even.

I feel completely fatigued, I really dont want to do anything. I just want to sit here and do nothing. I want more cuddles, despite being a steamed carrot, at this point. I only got about 1 hour of sleep though, also I forgot to eat yesterday, lots of things contributing to this. Being groggy is an unusual experience for me

peoplesuck said:

I feel completely fatigued, I really dont want to do anything. I just want to sit here and do nothing. I want more cuddles, despite being a steamed carrot, at this point. I only got about 1 hour of sleep though, also I forgot to eat yesterday, lots of things contributing to this. Being groggy is an unusual experience for me

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Just get a giant dog who likes to cuddle

moody said:

peoplesuck said:

I feel completely fatigued, I really dont want to do anything. I just want to sit here and do nothing. I want more cuddles, despite being a steamed carrot, at this point. I only got about 1 hour of sleep though, also I forgot to eat yesterday, lots of things contributing to this. Being groggy is an unusual experience for me

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Just get a giant dog who likes to cuddle

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I have three, and I love them all. All of my dogs love cuddles. One will push me off the bed if I let her, that bitch.
Cause she is a female dog,,,get it

peoplesuck said:

moody said:

peoplesuck said:

I feel completely fatigued, I really dont want to do anything. I just want to sit here and do nothing. I want more cuddles, despite being a steamed carrot, at this point. I only got about 1 hour of sleep though, also I forgot to eat yesterday, lots of things contributing to this. Being groggy is an unusual experience for me

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Just get a giant dog who likes to cuddle

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I have three, and I love them all. All of my dogs love cuddles. One will push me off the bed if I let her, that bitch.
Cause she is a female dog,,,get it

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Ooooo what breeds???
At my home base I current have an Aussie, and a smaller dog that’s a mut (rescue, don’t know her breed).

moody said:

peoplesuck said:

moody said:

peoplesuck said:

I feel completely fatigued, I really dont want to do anything. I just want to sit here and do nothing. I want more cuddles, despite being a steamed carrot, at this point. I only got about 1 hour of sleep though, also I forgot to eat yesterday, lots of things contributing to this. Being groggy is an unusual experience for me

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Just get a giant dog who likes to cuddle

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I have three, and I love them all. All of my dogs love cuddles. One will push me off the bed if I let her, that bitch.
Cause she is a female dog,,,get it

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Ooooo what breeds???
At my home base I current have an Aussie, and a smaller dog that’s a mut (rescue, don’t know her breed).

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bordercollie lab mix, 100% great pyrenes, saint shepherd.
the shepherd mix looks like a little german shepherd with huge paws, shes adorable.

peoplesuck said:

bordercollie lab mix, 100% great pyrenes, saint shepherd.
the shepherd mix looks like a little german shepherd with huge paws, shes adorable

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What’s he temperament of a Great Pyrenees like? And of your saint shepherd? I’m curious, as I’ve never owned any dogs with these breeds in them. The collie/lab combo, I have a pretty good idea of, as I’ve owned both cattle dogs and labs before. My previous neighbor had an old husky lab mix that was an absolute dream. One of the sweetest dogs I’ve ever met.

the lab mix is a my baby, but he doesnt do well with new people, hes the only one I raised from a very, very young age. The shepherd was neglected, but shes the sweetest dog Ive ever had, she loves everyone and loves to cuddle. when we got her she had mange and an ear infection, it was terrible. The pyrenes is super calm, she will keep small children in the yard, put up with a lot, just a very calm protective dog.

peoplesuck said:

the lab mix is a my baby, but he doesnt do well with new people, hes the only one I raised from a very, very young age. The shepherd was neglected, but shes the sweetest dog Ive ever had, she loves everyone and loves to cuddle. when we got her she had mange and an ear infection, it was terrible. The pyrenes is super calm, she will keep small children in the yard, put up with a lot, just a very calm protective dog.

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Calm protective dogs are a gift to this earth. Hell, all dogs are a gift to the earth.

Border collies and ranch dogs tend to be one-person dogs, expecially if they aren't socialized with other people from a young age. Both labs and collies tend to be well-attuned with their people. I have a family member who lives and works along, and she does agility with her dogs. They are the most anti-social dogs I've ever met because she never has a lot of people over. Athletic dogs can also get pretty high-strung as well.

I find it impressive that your shepherd is as affectionate as you say, considering that she was abused and she's half German shepherd. Just goes to show that dog's personalities can differ as much as ours can, even with shared experiences and genetics.

I used to live with an Aussie who, for some reason, grew extremely protective over me. When he saw someone else hug me for the first time, he growled, jumped to push them off of me, and "herded" them away from me XD. When I started having bad symptoms pre-diagnosis, he would come and sit my me until whatever episode I was having passed. He had such a knowing look in his eye when I was hysterical, more knowing than any human has ever looked at me with. He'd eye me, as if to say, "Would it be better if I go towards you and let you pet me, or should I just go to the other side of the house and wait until you chill out?" Once I was on a trial medication that I took at night and had a baaaad reaction too. I couldn't wake up or move at all, but for over an our I was having horrifying sleep-paralysis hallucinations, so bad that that I'd managed to start audibly yelling. My sibling had their SO over, and when the Aussie heard me yelling, he freaked out, started barking at my sibling's SO and herder them as far away from my door as they could, as if to say "I've not seen you before so YOU must be the problem!"

Unfortunately, that Aussie died of a stroke very suddenly. I've never felt the loss of an animal so succinctly like that. It was after a surgery to remove his spleen, and he had a stroke the morning after because he was on pain killers and was too excitable for a post-surgery condition. It was really tragic, because even with cancer, he would have been around at least a few more months. And before all of that, the last time I saw him, he looked at me with one of his knowing looks, resigned, like it really was the last time he'd see me. Relationships like that are irreplaceable.

Sorry, animals are my favorite things in the world. I will turn any discussion into one about my previous dogs, cats, or horses if I can XD

moody said:

peoplesuck said:

the lab mix is a my baby, but he doesnt do well with new people, hes the only one I raised from a very, very young age. The shepherd was neglected, but shes the sweetest dog Ive ever had, she loves everyone and loves to cuddle. when we got her she had mange and an ear infection, it was terrible. The pyrenes is super calm, she will keep small children in the yard, put up with a lot, just a very calm protective dog.

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Calm protective dogs are a gift to this earth. Hell, all dogs are a gift to the earth.

Border collies and ranch dogs tend to be one-person dogs, expecially if they aren't socialized with other people from a young age. Both labs and collies tend to be well-attuned with their people. I have a family member who lives and works along, and she does agility with her dogs. They are the most anti-social dogs I've ever met because she never has a lot of people over. Athletic dogs can also get pretty high-strung as well.

I find it impressive that your shepherd is as affectionate as you say, considering that she was abused and she's half German shepherd. Just goes to show that dog's personalities can differ as much as ours can, even with shared experiences and genetics.

I used to live with an Aussie who, for some reason, grew extremely protective over me. When he saw someone else hug me for the first time, he growled, jumped to push them off of me, and "herded" them away from me XD. When I started having bad symptoms pre-diagnosis, he would come and sit my me until whatever episode I was having passed. He had such a knowing look in his eye when I was hysterical, more knowing than any human has ever looked at me with. He'd eye me, as if to say, "Would it be better if I go towards you and let you pet me, or should I just go to the other side of the house and wait until you chill out?" Once I was on a trial medication that I took at night and had a baaaad reaction too. I couldn't wake up or move at all, but for over an our I was having horrifying sleep-paralysis hallucinations, so bad that that I'd managed to start audibly yelling. My sibling had their SO over, and when the Aussie heard me yelling, he freaked out, started barking at my sibling's SO and herder them as far away from my door as they could, as if to say "I've not seen you before so YOU must be the problem!"

Unfortunately, that Aussie died of a stroke very suddenly. I've never felt the loss of an animal so succinctly like that. It was after a surgery to remove his spleen, and he had a stroke the morning after because he was on pain killers and was too excitable for a post-surgery condition. It was really tragic, because even with cancer, he would have been around at least a few more months. And before all of that, the last time I saw him, he looked at me with one of his knowing looks, resigned, like it really was the last time he'd see me. Relationships like that are irreplaceable.

Sorry, animals are my favorite things in the world. I will turn any discussion into one about my previous dogs, cats, or horses if I can XD

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In many ways dogs prepare us for life, they are wonderful and rely on us, and eventually they die, most of us experienced our first real loss, in our pets.
My favorite dog died when I was little, I still remember crying, as bad as my dad was, he never let me see the dead dog, and told me it ran away.
My dog will hop in my lap if it sees that im sad, dogs are much more perceptive than people give them credit for.

peoplesuck said:

In many ways dogs prepare us for life, they are wonderful and rely on us, and eventually they die, most of us experienced our first real loss, in our pets.
My favorite dog died when I was little, I still remember crying, as bad as my dad was, he never let me see the dead dog, and told me it ran away.
My dog will hop in my lap if it sees that im sad, dogs are much more perceptive than people give them credit for.

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So perceptive. For me, the the first major death was that of my horse. She was older, and one day, she just collapsed in a storm, traumatizing her pasture-mate. That was still before I understood how emotions worked, and only allowed myself to "feel" if I felt I deserved to feel that way, like it was a matter of ethics. (All feelings were a matter of ethical worth to me back then, I didn't know how do it any other way). I remember my mind reeling about whether or not I deserved to be upset, if I was upset how much of it would be me feeling bad for myself and the joy I got out of the horse vs. being upset about death of the horse selflessly. I didn't think I deserved to be upset because I didn't think i spend enough time with my horse.

All of a sudden I looked in a mirror and saw myself crying. I felt ashamed, because I though I was crying only out of pity for myself, which I didn't deserve.

I now understand care and emotions aren't a matter of needing for yourself versus altruism, but rather a combination of both. Selfish needs and altruism are dependent on one another. All love is self-serving, but being able to self-serve means you can also selflessly serve.

(Now that I think about it...wtf made me think emotions were selfish as a kid? What kid things that???)

ANYWAY, it's only been recently I can think back and realize how much that affected me. One of my parents told me I never bonded the same way with a horse again. Hadn't realized that.

moody said:

So perceptive. For me, the the first major death was that of my horse. She was older, and one day, she just collapsed in a storm, traumatizing her pasture-mate. That was still before I understood how emotions worked, and only allowed myself to "feel" if I felt I deserved to feel that way, like it was a matter of ethics. (All feelings were a matter of ethical worth to me back then, I didn't know how do it any other way). I remember my mind reeling about whether or not I deserved to be upset, if I was upset how much of it would be me feeling bad for myself and the joy I got out of the horse vs. being upset about death of the horse selflessly. I didn't think I deserved to be upset because I didn't think i spend enough time with my horse.

All of a sudden I looked in a mirror and saw myself crying. I felt ashamed, because I though I was crying only out of pity for myself, which I didn't deserve.

I now understand care and emotions aren't a matter of needing for yourself versus altruism, but rather a combination of both. Selfish needs and altruism are dependent on one another. All love is self-serving, but being able to self-serve means you can also selflessly serve.

(Now that I think about it...wtf made me think emotions were selfish as a kid? What kid things that???)

ANYWAY, it's only been recently I can think back and realize how much that affected me. One of my parents told me I never bonded the same way with a horse again. Hadn't realized that.

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Jesus, if you were that perceptive as a child, I couldnt imagine you now.
You were a very rational child, I havent ever heard of someone being that way at a young age.
To realize that much of your hurt was because your fun thing died, and not just a life was lost, that is big. It seems fitting for you though, you seem, caring, and very introspective.
I wasnt that mature at a young age.

peoplesuck said:

moody said:

So perceptive. For me, the the first major death was that of my horse. She was older, and one day, she just collapsed in a storm, traumatizing her pasture-mate. That was still before I understood how emotions worked, and only allowed myself to "feel" if I felt I deserved to feel that way, like it was a matter of ethics. (All feelings were a matter of ethical worth to me back then, I didn't know how do it any other way). I remember my mind reeling about whether or not I deserved to be upset, if I was upset how much of it would be me feeling bad for myself and the joy I got out of the horse vs. being upset about death of the horse selflessly. I didn't think I deserved to be upset because I didn't think i spend enough time with my horse.

All of a sudden I looked in a mirror and saw myself crying. I felt ashamed, because I though I was crying only out of pity for myself, which I didn't deserve.

I now understand care and emotions aren't a matter of needing for yourself versus altruism, but rather a combination of both. Selfish needs and altruism are dependent on one another. All love is self-serving, but being able to self-serve means you can also selflessly serve.

(Now that I think about it...wtf made me think emotions were selfish as a kid? What kid things that???)

ANYWAY, it's only been recently I can think back and realize how much that affected me. One of my parents told me I never bonded the same way with a horse again. Hadn't realized that.

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Jesus, if you were that perceptive as a child, I couldnt imagine you now.
You were a very rational child, I havent ever heard of someone being that way at a young age.
To realize that much of your hurt was because your fun thing died, and not just a life was lost, that is big. It seems fitting for you though, you seem, caring, and very introspective.
I wasnt that mature at a young age.

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Haha! Thanks, I appreciate that. I really hated myself as a kid. I think it was you who mentioned that you’ve watched The Good Place? Welp, I’ve rarely empathized more with a character than I did with Chidi. Except I kept all those inner monologues to myself, and just kind of stared at people. I once watched crash courses on ethics for four hours strait, not even realizing the time passing.

I just realized I have to figure out where I stand with her, and what qualifies as a relationship, to her. I dont want to be bonded and intimate with her just to find out she met someone, and we have to stop. It sickens me to think people are ok with doing the things we did, with multiple people, It feels so sacrilegious, and completely empty.
I can see monogamy being selfish and immature, and unrealistic, but im NOWHERE near mature enough to share someone that I care for that much.
She told me she isnt seeing anyone else, she said I give her feelings shes never had, but she also said she enjoys the chase, this worries me. Im game for pain. Something will come of this, I will become a more well rounded person no matter the results. I sincerely dont want to fail me or her, though.

moody said:

peoplesuck said:

moody said:

So perceptive. For me, the the first major death was that of my horse. She was older, and one day, she just collapsed in a storm, traumatizing her pasture-mate. That was still before I understood how emotions worked, and only allowed myself to "feel" if I felt I deserved to feel that way, like it was a matter of ethics. (All feelings were a matter of ethical worth to me back then, I didn't know how do it any other way). I remember my mind reeling about whether or not I deserved to be upset, if I was upset how much of it would be me feeling bad for myself and the joy I got out of the horse vs. being upset about death of the horse selflessly. I didn't think I deserved to be upset because I didn't think i spend enough time with my horse.

All of a sudden I looked in a mirror and saw myself crying. I felt ashamed, because I though I was crying only out of pity for myself, which I didn't deserve.

I now understand care and emotions aren't a matter of needing for yourself versus altruism, but rather a combination of both. Selfish needs and altruism are dependent on one another. All love is self-serving, but being able to self-serve means you can also selflessly serve.

(Now that I think about it...wtf made me think emotions were selfish as a kid? What kid things that???)

ANYWAY, it's only been recently I can think back and realize how much that affected me. One of my parents told me I never bonded the same way with a horse again. Hadn't realized that.

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Jesus, if you were that perceptive as a child, I couldnt imagine you now.
You were a very rational child, I havent ever heard of someone being that way at a young age.
To realize that much of your hurt was because your fun thing died, and not just a life was lost, that is big. It seems fitting for you though, you seem, caring, and very introspective.
I wasnt that mature at a young age.

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Haha! Thanks, I appreciate that. I really hated myself as a kid. I think it was you who mentioned that you’ve watched The Good Place? Welp, I’ve rarely empathized more with a character than I did with Chidi. Except I kept all those inner monologues to myself, and just kind of stared at people. I once watched crash courses on ethics for four hours strait, not even realizing the time passing.

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Im not sure what the good place is :x

The affect heuristic, I read about it in fast and slow thinking, the more something could hurt you, the more likely you think it is going to hurt you.
one dramatic boi

Guess who is learning the importance of not getting attached before knowing a person.
-sigh-
At least I didnt do anything. I suppose this was obvious, her friends joke about her being unable to commit, I noticed it on our second date.
progress.
maybe she is just taking forever to consider my question, but that seems just as bad. If you cannot answer the question "where do we stand", I think something is wrong. I wouldnt ask someone that, but she told me she had a relationship where they did not clarify that they were exclusive, he had sex with some other girl and she ghosted him. Im feeling a bit depressed.
I know im insecure, but this seems like a genuine red flag, even if she does respond.
I have an anxious attachment type, im clingy. I didnt see any of that behavior come out though, maybe she is scared to commit, and I didnt fuck up.
I suppose all I can do it wait, sadly.

edit : Im making a rule with myself, one day, I will wait one day if something sketchy appears, before I start acting melodramatic, because this was melodramatic. I am not sure how to even feel about this, Im upset with myself, but is that really helpful, I think I am too abusive to myself, I need to stop that too. one thing at a time, I suppose

So from my research, people typically feel safe having sex on the fourth date, and people tend to decide to be exclusive about 8 dates in.
People are fucking gross.
I wish I were asexual, or not so emotionally needy, this is lame.
I dont like the idea of sexual activity, before emotional intimacy, it seems unclean and empty. Maybe I just need to be a filthy fucking casual, join the rest of the world, and stop bitching.
Or maybe a few deep emotional connections and sex? Im not sure how I feel about any of this. Now is the time to figure it out though. Im not sure if I should just get it over with, I dont want to get super attached to someone if they arent feeling that way about me, I suppose that is egotistical and insecure, but we are raised to see it as honorable.


Ive come to a conclusion, my system is bullshit. Im ok with having sex if there is an emotional bond, but waiting forever, is just a bitch move, trying to be super safe. Life is hard, things happen, I think Im ok with sexual stuff if there is in fact an emotional bond, but they cannot be having sex with other people. I guess that is exclusivity, but I can make this model work, and it makes more sense.
In the end all I can do is accept that this is what im willing to agree to, and use condoms and avoid french kisses. People do in fact, suck.

Hey Aru (with an accent, right?), hope it's going well but try not to overthink it too much just go with the flow. In a general comment to your posts about the girl/girlz, submit to the flow , I think all this over-analyzing can take away the intimacy in the moment. Try to consolidate your experiences and look for points where you can integrate and grow, try to keep expectations and paranoia at a minimum.

peoplesuck said:

I dont like the idea of sexual activity, before emotional intimacy, it seems unclean and empty. Maybe I just need to be a filthy fucking casual, join the rest of the world, and stop bitching.
Or maybe a few deep emotional connections and sex? Im not sure how I feel about any of this. Now is the time to figure it out though. Im not sure if I should just get it over with, I dont want to get super attached to someone if they arent feeling that way about me, I suppose that is egotistical and insecure, but we are raised to see it as honorable.

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I think you have to lie to yourself in a way, I mean do not go with that which immediately makes yourself comfortable. If you didn't step out of your comfort zone you probably wouldn't be talking to these girls would you? I think you should take a similar approach to other things that make you feel uncomfortable: Sure sexual activity without emotional intimacy can be empty but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try it. A lot of people let their guard down after sex, intimacy can lead after sex it doesn't always need to be before. After a long work-out from 11-2am you could both sit there talking about random things, naked together and without personal space. Surely that's intimate, right?

Even if after this you want emotional connections before sex, at least you can understand what both are like. It may not be the superstimulus that ideally everyone is looking for but I don't think you'll ever have straight up meaningless sex if there wasn't some connection there beforehand. I think everybody wants an emotional connection, but they compromise and have sex with someone they might not have a strong connection with, or maybe 100 other reasons.

Maybe this girl is probing you, girls generally have a healthier option of partners than guys so obviously she wouldn't commit to you immediately if she has consistently got a roulette of guys messaging her through social media, while you have selected her as your only interest. In a way you're expecting your will for monogamy to dominate her non-commital viewpoint. I would just view the exchange as this: If you like her more than you like another, she is the one you should pursue. If she is reciprocating, she likes you. All you need to know are these two things: Do you like her, exactly as she is and does she like you how you are? Try to not to evaluate it because then you think of optimization: "If she was just more into me, it would work so well", "If she was just a bit more emotional, it'd be better".

Undoubtedly this is going to give you experience, which takes out the realm of imagination that influences your decisions. You think sex without an emotional connection developed before is empty but that's just guesswork. There are different mediums for intimacy, constraining yourself to one where there's a large emotional build-up prior to sex is one-dimensional.

Rebis said:

Hey Aru (with an accent, right?)

Click to expand...

Indeed, you remembered.

You are right on almost every point. I would suspect im looking for a very committed stable relationship, because thats what I have been lacking my whole life. I dont want to share a person. Last night I thought about it, im not going to put boundaries on our relationship, because its a bitch move in many ways, its playing it safe, while losing the opportunity to gain. Im just going to connect and feel, and try to spread my feelings through at least two people, because putting your faith in one person, with no commitment, is a bad idea. It feels wrong, but this isnt the 1800s, monogamy is pretty dead, people sleep around, nobody commits to anybody, nobody wants to make it work.
I have a feeling im going to get burned and my heart is going to become closed, I will only be interested in a physical fwb thing, Hopefully not though.

Its the theme of my life to put in a massive amount of effort to stay in the white, only to loose all self control and fall straight into the blackness.

peoplesuck said:

Rebis said:

Hey Aru (with an accent, right?)

Click to expand...

Indeed, you remembered.

You are right on almost every point. I would suspect im looking for a very committed stable relationship, because thats what I have been lacking my whole life. I dont want to share a person. Last night I thought about it, im not going to put boundaries on our relationship, because its a bitch move in many ways, its playing it safe, while losing the opportunity to gain. Im just going to connect and feel, and try to spread my feelings through at least two people, because putting your faith in one person, with no commitment, is a bad idea. It feels wrong, but this isnt the 1800s, monogamy is pretty dead, people sleep around, nobody commits to anybody, nobody wants to make it work.
I have a feeling im going to get burned and my heart is going to become closed, I will only be interested in a physical fwb thing, Hopefully not though.

Click to expand...

I don't think monogamy is dead, I just see that people have an extended trial period. Maybe a few hundred years ago the woman was destined to marry a guy irrespective of choice, her dad dictated this based on the man's status. Monogamy will come if you both like each other enough, it's as simple as that. 3 dates and you get a partner doesn't seem to be the way nowadays but I don't think that's a bad thing.

Why worry about things that might happen? You are human, you'll never forgo emotions entirely. That type of depression could only be the product of physical neurological damage. Your heart doesn't die, it changes. You will change whether you want to or not there is death and rebirth. Your heart can become stronger while being less sensitive, surely that isn't a net negative thing? Resillience doesn't just damp emotions it also allows you see beyond your emotions, that isn't a bad thing. If you're going through an emotional revelation everytime a development occurs (Which to the unitiated and naive, would occur very frequently), then how can you understand them as separate from your self-realization?

Emotions are personalised, I think the more emotional you are the more you percieve the world through your feelings rather than your partners. The stronger your emotions are the more they overcome your mind. You understand people better when you're not fixated on how you feel. Emotional resillience can keep you from becoming self-absorbed in your own world. I would say you're hyper emotional at the moment and it can detract you from relating to the person instead of an object that facilitates your emotional health.

Its hard not to put all your eggs in one basket, when all you have is one basket. Obviously the solution is more baskets. Unfortunately I havent built up any confidence, the problem is, if this ends too early, its not going to have a positive effect, not without lots of depression and thinking.

Rebis said:

I would say you're hyper emotional at the moment and it can detract you from relating to the person instead of an object that facilitates your emotional health

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Spot on. You cannot feel for someone else when you are thinking about yourself.

My decision to work on myself and set work and school aside, is not helping with these issues, my family isnt either. So essentaly, my mental health is not where it needs to be, my social life is not where it needs to be, I dont have a job, and I have zero support from my family, no money to see a counselor, But, Im cute, from what im told...so thats fucking great.
everyone has that one person they can count on, and im trying to find that person. Im sure thats pathetic, and that person should be me.
Im hard enough on myself, that I may just be looking for something outside of me, to nurture me, and reverse the damage ive done to me.

peoplesuck said:

Its hard not to put all your eggs in one basket, when all you have is one basket. Obviously the solution is more baskets. Unfortunately I havent built up any confidence, the problem is, if this ends too early, its not going to have a positive effect, not without lots of depression and thinking.

Click to expand...

If it works out bad use it as a vector of growth, it's initially bad but long term it's good. Any bad situation will have a positive effect if you try to learn from the situation.

peoplesuck said:

My decision to work on myself and set work and school aside, is not helping with these issues, my family isnt either. So essentaly, my mental health is not where it needs to be, my social life is not where it needs to be, I dont have a job, and I have zero support from my family, no money to see a counselor, But, Im cute, from what im told...so thats fucking great.
everyone has that one person they can count on, and im trying to find that person. Im sure thats pathetic, and that person should be me.
Im hard enough on myself, that I may just be looking for something outside of me, to nurture me, and reverse the damage ive done to me.

Click to expand...

I don't think much INTPs truly rely on another, it's in our nature to think of everything internally. I have best friends sure, but I do not count on them to do anything for me. I will help them and make commitments but I won't depend on others, to depend on others feels like I'm gambling on destiny y'know? I know myself better than others and I can't truly lie to myself. You've got the possibilities down to one person: yourself! Out of all the people you can rely on yourself is the best choice.

Im lost, im not sure what to do with myself,
I dont want to be here, this house, this country, Im not really sure, where to even start. staying in school means debt, staying out of school means destitution, if I cannot actually produce anything. Im tired of being alone, but nobody wants me, in any way. Id like to have typical human things, some kind of place in the world. I dont really feel like im part of the world, just outside, looking in. I want to escape to find people I can be myself around, but they are across the world, if that even were to be true. Its probably bullshit, there are people here that would get me. I think Im at the point where leaving my house and going to school would end in friendships and relationships, unfortunately I already have the debt from going to school, not much though. I dont want to work a job I hate, to pay for the education I didnt really need. Why is everyone ok with this at the age of 18? I dont relate to people very well, in any way. The more I learn, I dont actually feel less alone. I got into a little fight with my mom, she was yelling at me about the car keys, something important was today, and I lost them. I didnt lose them, but it took 15 minutes before I realized I should just sit down and replay my memory of what I did with them. I gave them to her, they where sitting where she was. you lost your own fucking keys.
Everyone in my family is unhealthy, nobody can talk, nobody is sensitive, half of them are extremely controlling. My sister, she disappeared when she turned 18, from what I have heard she is a lot like me. It would be neat to find her and see. It only makes sense that the sane part of my family would hide from the rest. My plans were to disappear too.
Is my dream of moving to norway idiotic? I like almost everything about their culture, but it might be more lonely than living here, not by much, I dont really have anyone, or even anything.

My teacher put doubt into me, about me. I can say that it was her fault, that everything went terribly, but that doesnt convince my insecurities, that are watching my current relationship.

One thing I really want for myself, is to be honest. Human, admit my flaws, its easy for me to be a perfect little robot. Nobody wants that, not even me.

I want to stop living in the mindset of, Im sad I lost it. I want to move to the mindset of, Im happy that I had it. That would help me in many ways..

Im sort of unique, like a spoon thats been bent in half, did you know, you really cannot straighten it back out, it refuses, other areas begin to bend.

I think I have enough experience and information, its time to start using it.

Fuck it all dude, play the game or be a bystander. It isn't a stretch to say most of humanity has lived in a state of depression, despair and poverty. Happiness and joy are not the norm. If you want a good life you have to destroy this loop of emotional volatily you're in. If you're feeling sad look in the mirror and say "go fuck yourself". You want to think happy thoughts of past relationships? that's living in the past, the past can go fuck itself.
You want to stop being sad? Tell sadness to go fuck itself. Your teacher made you doubt youself? She can go fuck herself. Your mom is projecting her negative thoughts onto you and expecting you to take the punch? She can go fuck herself. People are trying to control you? Give them a big "fuck you".

Stop being a bitch and tell everyone that brings you turmoil to go fuck themselves. If your mental health is so sensitive to others you need to look at the big bastard mental health and tell it to go fuck itself. This isn't being artificially manly, it's saying to anything that has an authority on your life and controls the quality in which you enjoy your life can go fuck itself. ASSERT YOURSELF, REFUSE TO BE AT THE MERCY OF OTHERS. Tell your current self to go fuck itself and decide you're not going to live this shitty ass life where the slighest thing effects your day. Tell the seeming forces of destiny that control how you behave to go fuck itself. Wage war against all that tries to keep you in your place. Downright refuse to be controlled by these situations. If you don't take control of your life others will. If someone tries to talk shit about you? They can go fuck themselves. You are not going to validate that shit. You can only rely on yourself, people play at different angles, they have selfish desires that can be something as simple as being better than you, berating you to feel like shit. They can go fuck themselves. You are giving them power by not standing for what you want, if you want to reclaim that power you need to tell them to go fuck themselves.

Create your own reality, the one that YOU want. Everyone else has their own vision, you need to fight for what YOU want, there is no god you can say a few words too and be bestown with a miracle, you need to take agency instead of sitting at a worn-down back-roaded country pitstop hoping for someone to drop by and give you some money. This world is not a good or bad one, it is chaos. Pure and absolute chaos, there are but few that find order. People escape this chaos with a bottle of alcohol, drugs here, gambling there, consuming fantasy entertainment here or there. What party are you, the passive observer, the proverbial cog in the economic machine that facilitates the application of a business magnate's worldview? The people that take the highest risk have the potential to reap higher awards. Are you willing to wage war against the world to get what you want? Are you willing to sacrifice it all for a better chance at life? This world will always have scarcity, are you willing to compete for diamonds? Can you muster up the courage to bite the bullet or will you wait until a few atoms of carbon are trickled down to you?

You need to look in the mirror and ask yourself what you want and you need to make a decision in how to get there, you can't drift aimlessly through the sea of fishes. Seriously. You need to be true to yourself and make the promise and you need to be sincere with yourself. Anger, courage, pressure, frustration and desire. You need to mix all of these emotions into a singularity, look at yourself in the mirror and make a choice of what you want. Commit to it entirely, never lie to yourself.

You need to apply so much pressure on your psyche that you burst free from the shackles you've self-administered. You need to condescence all of this pressure: anxiety, depression, ambition, life-goals, development, vision, anger, frustation as if they were atoms which upon compression heat up: 1,000 degrees, 10,000 degrees, 100,000 degrees, 1,000,000 degrees, 10,000,000 degrees. Picture the formation of this star in your head and hold onto this image, watch this mental video of this blazing sun form until you explode, then make an ultimatum: Do not consider whether it is the best approach, just fucking make the decision and never look back. You cannot see outside of the perception you have created unless you don't put yourself under this immense pressure. Stop thinking about random theories, stop indulging in bitesize entertainment videos. Think singularly, concentrate every god damn ounce of energy you have to focus on this one goal: To become the person you want to be.

Emotions can be lost over a forum, but you need to apply this pressure to yourself if you truly want to change. Change is not easy, that is why people do not go against the status quo.

Seriously, start with the "fuck you". Think of everything you dislike and tell it go fuck itself. You don't have to explicitly say it, you can simulate this in your head but you have to mean it. You have to have that attitude. Build up this aggression, aggression and youth are one in the same: The old man cannot exert his aggression as he is exhausted. He has became docile, he has lost his power. You are not old, you need to channel this.

Every other animal is competing for food, we are still bound by this model of existence. We are in a constant state of competition.

I feel like Im always on my way to a point of view, then you hit me with the next step.
I understand what you are saying. Thank you.

Aiming for happiness is a sure way to miss it.

its go time, mi compadre

I know I'm not that helpful

Animekitty said:

its go time, mi compadre

I know I'm not that helpful

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this made me smile. You're so wholesome.

The dog photo is back!

t'is go time.

Worst thing:

When someone expresses romantic interest in you but they remind you of a parent. Ewwwwww

LET ME SWADLE YOU.
She never said I remind her of her mom, if thats how you took it. She meant the way Im compassionate, and the fact that I sort of rocked her while I held her. that last one was an unconscious oooF

Waa tlaling about myself boii

Sent from my VOG-L09 using Tapatalk

Q1: 30 marks
Q2: 25 marks
Q3: 5 marks
Q4: 20 marks
Q5: 20 marks
It's taking me a while to get to Q4 out of my programming assignment completely by myself, the people I've talked to are stuck on Q2 (barely started)

Quite a difficult first year assignment and apparently our teacher may be getting sacked because of the difficulty. Piecing this together it's probably because he taught in oxford and is adjusted to that difficulty. Cool beans, yo. Even the lead programmer of the EEEcs faculty said it was too difficult. Ain't that interesting.

To top it all off the proceeding question is based on the previous questions code, so Q2 on Q1, Q3 on Q2 and so on. Programming eh?
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Rebis said:

Worst thing:

When someone expresses romantic interest in you but they remind you of a parent. Ewwwwww

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It appears like a massive trap on the surface. But there's a lot of potential for addressing unresolved childhood trauma in such relationships lol. Or it will crash and burn. Take your chances.

Puffy said:

Rebis said:

Worst thing:

When someone expresses romantic interest in you but they remind you of a parent. Ewwwwww

Click to expand...

It appears like a massive trap on the surface. But there's a lot of potential for addressing unresolved childhood trauma in such relationships lol. Or it will crash and burn. Take your chances.

Click to expand...

I mean she's like my mother, not in a motherly way she behaves similarly to my mother.

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Rebis said:

Waa tlaling about myself boii

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Shut up rebis, I will end you

@Rebis, I was just completing a job application, I accidentally hit the wrong nationality, instead of fixing it, I said FUCK IT and kept going. They may be illegal in some way, but again, fuck it.

Fuck it mannn.

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I dont think im attached to my existence, I dont care if I die. I wonder, what would cause this?
Just read this article about attachment vs emotional bonding, I empathize with a lot of the attachment, especially the peacekeeper chaos. : "If you are negotiating your boundaries, your wants or your needs, you are not emotionally connected to your partner you are attached to the need for a relationship," dating safety and success coach, Teagin Maddox, tells Bustle. When you are emotionally connected to your partner, there's no need to "negotiate" your basic wants, needs, and desires. Those should already be met. "When you don’t want to risk rocking the boat for fear that it could cause a breakup, that's called 'peace keeper chaos,' not connection," she says. Basically, when you're attached, you're going to convince yourself to settle for less than you actually deserve.
Thats very accurate, and I had not realized. I didnt even know it was unusual to communicate boundaries.
I see I was going about things in a very controlled unnatural manner.
I understand why im like this, now that I know, I can start working on it.
Entp girl said she wanted to talk, seems bad, she described it as "not world ending" sounds bad.
I definitely became attached, much too fast, much too deep. I would say a good portion is to her, but the rest is to the comfort and reassurance. She does seem like a very good match for me, I hope I can get my shit together quickly.
good things always follow bad things, just gotta pull up my cowgirl boots, and take life one day at a time.
I need to find some place to apply myself, im bored, Im not sure what I want, Im going to figure out what I want.

Life sort of feels like a flight where the pilot just had a heart attack and died, and im in the cockpit trying to frantically figure out all of the buttons.

You're ground control.

I want to start longboarding again, getting hurt does something for me, makes me feel..real? Also going fast is fun
im going to fix my longboard now.

When one meets girls/women at a low frequency and then at some point meets a girl, there’s a certain region of the brain which is activated and goes into hyper mode. This region is called IGCG (icky gooey cliche generator). The brain will allocate all its energy to this region in order to generate an alternative reality where this one girl is the solution to all problems in the universe.