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INTP and not getting along with sibling.

Drvladivostok

Daydreamer.
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I don't get along with my ESFJ younger sister.
For some reason I never have the same relationship with my sister that some other people does, I often hear my friends are playing with their sibling, or having a heart to heart conversation, it never happened in my case. Just holding a casual conversation just seems so difficult, a lot of her characteristics just doesn't suit me, she's what you'd call a conformist, she's religious I'm not very, she likes small talk I despise it, our personality is as different as our MBTI type.

I'm surprised why even with a newly acquaintance I can still get along with them better, ie: hold a conversation, it maybe because that I never hold the facade of extroversion and agreeableness when I'm home, and it's this natural unadulterated INTP person that can't relate to her in a personal level.

I know I sound pretty stuck up, but I never dislike her, we fight a lot when we were kids but in our teens our relationship is just stale, I rarely talk to her beside the bare functional communication even though we live in the same house, My question is should someone get out of their own way to actively socialize with their sibling, I know having a consanguinity relation with someone constitute an obligation for their well being to a certain degree, but I wonder whether or not that extends to relationship harmoniousness.

Also do you guys face the same problem with your sibling?
 

ZenRaiden

One atom of me
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Also do you guys face the same problem with your sibling?

Not getting along with family members can suck at times, but should not be the norm. If it is then there is a bigger problem.
However I know plenty people who have problems like you do.

It is really impossible to give good advice on this since I do not know what family dynamics or what type of person you are or your sister. INTP vs ESFJ just is not enough.
Maybe you both need to work on the relationship.
 

pjoa09

dopaminergic
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I don't get along with my ESFJ younger sister.
For some reason I never have the same relationship with my sister that some other people does, I often hear my friends are playing with their sibling, or having a heart to heart conversation, it never happened in my case. Just holding a casual conversation just seems so difficult, a lot of her characteristics just doesn't suit me, she's what you'd call a conformist, she's religious I'm not very, she likes small talk I despise it, our personality is as different as our MBTI type.

I'm surprised why even with a newly acquaintance I can still get along with them better, ie: hold a conversation, it maybe because that I never hold the facade of extroversion and agreeableness when I'm home, and it's this natural unadulterated INTP person that can't relate to her in a personal level.

I know I sound pretty stuck up, but I never dislike her, we fight a lot when we were kids but in our teens our relationship is just stale, I rarely talk to her beside the bare functional communication even though we live in the same house, My question is should someone get out of their own way to actively socialize with their sibling, I know having a consanguinity relation with someone constitute an obligation for their well being to a certain degree, but I wonder whether or not that extends to relationship harmoniousness.

Also do you guys face the same problem with your sibling?

You kinda learn to accept them and eventually you both become amused with each other. You don't wanna be surrounded by INTPs all your life. It's fun at first but then the the repetitive message starts making you suspicious on the very ideas you believed in. Even the idea of casting doubt can be casted in doubt.

Okay fuck wait.

Just treat your siblings and people who are different from you as just people who are different. Don't expect them to be like you. They are who they are. They are not like you. Thats why you feel special in the first place, which is alienating but also a source of pride. Observe them and exchange notes.

If you disagree, don't convince or argue, see if you have an investment in the outcome of a decision, if so, then find a way how the consequences of their decision doesn't affect your future. If it does, don't tolerate it. Tell them that they are invading your freedom. Your future is your future.

I have a batshit crazy family so I think I know something about this.
 

kittyfranklin

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I have a batshit crazy family so I think I know something about this.

Same.

I have a bunch of siblings, and I tended to get along with most of them (even if I was annoyed with them on the inside). When we were little we would get in fights over stupid stuff, but the older we get, the more we get along. I think everyone just realizes it's not worth fighting over every little thing. It's OK to disagree.

It's definitely about acceptance and agree to disagree. Pick your battles. Don't fight every single one. Figure out what's really important to you and, for the things that are really important to you, tell your sister in a calm rational way, when she is not in an overly emotional state, that it is important to you. If you start not fighting about every little thing, she will be more likely respect the few things you do ask for in the relationship. When I say "fight," I just mean "argue," or whatever a fight might look like between you and your sister.
 
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