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Old 21st-October-2011, 10:45 AM   Akuma's time 21st-October-2011, 10:45 PM    #1
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Default How do you butter your bread?

An explanation on the title in a moment.

A little bit about myself:
My English is quite terrible, so I apologise in advance.
It's my only language, but I've always had trouble with language.

I'm currently studying Computer Science, though I'd rather Art or Psychology.

I think I fit the INTP profile, though being diagnosed with depression I don't know how much that would affect my personality, plus the possibility of deluding myself into thinking that I am one and I'm apprehensive about whether I even have depression.

I can emote happiness for friends, so I could say I'm an INFP, but I couldn't comfort my friends if they're sad or say I missed someone.

Anyway about title:
I take a long time doing things like making food, I take about 30 seconds to a minutes to butter a slice of bread, you guys, take your time doing mundane things slow? I guess I need practice.
(This isn't a euphemism.)
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Old 21st-October-2011, 01:09 PM   magicMount's time 21st-October-2011, 09:09 PM    #2
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Hey, Akuma.
I don't butter my bread actually,that's quite lots of trouble to me
And if I want to eat the buttered ones,I buy them from the bakery
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Old 21st-October-2011, 05:23 PM   Dr. Freeman's time 21st-October-2011, 12:23 PM    #3
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Everyone knows that the best possible way to butter bread is to melt the butter in the microwave, pour it onto the bread, then put it in the freezer until it solidifies again.
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Old 22nd-October-2011, 12:53 AM   lukecash12's time 21st-October-2011, 04:53 PM    #4
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Freeman View Post
Everyone knows that the best possible way to butter bread is to melt the butter in the microwave, pour it onto the bread, then put it in the freezer until it solidifies again.
Sounds more like you like toking it up. Don't worry I won't tell your secret, because I'm a toker myself.
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Old 22nd-October-2011, 04:01 AM   Akuma's time 22nd-October-2011, 04:01 PM    #5
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Quote:
Originally Posted by magicMount View Post
Hey, Akuma.
I don't butter my bread actually,that's quite lots of trouble to me
And if I want to eat the buttered ones,I buy them from the bakery
But butter adds special something to a piece of bread that even jam couldn't replace, like lowering your cholesterol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Freeman View Post
Everyone knows that the best possible way to butter bread is to melt the butter in the microwave, pour it onto the bread, then put it in the freezer until it solidifies again.
A very creative way to butter bread, I feel an experiment coming on..
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Old 22nd-October-2011, 08:22 AM   Causeless's time 22nd-October-2011, 03:22 AM    #6
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Freeman View Post
Everyone knows that the best possible way to butter bread is to melt the butter in the microwave, pour it onto the bread, then put it in the freezer until it solidifies again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lukecash12 View Post
Sounds more like you like toking it up. Don't worry I won't tell your secret, because I'm a toker myself.

And I'm totally trying it.
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Old 22nd-October-2011, 12:56 PM   Awaken's time 22nd-October-2011, 12:56 PM    #7
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lukecash12 View Post
Sounds more like you like toking it up. Don't worry I won't tell your secret, because I'm a toker myself.

Well that was unexpected.
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Old 22nd-October-2011, 05:41 PM   digital angel's time 22nd-October-2011, 12:42 PM    #8
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

What kind of bread and what kind of butter should we use for our experiment? Let's try them all.

By the way, welcome to the forum.
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Old 23rd-October-2011, 08:41 AM   Minuend's time 23rd-October-2011, 09:41 AM    #9
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

With the rib of my fallen enemy!

AGHAGHAGHAGHARRRRRR

*Cough cough*

Uh, choked on my sandwich there.
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Old 23rd-October-2011, 09:10 AM   Akuma's time 23rd-October-2011, 09:10 PM    #10
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Quote:
Originally Posted by digital angel View Post
By the way, welcome to the forum.
Thank you, I was a little intimidated to post in these forums.
There are a lot of long-winded debates in these threads and I usually don't have conversations.
I just sneak in, lay some poop and leave.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Minuend View Post
With the rib of my fallen enemy!

AGHAGHAGHAGHARRRRRR

*Cough cough*

Uh, choked on my sandwich there.
Marvellous buttering technique
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Old 23rd-October-2011, 11:37 AM   Cognisant's time 23rd-October-2011, 09:37 PM    #11
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

I built a robot to do my buttering.

You may have noticed I am a robot, that's not a coincidence.
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Old 12th-December-2011, 04:34 PM   C.J_Finn's time 12th-December-2011, 10:34 AM    #12
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

With a knife.

I can only use the butter that comes in one of those plastic buckets though. If there's only a stick of butter around then I won't bother.
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Old 29th-December-2011, 01:37 AM   severus's time 28th-December-2011, 05:37 PM    #13
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

I take a long time to butter bread, too. I have to get it perfectly even and right to the edges. It's manageable... but tacos on the other hand! They're always cold by the time I get everything on there.
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Old 29th-December-2011, 03:16 AM   crippli's time 29th-December-2011, 04:16 AM    #14
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

I always thought it was a shame to ruin lovely cream to make butter. And cheese just keeps so much longer and tastes soooo much better. And for frying fleshfat works fine too.

But if I do butter the bread, it will be mostly symbolic. I may even pretend to butter the bread, while actually not applying butter, or just a tiny tiny layer. Done discretely of course, so the deception isn't noticed.
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Old 29th-December-2011, 04:12 AM   Oedipus's time 29th-December-2011, 04:12 AM    #15
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

I generally focus on getting as much butter on as possible and totally destroy the bread in teh process. Toast is far more robust.
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Old 29th-December-2011, 04:20 AM   Cheeseumpuffs's time 28th-December-2011, 08:20 PM    #16
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Well first, I prefer margarine to butter, and the time I take depends. The hotter the bread/roll/whatever is then it melts faster. When it does this then I generally take longer because I prefer it to be more in the solid form rather than soaking into my bread.

This is my buttering process. Hope it was informative.
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Old 9th-January-2012, 08:17 AM   Midas's time 9th-January-2012, 06:18 PM    #17
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Reads Dr. Freeman's comment.
Reads Dr Freeman's status and signature-
WHEEL OF TIME!

As to the buttered bread, if the butter melts into the bread and is promptly cooled in the refrigerator, does the butter solidify within the bread?
*Experimenting
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Old 10th-January-2012, 04:40 AM   Je Pense's time 9th-January-2012, 08:40 PM    #18
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

um, I find an S to cook for me, duh.
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Old 13th-January-2012, 07:25 AM   ohrtonz's time 13th-January-2012, 01:25 AM    #19
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

If I am having soup and sandwich, which I often do, I will use the spoon for spreading mayonnaise, then eat soup. Instead of wasting a knife I have to wash. I find it easier to spread mayonnaise and cream cheese with the back of a spoon.
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Old 18th-January-2012, 08:00 PM   Symbiot's time 18th-January-2012, 01:01 PM    #20
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

I usually slice off some butter and get real close to the bread to get a good look and angle as I try to spread it. I quickly become frustrated because the butter is too hard and the bread is too soft. I end up with a small amount of butter spread while most of it is in a heap in one spot where the bread is smushed from pressing too hard. I prepare to eat the bread in a spiral pattern, consuming things in an attempted worst-to-best fashion (crust, unbuttered bread, lightly buttered, omg too much butter). While I do this, I consider how other people butter their bread, if the bread is still good, what other butters might be softer, climate/temperature reasons for hardness, the safety and practicality of leaving butter on the counter or in the fridge, and about that guy that melts the butter and pours it on (and if it would be too soggy).

Then, I throw it in the trash because I don't eat bread anymore.
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Old 18th-January-2012, 09:25 PM   NoID10ts's time 18th-January-2012, 03:25 PM    #21
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Butter is for pussies.
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Old 19th-January-2012, 01:21 AM   Gather_Wanderer's time 18th-January-2012, 07:21 PM    #22
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Unless the bread is warm, it always turns into this little glob of yellowyness in the center of a slice that is likely severely punctured/destroyed by my rough buttering with the knife.


For now on, I think I'll just hang a large melting pot of butter over a giant log fire in my backyard, akin to some sort of tribal sacrifical ceremony. When I want a slice, I'll fish it in and pull it out.


Heh, and all YOU folks rely on electricity for the simplest tasks.


Welcome, by the way.
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Old 24th-January-2012, 05:43 AM   Pizzabeak's time 23rd-January-2012, 09:43 PM    #23
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Toast the bread then slice some butter on it with a knife, stroke it a few times in succession until there's no more butter on the knife.
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Old 3rd-February-2012, 04:47 AM   psychopathwannabe's time 3rd-February-2012, 04:48 AM    #24
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Quote:
Originally Posted by severus View Post
I take a long time to butter bread, too. I have to get it perfectly even and right to the edges. It's manageable... but tacos on the other hand! They're always cold by the time I get everything on there.
Same here.
I will then put it into a toaster to make it hot again, in fact it tastes better too!
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Old 3rd-February-2012, 11:51 AM   P.H.'s time 3rd-February-2012, 11:51 AM    #25
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

I always put excess butter back
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Old 3rd-February-2012, 03:03 PM   Melkor's time 3rd-February-2012, 03:03 PM    #26
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

I glare at the butter until it yields and evenly spreads itself on the bread.

Then I torture the bread in my deepest most darkest dungeons until it is perfectly toasted.

Then I eat it while riding at the head of a great host of demons on their way to a massive orgy of bloodletting and violence.

Of course, even with all this, the bastarding butter still ends up on the carpet!
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Old 3rd-February-2012, 05:18 PM   Dr. Freeman's time 3rd-February-2012, 12:18 PM    #27
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

I guess you could use the fires of my sister's Fe to heat the butter, then use the "fire" of my Fe to cool it.
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Old 3rd-February-2012, 07:23 PM   MsAnthropy_Indefatigably's time 3rd-February-2012, 02:23 PM    #28
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Yeah, I use margarine in a tub like someone said. I don't eat butter on bread unless it came that way, like someone else said.... it's too much work. To me, butter is for cooking and basting....and it's like a delicacy. Nothing that good should just be laying around my kitchen.
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Old 5th-February-2012, 01:51 AM   the_s_rabbit's time 4th-February-2012, 07:51 PM    #29
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

I used to put up with Country Crock, until the first time I met my in-laws. They only use real butter. So that's all I use now. I cut a chunk off the end of the stick, slice it into two "pats", throw it into the microwave for 12 seconds on power level 5 (out of 10). This results in delicious, spreadable butter for two slices of bread or toast. If I'm eating English muffins, I use more butter and put it in the microwave for 15 seconds. Then I can push the toasted English muffin into the melted butter until they are dripping. Sooooo goood. And yeah, I take my sweet time. Don't wanna mess it up. If I were still using Country Crock I would just throw it on there and not give a crap.
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Old 5th-February-2012, 04:03 AM   EditorOne's time 4th-February-2012, 11:03 PM    #30
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

Hmm. Apparently I have more of a ritual.

I don't eat butter on bread, only on toast. And trying to spread butter out of the refrigerator on toast leads to torn bread (yes, I am clumsy and impatient on many issues involving boring basic sustenance).

So. I pop the bread in the toaster and pop the stick of butter in the microwave for 16 seconds. When the bread pops, I'm ready with easily spread butter that then melts into the toast. I used to leave it heavy but the passing years are taking their toll on my metabolism and I now put excess butter off the knife back onto the stick and put it back in the fridge.
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Old 5th-February-2012, 04:19 AM   Vrecknidj's time 4th-February-2012, 11:19 PM    #31
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

My wife and sons have celiac disease and so we do not have any wheat products in our home. Further, my wife is so reactive to wheat (and gluten from other sources, and corn), that if I eat them, she has a bad reaction when we come in contact.

So, I don't butter bread because I don't eat bread.

In related news, her allergies are so severe that we cannot eat processed foods and we prepare everything we eat from original ingredients. So, cooking often takes hours for us. But we eat really, really well.
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Old 6th-February-2012, 10:00 PM   Cavallier's time 6th-February-2012, 02:00 PM    #32
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Default Re: How do you butter your bread?

I don't butter it. I peanut butter it.
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Old 30th-March-2012, 03:24 PM   Czech Yes or No's time 30th-March-2012, 09:24 AM    #33
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Welcome to the party.
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