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Dark thoughts

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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I think we should have a thread about dark thoughts that come to our mind.

Y'know, to avoid the enlargement of a jungian shadow.
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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I'm attracted to one of my flatmates. We've been doing a lot of activities recently but I don't have any commitments like messaging them incessantly during the day. We went shopping earlier but plain and simple I notice she smelt bad. I think we've been pretty close to opportunistically hitting on each other but due to sobreity and such there hasn't been an easy gateway to it. We're having a party in our accommodation and she's been messaging me drunk to come in for a smoke, I did but left because it didn't seem like we were moving and it was super loud. Now they're looking me to go up to the student treehouse to smoke with them.

I think I started it though: I messaged her 12 times to go to a club while I was super drunk, think it give her the hint that I liked her. She told me quite literally "I'm kind of an attention whore" (Her words, not mine). She knows someone I was interested in a while back and I was pretty into her, flattering her with compliments 24/7 so I think she thinks I'll give her that treatment. Now it's self-sustaining: I started it and she's reciprocating.

TLDR: the smell is distracting me, even if they don't smell like that right now. I've always had a weird rule in my head I shouldn't go for flatmates, though two people in my flat have a stable relationship so maybe it isn't all that bad.

TLTLDR: Pretty much being an asshole for nitpicking here.
 

Rebis

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Well I had a smoke with them but since we're not on the same level it's best not to develop it as such. It'll make me seem uninteresting if we're not on the same plane, if you get me.
 

Rebis

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I keep getting paranoid that someone that I know will search this forum and find me. If someone's behaviour changes relating to a post I have put up, I'll be suspicious at times that they could easily find what I've posted.
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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Are we aware that on some level, we're generally the more insane types of people out there? That's not to say I take issue in this, I just wonder if we're all self-aware of our idiosyncrasies. This is sort of what I want this thread ot facilitate: a concretion of our thoughts seperate from our behaviour.

Sure, dark thoughts are not inherited from our MBTI, but they are articulated better than other types. In a neutral, amoral manner.

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Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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I've been getting recent bursts of social energy, i just sent like a few hundred messages to an old friend in an hour and a half, it's been exhilerating. Talking to these people that're old friends from 6 years ago, I am absolutely amazed at how much I've progressed from then. Looking back, and comparing myself to thess people I've literally apexed them in so many different ways which is fantastic for my residual anxiety back then. It was a terrible school, no one believed in me and for a while my ego resided in proving people wrong. It was such a terrible school. I wasn't even allowed to do moderately difficult science classes as it was up to their disgression. The single-core science classes were laughable, especially the test questions. So, so bad.

Thankfully I didn't hold onto such an ineffectual stubbornness for too long, I got the main benefits: Exploded self-development, fantastic confidence, constantly running towards failure and generally crafting a life against what people expected. I still have that drive in some ways but it's less of a conscious effort.the unconscious pursuit of becoming better has stuck with me for the most part.

Anyways, I just want to go back to my school, talk to some people in my old school which were seen as competent but ultimately didn't get anywhere. The typical high-school fantasy of giving your teachers a big fuck you for trying to play the hand of fate on your life. To my high school teachers: Fuck you, retards.

I deifnitely had a big problem with authority

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The Grey Man

Denken ist schwer
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Forgot to sedate myself with whiskey before going to bed :(
 

Tomten

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My mother had a severe stroke a year back. The stroke has left most of her body paralyzed. It has also left her with great difficulties communicating: She can't speak, but she occasionally nods her head in response to questions (but she does not seem to understand the questions asked of her very well, or at all in some cases). She points her left hand at things she wants and screams when she is in pain (and the latter happens really really often). So what is my dark thought? I sometimes wish she had died from that stroke instead of this.
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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Forgot to sedate myself with whiskey before going to bed :(
Dark times my friend.

My mother had a severe stroke a year back. The stroke has left most of her body paralyzed. It has also left her with great difficulties communicating: She can't speak, but she occasionally nods her head in response to questions (but she does not seem to understand the questions asked of her very well, or at all in some cases). She points her left hand at things she wants and screams when she is in pain (and the latter happens really really often). So what is my dark thought? I sometimes wish she had died from that stroke instead of this.
Understandable, we all have horrible thoughts but behaviour is the defining quality.
 

Ex-User (14663)

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I don't like old people. I just don't speak their language, man.

but it's probably just due to the fact that most people are boring as hell and that becomes even more pronounced as they get older.

edit: tbh I don't know wtf I'm saying, I just wanted to say something negative
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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I don't like old people. I just don't speak their language, man.

but it's probably just due to the fact that most people are boring as hell and that becomes even more pronounced as they get older.

edit: tbh I don't know wtf I'm saying, I just wanted to say something negative
To add to this anytime a old person gives me a handshake, or I need to get past them to grab an item, or even old relatives that hug me I feel like I'm sacrificing a part of my health: I read a study quite a while ago saying that early-onset dementia in youth can be triggered by salivation from old people, in other words it is not necessarily bound by age. In posting this I tried to check my sources there and couldn't find anything concrete so I'm optimistic I can eliminate this fear. I started thinking of the interactions vampirically: their brains lighting up at social interaction, while transmitting diseases through kissing young children and such. It was fucked up I gotta say. Imagine if the whole world became captivated by this reasoning, it'd be a precedent for genocide. Now that's truly fucked up. Dangerous thoughts.
 

EndogenousRebel

We're all trying our best. Aren't we?
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I read a study quite a while ago saying that early-onset dementia in youth can be triggered by salivation from old people, in other words it is not necessarily bound by age.
That sounds like major league horse shit. The health care industry would let it be known if it were true. But yeah I think there is a class old people that feast on flesh and souls of the youth.
 

EndogenousRebel

We're all trying our best. Aren't we?
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A good analogy for the human condition is a extremely short play being recorded, the lead performers being virtuosos in front of a bourgeoisie audience, the theater being located inside a bigger theatre, and everything outside that theatre is a fucking mess.
 

Rebis

Blessed are the hearts that can bend
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"He reached hastily into his pocket. The bum had stopped him and asked for a dime, then had gone on talking, as if to kill that moment and postpone the problem of the next. Pleas for dimes were so frequent in the streets these days that it was not necessary to listen to explanations, and he had no desire to hear the details of this bum's particular despair."
 

Child

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I don’t think I am emotionally on the same level as my classmates. They were all saying the last time they cried for some reason, any they were all like,”Omg I cried yesterday because I got a bad grade” or “I cried this morning because I was listening to a sad song” and then I was just like “wait seriously?” I think my classmates are just sensitive though. Or maybe I’m a robot like everyone says. Also, why are people scared of so many things? And why are they scared of things like sharks and planes but not people? People kill each other all the time, and sharks and planes rarely kill people.
 

peoplesuck

caretaker of machines
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I think im more in touch with my soft side, and my rough side, than most people. I think most people deny how kind humans can be, and just how violent. We are living in this somewhat peaceful, somewhat violent world, I wish humanity would pick a side and make something happen here.
What would the best ideology be?
I think it would be something like destroying evil. Does it it make you evil to kill a murderer? I dont think so, I think the best ideology would be a magnifying mirror, whatever you reflect, gets magnified and sent back. Destroying bad, supporting good. I think evil could be defined as hurting other beings, destroying the world.
Everyone seems to be crazy, and the people we like, are the same type of crazy as we are.
People are products of their environments, so idk if you would really call a bad person bad, fire isnt bad. To kill the people who never chose to be how they are, or to sit by the sidelines and allow them to burn the world down. I dont see a problem with putting out dangerous fires. Not all fires harm things, some can be quite handy.
Is it more evil to kill what is essentially innocent, or to allow evil to happen? This is a tough issue humans wont agree on.
I think my outlook on humanity is fairly dark, and im not even sure if its bias. Maybe I just keep running into psychos, maybe its just how people are.
well, if you cant beat them, avoid them at all costs and never become them.
:cat:
 
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