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Issues With Mindless, Repetitive Small Talk.

randomsage

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Posted about this in Reddit and wanted a varied response...







I was only interested in the general idea or answer...


*sigs*


I understand the human need for conversation and small talk and OP feels that he isn't carrying his weight in conversation.
OP feelz that it'd be good for his Ne if he at least made an effort beyond asking a question and monosyllabic phrases.
(sees neighbor putting out trash) OP: Hey. I think the trash ran already.
Neighbor: Nah. They're just checking over the big trash and debris. MLK holiday so they'll pick up the trash A day late.
OP: k thanx bai
Neighbor: All they did was-
OP: !POPS A GODDAMN BLOOD VESSEL IN HEAD. BLEEDS INTERNALLY!
Neighbor: - check the other trash lying around. Not even picking them up. Just looking. I don't get it. The trash ppl bring those big trucks on out and just look at the trash. They got time fuh all dat but ain't picking up nothing.
OP: man. Crazy. Blood is filling in mouth, swallows, INTx poker face, can't read my can't read MY I need a social ambulance
Neighbor: I don't get it at all. .Says something extra about trash men being a waste of time.
OP: !Death IS chilling next to me trying to read aforementioned INTx poker face, has selfie with me, shouts "LOL INTP FALSE ALARM! He can't human!"! Weird.
Neighbor: Ay! You have a good one, mane. Be safe out here.
OP: Will do. Be safe man (I don't know). u/powerwalKING






Advice? Comments? Critical analysis? Fxxk me and leave this mess on Reddit where your kind belongs?
 

Hadoblado

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They wasted a minute of your precious time talking about garbage. It seems like you take pride in being above small talk. Do you have a job? How can you possibly function if this amount of small talk sets you off?
 

Happy

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So how about that weather?
 

QuickTwist

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Yes. OP hit that fucker right on the mark.
 

Auburn

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I think the level of tolerance one has for these scenarios is related to a person's own inner psychological health.

How exhausting it is, is a sign of how much energy has to be spent to be "outwardly present" when the psyche wishes to invert itself by default. For some people, even just standing in a crowded place (subway/restaurant), not talking, is enough to trigger a strong stress response.

Whenever the psyche is deeply preoccupied with its own inner content (a state I find synonymous with depression), any pullings or demands from the external world are unordinarily strenuous; they're multiplied in severity according to one's inner lack.

This is also why a lot of depressed extroverts mistype as introverts.
 

Artsu Tharaz

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'Twas merely an attempt to remedy ignorance over the matters of trash. A noble endeavour, yet in vain for the ignorance ran so deep as to flee from the mere mention of conversation! Aye!

So how about that weather?

been hot as bro
 

Pyropyro

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@happy weather is being rainy and cold lately.

My autism makes it hard for me to follow small talk to the point that i sometimes unwittingly ignore small talk.

Anyways it doesnt mean that i cant engage in them. I simply take mental notes of usual talking points such as their family, weather, politics (be careful with this topic) etc. and bounce them back as questions like "hows ur husband, susan?" It's an investment that cost a few mins of my time but might have good social benefits in the future.
 

Happy

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Cheeseumpuffs

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Fxxk me and leave this mess on Reddit where your kind belongs?

Basically this, yeah.

I mean, your example wasn't even smalltalk. Why would they just go out and look at your trash without taking it? Seems bizarre and worth at least a moment of puzzlement.

How can you possibly function if this amount of small talk sets you off?

^^^^

So how about that weather?

@happy weather is being rainy and cold lately.

Cold and rainy here, too. But like off and on. It was sunny about 5min before my lunch break yesterday, then rainy as I was out for lunch, then sunny again, and then it started hailing a little later. Kind of odd. I don't mind though, it's more interesting this way.
 

QuickTwist

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Cold and rainy here, too. But like off and on. It was sunny about 5min before my lunch break yesterday, then rainy as I was out for lunch, then sunny again, and then it started hailing a little later. Kind of odd. I don't mind though, it's more interesting this way.

Fascinating.
 

randomsage

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They wasted a minute of your precious time talking about garbage. It seems like you take pride in being above small talk. Do you have a job? How can you possibly function if this amount of small talk sets you off?

I work various minimum wage jobs, mostly staffing, and everyone is either too busy to talk or only talk about the going's on at work and small talk is mostly avoid.


I'm not totally socially inept but small talk isn't above me - it's a drain ON me. Most of it is just repeating the obvious over and over and over and looking for emotional queues to reply to.


Strangely, alcohol helps. Lol But I'm still an introvert so it's only good for a couple of hours.
 

randomsage

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Basically this, yeah.

I mean, your example wasn't even smalltalk. Why would they just go out and look at your trash without taking it? Seems bizarre and worth at least a moment of puzzlement.



^^^^





Cold and rainy here, too. But like off and on. It was sunny about 5min before my lunch break yesterday, then rainy as I was out for lunch, then sunny again, and then it started hailing a little later. Kind of odd. I don't mind though, it's more interesting this way.















I love this forum already. Lol
 
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Auburn,

Another way of saying this would be that every individual possesses an energy store which contains a certain threshold that differs in sensitivity in relation to any given stimuli (internal/external) and that is re-distributed unequally to a range of (conflicting) stimuli. Exceeding thresholds is a sign of poor distribution manifesting as tension.

Concentration can therefore be viewed as an efficient and localized concentration of energy into a particular stimulus which would necessitate a decentralization of conflicting stimulus (that is to say by decreasing their activity). In other words, concentration is dependent on relaxation.

If distractions (i.e. conflicting stimuli) are forced into one's space then the ideal response would be a quick decentralization of one's prior point of focus. Otherwise, if one wishes to remain concentrated in the presence of active distractions then the quality of concentration is reduced and its expression is convoluted.
 

Rualani

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I usually just jump to a different topic that's related.
"It's interesting how such a job is paid so well in this society"

Something that throws them for a loop and breaks their mold. I usually go for that. Sometimes I can rely on pushing back with the antithesis to whatever their talking about. Moderating light opinions can be fun if you know how to avoid conflict.

It can be dangerous though, with lots of terrible mistakes. I remember one girl was complaining about how she was treated online, when the person didn't EVEN KNOW HER, was just responding to a critique with a gut EMOTIONAL reaction and Ad Homin attacking her to death.

Like, the content of every single other conversation online when people disagree.

She was trying to relieve tension by complaining about it but I just told her that it was the nature of the internet. People respond and trash the people who disagree. Don't take it personally yo.

Yeah that didn't work.

I have to factor in degrees of resilience and internet saturation when I talk with everyone now.

I think I just proved the OP's point that human communication is frustration
 
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small talk is a necessary evil. you say you understand why small talk is important but then continue to describe it as meaningless drivel...
its a way to kick off conversation. the purpose of setting talk(like comments about the weather or whatever) is to let others know that you are willing to make conversation. yeah newsflash noone gives a shit what u think of the weather or the trash. they just want to make conversation happen and youre not picking up on the cues. you can elevate the conversation beyond small talk limbo and catapult your interactions if you so please...one way to do this is to ask questions(to let the other person know that yes you're interested in making conversation) and manipulate or expand the topic of conversation into something more meaningful or intimate
 

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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You take life way too seriously. Use every opportunity of small talk to get a laugh for both of you or just yourself, rile someone up, prod for interesting strengths and weaknesses. You are in control of the conversation as a participant. You're not just going along for the ride every time.
 

Auburn

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Auburn,

Another way of saying this would be that every individual possesses an energy store which contains a certain threshold that differs in sensitivity in relation to any given stimuli (internal/external) and that is re-distributed unequally to a range of (conflicting) stimuli. Exceeding thresholds is a sign of poor distribution manifesting as tension.

Concentration can therefore be viewed as an efficient and localized concentration of energy into a particular stimulus which would necessitate a decentralization of conflicting stimulus (that is to say by decreasing their activity). In other words, concentration is dependent on relaxation.

If distractions (i.e. conflicting stimuli) are forced into one's space then the ideal response would be a quick decentralization of one's prior point of focus. Otherwise, if one wishes to remain concentrated in the presence of active distractions then the quality of concentration is reduced and its expression is convoluted.

Interesting. I think I get what you're saying..

It is problematic, though, when one can't just disengage their mental or emotional preoccupations, as with things like (social) anxiety disorders. I think a healthy person would have the capacity to reorient their attention to the present stimuli, but the problem is that unhealthiness causes fixations, thus causing that deficit or higher intolerance toward stimuli which is felt as invasive.

That said, I think even within healthy people there are vastly varying levels of neurochemicals, and different resulting cognitive typologies that contribute to some having a weaker ability to absorb stimuli (easier overwhelm) -- leading to more selectivity in stimuli they relax/open-up to.
 

EyeSeeCold

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I think the key is to find something to relate with in that person. Whereas in a normal but deeper conversation it would be weird to talk about oneself excessively, if you can identify with another person the more you talk the smoother the small talk is. What you find interesting about the other person depends on how curious you allow yourself to be.
 
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In that case, one accepts helplessness, assert one's limitations, and become passive for as long as necessary - disengagement can go a long way to restore health. What will only cause more damage (that is, weakening) is further engagement or stimulation (most people opt for this option at a great cost i.e. they do not prioritize mental health, but rather, for example, a fear, which is falsely called an act of strength, another type of engagement that is common and creates problems, is, attempting to solve emotional reactions or states logically), when one's body requires rest. Most have more strength than they might think - it just requires the space to grow and much patience.
 
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