• OK, it's on.
  • Please note that many, many Email Addresses used for spam, are not accepted at registration. Select a respectable Free email.
  • Done now. Domine miserere nobis.

Several unconnected strands of thought seem to have one underlying explanation

Local time
Tomorrow, 05:50
Joined
Feb 24, 2014
Messages
318
Location
Singapore
Golly, I'm really excited right now. I haven't been this excited in...nearly a week!

I have an ability that I'm not sure many people have. Ask me to read a book and before I've read maybe 30 or 40 pages of the book, there are ideas flying around in my head so much so that I have to put it down and play a game on my phone or take a walk around the neighbourhood. While I'm playing the game or taking the walk, the connection between the ideas I read about in the book become increasingly potent and I am left with that seems like to me to be the key essence of what I'm reading. While in that phase I'll also find the answers to many questions which I had in the past. Everything becomes clear, it's like as if I've found the key to unlocking the mysteries of the universe. And then things settle down and I become lost and am unable to find the links between the ideas I had. I know what the links are, I just can't see how they can follow logically. Sometimes after many minutes thinking about how I linked the ideas together, some of the connections seem logical it's not the kind of link I perceived while I was in that phase.

I began seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist because of motivation and mood issues but the psychiatrist diagnosed me with formal thought disorder. I only became aware of this recently.

Today(tonight, rather) I looked up formal thought disorder and instantly recognized two symptoms of the condition namely flight of ideas and derailment. (also known as knight's move thinking which is what my psychiatrist calls it)

Funny thing is that I always associated my flight of ideas and knight's move thinking with positive stuff. I always saw these things as my strengths. After all, these things allowed me to top the humanities course we had last term.

I realize that my "gifts" are not useful ones. I don't see any way I can make use of them to make some contribution to society. Maybe if I was a theoretical scientist or mathematician, these "gifts" would have some use. But I'm studying engineering so these things are probably going to go waste.

Of course, there are negative side effects which is why I'm taking medication and undergoing therapy so that I can lead a normal life or at least a more productive life. My main problem right now is that I can't make up my mind on what I want to do in life because I can't filter the connections that I make out. I might read about X and make connections about how X would help me uncover the secrets of the universe so I gravitate towards X obsessively. The next day or a few days later I might read about Y and think Y holds all the secrets to uncovering the mysteries. And the shuffling affects my mood so often in between I become upset and depressed and lack motivation to do anything and lose all interest in everything. And I mean everything. I start becoming really irritating and do weird stuff. My parents have to deal with it every few days. My sisters don't even speak to me properly because of how irritating I can get. It's quite frustrating.

Thank you for reading this far. Understand what my illness is the best thing I think that can happen right now because it gives me a framework to change things.

I started out this post quite high but I feel listless again. Oh well.
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
Local time
Today, 16:50
Joined
Apr 12, 2014
Messages
1,569
Location
only halfway there
I can relate to the first paragraph a bit, its one of the reason non fiction books are annoying as hell. I end up having to stop every few pages and let my mind do wtf its doing.:storks:
 

wadlez

Active Member
Local time
Tomorrow, 07:20
Joined
Mar 22, 2008
Messages
387
This is just typical INTP behaviour, particularly due to our primary iT function.

See Introverted Thinking: (Ebook pdf) jung, carl the psychological types

INTP's are great thinkers, but we are not practically driven like extroverts are, so our ideas will not really be productive and will be seen as a waste of time. Making connections between different abstract concepts is a great strength to our style of thinking.

That being said, we need to be aware of how impractical we inherently are and try to compensate for this.
I personally had to force myself to break away from studying psychology and instead pursue a career in software development, a much more realistic ambition.

I think the field of psychology is in a difficult state right now and would not really trust the label of "formal thought disorder" they have branded you with. This is just a blind categorization with no consideration for individual differences or reality of the human condition.
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
Local time
Today, 23:50
Joined
Aug 16, 2011
Messages
1,986
Location
germany
I believe it may be a deception if you think the deepest patterns tell you something about absolute reality. There is this odd quality about how the mind is a verb and yet it creates a reality that we perceive as given, like a complex object. Of which we are, or our separate self, as we know it, is a part of. If introverted consciousness falls into deeper levels of the mind, it will become involved with the process of creation of our reality and become removed from the processes that are a part of this reality of ours. Certain processes or functionalities of reality appear to be linked, not because they are similar in reality, but because the method of how the mind dreams up it's understanding of them is similar. This is not a black and white issue. There is a seamless transition, between the dimension of self-awareness and potential self-knowledge and the dimension of reality-awareness and potential reality-knowledge. Sometimes cognition is close to finishing it's comprehension of something real, in this case patten-hunches mean what they appear to mean, sometimes cognition is early in the process of wrapping itself around a subject, then pattern-hunches could only be meaningful only to the thinker.

I should not know these secrets of Ti, since in am INFP.
Seriously, i think this problem is common to all introverts.

my brain is full of fuck ;)
 
Local time
Tomorrow, 05:50
Joined
Feb 24, 2014
Messages
318
Location
Singapore
I believe it may be a deception if you think the deepest patterns tell you something about absolute reality. There is this odd quality about how the mind is a verb and yet it creates a reality that we perceive as given, like a complex object. Of which we are, or our separate self, as we know it, is a part of. If introverted consciousness falls into deeper levels of the mind, it will become involved with the process of creation of our reality and become removed from the processes that are a part of this reality of ours. Certain processes or functionalities of reality appear to be linked, not because they are similar in reality, but because the method of how the mind dreams up it's understanding of them is similar. This is not a black and white issue. There is a seamless transition, between the dimension of self-awareness and potential self-knowledge and the dimension of reality-awareness and potential reality-knowledge. Sometimes cognition is close to finishing it's comprehension of something real, in this case patten-hunches mean what they appear to mean, sometimes cognition is early in the process of wrapping itself around a subject, then pattern-hunches could only be meaningful only to the thinker.

I should not know these secrets of Ti, since in am INFP.
Seriously, i think this problem is common to all introverts.

my brain is full of fuck ;)
Thank you. What you wrote makes much more sense after the experiences I've had since I posted what I wrote.
 
Top Bottom