Dealing with fury

[reddie]

Usually my logic takes over and I take feelings as a sign of weakness and a mistake that I overlook.
Even though it still seems cool to think this way, ever since I learned that I might be an INTP I noticed how there was never remorse in not expressing feelings.
So by logic I only did account them as weakness because I never understood them but they still affect my judgement one way or the other.

So how do you guys deal with anger ? and angry people? and what would probably be the healthiest method for INTP to deal with it?

 

[Etheri]

So how do you guys deal with anger ? and angry people? and what would probably be the healthiest method for INTP to deal with it?

My own anger : Think, rationalise, keep distance, talk to others (not the source of my anger). I'm rarely ever angry, more frustrated / dissapointed / etc.
I find there are very little reasons to be angry for, it's often just a mix of negative sentiments. Breaking down and finding out what is truly bothering me helps.

Angry people : Run, as fast as you can. Ignore them, build your inner wall and protect it with everything you've got, but do so silently. I honestly HATE when people around me, which I care for fight. It makes me feel awful, and often they'll involve me to make it even worse. As if empathising with both fighting sides isn't bad enough. If I feel I can and should solve the issues, I will try, but in most case the issue itself is silly, and angry people rarely listen to reason. I'll help if i feel i can and should, if not I'll just either get out or keep myself as silent and on the background as possible, while my mind goes on a thinks faster than ever.

 

[skip]

Good topic. Anger is usually a secondary emotion, meaning it happens in response to some other emotion, e.g., as a response to pain or fear. It helps me to try to trace secondary anger back to what triggered it and deal with it from there.

Primary anger, also called righteous anger, I try to think through. Is the cause something I can do something about? Then do that something. Is the cause something I have no control over? Then it's best dealt with by exhausting yourself. Anger needs tension to sustain it, and muscles that are exhausted can't hold tension. Running or slamming around a racquetball for a while usually does that for me. After my muscles are exhausted I stretch, breathe and meditate to calm my mind.

 

[reddie]

As if empathizing with both fighting sides isn't bad enough. If I feel I can and should solve the issues, I will try, but in most case the issue itself is silly, and angry people rarely listen to reason.

You have no idea how much I related to that

And the only reason is that I think they are both presenting an illogical argument , so standing with either of them is just ... illogical. But I have to show I am interested or I might direct all this irrationality toward me. Then I am left with only one logical solution i.e. empathizing with both.

 

[ℜεмїηїs¢εη¢ε]

From my experience, the best way of dealing with anger is to prevent it.

You must first realize that there is nothing in the world that is actually worth getting angry about. If there is something bothering you that you have control over then fix the problem. If there is something bothering you that you have no control over then still don't be mad because there is nothing you can do about it.

If you are mad at other people, just realize that you cannot control others. Sure you can yell at people but if they don't want to agree with you it will not only be futile, but it will also make you upset which is double the inconvenience. If you stay calm you can take the situation at face value without making it worse with your anger.

To prevent others getting mad at you, don't do anything to make them mad. It is simply convenient for you to be a people pleaser. If you don't care to do such things then simply don't care about their reactions, they aren't important anyway.

Perhaps another way to look at it is by examining your situation. You are one person out of 7 billion people on this planet. You live in one solar system out of more than 200 billion in our galaxy. You live in one galaxy out of more than 100 billion in the universe, and I'm not even including the multiverse theory. To me, just the idea of humanity's petty squabbles in this picture is hilarious.

If you are an atheist then you should be keenly aware of your death. It's coming sooner than you think and when it does all of your thoughts, actions, and decisions would be for naught. It will not matter anyway if you get mad or not as your whole existence has been futile. Your best hope is to live life to it's fullest, live every day as if it were your last, and hope that your existence will not be eventually terminated. Perhaps you should become a scientist and join some physical immortality project in the hope that you will discover the fountain of youth so to speak.

If you are a theist or believe in some other form of afterlife then perhaps it would be wise to mold your person into one who does not get mad.

 

[Banjankri]

I rarely get angry, sometimes irritated, often due to being pushed into responsibility that I don't care for or being exposed to people for too long or stressed situations.

But when I get angry and the feelings really take a hold of me I sort of loose the ability to think, its really weird, I remember one time when me and my girlfriend (ENTJ) had an argument (if i remember correctly I had been denied time alone and was kind of cornered) And I said something totally wrong and illogical and remember telling her "you see? now I'm pissed of i cant think anymore!". She looked at me like I was crazy.

She likes to have a bit of a fight every now and then, she thinks it brings things up to surface while I hate to fight, especially with her since she really has a way to make me speechless, Sometimes I just shut down and turn inwards instead.

Generally when I have to deal with angry people I try to be diplomatic and bring reason into the issue.
I remember one time on the metro, I was standing and listening to music and started to notice some girls getting up and leaving their seats when the train was in-between two stops, they had this look about them that something was going on, I myself have had a few beers and felt adventurous so I went over there to see what had made the girls leave their places, I noticed two guys who was really drunk sitting next to each other having some sort of slow and very stupid argument, I could really feel the tension, and just knew it would end badly, one of the guys where younger perhaps like 19-21 and the other guy was like 50-60 none of them were physically intimidating.


So I moved over to the place right in front of them, and I leaned over and gave a really wide and crazy grin and asked them "Is there a problem here?"
I think I startled them because their response was "no, nothing!" and both apologized to each other, they even thanked me.

 

[Da Blob]

Anger is an adaptive tool.

One must learn how to use it or run the risk of being used by it.

That is to say, there are those who provoke anger in Others in order to manipulate them.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Anger is an adaptive tool.

One must learn how to use it or run the risk of being used by it.

That is to say, there are those who provoke anger in Others in order to manipulate them.

In my experience:

Se:
Master your reactions to provocation and aggravation, notice it in others, do it to others.

ℜεмїηїs¢εη¢ε made some great points. Also, sometimes anger can be, and needs to be, healthily and productively channeled into raw energy, so that it does not build up into an unstable excess.

 

[intpz]

Either get your ass outta there or act. Depends on the level of danger of the situation. I love danger-free situations though, I just talk calmly, while the other part is shouting at me. I bet it looks hilarious from a third-party perspective.

 

[NinjaSurfer]

Usually my logic takes over and I take feelings as a sign of weakness and a mistake that I overlook.
Even though it still seems cool to think this way, ever since I learned that I might be an INTP I noticed how there was never remorse in not expressing feelings.
So by logic I only did account them as weakness because I never understood them but they still affect my judgement one way or the other.

So how do you guys deal with anger ? and angry people? and what would probably be the healthiest method for INTP to deal with it?

I think it is good for INTPs to write out their feelings, in the form of a letter or email to the person or thing you're mad at, but don't actually send it; sometimes (for me at least, not sure about INTPs) anger can build and until you itemize it in the form of a written letter, it stays jumbled like a mess of molten lava in your brain; when you write out word-for-word why you're actually angry, it's almost like solving a puzzle and the anxiety goes away.