INTP and love / relationships

[majohnso]

hi all,

continuining to read on my intp nature, exciting and useful to feel less odd, and have this structure to understand myself within.

one topic that has me pondering is - love and marriage. now given the context of an intp, i understand myself better in the ways i relate now.

question is, how do others manage romantic relationships given the biases of this type? and how do you explain your nature to your partners

thanks

 

[Nor Vindsval]

Well, we just don't manage romantic relationships that is just not part of our scripts and starter pack.
Just kidding.

In my opinion, INTP find it hard when romantic things show up, mostly because we tend to realise one million of years later that we were involved in romantic stuff. What I mean about this, is that it is very difficult to us 1) realisation of the situation 2) admitting we have feelings 3) facing the situation.

Normally, if I want to explain something (in this case our nature) I tend to triviliaze the topics, so the other person gets curious about what I am going to say, and then BOOM! You say something weird or creppy and everything is fucked up. So then, if the person runs away, is because they got scared of your nature, if they didn't, then be happy and give it try!


Best regards!

 

[Elizabeth24]

I have found that unless you find someone of a similar type, they will have difficulty truly understanding you. I don't know about you, but I am SO complicated. Relationships can be fragile if the other one does not understand the things that are most important to us. If they hurt us, they must apologize or begin problem solving or else we go into shutdown and analyze mode.. the longer time we have to think, the more chance of us building a wall and when we build walls against the person we love, that isn't good. A lot of times, you can't tear that wall back down because we don't forget. At least I don't... I remember every single time the other person upset me (in whatever way). I could go on and on but geez are we complicated.

 

[majohnso]

Agreed....
Its the shutting down part
thats dangerous

 

[ZenRaiden]

Well the trouble is that while MBTI can help with relationships it is very limited tool. Many things in relationships go way beyond MBTI.

 

[crippli]

A lot of times, you can't tear that wall back down because we don't forget.

This seems familiar. To me it seems other people rush through life. "A mistake " is forgotten almost as quickly as it 's happened. Like they say. I'll call you back. But they don't. I can't even imagine what makes a person say they will call you back, and not do it.

The phrase itself is a red flag, and usually an instant delete on my part.

I think that is where i have erred. More compassion is needed, and acceptance of human behavior.

What if they are right. That stuff doesn't matter. It's obviously emotionally intended. Unfortunately they got the MBTI type wrong.

So, as the aware being. Isn't it our responsibility to " go along" with these quirks.

If we did, I don't think we would get into such challenging relationship situations as seems to me the case.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Personally I am incapable of romantic love or marriage. I dont think these things are neceassry to have realtionships.

For INTPs I think they are always late in the game. But most INTPs like anyone want sex. Since INTPs are quite smart most of the time they probably find a fast and reliable way to get sex.

 

[Elizabeth24]

This seems familiar. To me it seems other people rush through life. "A mistake " is forgotten almost as quickly as it 's happened. Like they say. I'll call you back. But they don't. I can't even imagine what makes a person say they will call you back, and not do it.

The phrase itself is a red flag, and usually an instant delete on my part.

I think that is where i have erred. More compassion is needed, and acceptance of human behavior.

What if they are right. That stuff doesn't matter. It's obviously emotionally intended. Unfortunately they got the MBTI type wrong.

So, as the aware being. Isn't it our responsibility to " go along" with these quirks.

If we did, I don't think we would get into such challenging relationship situations as seems to me the case.

Yes, i had a family member who would always do that. They still don't know how such a small thing affected me. Why say you will call back and never do? I don't get it either. A lot of people can wake up the next day with a clean slate. I just can't. I retain information so i can look for patterns, so i can predict behaviors...to protect myself. Those clean slate people can't wrap their heads around why we cant move on from something that happened in the past.