The psychologist and therapists have found that a big difference between the two people, was their core assumptions and beliefs. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has been used, and has successfully helped many people change their perception and beliefs, and thus helped manage emotions and anxiety.
StPD descriptions usually state that these people do not come into therapy voluntarily usually. More like when they get depressed they come into contact with doctors.
I have anxieties about therapies. Because they might work. In the same way I was always afraid my job applications would turn out 'positive'. I did not want to be hired.
There is a deep seated fear to be able to handle issues better. I wonder what is so scary and so fundamental that I resist change and rather live like this than deal with anything and taking responsibility.
What do you think? Was I raped as a baby or something?
So I'm guessing, (just guessing), that there is one differing core belief, between people who are very lonely, and people who are very content being by themselves. And I'm thinking that it sounds like this:
"I cannot be happy, unless I have someone to share my life with".
I think it might be helpful to really question that belief. Pick it apart, and actually get a realistic perspective of it.
I want to be happy any which way, but I have no idea why a fantastic partner is so important to me. Maybe like I said before, since I cannot really love myself or come to terms with myself, I need someone else to shore me up, to validate me, as I have little self-worth. I am really no good to anyone much. In the scheme of things I am nobody, even tough I realize deeply that no one can live my life like I can, the life isn't particularly funny or interesting. I am unique, just like anybody else.
I am no good to myself mostly. I can shrug off for a large chunk the notion that I am a parasite on society. That tax payers are paying for my bills. I didn't ask to turn out this way, so...deal with it. Thanks to me you can feel better about yourself for your solidarity. We have each other by the balls, tax payers.
But being no good to myself is painful. Could I do something 'productive' if only to get some remote sense of accomplishment? Perhaps. But I am not able to do much. Maybe medicine will help me after I get a ADD dx.
So maybe I could be good to someone else, a woman I can pour a cosmos filled with love into. Perhaps through how I would make a woman feel, I can gain a sense of usefulness. It is not how it should work, shrinks will say. That 'you need to love yourself first before you can love anyone else, really'.
Skunk shit if you ask me. I don't wish to see it that way. Why can't it be like that my intense feelings will heal me when properly expressed and shared?
In so many people, their psyche is a house of cards, waiting to topple when the least transgression is made. If my loving of a woman shores me up and causing forevermore no mental issues or derailments, then I'll accept the shoring as part of myself, an psycho-emotional wheelchair, or being like Star Trek's Data's mother's, who believes she is a human, but actually is an android, like Data himself.
What if...I really need a lover and a life partner, someone who loves the fuck out of me to become who I can be as a glorious human on Earth? How is it that psychiatry would insist that I need to be selfish first, before being selfless with a lover?
Why can't I selflessly adore a woman first and then be rewarded with self respect?
What worth is life when spent alone? Solitary activities that satisfy only yourself. How dare I keep myself from that woman who would love me so much? Some people, like christians, would say 'You cannot take your life, you don't have the right, because life is wonderful and because others have it so much worse than you do.'Life or love, what difference does it make then?
I don't know. If I had real answers I wouldn't be in this topic. Should I avoid infatuation? If so, I cannot ever leave my home again, cause throughout my life I have not seen particularly many females. Just the average, the usual quota of what you may expect in schools and at work, or going to work in traffic. And yet wherever I am, there can just spring up that featured girl...
