INTP male / ENTJ female

[riyad]

What do you think of INTP / ENTJ relationship?

 

[kfm]

ESTJ or ENTJ shall be the "perfect" hit for an INTP, but I can't imagine living together with such a girlfriend (meh, kinda can't imagine relationship with any type lol).

Out of "Just Your Type":

ENTJ with INTP

The Joys

ENTJs and INTPs share two of the four type preferences and many of the same fundamental values
and motivations. They both have a natural drive for competence and a thirst for knowledge and
learning, and they are independent, freethinking people. Most ENTJs and INTPs find that the core of
their relationships is an intellectual connection. They enjoy discussions about a wide range of
subjects and share even radically different points of view with respect and intensity. Books, movies,
theater, and art often provide excellent fodder for their spirited and even heated debates. As long as
ENTJs resist being obstinate and INTPs avoid switching sides too often simply to "stir the pot," these
couples may enjoy great satisfaction.
ENTJs and INTPs often strive to create and maintain an equal partnership unbounded by society's
conventions or gender role limitations. Both are deeply interested in any kind of learning and are
open to trying new things. It's their differences, however, that are most frequently the source of their
initial attraction. ENTJs are attracted to INTPs' independence, great ideas, and calm and selfcontained
energy. INTPs are usually very accepting people, so ENTJs (especially female ENTJs)
may feel comfortable being the assertive and ambitious people they are. INTPs are often attracted to
ENTJs' strength, decisiveness, political savvy, and utter confidence.
ENTJ and INTP couples' differences give them the opportunity to grow and develop in important
ways. ENTJs help INTPs make more of their innovations a reality by encouraging them to follow
through on some of the many projects they start. ENTJs also help INTPs get out in the world, meet
new people, and become more socially confident. For their part, INTPs often help ENTJs slow down,
gather more information before making decisions, and relinquish some of their need to be in charge.
Together, they can help each other become more aware of the realities of life and more open and
vulnerable with each other.

The Frustrations

Typically, it is the everyday irritations caused by their differences that frustrate both ENTJs and
INTPs. Neither are particularly interested in or satisfied by mundane chores, so they may both avoid
necessary housework. Given their natural compulsion to complete projects and have things in order,
ENTJs are more likely to take on this workload, but their sense of fairness will eventually force them
to point out the inequity. ENTJs also become annoyed when their INTP partners lose interest in a task
as soon as the creative challenge is over. INTPs rarely have the same zeal for finishing projects as
they have for starting them. And most INTPs are so relaxed about meeting deadlines that they often act
quite irresponsibly. On the other hand, ENTJs typically have such extremely high standards for how
things ought to be done that they can be too demanding and rigid.
Another area of frustration for ENTJs and INTPs is their different social needs. ENTJs are
usually much more active and enjoy the stimulation and energy they get from other people, travel, and
varied experiences. INTPs want and need much more privacy and uninterrupted time alone to think
and work on projects that interest them. As long as ENTJs and INTPs have adequate time to enjoy
mutually interesting activities and to pursue their own interests, they can be quite content living fairly
independent lives.
Although ENTJs and INTPs are usually very supportive of each other's career aspirations, they
are also naturally competitive and may debate issues past the point where it is fun. It may be hard for
them to admit they're wrong, so what starts as an intellectual exercise may become unpleasant when
neither partner feels safe enough to surrender. Because ENTJs and INTPs are usually so
uncomfortable being vulnerable, they tend to avoid getting into the scary emotional territory that can
help them grow and deepen their trust in each other. They need to be willing to tackle life's problems
together rather than always dealing with them separately.

How to Reach Your INTP Partner

- Give your partner plenty of space and time to think things through without interruption. Respect your mate's need to become immersed in his or her projects.
- Allow your partner to work on tasks alone without comment or even the physical proximity of another person.
Encourage your partner's need for independence, and don't hover. INTPs need lots of privacy and the freedom to come and go as they please.
- Try not to force decisions. Give your partner the chance to mull things over and carefully consider issues.
- Talk less but be willing to discuss things when your partner wants to talk. Try waiting for a quiet time, then gently ask for your partner's opinion.
- Choose your battles carefully. Your partner is much more likely to come out and share if the atmosphere isn't too intense.

How to Reach Your ENTJ Partner

- Initiate discussions, physical intimacy, household chores, and activities of all sorts.
- Try to participate in activities and social events that are important to your partner.
- Share what you're thinking, feeling, and want. Remember, it's really important to your partner to have regular discussions of substance, depth, and importance.
- Ask your partner's advice and invite his or her input and opinions.
- Try to be patient with your partner's slower adaptation time. Give him or her as much notice of a change in plans as possible.
- Try to be prompt. Strive to finish more of the projects you start.

 

[100percententjfemale]

so, I might be able to help here a bit, although that post with kfm is actually spot on.

I am a 100% archetypal ENTJ woman, and the man I'm dating is a 100% archetypal INTP.

Since I'm not sure on which end you are, I'm going to share mostly from my perspective.

I absolutely adore being with an INTP man. Having been a pretty, okay, fine, VERY 'alpha' female my whole life (in terms of my thought processes & actions), dating was always SUCH a difficult thing.

Attracting men was never the hard part- I am a slender 5'7 woman with the ability to color coordinate and put make up on- but it was maintaining INTEREST in these men that was hardest.

Since ENTJ women often have VERY fiery personalities, overwhelming to a point where we're like these fireballs of energy that literally set fire to everything we touch (because we are so intense about all the things we do), most men we meet are at first delighted, cus we're rational, we don't get too feely, we get those man-emotions, and we strategize how to get the men, and we have the discipline to play the seduction game - (I know I make it sound like we are manipulative femme fatales, but it's more to highlight that ENTJ women are not at all irrational in love- quite the opposite, which is often SEEN as manipulative and heartless).

So at first it's all good. I'm happy, he's happy. and then a few weeks in, here's when it starts to go bad. Whilst your intensity levels are ALWAYS this high, and you can literally keep burning on sheer willpower as an entj, all other personality types start to burn out and wilt. yes even the men. All the men I've been with take two paths- they either start to burn out & wilt (which in my eyes is just plain incompetence) or, they start to get insecure with my independence, and start to try and lock me down.

Bad, BAD IDEA with an ENTJ female. LOL Gilded cage much? PEACE OUT.

Then I meet this INTP man. On our first date, i think he's a narcissistic, self absorbed prick. I ask him a MILLION questions, i'm SUPER RESPONSIVE, and he literally.. just... sits...there.....

Hes not boring, SUPER interesting in fact, which is the only reason why I keep seeing him. Somehow... eventually... we get together. To this day, I'm not sure what it was- I was about to have a conversation with him about not seeing each other anymore because I wasn't serious.. but I guess this is when the crucial things start happening.

the INTP man firstly, is A HUGE CHALLENGE TO AN ENTJ WOMAN. you guys are like puzzles that drive us insane but we also LOVE IT because it's challenging and we're not able to analyze you guys and figure you all out in iike 5 minutes flat.

You guys have these deeply complex internal worlds, and it's so wonderful always being able to have something new to satisfy the curious entj female.

Secondly - you guys are SLOWWWWWWWWW ass responders. As an ENTJ, i LOVE efficiency, which is both my blessing and weakness. ENTJs also love to take control of the situation around them, trying to always be a step ahead by manipulation (not malicious), coercion, persuasion.. basically just tampering to try and hurry things along.

whilst other personality types WILL eventually bend and submit to your will, the INTP REFUSES TO BUDGE.

This is REALLY good for both of us. Because this has definitely forced me to SLOW DOWN and really think, analyze and calm down before I go make any hot headed decisions, in all aspects of my life. I also get to push him into articulating his feelings & emotions, want etc, which is something that i know he usually wouldn't do for anyone else. (I also give him lots of encouragement to actually FINISH his projects.... nothing drives an ENTJ more crazy than unfinished business....)

I can't tell you how much I appreciate that! It is SO important for ENTJs to learn how to become more self aware and see slowing down as a good thing, so as much as I want to tear my hair out sometimes with my INTP's slowness, I'm learning to slowly give him his space to think, and TRUST that he'll get back to me.

Thirdly- INTPs have this resilience that ENTJs will really appreciate. well..actually I'm not sure about that. I used to think that my INTP was this wall with no emotions behind.. but now I'm starting to thinl.. he's just really stoic on the outside.. but he's SECRETLY SUCH A CUDDLY TEDDY BEAR INSIDE. I think he's got more feels and emotions than I do internally, and he's actually SO MUCH KINDER than I am.

LIke I would definitely run you over with a bus if I needed to get something done (nothing personal you were just in the way), but he would take like 10 hours to see if he could figure out another route just to make sure he didnt bother you. (even though YOU were clearly the one in the way, standing in the middle of the road blocking it)

I guess then, it's more, I've learned to love the cuddly interior of my INTP so much, because its a really rare side of him, and when he does share it with me I know it's really real and genuine.

Fourthly- I get to be a woman in this relationship! FINALLY! yay! I finally get to the one being like, hey hey hey, what you up to? What you doing? Can i see you? I miss you! I just realllllyyyy like you!!!! LETTT MEEE LOVEE YOUUUU!

Usually as en ENTJ female you're already juggling a million projects beyond school/work so your partner better be VERY independent and doing a million things himself.

basically I kind of like scaring my INTP with my intense overwhelming personality and it's almost like hugging a cat. they kinda act like they want to run away and then they scratch you a bit and resist a tad (just for their pride) and then after they're just as snuggly cus you know they secretly have lots of love they feel and want to give to.

Finally- I love my INTP man because HE IS A MATCH FOR ME. Entjs are used to being super quick, cutting, very very sharp with words, and if we want to win something, YOU DAMN BET WE WILL WIN.

and usually we do! we get a bit arrogant, because usually we have it all our way.

Not with our darling INTP men though. The intp man is NOT intimidated by you, he does NOT get super emotional with you and escalates things when you are literally losing it, he is CALM AS FUCK (as you are losing your head) and he will damn well put you, entj female, in your place.

That's kinda hot.

because usually you're told you would be a great dominatrix, and now you've finally met your match, and you respect that. I think ENTJs see relationships as a bit of a power struggle- we're like to flex and assert our dominance not because we WANT to dominate you, we just do it because a) we can, b) we want you to show us that you're not scared and you'll stand your ground, which means more important- you'd be an equal.

So anyways though- all the problems that were highlighted above- yes, yes, yes they happen. They are REALLY hard to work on- because sometimes it just seems like you both are not even operating on the same universe (ENTJ and INTP have opposite function stacks), but if you've got two self aware and hopefully willing to grow individuals, then I think you've got one of the best partnerships the MBTI can offer

xx sorry for the essay, but hope this helped!

 

[Brontosaurie]

Wolf pwned by tortoise

 

[onesteptwostep]

Wow, the ENTJness just bleeds through the page.

 

[100percententjfemale]

haha, so sorry! we need disclaimers on our foreheads that say we are overwhelming (and possibly perceived as crazy)

 

[riyad]

That was an Awesome reply! Thank you!

 

[Yellow]

I dunno wby, but it suddenly dawned on me that this pairing would probably result in a bit of sulking and muttering on the INTP's part, increasingly so as the relationship progresses and the INTP becomes less and less willing to fight every battle.

 

[Sinny91]

Then I meet this INTP man. On our first date, i think he's a narcissistic, self absorbed prick. I ask him a MILLION questions, i'm SUPER RESPONSIVE, and he literally.. just... sits...there.....

Hes not boring, SUPER interesting in fact, which is the only reason why I keep seeing him. Somehow... eventually... we get together. To this day, I'm not sure what it was- I was about to have a conversation with him about not seeing each other anymore because I wasn't serious.. but I guess this is when the crucial things start happening.

the INTP man firstly, is A HUGE CHALLENGE TO AN ENTJ WOMAN. you guys are like puzzles that drive us insane but we also LOVE IT because it's challenging and we're not able to analyze you guys and figure you all out in iike 5 minutes flat.

You guys have these deeply complex internal worlds, and it's so wonderful always being able to have something new to satisfy the curious entj female.

Secondly - you guys are SLOWWWWWWWWW ass responders. As an ENTJ, i LOVE efficiency, which is both my blessing and weakness. ENTJs also love to take control of the situation around them, trying to always be a step ahead by manipulation (not malicious), coercion, persuasion.. basically just tampering to try and hurry things along.

whilst other personality types WILL eventually bend and submit to your will, the INTP REFUSES TO BUDGE.

This is REALLY good for both of us. Because this has definitely forced me to SLOW DOWN and really think, analyze and calm down before I go make any hot headed decisions, in all aspects of my life. I also get to push him into articulating his feelings & emotions, want etc, which is something that i know he usually wouldn't do for anyone else. (I also give him lots of encouragement to actually FINISH his projects.... nothing drives an ENTJ more crazy than unfinished business....)

I can't tell you how much I appreciate that! It is SO important for ENTJs to learn how to become more self aware and see slowing down as a good thing, so as much as I want to tear my hair out sometimes with my INTP's slowness, I'm learning to slowly give him his space to think, and TRUST that he'll get back to me.

Thirdly- INTPs have this resilience that ENTJs will really appreciate. well..actually I'm not sure about that. I used to think that my INTP was this wall with no emotions behind.. but now I'm starting to thinl.. he's just really stoic on the outside.. but he's SECRETLY SUCH A CUDDLY TEDDY BEAR INSIDE. I think he's got more feels and emotions than I do internally, and he's actually SO MUCH KINDER than I am.

LIke I would definitely run you over with a bus if I needed to get something done (nothing personal you were just in the way), (LOL) but he would take like 10 hours to see if he could figure out another route just to make sure he didnt bother you. (even though YOU were clearly the one in the way, standing in the middle of the road blocking it)

I guess then, it's more, I've learned to love the cuddly interior of my INTP so much, because its a really rare side of him, and when he does share it with me I know it's really real and genuine.

Fourthly- I get to be a woman in this relationship! FINALLY! yay! I finally get to the one being like, hey hey hey, what you up to? What you doing? Can i see you? I miss you! I just realllllyyyy like you!!!! LETTT MEEE LOVEE YOUUUU! (LOOL)

Usually as en ENTJ female you're already juggling a million projects beyond school/work so your partner better be VERY independent and doing a million things himself.

basically I kind of like scaring my INTP with my intense overwhelming personality and it's almost like hugging a cat. they kinda act like they want to run away and then they scratch you a bit and resist a tad (just for their pride) and then after they're just as snuggly cus you know they secretly have lots of love they feel and want to give to.

Finally- I love my INTP man because HE IS A MATCH FOR ME. Entjs are used to being super quick, cutting, very very sharp with words, and if we want to win something, YOU DAMN BET WE WILL WIN.

and usually we do! we get a bit arrogant, because usually we have it all our way.

Not with our darling INTP men though. The intp man is NOT intimidated by you, he does NOT get super emotional with you and escalates things when you are literally losing it, he is CALM AS FUCK (as you are losing your head) and he will damn well put you, entj female, in your place.

That's kinda hot.

because usually you're told you would be a great dominatrix, and now you've finally met your match, and you respect that. I think ENTJs see relationships as a bit of a power struggle- we're like to flex and assert our dominance not because we WANT to dominate you, we just do it because a) we can, b) we want you to show us that you're not scared and you'll stand your ground, which means more important- you'd be an equal.

So anyways though- all the problems that were highlighted above- yes, yes, yes they happen. They are REALLY hard to work on- because sometimes it just seems like you both are not even operating on the same universe (ENTJ and INTP have opposite function stacks), but if you've got two self aware and hopefully willing to grow individuals, then I think you've got one of the best partnerships the MBTI can offer

xx sorry for the essay, but hope this helped!

Hahaha, you are fooking hilarious. You've convinced me, I'm going to add ENTJ to my list of potentials.

 

[100percententjfemale]

Actually, not really. Quite the opposite. I guess my INTP is a bit more developed, but actually he has become more . vocal about voicing what is acceptable to him and what is not (lest I take his silence as tacit consent), and I've actually learned to sulk and mutter as a way to let him know I'm displeased hahaha ok by sulking and muttering more like, instead of blowing up or rambling on about something, I just clam up and refuse to engage.

Which I think is even more alarming to an intp. Because if there's anything scarier than a loud ENTJ, it's a dead quiet ENTJ. Cus u have no idea what theyre plotting inside mwahahah

 

[100percententjfemale]

Hahaha, you are fooking hilarious. You've convinced me, I'm going to add ENTJ to my list of potentials.

Hahaha great! Now good luck finding us!

 

[Sinny91]

I'm going to have a nose at the ENTJ forums...
ETA: There are none- cept Perc, how boring.

By any chance are you 8w7?

 

[Arrow]

In theory this is one of the stronger pairings, but I did an INTP female (myself)/ ENTJ male romantic pairing for a while, and we slowly drove each other crazy because we were too alike. Great friends, and we probably should have stayed that way, but horrible lovers. Couple things that were good/bad:

Good -

• Both had active interest in academic topics, and could keep up with each other intellectually.
• Grocked each other's need for truth, even if unpleasant
• Genuine conflicts resolved in a practical way - we were both more interested in solving the problem than attacking each other

Bad -

• Both stubborn as hell when viewed to be right/accurate

• Constant criticism from INTP (way of expressing interest/value) wore on ENTJ, who looks for praise as proof of partner's devotion
• Different "alone" styles - ENTJ wants to be alone together, much of the time, while INTP wants to be alone alone
• ENTJ is fast processor, and INTP is deep processor; ENTJ jumps on projects while ideas are still half-formed, while INTP hesitates and looks at things from every angle, making sure to understand the situation before wading in to accurately engage (at which point, ENTJ has already lost interest and is on to another project)

As I said, stuff that was specific to my experience, but things that made much more sense having sorted out our MBTI types. If the ENTJ can value the INTP as an equal, and the INTP can respect ENTJ's sometimes brazen way of doing things, it could end up being fantastic. Just depends on the people. Hope that's helpful. http://intpforum.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/http://intpforum.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/http://intpforum.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[goldenboy]

I know three ENTJ females. I could only see myself tolerating living with one of them. And she is my cousin so I have known her my whole life lol. The thing is they hate being questioned. They see any question as a sign of "insubordination" and then set out to utterly destroy you. It gets old. I really like my INFJ. Sure, sometimes she is emotionally needy, but she is really down to earth and I love that.

 

[100percententjfemale]

I haven't done too much in enneagram testing but I think it was either a 3 or 8, or both haha

 

[100percententjfemale]

In theory this is one of the stronger pairings, but I did an INTP female (myself)/ ENTJ male romantic pairing for a while, and we slowly drove each other crazy because we were too alike. Great friends, and we probably should have stayed that way, but horrible lovers. Couple things that were good/bad:

Good -

• Both had active interest in academic topics, and could keep up with each other intellectually.
• Grocked each other's need for truth, even if unpleasant
• Genuine conflicts resolved in a practical way - we were both more interested in solving the problem than attacking each other

Bad -

• Both stubborn as hell when viewed to be right/accurate

• Constant criticism from INTP (way of expressing interest/value) wore on ENTJ, who looks for praise as proof of partner's devotion
• Different "alone" styles - ENTJ wants to be alone together, much of the time, while INTP wants to be alone alone
• ENTJ is fast processor, and INTP is deep processor; ENTJ jumps on projects while ideas are still half-formed, while INTP hesitates and looks at things from every angle, making sure to understand the situation before wading in to accurately engage (at which point, ENTJ has already lost interest and is on to another project)

As I said, stuff that was specific to my experience, but things that made much more sense having sorted out our MBTI types. If the ENTJ can value the INTP as an equal, and the INTP can respect ENTJ's sometimes brazen way of doing things, it could end up being fantastic. Just depends on the people. Hope that's helpful. http://intpforum.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/http://intpforum.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/http://intpforum.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

Absolutely ! The fast processing and deep processor was definitely something we had to work on. Here were times when I just blew up in a moments notice and starting spewing things that might have been quite hurtful and didn't mean just because I was feeling vulnerable emotionally. Entjs are also not very good with expressing. Emotion and so when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable emotionally too and don't get the response we want (which is usually more intuitive in feeler types) we tend to lash out as a way of covering up our vulnerability.

I think at this point we are both more developed types, and so we are able to recognize our differences and not only ACCEPT them, but love the differences for that is what makes us such good complements.

I am sorry to hear you showing interest came out as criticism to the entj..we are also so used to being right that we hate being told we are wrong ... Perhaps you were a lot younger then?

 

[Sinny91]

I haven't done too much in enneagram testing but I think it was either a 3 or 8, or both haha

Hmm, I was talking to an ENTJ the other week who said she had some model of enneagram in which she is 3w4 & 8.

My current understanding is that you are one or the other... I need to revisit that person and that topic .

 

[OmoInisa]

Hmm, I was talking to an ENTJ the other week who said she had some model of enneagram in which she is 3w4 & 8.

My current understanding is that you are one or the other... I need to revisit that person and that topic .

She might have been talking about something related to tritype. 8-5-3 is a prototypical entj tritype.
An entj with both 8 and 3 missing from their tritype is highly likely to have been mistyped in enneagram, mbti or both. Likewise an ixxp with both 8 and 3 present in their tritype.

 

[HDINTP]

Would say it is ideal match fallowed of course by ESTJ. Could not imagine better girlfriend though my parents do not like it... meh

 

[OmoInisa]

Would say it is ideal match fallowed of course by ESTJ. Could not imagine better girlfriend though my parents do not like it... meh

What makes an ETJ ideal for you?

 

[HDINTP]

What makes an ETJ ideal for you?

Well they manage to get me out of my head to adequately react on external world/human stimui.

2) They organise external world so well something I often fail to

3) They have no problem (do not feel emotionally hurt) when I am/the are direct in communication are honest. Works for both of us

4) I find myself much more active when I am around such a female (part of it of course is solely that she is a female but other part is ETJ (especially ENTJ)

5) They demand conscientiousness and responsibility strongly

6) *(am not sure if this has something to do with type specifically) - The one's I have had do not go far for a punch - at times seems like soldier in action which works well for me + I find it incredibly attractive in females

Feel free to ask more - maybe concrete questions if you want to...?

 

[PaulMaster]

6) *(am not sure if this has something to do with type specifically) - The one's I have had do not go far for a punch - at times seems like soldier in action which works well for me + I find it incredibly attractive in females

What does this mean?

 

[HDINTP]

What does this mean?

Now maybe my english is a problem not sure but what I did mean by that is that I like women who are able to stand for tham selves even in physical combat when needed.

PS: Does not hesitate to use punches is maybe more accurate phrase...?

 

[PaulMaster]

Now maybe my english is a problem not sure but what I did mean by that is that I like women who are able to stand for tham selves even in physical combat when needed.

PS: Does not hesitate to use punches is maybe more accurate phrase...?

Gotcha - badass chicks are badass.

You might be looking for "doesnt pull any punches".

 

[deltamind106]

My GF is an ENTJ, and I'm an INTP. She's a control freak in the overwhelming majority of situations in her life-- her career is being educational administrator.

We have a D/s relationship, and I am the dom and she is the sub. When she freaks out over some life situation, I'm calm as shit. When she tries to manipulate me, she can't pull the wool over my eyes because I won't let her. She finds me to be a challenge, and one of the secrets to our success is to not budge when she throws a temper tantrum over not getting her way.

In the end, everyone wins with this arrangement, as long as everyone can stand the heat. She gets to release her grip on control, I (we) get awesome sex whenever I want!

 

[Rainer]

ENTJs are usually people whom I'd aspire to be, who I find really interesting and stimulating and tend to be attracted to. I think dating an ENTJ would make my life miserable because I'd be full of self-hatred for not being as capable or ambitious as the ENTJ. Most ENTJs would also label me a loser. It's always a sad thing for me to know an ENTJ, because they eventually find out that I'm truly, deeply, philosophically, a loser. As in, I don't care about accomplishment, I just want to be free to plunk away on a piano and solve the day's problems that are sufficient thereof, in the company of good people.

It's hard enough with my quite levelheaded INxJ girlfriend. She's always doing amazing things that I could never do, and I wonder why she sticks it out with me. It's abundantly clear in social situations that people think she's amazing, and find it incomprehensible that she's with a socially challenged person like me. Hell, I told her when we started dating that she'd soon find I was not nearly as capable as she. She didn't listen. I try hard to take care of her and meet her needs, so I hope that counts for something. She seems to like me well enough! I figure it might actually end up to be a similar situation if I were dating an ENTJ.

 

[100percententjfemale]

My GF is an ENTJ, and I'm an INTP. She's a control freak in the overwhelming majority of situations in her life-- her career is being educational administrator.

We have a D/s relationship, and I am the dom and she is the sub. When she freaks out over some life situation, I'm calm as shit. When she tries to manipulate me, she can't pull the wool over my eyes because I won't let her. She finds me to be a challenge, and one of the secrets to our success is to not budge when she throws a temper tantrum over not getting her way.

In the end, everyone wins with this arrangement, as long as everyone can stand the heat. She gets to release her grip on control, I (we) get awesome sex whenever I want!

HAHHAH that's exactly what it is. 100%. you nailed it. The secret is definitely to be CALM AS FUCK when the ENTJ is losing their shit. because most likely we're just angry that the world didn't work the way we thought it should

 

[Muchacho]

I'm totally new in this area.

But 100percententjfemale, your description of your relationship fits 100% to mine (I'm an ENTP man with a ENTJ woman).
It's kind of disturbing, intersting and really funny.

Thanks a lot for sharing this essay.

 

[ENTP lurker]

If we go with socionica that is an extinguishment relation.
OK at first but later you begin to shoot each other down.

I mean I have this habit with INTJs fine at first contact but then everything goes downhill very quickly.
Me: Look there is a more efficient way.
INTJ: **drools**

much later

Me: What about this?
INTJ: This is not directly related the task at hand, moron.
Me: Help me Jebus with this narrow-mindedness!

Example:
ENTJ has the inner drive climb up the latter and INTP would probably see that kind of ambition as stupid or doing it with wrong methods.

 

[deathvirtuoso]

Eh I'm not too sure, but from my personal experience (as friends only though), it was hell. She mentioned several times that our types "are made for each other". She really adored the idea of our types being suitable for each other. She constantly talked about how we were different from others because we were "intellectuals" etc.

Very arrogant, and she liked that fact a little too much.
Extremely condescending towards others.
Kinda clingy, or maybe I was just too antisocial.
Too prideful? She got mad that I had quite a lot of friends while all her "friends" left her one by one. I'm pretty darn sure they just got sick of putting up with her.

But that's just me. I'm sure it worked well for others. But as for me, I doubt I want any ExTJ females near me. She used to be ESTJ btw, not sure why or how she suddenly became an N. She took the test herself, and told me her type.

 

[Nofriends]

It is funny that you are asking this, seeing as today my huge crush on my 25-year-old ENTJ female teacher ended.
While this may be universalizable, I found ENTJ women like men who are independent, attractive, confident, somewhat ambitious and intelligible.
Sorry if I am being overly vague, this is just my general perception.

 

[Saywhatnow]

so, I might be able to help here a bit, although that post with kfm is actually spot on.

I am a 100% archetypal ENTJ woman, and the man I'm dating is a 100% archetypal INTP.

Since I'm not sure on which end you are, I'm going to share mostly from my perspective.

I absolutely adore being with an INTP man. Having been a pretty, okay, fine, VERY 'alpha' female my whole life (in terms of my thought processes & actions), dating was always SUCH a difficult thing.

Attracting men was never the hard part- I am a slender 5'7 woman with the ability to color coordinate and put make up on- but it was maintaining INTEREST in these men that was hardest.

Since ENTJ women often have VERY fiery personalities, overwhelming to a point where we're like these fireballs of energy that literally set fire to everything we touch (because we are so intense about all the things we do), most men we meet are at first delighted, cus we're rational, we don't get too feely, we get those man-emotions, and we strategize how to get the men, and we have the discipline to play the seduction game - (I know I make it sound like we are manipulative femme fatales, but it's more to highlight that ENTJ women are not at all irrational in love- quite the opposite, which is often SEEN as manipulative and heartless).

So at first it's all good. I'm happy, he's happy. and then a few weeks in, here's when it starts to go bad. Whilst your intensity levels are ALWAYS this high, and you can literally keep burning on sheer willpower as an entj, all other personality types start to burn out and wilt. yes even the men. All the men I've been with take two paths- they either start to burn out & wilt (which in my eyes is just plain incompetence) or, they start to get insecure with my independence, and start to try and lock me down.

Bad, BAD IDEA with an ENTJ female. LOL Gilded cage much? PEACE OUT.

Then I meet this INTP man. On our first date, i think he's a narcissistic, self absorbed prick. I ask him a MILLION questions, i'm SUPER RESPONSIVE, and he literally.. just... sits...there.....

Hes not boring, SUPER interesting in fact, which is the only reason why I keep seeing him. Somehow... eventually... we get together. To this day, I'm not sure what it was- I was about to have a conversation with him about not seeing each other anymore because I wasn't serious.. but I guess this is when the crucial things start happening.

the INTP man firstly, is A HUGE CHALLENGE TO AN ENTJ WOMAN. you guys are like puzzles that drive us insane but we also LOVE IT because it's challenging and we're not able to analyze you guys and figure you all out in iike 5 minutes flat.

You guys have these deeply complex internal worlds, and it's so wonderful always being able to have something new to satisfy the curious entj female.

Secondly - you guys are SLOWWWWWWWWW ass responders. As an ENTJ, i LOVE efficiency, which is both my blessing and weakness. ENTJs also love to take control of the situation around them, trying to always be a step ahead by manipulation (not malicious), coercion, persuasion.. basically just tampering to try and hurry things along.

whilst other personality types WILL eventually bend and submit to your will, the INTP REFUSES TO BUDGE.

This is REALLY good for both of us. Because this has definitely forced me to SLOW DOWN and really think, analyze and calm down before I go make any hot headed decisions, in all aspects of my life. I also get to push him into articulating his feelings & emotions, want etc, which is something that i know he usually wouldn't do for anyone else. (I also give him lots of encouragement to actually FINISH his projects.... nothing drives an ENTJ more crazy than unfinished business....)

I can't tell you how much I appreciate that! It is SO important for ENTJs to learn how to become more self aware and see slowing down as a good thing, so as much as I want to tear my hair out sometimes with my INTP's slowness, I'm learning to slowly give him his space to think, and TRUST that he'll get back to me.

Thirdly- INTPs have this resilience that ENTJs will really appreciate. well..actually I'm not sure about that. I used to think that my INTP was this wall with no emotions behind.. but now I'm starting to thinl.. he's just really stoic on the outside.. but he's SECRETLY SUCH A CUDDLY TEDDY BEAR INSIDE. I think he's got more feels and emotions than I do internally, and he's actually SO MUCH KINDER than I am.

LIke I would definitely run you over with a bus if I needed to get something done (nothing personal you were just in the way), but he would take like 10 hours to see if he could figure out another route just to make sure he didnt bother you. (even though YOU were clearly the one in the way, standing in the middle of the road blocking it)

I guess then, it's more, I've learned to love the cuddly interior of my INTP so much, because its a really rare side of him, and when he does share it with me I know it's really real and genuine.

Fourthly- I get to be a woman in this relationship! FINALLY! yay! I finally get to the one being like, hey hey hey, what you up to? What you doing? Can i see you? I miss you! I just realllllyyyy like you!!!! LETTT MEEE LOVEE YOUUUU!

Usually as en ENTJ female you're already juggling a million projects beyond school/work so your partner better be VERY independent and doing a million things himself.

basically I kind of like scaring my INTP with my intense overwhelming personality and it's almost like hugging a cat. they kinda act like they want to run away and then they scratch you a bit and resist a tad (just for their pride) and then after they're just as snuggly cus you know they secretly have lots of love they feel and want to give to.

Finally- I love my INTP man because HE IS A MATCH FOR ME. Entjs are used to being super quick, cutting, very very sharp with words, and if we want to win something, YOU DAMN BET WE WILL WIN.

and usually we do! we get a bit arrogant, because usually we have it all our way.

Not with our darling INTP men though. The intp man is NOT intimidated by you, he does NOT get super emotional with you and escalates things when you are literally losing it, he is CALM AS FUCK (as you are losing your head) and he will damn well put you, entj female, in your place.

That's kinda hot.

because usually you're told you would be a great dominatrix, and now you've finally met your match, and you respect that. I think ENTJs see relationships as a bit of a power struggle- we're like to flex and assert our dominance not because we WANT to dominate you, we just do it because a) we can, b) we want you to show us that you're not scared and you'll stand your ground, which means more important- you'd be an equal.

So anyways though- all the problems that were highlighted above- yes, yes, yes they happen. They are REALLY hard to work on- because sometimes it just seems like you both are not even operating on the same universe (ENTJ and INTP have opposite function stacks), but if you've got two self aware and hopefully willing to grow individuals, then I think you've got one of the best partnerships the MBTI can offer

xx sorry for the essay, but hope this helped!

What is an ENTJ female doing on an INTP forum? Looks like you know where to find your ideal match.