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Perception of unhappiness

Sesamoidbone

Redshirt
Local time
Today, 01:14
Joined
Jan 30, 2014
Messages
1
Location
Michigan
Mostly a long vent of stuff i have to get of my chest that hopefully someone can at least relate to. I am having some issues at work that I can't completely elaborate on. Basic jist is that my employer of 15 years wants me to resign because I'm currently "not happy" and "over the years there have been periods of unhappiness". Current situation is that my extroverted coworker who was passed over for a promotion in early 2013 has been trying to be my psuedo boss since that time. Since acquiring my current position in 2011 it had been the perfect job up until this "grave injustice" of being passed over. He repeatedly has tried to change my perfectly planned day to interject his own ideas of how he would do it(we work in the field seperately). I would have no problem listening to his suggestions, however, if i didn't do as he suggested he would get very angry and would go behind my back to others involve and intentionally sabotage me. So after dealing with it for nearly a year, I finally went to HR and when all was said and done I was deemed the problem. My coworker rebuttal was that when I was in the office I sat at my desk to much, and did my own things, plus he felt that he had to be a buffer between myself and others and thats why he treated me the way he did. He also felt that he could no longer work with me. I am fortunate that i have a private union job, so they can't outright fire me without taking proper steps. And I have no work performance issues in my file. I was completely shocked and hurt that they decided that I was the problem. I feel like they just don't understand, nor do they want to. Thanks for listening-
 

Base groove

Banned
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Yesterday, 23:14
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Dec 20, 2013
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The problem might be that you acted too quickly. You could try biding your time by reading some books on self-discipline and allow him to have his breakdown at its own pace, as you have likely prolonged it on this first confrontation.

Oh, but, uh, I feel ya. For sure.
 

Helvete

Pizdec
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Today, 15:14
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Dec 28, 2013
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1,526
Were you actually directly asked to resign?! Surely it's a situation they'd rather try to resolve than to boot you and find someone new.

If you haven't technically done anything wrong they can't fire you also.
Good luck.
 

Duxwing

I've Overcome Existential Despair
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Today, 01:14
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Sep 9, 2012
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3,783
*hug* :(

-Duxwing
 

redbaron

irony based lifeform
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Today, 15:14
Joined
Jun 10, 2012
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6,994
Location
69S 69E
Workplace politics. Yuck.

I'll save speculation on these details for later, but most of my post will be about getting through this problem.

Best advice I can give in this situation is to record every single conversation you have with this person, a superior or anyone. Write it in a notepad as you talk. When they're finished, summarise on the basis of your notes and agree on a final, ending conclusion. You can even just use a voice recorder if you want. It will put some people on edge, but too bad. If they weren't cocksuckers, you wouldn't have to do it - and in your situation you need to remain unemotional and factual in everything you do.

You can even e-mail people post-conversation, summarising their words and ask for them to confirm that this summary is correct. Write in the e-mail that if they choose not to respond, you will assume that you've correctly interpreted their words and will act on them on the basis of this interpretation. This means that you have the things they say in actual writing, and have a paper trail. So when someone questions you about your choice of behaviour, you can actually show them the conversation you had, and the conclusions agreed upon.

So if this person sabotages the things you do, and you're recording his every word and movement around you, it's likely you'll eventually stumble on evidence of this. You don't need to do anything with it though, just be patient. If you can literally prove that he is wasting company resources on his jealousy-fuelled anger, you can use it if he ever tries to complain about your own lack of productivity again.

Other than that, just do what you normally do. However you worked before the incident, emulate that. It's obviously worked for you so far, so there's no need to move from a winning strategy. Also when it comes to workplace politics, there's a time-factor involved. After 3 months it could just blow over and no one will care. Could take longer as well, so I guess it's up to you to decide how long/how much of this you're willing to put up with.


Just an analysis of what I read as well, it sounds a bit like they've pinned you as the problem because you're the one who rocked the boat by going to HR. It's generally best to take this stuff to your immediate superior, and to not go over people's heads. It kind of displays a lack of trust in their ability to resolve the situation. Even though that might be entirely true, it's best to just follow the 'chain' for the sake of formality because it's important to other people.

If you do want to stay, it's best that you come up with simple and direct explanations for the kind of inquiry you're likely to face. I would have acted at this point:

Sesamoidbone said:
However, if i didn't do as he suggested he would get very angry and would go behind my back to others involve and intentionally sabotage me.
That's really the point I would have started recording all conversations. Then when you went to HR a year down the track, you would have had 12 months worth of this idiot's transgressions and general wastefulness to use as ammo. Better late than never though.

Anyway, good luck. Situations like this always suck.
 

Pyropyro

Magos Biologis
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Today, 13:14
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Feb 3, 2012
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4,049
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Philippines
That's indeed very depressing. I hope you get back on your feet soon.
 

Cavallier

Oh damn.
Local time
Yesterday, 22:14
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Aug 23, 2009
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3,674
I have been in similar situations before. I'd bring up to management that my performance is good. I may have a work style that does not mesh well with this other co worker but I get the job done. I'd point out that I don't appreciate this other co worker making reports on my behavior as they are not my manager and have no place making such judgment calls. I'd point out that perhaps if this person were to mind their own business they themselves would be more productive. If you have any ideas for fixing this issue in a positive way for everyone involved you may find management will be more understanding of your issue.

They are lazy bastards like everybody else in the world. So if you bring up a problem but then give them good and easy solution to the problem they are much more likely help you out. If they have to solve the problem themselves they are more likely to view YOU as the problem instead of fixing the main issue.

Yeah, that guy you are working with is an ass.
 

Base groove

Banned
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Without trying too hard...

I might suggest that a hybrid approach between the suggestions offered by Red Baron and Cavallier would be completely successful in solving your problem/fixing your situation, ...assertively.

I don't think being passive aggressive will help you in this matter. DON'T OBSESS over it though, or else you will be seen as the problem. Teh world is SO unfair. :phear:
 

Cherry Cola

Banned
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Today, 06:14
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Mar 17, 2013
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3,899
Location
stockholm
apart from what the others said, try to stay positive at work, INTPs are hard to read and can seem unhappy and distraught when they are not. If this other guy is spreading crap behind your back others might look at you and see whatever he's said about you cause you're deadpanning.
 

doncarlzone

Useless knowledge
Local time
Today, 06:14
Joined
May 28, 2012
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415
Location
Scandinavia
That does sound outright horrible, stressing and worrying over work is truly exhausting and depressing

Would you like to stay in this company or do you stay because you currently have no other options? If you have a union in your back and do you job well, there is nothing they can do. It's way too complicated getting rid of people these days. However, once you've become a problem it's also difficult for you to regain any status of significance - you are just that, a problem.

If I were you, I would stay for a while, do my job well as always, and then save up money to prepare for a new job opportunity. I don't know all of the circumstances though and since you've been in this company for a long time, it's probably a lot more complicated than I put it.

I don't see much to gain in fighting the company management and HR though, I'd just bite back when they bite and leave it at that. Don't let them suck everything out of you - easier said than done.
 
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