Real connections

[Black Rose]

During my entire life I haven't really felt connected to anyone. No ones taken a personal interest in me. The friends I've had seemed superficial.

From just having been around people and having things to do were not so bad. But I don't really have something that I could call an personal identity other than my interests. What I have to look forward to seems better than my present circumstances when I view what will be possible. I hope to find people who find emotional attachments to things I could relate to. Social networking like facebook is not optimal for who I want to find. Distance is a factor as I don't know any local places I might go.

I think that virtual reality combined with personal dataming algorithms will provide landscapes to search multiple possibilities. Techniques used to explore what will be compatible or what commonalities are needed. So far I what I am looking for involves something more than what i have. A way to lessen my anxiety, be at peace, do something fun together, find distractions.

Other than that Id like to have neat shared dreams and mystical experiences.

 

[Adamastor]

I got a familiar feeling not too long ago.

And after putting some thought on it, I tried to dig deeper in people. Needless to say I was really disappointed many times, but I was really succesful too in getting some interest and bonding with some people.

The thing I found that was most hard to overcome and that was responsible in a great deal for my failures was my incompetence in dealing with people lack of interest in their own identity. You said:

"But I don't really have something that I could call an personal identity other than my interests."

And identity build with general interests in some situations is enough for me to connect with someone. But it is kinda of hard for me to deal and bond with people who are not really "aware" of their own interests. Thing is I am really passionate and thus can never relate to not passionate people or people with some shallow interest; And it's quite difficult to know for sure what one really is interested at some deep levels, especially when one does not put his mind at it.

In spite all that. I got some sort of deep connection with a few people, which I would call friends. And that was not built on the "interests identity" for the most part, we got connected on a "trust bond": after talking about each other for real, trying to know ourselves and sharing these types of thoughts, which one wouldn't feel confortable to share with other people and explicitily discussing the different levels that people connect (which is quite important to figure out which one was more likely to happen or already is established).

Needless to say that these "deep trust-bonds" were hard to build, but you see the maintining cost is not high (I said we got to talk about each other, so that is a given when dealing with an INTP such as myself) and the benifits are really good.
__
Some of my failures were with E people who did not want a deep connection, so we kinda of dig in till they decided to stop:

• An ENTP friend which I couldn't connect at some really deep level cause he is mostly afraid of it (so we kinda stoped half-way and that was enough for him).
• An ESTJ (yeah) that too was really afraid of showing herself and connecting at a really deep level, so we didn't get quite far too.

Both of them said explicitely to me that they felt "safer" in shallow relationships. And that is fine, cause I still like them ^^

 

[sti_lin]

Most people are happy with shallow relationships actually the majority. Most of the time myself I settle for shallow relationships because day to day life keeps me so busy that I dont have the time. However, any opening I see with someone who I am familiar with I will test the waters. Most of teh time I can see them get uncomfortabe so I come back to the surface. Additionally its pretty natural for me to not seek others out but rather let them come to me so that decreases the chances of finding more fulfilling relationships. I am here in passing looking for a chance relationship and figure my chances of finding someone who I can go deep with are substantially higher here provided I can make a connection in the first place.
Although realistically because its so easy to get caught up in everyday life it will be hard to find the time unless I found someone locally who it would be easier to cement in a relationship with as opposed to the net.
Note for any potential prospects, I am a happily married man with 2 kids not looking for a mate like the op seems to be, rather just a cool person who I can exchange info with.

 

[masterpeez]

That's a bummer. What I have found is that it helps not to try too hard and not to rule people out based on whether or not you respect them.

 

[Cognisant]

Real connections are grounded in reality.

Be more connected to reality, observe how others choose to be connected to reality, by connecting yourself to the reality they are connected to you become connected to them.

Choose a sport (any sport), pick a team (any team), become connected to that team (know their names, wear the T-shirt, watch the games, etc) and you will find that others who are likewise connected to that team (and to a lesser degree that sport) will readily be friends with you.

 

[kantor1003]

Choose a sport (any sport), pick a team (any team), become connected to that team (know their names, wear the T-shirt, watch the games, etc) and you will find that others who are likewise connected to that team (and to a lesser degree that sport) will readily be friends with you.

Sounds a little like dressing up to a masquerade.