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INTP in the office

fourtoed

Redshirt
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Hey everyone.

I am new to this forum and recently discovered (within the past 6 months) that i am INTP.....needless to say, explains a lot of the frustration i have been feeling when it comes to relating to other people. After 10 years in the architecture field, I was ready for a change of pace so took a position as a graphic designer for a consultant firm (really exchanging a bunch of architects for mbas). I am finding this transition to be a very difficult one. All the consultants are extroverts and like to eat lunch together every day and chat...... same time, same place, every day ...... well, i forced myself to do it for a couple of days thinking i could "get used" to it but nope, wasn't happening which in-turn led me to researching what the hell was wrong with me....turns out, INTP.....anyway, happy hour is a frequent occassion with my office but i rarely attend and recently a comment was made by one of the consultants that I think I am too good for everyone.....it really was said in a i am just joking (or am i?) manner...... my office is a very tight-knit group and i am feeling like i am really ostracizing myself and not really sure how to handle it.....thoughts?
 

Dissident

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Hello Fourtoed, welcome to the forum.

Yeah, those misunderstandings are quite frequent for us. I think the best way to work it out is trying to find your own way to show them you do belong to the group. Other way is maybe becoming friend with one or two of them so even if you don't show up for lunch or whatever you will have some allies inside that will defend or excuse you, as in:
A>"Seen john? Who does he think he is? He never shows up."
B>"He's weird."
C>" Nah, he's cool guy, he just doesn't like the noise."
A>"...Whatever."
:p

Sorry, I dont have much usefull advice really, I'd love to know how to deal with that kind of things myself. Stay tuned, wiser comments are comming...(not by me) :D
 

fourtoed

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that is good advice and i do have couple advocates in the office ...... mostly, it is comforting to run this senerio by people that do understand....based on life experience, i am led to believe there not many of us out there....thanks for you input:)
 

loveofreason

echoes through time
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Hey everyone.

I am new to this forum and recently discovered (within the past 6 months) that i am INTP.....needless to say, explains a lot of the frustration i have been feeling when it comes to relating to other people. After 10 years in the architecture field, I was ready for a change of pace so took a position as a graphic designer for a consultant firm (really exchanging a bunch of architects for mbas). I am finding this transition to be a very difficult one. All the consultants are extroverts and like to eat lunch together every day and chat...... same time, same place, every day ...... well, i forced myself to do it for a couple of days thinking i could "get used" to it but nope, wasn't happening which in-turn led me to researching what the hell was wrong with me....turns out, INTP.....anyway, happy hour is a frequent occassion with my office but i rarely attend and recently a comment was made by one of the consultants that I think I am too good for everyone.....it really was said in a i am just joking (or am i?) manner...... my office is a very tight-knit group and i am feeling like i am really ostracizing myself and not really sure how to handle it.....thoughts?

Brings back such bad memories of highschool...

How about becoming self-employed?

Welcome btw.
 

PreAlgebra

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...recently a comment was made by one of the consultants that I think I am too good for everyone.....it really was said in a i am just joking (or am i?) manner...... my office is a very tight-knit group and i am feeling like i am really ostracizing myself and not really sure how to handle it.....thoughts?

Thats a tuff one.

I have been accused of the same thing by class mates in college, and it has been the source of much frustration.

I think, this perception by others stems from a combination of coming off as self-confident or not being sensitive to social expectations, and not being able or having the need to relate to others. This combination, I think is what gives people the idea that, we think we are to good for everyone.

A way that I have dealt with this is trying to relate to as many members of a group on a individual level even if it seems trivial or shallow. For me, this makes each person easier to be around and maybe even easier for me to be in the group. If I still cant handle or dislike being in the group, at least each person in the group is aware that I have connected with them and the others, and that I am just uncomfortable in groups.

I hope that helps or at least adds new perspective.
 

Decaf

Professional Amateur
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A way that I have dealt with this is trying to relate to as many members of a group on a individual level even if it seems trivial or shallow. For me, this makes each person easier to be around and maybe even easier for me to be in the group. If I still cant handle or dislike being in the group, at least each person in the group is aware that I have connected with them and the others, and that I am just uncomfortable in groups.

Here here! ... or is it Hear hear?

...

Here Hear!
 

icywindow

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I think sometimes experience helps a lot in that regard. I've found doing something as mundane as getting drinks for other people helps me to relate to them in some means. I know personally, I'm not uncomfortable in groups, but I do do better in one-on-one or really small groups, unless we're debating, discussing, or brainstorming. That whole extraverted intuition thing, y'know? :)
 

soolka

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Oh, yes. I can relate. I made the mistake of actually getting my MBA and I ending up at the psychiatrist's office because the whole thing was so diffucult. What I did learn: most people will think you're pretty wonderful if you just listen to them. Now, my general experience is that the majority of MBAs are supreme BSers. But you may find a gem or two in the doo doo. But do try to have lunch with the gang once or twice a month for your own professional good.
 

Reverse Transcriptase

"you're a poet whether you like it or not"
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Oh, yes. I can relate. I made the mistake of actually getting my MBA and I ending up at the psychiatrist's office because the whole thing was so diffucult. What I did learn: most people will think you're pretty wonderful if you just listen to them. Now, my general experience is that the majority of MBAs are supreme BSers. But you may find a gem or two in the doo doo. But do try to have lunch with the gang once or twice a month for your own professional good.

Ooo! I plan on getting an MBA one day, could you tell us more about your MBA experience?
 
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Offices suck! Let's cut the crap for a second here. Sure, get to know people on an individual level, blah blah blah, but honestly? Do you really want to? Um, you can't relate. You're to shy to try, if you do try, it's trivial. People think you're too good for them? Yeah you probably are! (This is where I reign!)
@ Icywindow: Hey, I like the idea that if you're doing a coffee run, ask around; see who wants one- it's nice, it doesn't require conversation- or at least very little. But it breaks down the walls.
If every work function needs to turn into a frat party, you're above all that anyway, right? Just be you. It's tough to fit in, never mind adding office cliques into the mix. Just stick to what you do best. We are difficult people to be friends with, so small gestures can measure leaps and bounds with very little social interaction. You end up the nice, but quiet guy in the office... and isn't that really who you are?
 

soolka

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Offices suck! Let's cut the crap for a second here. Sure, get to know people on an individual level, blah blah blah, but honestly? Do you really want to? Um, you can't relate. You're to shy to try, if you do try, it's trivial. People think you're too good for them? Yeah you probably are! (This is where I reign!)
@ Icywindow: Hey, I like the idea that if you're doing a coffee run, ask around; see who wants one- it's nice, it doesn't require conversation- or at least very little. But it breaks down the walls.
If every work function needs to turn into a frat party, you're above all that anyway, right? Just be you. It's tough to fit in, never mind adding office cliques into the mix. Just stick to what you do best. We are difficult people to be friends with, so small gestures can measure leaps and bounds with very little social interaction.
I may be an INTP, but I'm not completely anti-social, and really, if you are in an office where you are expected to have some sort of interaction with humans, I advise against being as such. What I advocate is that a person can do these little things on his own terms so you're not viewed as a total c<#t by your workmates. You might even actually have FUN talking to people! gasp! The horrors! If you want to, if you will yourself to, you can move to be more extroverted. I have. There's your proof. When I was younger, I couldn't even answer the phone. And that's not an exaggeration. Now I actually organize office happy hours. Can you imagine?! But if you do have such a disdain for people as Ms I. appears to have, then I suppose you shouldn't bother leaving the house.

MBA school is great and horrible. Email me privately and let me know specifically what you are interested in and what you are doing currently with your career/studies.
 

INTPINFP

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I may be an INTP, but I'm not completely anti-social, and really, if you are in an office where you are expected to have some sort of interaction with humans, I advise against being as such. What I advocate is that a person can do these little things on his own terms so you're not viewed as a total c<#t by your workmates. You might even actually have FUN talking to people! gasp! The horrors! If you want to, if you will yourself to, you can move to be more extroverted. I have. There's your proof. When I was younger, I couldn't even answer the phone. And that's not an exaggeration. Now I actually organize office happy hours. Can you imagine?! But if you do have such a disdain for people as Ms I. appears to have, then I suppose you shouldn't bother leaving the house.

MBA school is great and horrible. Email me privately and let me know specifically what you are interested in and what you are doing currently with your career/studies.

i duno, you kinda scare me with your bad language. maybe being an extrovert isn't so great after all.
 

soolka

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i duno, you kinda scare me with your bad language. maybe being an extrovert isn't so great after all.
Never said it was great. You can put on the coat and take it off as soon as you like. INTPs just don't need to be around people to have self worth. But many people are entertaining.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms Independent
Offices suck! Let's cut the crap for a second here. Sure, get to know people on an individual level, blah blah blah, but honestly? Do you really want to? Um, you can't relate. You're to shy to try, if you do try, it's trivial. People think you're too good for them? Yeah you probably are! (This is where I reign!)
@ Icywindow: Hey, I like the idea that if you're doing a coffee run, ask around; see who wants one- it's nice, it doesn't require conversation- or at least very little. But it breaks down the walls.
If every work function needs to turn into a frat party, you're above all that anyway, right? Just be you. It's tough to fit in, never mind adding office cliques into the mix. Just stick to what you do best. We are difficult people to be friends with, so small gestures can measure leaps and bounds with very little social interaction.

Response to Ms Independent:
I may be an INTP, but I'm not completely anti-social, and really, if you are in an office where you are expected to have some sort of interaction with humans, I advise against being as such. What I advocate is that a person can do these little things on his own terms so you're not viewed as a total c<#t by your workmates. You might even actually have FUN talking to people! gasp! The horrors! If you want to, if you will yourself to, you can move to be more extroverted. I have. There's your proof. When I was younger, I couldn't even answer the phone. And that's not an exaggeration. Now I actually organize office happy hours. Can you imagine?! But if you do have such a disdain for people as Ms I. appears to have, then I suppose you shouldn't bother leaving the house.


Ms Independent writes:
Hit a nerve there, did I? I don't claim to be anti-social in fact, I'm pretty sure I agree with you. (And I've been called far worse than a C-U-Next -Tuesday)However, while I may never embrace humanity as a whole, I value my friends. Add to that that I'm not at work to make friends yet some of my closest friends were made at work.
 
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