In a recent thread there was a discussion about the hypothesis that modern marriage is failing because of Disney-movie-like expectations of love and eternal feelings of lust and infatuation...when in reality most marriage was much more practical in the past to the point where it could be compared to a business transaction.
Most of my shorter relationships and attractions have been to ENFPs or suspected ENFPs. I think I was drawn to them because they had things I lacked in myself and wanted to cultivate and because we always had such a high degree of fun together that larger communication problems could be swept under the rug without feeling like something was being avoided. I think that this attraction-based-on-lack mirrors the love-based-on-projection that we were discussing in the other thread and perhaps sets up such a pairing for long-term failure if expectations aren't tempered or if a high degree of freedom/unconventionality isn't afforded as part of the marriage contract.
My longest and most intense relationship has been with an INTJ. We were long-distance and both going through a lot of life changes at the time so it was hard to make it work. I feel like he is the only person who has ever understood me at a fundamental level and I feel like maybe this is important for an NT...or maybe especially for a female NT. While I was hurt that his world domination/pursuit of money got in the way of the relationship before (work is always going to be #1) now I am seeing that maybe this detached and almost sociopathic nature of INTJs in life and in love is actually excellent for marriage, especially marriage to an INTP who values her independence. I appreciating having decisive people as friends and partners to help push me past my comfort zone and spur me into action; the INTJ completes me in less of a fill-the-void-with-what-I-don't-inherently-have (extroversion, need for sensation, feelngs by proxy) way and more in a functional (I already have the plans, now help me find any holes and put them into action) way.
Any NT x NT marriages here, specifically INTP x INTJ? Struggles? Successes? Lessons learned?
Most of my shorter relationships and attractions have been to ENFPs or suspected ENFPs. I think I was drawn to them because they had things I lacked in myself and wanted to cultivate and because we always had such a high degree of fun together that larger communication problems could be swept under the rug without feeling like something was being avoided. I think that this attraction-based-on-lack mirrors the love-based-on-projection that we were discussing in the other thread and perhaps sets up such a pairing for long-term failure if expectations aren't tempered or if a high degree of freedom/unconventionality isn't afforded as part of the marriage contract.
My longest and most intense relationship has been with an INTJ. We were long-distance and both going through a lot of life changes at the time so it was hard to make it work. I feel like he is the only person who has ever understood me at a fundamental level and I feel like maybe this is important for an NT...or maybe especially for a female NT. While I was hurt that his world domination/pursuit of money got in the way of the relationship before (work is always going to be #1) now I am seeing that maybe this detached and almost sociopathic nature of INTJs in life and in love is actually excellent for marriage, especially marriage to an INTP who values her independence. I appreciating having decisive people as friends and partners to help push me past my comfort zone and spur me into action; the INTJ completes me in less of a fill-the-void-with-what-I-don't-inherently-have (extroversion, need for sensation, feelngs by proxy) way and more in a functional (I already have the plans, now help me find any holes and put them into action) way.
Any NT x NT marriages here, specifically INTP x INTJ? Struggles? Successes? Lessons learned?