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INTP and the uncontrollable emotional surge

Kormak

The IT barbarian - eNTP
Local time
Tomorrow, 01:58
Joined
Sep 18, 2019
Messages
384
Location
Your mother's basement
I'm not a emotional guy. Inside there are no ups and downs that I'm aware of for significant periods of time tbh, but this one time something happened that i can't explain. I was at my uncle's funeral, typical funeral, ppl talking, some light sobbing from women here and there. Now i have been to funerals before, other family memebers... but this time something was odd. This uncle used to be my fave person in the family, we used to go fishing and camping with his family.

... so there I was minding my own business next to his coffin... when all of a sudden something rogh starts crawling up my throat, I started shaking and in a torrent of raw emotion I cried my fucking eyes out for what it felt like a very long time.
It kept coming in waves and I was fucking scared... I couldn't stop, it was out of control.

Wtf was that? Did I really feel all that for my uncle? :(

4356


Did any of you guys experience something like this?
 

Animekitty

I am all of my perception (666)
Local time
Today, 16:58
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
6,466
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subjective
I usually don't cry because I am emotionally numb and just hold it inside.
But when I was in the hospital we watched spiderman into the spider-verse.
It made me cry allot. I was super vulnerable at that moment.
I only cry when I care about someone.
So I guess I cared about the movie characters.
Last time I cried about a material object was when I lost my wallet in 2011
 

Polaris

Radioactive vision
Local time
Today, 12:58
Joined
Oct 13, 2009
Messages
2,210
It's almost guaranteed to happen whenever I go to a classical music performance. I could watch a tearjerker movie, go to a funeral, wedding, whatever, people crying everywhere. Me -- nothing. Classical concert? I'm a mess. Especially if there are a lot of violins involved. Piano not so much. I have a $1300 violin sitting under my bed. It's been there for a while, don't want to sell it but also I'm avoiding pulling it out. The violin is like my emotional instrument, literally. Seriously, what is it about horse hair rubbing on pigs guts? So I bought a piano instead. Piano = controlled emotion. I can play it without getting all :cry:
 

Kormak

The IT barbarian - eNTP
Local time
Tomorrow, 01:58
Joined
Sep 18, 2019
Messages
384
Location
Your mother's basement
It's almost guaranteed to happen whenever I go to a classical music performance. I could watch a tearjerker movie, go to a funeral, wedding, whatever, people crying everywhere. Me -- nothing. Classical concert? I'm a mess. Especially if there are a lot of violins involved. Piano not so much. I have a $1300 violin sitting under my bed. It's been there for a while, don't want to sell it but also I'm avoiding pulling it out. The violin is like my emotional instrument, literally. Seriously, what is it about horse hair rubbing on pigs guts? So I bought a piano instead. Piano = controlled emotion. I can play it without getting all :cry:
I may not outright cry, but Vivaldi - Winter always gets under my skin and plucks my heart strings, its just soo good. Thx for sharing. I can relate, I think the violin makes the most beutiful sound as well... pure flowing emotion... even if its just horse hair rubbing on pigs guts.
 

redbaron

irony based lifeform
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Tomorrow, 10:58
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Jun 10, 2012
Messages
7,040
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69S 69E
ive become more stable as i get older, less likely to have big ups and downs of emotion, but more likely to be moderately upset or relatively happy

i think it's probably a suppression thing, at least for me. i once identified as being unemotional, because i'd "feel nothing" majority of the time, and then eventually have a big outburst (excitement, anger, sadness, whatever)

i think im a bit more aware and react more naturally to things as they come now

not sure which i prefer
 

ZenRaiden

One atom of me
Local time
Today, 23:58
Joined
Jul 27, 2013
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698
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Between concrete walls
Sometimes you feel only what you allow yourself to feel. Maybe this time was really first time it was OK to let emotions go and not think about it. Sometimes its OK to just feel. Being a thinker doesnt mean you have no attachment to people or anything.
 

Serac

A menacing post slithers
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2,496
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Stockholm
I've smashed up a few computer keyboards and misc itmes up through the years, but that was mostly just for fun. Last one was very good, they keys were flying all over the place. But I could have chosen not to if I wanted to, it's just fun to express emotion physically sometimes. I don't do crying though, especially not in public. I was told that even at my baptism I didn't cry like the other babies, because you know.. crying is for babies :p
 

moody

Active Member
Local time
Today, 16:58
Joined
Dec 15, 2018
Messages
255
when all of a sudden something rogh starts crawling up my throat, I started shaking and in a torrent of raw emotion I cried my fucking eyes out for what it felt like a very long time.
It kept coming in waves and I was fucking scared... I couldn't stop, it was out of control.

Wtf was that? Did I really feel all that for my uncle? :(
This reminds me of what sociologists call something like "voice from the unconscious." It happens when conscious part of yourself can't appropriately respond or cope with the situation, and you you hear a very clear voice say something in the back of your head tell you what you need to do. i know that's not what you experienced, but its alone the same lines of the aware, thinking part of you being taken by surprise and overwhelmed by something you didn't think you felt.

If he was one of your favorite people, its no wonder you suddenly starting crying. You probably still felt it, but weren't completely aware of it, so it ended up throwing you for a loop. After all, you can keep it compartmentalized a death much better before you actually see it.

Did any of you guys experience something like this?
Yes. I'm not equating this whatsoever to you, but when I was in middle school, one of my animals died a little suddenly. I overheard my father telling my mother about it from by bedroom early in the morning, and the only thing I could say I'd felt was really still. I never got sad, I just got still at that age. My parents were very gentle with the information, looking to comfort any adverse reactions (it was "my" animal), but I'd thought that I didn't deserve to feel bad because I hadn't spend enough time with my animal. I walked out of breakfast and into the bathroom, and as soon as I shut the door, I just started bawling. I was kind of mad at myself, because I thought I was crying because I wanted to "feel bad for myself" instead of actually being sad that my animal was dead. I thought it made me selfish and shallow. I didn't understand how emotions worked back then, so the crying felt like a separate entity from what I "felt." It is so strange to be so convinced and think one thing, but you look in the mirror and see tears down your face.

It's almost guaranteed to happen whenever I go to a classical music performance.
Seriously, what is it about horse hair rubbing on pigs guts? So I bought a piano instead. Piano = controlled emotion. I can play it without getting all :cry:
Probably because, for you, violin/symphonic works get you to get out of your own head and truly be completely one with your sense, no inhibitions. Completely vulnerable, because it allows you to open yourself up to whats currently happening without it first going through all the "regular filters" that is our thinking.

i think it's probably a suppression thing, at least for me. i once identified as being unemotional, because i'd "feel nothing" majority of the time, and then eventually have a big outburst (excitement, anger, sadness, whatever)

i think im a bit more aware and react more naturally to things as they come now

not sure which i prefer
I relate a lot...the working explanation I have for myself is that an emotion/lack thereof is a choice of how we will react to something that effects us. If something truly doesn't effect us emotionally, it's because we've already dealt with whatever the situation is before and we're equip at quickly recognizing our own responses, and thus able to quickly devise how best to respond to get on with our day. When we just don't react, it doesn't just dissipate; we first use our thoughts to try to reason with ourselves why we don't feel anything, and it goes one of two ways:
1. It becomes bottles, and fuel for an inferno of emotions at a later date...
or
2. it takes a huge wack at our sense of self: self-confidence, motivation, trust, etc, damaging us gradually.

Probably why human emotions are colloquially considered to be made of energy. (i.e., we usually agree that people have a sort of general "vibe" or "presence" that is also subject to effect our own self).
 

Tenacity

More than methods to the madness
Local time
Today, 18:58
Joined
Sep 3, 2019
Messages
439
I'm not a emotional guy. Inside there are no ups and downs that I'm aware of for significant periods of time tbh, but this one time something happened that i can't explain. I was at my uncle's funeral, typical funeral, ppl talking, some light sobbing from women here and there. Now i have been to funerals before, other family memebers... but this time something was odd. This uncle used to be my fave person in the family, we used to go fishing and camping with his family.

... so there I was minding my own business next to his coffin... when all of a sudden something rogh starts crawling up my throat, I started shaking and in a torrent of raw emotion I cried my fucking eyes out for what it felt like a very long time.
It kept coming in waves and I was fucking scared... I couldn't stop, it was out of control.

Wtf was that? Did I really feel all that for my uncle? :(

View attachment 4356

Did any of you guys experience something like this?
I'm not an "emotional" person either, though I acknowledge that all humans are inherently emotional.

I've had an instance last year when this happened in front of someone I never thought I would cry in front of. I cried from sadness, from being misunderstood, from the suddenness of events, and from the swift realization of the truth.

I learned a truth about the world far too early, I felt. Forced to mature in life faster than I wanted to, yet I chose the path.

I now "own" that this happened, and while I can't talk about it exactly, I know that I learned that it was a reminder that what distinguishes human from our creations are these very things: The sheer ability to express sadness, grief... To cry, to release something that was held in so long.

I wasn't allowed to cry when I was a toddler.

I remember being hit when I cried from pain. Then I forced myself to stop crying, and then I stopped getting hit.

This influenced how am I today - How I tolerate suffering.

I sense it will always be this way.

When you cry in front of certain people, they will only see you as "weak", or they will run because they themselves do not want to cry. To display that "weakness" is perhaps their greatest fear. Perhaps it has become one of my greatest fears.

I've also cried embarrassingly extravagantly, unintentionally, uncontrollably, at a friend's funeral years ago. I was the only one who did this so dramatically, even more than the parents of my friend. There were not enough tissues around and I had to, seemingly rudely, excuse myself. My friend had given me things I'll never forget, mostly an unconditional love I didn't feel I deserved especially at that time.

The only thing sadder, I believe, than being sad for or about someone is the inability to be sad at all. What a misfortune to longer be able to cry.

I've always found that I could sort of relate to the moment when men protagonists in movies go through intense obstacles... Fighting through pain and suffering, and then finally letting out tears uncontrollably at some point after bottling things up. I've grown up this way, and I sense the world is at war with the wrong things - The sadness is an expression of love, even if lost.

How can we truly appreciate life if we cannot mourn loss?
 

ANAXEL

I always get invited to parties
Local time
Today, 17:58
Joined
May 31, 2019
Messages
15
Yes. I'm not equating this whatsoever to you, but when I was in middle school, one of my animals died a little suddenly. I overheard my father telling my mother about it from by bedroom early in the morning, and the only thing I could say I'd felt was really still. I never got sad, I just got still at that age. My parents were very gentle with the information, looking to comfort any adverse reactions (it was "my" animal), but I'd thought that I didn't deserve to feel bad because I hadn't spend enough time with my animal. I walked out of breakfast and into the bathroom, and as soon as I shut the door, I just started bawling. I was kind of mad at myself, because I thought I was crying because I wanted to "feel bad for myself" instead of actually being sad that my animal was dead. I thought it made me selfish and shallow. I didn't understand how emotions worked back then, so the crying felt like a separate entity from what I "felt." It is so strange to be so convinced and think one thing, but you look in the mirror and see tears down your face.
I relate a lot to much of what you described. Your pet story hit me.
I had a pet rat from ages 17-19. It’s normal for them to grow dramatically weary and die of pretty much cancer at around 3 years. I did feel a measure of guilt because of not thinking I spent enough time with her as well. Regardless, when it was time to put her to sleep, not much was facing me. Me and my sister walked to the emergency vet carrying her in a box, and the nurse (FREAKING nurse) tells me to have one last moment with her before she’s put down. That climatic moment would make anyone cry, but the way it happened to me made me a bit self aware of how I handle emotions. I felt nothing until that moment. At that moment, I felt everything. Every moment we had, everything she meant to me, powerfully condensing into one compact black hole causing uncontrolled weeping. My thorax does the whole laughy thing, and I try to not moan or make any sounds with my voice. It lasts for about a couple of minutes, and then it goes away completely. It’s like vomiting. After I do it, I feel pretty darn good.

Probably why human emotions are colloquially considered to be made of energy. (i.e., we usually agree that people have a sort of general "vibe" or "presence" that is also subject to effect our own self).
If not in a moment that demands my consolidation of everything I feel, I start crying when a powerful thought triggered by an impression comes on.
It could definitely be interpreted as an overwhelming energy moving within me in harmony with what I care about. This seems to be always out of my control (internally, as I can control certain external factors that eventually trigger me, such as a song or a conversation, etc).

I guess being the extroverted version of you guys, many moments I do wish to feel the right thing at the right time.
- Cry when greeting a missed friend, when looking at the bride dance with her father as a statement of departure, when my friend’s anything dies or at other people’s misfortune.
But no.
It’ll all come out in the middle of a conversation, even though serene, since it may have triggered a line of thought that culminates in intensified significance not being able to move through my system without manifesting its novel presence with tears and a broken voice. Which sucks! Cuz I wanna keep talking and moving on! I get it, I get why I cried, I understand what it means. Now everyone who’ll see me cry will overreact and change how they interact with me.
Body, please, let me take control of the voice again, I want to make the next point, this is important! Stop!
 
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