kvothe27
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I'm currently reading The Adjusted American: Normal Neuroses In the Individual And Society, and one of its contentions is that love is a neurosis. Their contention is that "American marriages are unstable because Americans marry for love." I'm going to quote some passages, hopefully to generate some discussion. Given our tendency in the West to glorify love, I find the authors' contention especially fascinating. I'm curious as to what you intelligent folk might think of it. As far as I can tell, it seems spot on, but I lack experience in such things nor have I given it much study beyond this.
Firstly, love is viewed by them much as hate is -- that is -- love is generated, in part, by an alienated aspect of the self projected onto someone else.
They advise against the concept of love full of equivocations among definitions for that term(mature love, romantic love, young love, etc.), instead defining it as the following.
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/205973.php
However, they caution elsewhere that, while love may be fun (due to its resultant feelings, "Yet at best love is a temporary euphoria"), it is not a stable basis on which to base marriage. In this case, I wonder about the direction of causality. Does the cocaine-like high lead to an increase in the tendency to project, or the other way around? Do they happen together by strengthening each other (I'm being a bit lazy here, but I'll probably add to it later)?
Moreover . . .
A Neurosis is a non-organic barrier to need satisfaction. People "love" those on whom they hang those beloved alienated projections. Projections induce a neurosis when it presents a barrier to need satisfaction. When a person is viewed as the sum of projections the need for intimate association, at least via the marriage, is blocked. When a need is blocked, tension rises, and then fighting, adultery, etc., ensues.
I posted a different article about love being similar to the effects of cocaine on a different forum and some of the members became really inflammatory about it. I'm not sure what to expect here.
How might we integrate such a thing into the MBTI? It certainly seems to fit with studies that indicate that the types are actually often better off not marrying their opposites, despite the attraction.
What do you think? Is all this bunk? If you think so, with what model would you suggest it be replaced and why? What are your personal experiences on the matter? To what conclusions have your personal studies lead in regards to this subject?
Firstly, love is viewed by them much as hate is -- that is -- love is generated, in part, by an alienated aspect of the self projected onto someone else.
And so opposites attract. . .Men love much as they hate; the mechanism of the one emotion is an inversion of the other. When a person alienates from himself some quality or potential which he despises, he projects it onto someone else, where he hates it. Conversely, when he alienates some quality or potential which would like to experience in himself but does not, he projects it onto someone else, where he loves it. The people he loves, like those he hates, are merely convenient targets for his projections.
They advise against the concept of love full of equivocations among definitions for that term(mature love, romantic love, young love, etc.), instead defining it as the following.
In this sense, they seem to be elevating a nurture explanation over a natural one. I've read some studies indicating that love is chemically similar in the brain as the effects of cocaine. A quick, lazy search:For the sake of clarity, we have restricted the word love to that attraction which based on the projection of alienated but desired characteristics. Such projection leads to an intense desire to be with the person on whom the projections are hung, to exhilaration when he is present, to depression when he is absent, to possessive jealousy, Our usage is thus consistent with the kind of feeling an American usually has in mind when he says, "I love you."
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/205973.php
However, they caution elsewhere that, while love may be fun (due to its resultant feelings, "Yet at best love is a temporary euphoria"), it is not a stable basis on which to base marriage. In this case, I wonder about the direction of causality. Does the cocaine-like high lead to an increase in the tendency to project, or the other way around? Do they happen together by strengthening each other (I'm being a bit lazy here, but I'll probably add to it later)?
Moreover . . .
In any case, marriage often fails if based entirely on love because familiarity provides cracks in the projections. Instead of trying to create a bond by which both parties can be happy through intimate association whereby each individual mirrors each other for self-growth (think of an intimate/candid friendship), couples in marriages become more concerned with whether they love each other. Since love is a fleeting emotion, American marriages tend to fail. Indeed, love wasn't the original basis for marriage, but here I'm obviously not saying earlier bases were necessarily better.It may be that the phrase "mature love" is sometimes intended to convey the idea of this kind of relationship, but if so the usage is misleading, for it implies that the so-called "mature love" is a natural outgrowth of romantic love. This is hardly the case, for love leads in the opposite direction. It is no accident that the greatest tales of love end with the death of the lovers; there is simply no other plausible ending that would not conflict with the myth of love. Love may form the basis for a charming weekend, but it is an unstable foundation for marriage.
A Neurosis is a non-organic barrier to need satisfaction. People "love" those on whom they hang those beloved alienated projections. Projections induce a neurosis when it presents a barrier to need satisfaction. When a person is viewed as the sum of projections the need for intimate association, at least via the marriage, is blocked. When a need is blocked, tension rises, and then fighting, adultery, etc., ensues.
I posted a different article about love being similar to the effects of cocaine on a different forum and some of the members became really inflammatory about it. I'm not sure what to expect here.
How might we integrate such a thing into the MBTI? It certainly seems to fit with studies that indicate that the types are actually often better off not marrying their opposites, despite the attraction.
What do you think? Is all this bunk? If you think so, with what model would you suggest it be replaced and why? What are your personal experiences on the matter? To what conclusions have your personal studies lead in regards to this subject?