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Has anyone here successfully developed Fe?

serenitys_child

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I'm working as a caregiver while I finish school. I've never felt connected to my patients and sometimes they complain that I act like I don't care. The truth is I didn't care, it was just a job. I did what I needed to do but I didn't meet there emotional needs, it was always a job.
Well, a few months ago I made the decision I would try to develop my feeling side, become more sociable, and to give a little more.
As a consequence I've developed emotions with such intensity that it actually scares me. Its like I'm turning into an INFP. I want to adopt starving children and save the world. Things make me extremely happy, they make me extremely sad, I overreact and last week I actually cried looking at a movie. Is this what the feeling type women go through? I don't think I can live like this, it's exhausting.
I guess I expected to gain emotional intelligence without actually feeling them.

As anyone else been through this?
 

Cherry Cola

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Haha, you cried looking at a movie? Pffft, I do that all the time except when I'm with people (then I bite my lip).


Seeing as I'm an INFJ I can't say I've been through what you're describing.. but..

I think you should do what you're doing in moderation, focus on social cues. You can radiate an air of soothing benevolence without really doing much if you play your cards right. Remember you needn't become no bloody feeler you just cherry pick some of that feeler warmth and add it to your social skills portfolio. You don't need to constantly express feeling, you just need make sure you get the small cues right and people will like you. Say a few nice words, when you genuinely feel like smiling; smile at another person, and remember that its conveying good intentions that matter the most in the end. Sure you should be socially appropriate and all, but you can get away with a lot of idiosyncrasies if people trust you.
 

Duxwing

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I'm working as a caregiver while I finish school. I've never felt connected to my patients and sometimes they complain that I act like I don't care. The truth is I didn't care, it was just a job. I did what I needed to do but I didn't meet there emotional needs, it was always a job.
Well, a few months ago I made the decision I would try to develop my feeling side, become more sociable, and to give a little more.
As a consequence I've developed emotions with such intensity that it actually scares me. Its like I'm turning into an INFP. I want to adopt starving children and save the world. Things make me extremely happy, they make me extremely sad, I overreact and last week I actually cried looking at a movie. Is this what the feeling type women go through? I don't think I can live like this, it's exhausting.
I guess I expected to gain emotional intelligence without actually feeling them.

As anyone else been through this?

You may be in the grip of your inferior Fe.

-Duxwing
 

Pyropyro

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I hope these links help

http://www.intpexperience.com/emotions.php discusses emotion and the INTP

http://personalityjunkie.com/the-intp/3/ discusses Fe and the INTP

I'm currently developing my Fe through socialization. I can recall emotional rollercoasters when my feelings were rejected by girls but aside from that I can't recall other memories.

You should be careful on developing Fe. It should be taken as a consultant for Ti and Ne. Bad things happen when put it in charge, we turn into really bad ESFJ's.
 

Jennywocky

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I'm working as a caregiver while I finish school. I've never felt connected to my patients and sometimes they complain that I act like I don't care. The truth is I didn't care, it was just a job. I did what I needed to do but I didn't meet there emotional needs, it was always a job.

My ISFJ mom was a nurse and a wonderful one, but I couldn't stand to ever be in a job like that. I would like to be a therapist at best, because for me it's still about figuring them out and understanding something new, while at the same time feeding my SX angle in a way that is helpful to the other person rather than cannibalistic. It's a weird feeling, to feel something toward people and generally benevolent, while on some level being more interested (and getting more excited) in the ideas.

Well, a few months ago I made the decision I would try to develop my feeling side, become more sociable, and to give a little more.
As a consequence I've developed emotions with such intensity that it actually scares me. Its like I'm turning into an INFP. I want to adopt starving children and save the world. Things make me extremely happy, they make me extremely sad, I overreact and last week I actually cried looking at a movie. Is this what the feeling type women go through? I don't think I can live like this, it's exhausting.

Well, first of all, if it's a Feeling based person who is used to making ethical choices and they are comfortable with their emotions, then it's not a chore to them. Do you think Celine Dion or Nancy Grace feel "drained" by experiencing emotions? It's like extroverts -- they get off on that, exactly like INTPs get off on examining ideas and new ways of thinking.

I feel pretty comfortable now, at this point in life, with experiencing emotions and allowing myself to be immersed in them when appropriate, but I can't say I have ever been overwhelmed by the need to "save the world" and "feed starving kids." Usually my emotions are tied to deep-seated emotions that are attached to transcendent ideas that have been important to me. It's like the merging of truth and beauty for me. So when Ricky talks about the "dancing bag" in "American Beauty" and the need to remember and hold that in his mind like a treasure, I tear up over that, for example. And I'll tear up when identifying with someone else's hurt or joy because I've experienced something similar, perhaps. But not much of the conventional stuff.

I guess I expected to gain emotional intelligence without actually feeling them.

Haha! Yeah, sorry, sis -- the only way to gain emotional intelligence is to dive in, swim around, and get wet. It's a full body, full spirit immersive experience. You can't sit on the edge of the pool and watch if you want to actually understand it.

Sigh. I guess if I think back, it was pretty unsettling. I've made a number of changes over the years, and I'm still a little unsettled by them... wondering if they were for the best, but not even having a way back even if I wanted it. You pay for the knowledge with a loss of other forms of seeming clarity -- kind of like Obi-wan Kenobi gives up his earthly body so that he can be everywhere.
 

Ink

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I think the key is to not engage Fe directly, my ISTP mother works as a caregiver and she is very insecure in herself. I believe her work has a lot to do with her becoming like that, it's putting way too much strain on her inferior.
 

kvothe27

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Somewhat. I spent a great deal of my early-to-mid 20's going through Fe grip experiences. I even pushed myself to emotional extremes via drugs in pursuit of Fe-type goals. I believe all these emotional extremes have allowed me to integrate my Fe to a reasonable extent. The drugs may have sped this process up. That, or I've completely stunted or regressed my development. This talk of integrating my Fe could just be one big rationalization.

Kudos to you for working as a caregiver. I would not be able to do that job for long. My emotions are apparently easy to read and most people can tell I don't give a damn about them. I get into a lot of trouble in Fe-type jobs. I worked in a group home for four months and the patients would get angry at me for obviously not caring about them. I would show up to work, pull out a book, and read with the hope no one would bother me. Yeah, I didn't last long and rightly so.
 
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serenitys_child

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Thanks for the links and all the advice. I do feel like the experience is really helping me grow and I've become more understanding of the feeling types and how that plays into their decision-making. It may be time for me to find a job with less people interaction, and maybe just volunteering in my free time to develop my Fe .
 

Magus

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Apologies if this seems a little off topic but my understanding of type theory is that very few people actually learn how to successfully fully integrate their inferior function (and if they do its usually around 30s-40s). Does anyone know more about this?
:confused:
 

TimeAsylums

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Apologies if this seems a little off topic but my understanding of type theory is that very few people actually learn how to successfully fully integrate their inferior function (and if they do its usually around 30s-40s). Does anyone know more about this?
:confused:

Yeah, that's generally accepted. You can find links all over PersonalityJunkie about it, surprised Archie hasn't jumped in with his sniper rifle yet. Most people probably just end up in an inferior grip and think they're all pals and willy nilly now



Ta-da! Mentions work!
 

Architect

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Yes as a musician I was forced to learn how. I'm comfortable telling somebody I love them (when I do of course), being honest and open with people by telling them my real feelings about something (more so than my ISTP & ESTJ family members by a long shot) so on and so forth. I "do" it so well that at work it got me promoted for being smart and somebody who can deal with anybody (including horrible engineers with zero Fe, or emotions other than anger frankly).

That doesn't change my nature, which is that I easily forget birthdays and names, and really don't care about the minutiae of peoples lives, unless it makes for an interesting story. I also know that I'm a terrible care giver and awful at giving people individual help, and frankly aren't a giving person (I don't give to charity). However I'll help people in general, and individually when they are willing to listen and understand. For example the good people here (AA thread) where it works for me through the relative anonymity of the forum. Since it's so public it also turns it into "helping humanity" kind of Fe which is really pleasing and doesn't drain my energy.
 

Ink

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I think the concept "integrating the inferior" and socionics "dualization" talks about the same thing. Supposedly ESFJs would be able to help us there.
 

Jennywocky

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@architect: Funny you mention music.

That's probably the first place where I really felt safe to experience my emotions, and for a long time playing music was my emotional coping mechanism to distress in my life. I didn't know to articulate my feelings at the time, but I was able to experience them in safe context (and express them) musically.
 

doncarlzone

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Yesterday as I was reading about animal cognition, I was suddenly on my way to do volunteer work for dolphins. That lasted for about 15 minutes.

@architect: Funny you mention music.

That's probably the first place where I really felt safe to experience my emotions, and for a long time playing music was my emotional coping mechanism to distress in my life. I didn't know to articulate my feelings at the time, but I was able to experience them in safe context (and express them) musically.

Music can make me really emotional too, I often have to hold back tears as I am listening to music while using public transport. I sometimes tell people this and they usually respond with hysterical laughter as it does not seem to fit my perceived personality.

The gap between the Ti and my Fe is what makes it so difficult for me to function as normal human being, for lack of better expressions.
 

Brontosaurie

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Music can make me really emotional too, I often have to hold back tears as I am listening to music while using public transport. I sometimes tell people this and they usually respond with hysterical laughter as it does not seem to fit my perceived personality.

i got the same thing, wouldn't tell anyone irl though. not that it's embarrassing - rather that it's hip to be an emotional guy and so it might seem like i'm actively advertising myself.
 

Architect

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@architect: Funny you mention music.

That's probably the first place where I really felt safe to experience my emotions, and for a long time playing music was my emotional coping mechanism to distress in my life. I didn't know to articulate my feelings at the time, but I was able to experience them in safe context (and express them) musically.

Music has an interesting relationship to our emotions. This is well known, I read this book Emotion and Meaning in Music (Phoenix Books): Leonard B. Meyer: 9780226521398: Amazon.com: Books@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41iW6NJKBkL.@@AMEPARAM@@41iW6NJKBkL when I was 13 to try and understand it. Which I loved of course being an intellectual treatise on the subject. I knew a XSFX (probably) conductor once that hated having to read the book. Anyhow it has the ability to bypass our neocortex or thinking brain and appeal directly to the "animal/visceral emotional" brain. This is why music transcends culture and language and is called the "universal language".

Thinking in typological terms I see both Fi and Fe at work. As a listener you just have Fi as music has the power to stir powerful emotions in us. A performer has to use Fe to project emotions to the audience. I remember conductors practically screaming at me to play with more passion. So eventually I overcame my reticence and inabilities to recognize and show emotions and did it (we were touring in Europe and I practically got a medal for finally "blossoming"). I also learned that the two (projecting (Fe) and experiencing (Fi) emotion) are different beasts.

Nowadays I both play and listen, in small amounts and try to do it every day (probably more like every other day).
 

r4ch3l

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Not exactly that, no. I don't think I've ever had a "save the world" mentality. I don't really feel external things that happen (e.g. when my family's dog died my ENFJ sister is bawling and I am accepting of it because I knew it was old and going to have to go soon) and am a fairly dissociated person. I also don't experiences highs or extreme happiness from external situations.

I have lived through several extended periods of grip experiences and believe I am living in one now triggered by being overwhelmed (even moreso than usual) by having to make major decisions and deal with a lot of change. For me Fe explosions are less altruistic/idealistic and more a bad reaction to my own insecurity and severe existential-themed lethargy. Very immature and self-indulgent. Because I cannot break down or quantify emotions I freak out.
 

Spirit

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Yesterday as I was reading about animal cognition, I was suddenly on my way to do volunteer work for dolphins. That lasted for about 15 minutes.



Music can make me really emotional too, I often have to hold back tears as I am listening to music while using public transport. I sometimes tell people this and they usually respond with hysterical laughter as it does not seem to fit my perceived personality.

The gap between the Ti and my Fe is what makes it so difficult for me to function as normal human being, for lack of better expressions.

i got the same thing, wouldn't tell anyone irl though. not that it's embarrassing - rather that it's hip to be an emotional guy and so it might seem like i'm actively advertising myself.

I agree with you both. Often times I have to get away from people because I am so worked up over a song. Most people will just sing along and it means nothing but if it is the right song all of these emotions overtake me. It really is strange.
 

JimJambones

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I work in the healthcare field(technical end), and I find I use Fe a lot; I'm kind of forced to. I don't exude warmth by any means, but lets face it, I'm surrounded by overly emotional people at work, at home; pretty much anywhere I go. It's sink or swim. Getting married and having children also bring out one's feeling side. I've learned over the years to incorporate feeling values into my life to build better, stronger relationships. Growing up, I had very little interest in doing this, but once I hit my mid-twenties, I took an interest in the humanities, social sciences, politics; all things I never cared at all about before. Before that time I was into the hard sciences, exclusively. Also, growing up, I hated most literature and avoided overly emotional people as much as possible.

I think the more involved in academia or your career you are, the more you put off developing your Fe, which is probably why INTPs typically don't develop a healthy feeling side until mid-life because it largely has to do with what environment one is in. Having to face the difficulties of life will force you to develop the appropriate functions. My family also has had to deal with a lot of death and that has given me reasons to think about what I value in life and how to find a balance between wanting to know everything about the world around me and needing to enjoy living life in the process. Life truly is too short.
 

JimJambones

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Also, if I ever stumbled into nursing, it would've been for financial reasons and I would probably have found constant patient contact to be draining. I actually dislike patient contact for the most part. I would rather focus on the the impersonal systems which make a hospital run smoothly. Thinkers can have a hard time in the health field because making decisions with pure logic strikes the feelers as uncaring and makes it seem that we don't care about patients. This couldn't be further from the truth. With that said, from my experience with nurses, I think nursing actually need more thinking personalities. So good for you if you can do it!

*edit* I'm assuming that by caregiver you meant nursing, so forgive me if this assumption was incorrect.
 
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