Grayman
Soul Shade
I am thinking about doing this. Any advice?
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OK, it's on.
Foster Care
- Thread starter Grayman
- Start date
Yellow
for the glory of satan
It's an incredibly tough and draining job. You won't be thanked as often as you should be, and you usually won't get to see much of the positive effects of your work. You'll be pulled in a million directions at once, and unless you're made of stone, your heart will break for the kids who pass through your home.
It's a job for someone who is caring, patient, calm, and consistent. Someone who will give the kids a new day everyday, and not hold grudges against them for lashing out. It's for someone who can hold his tongue about the other adults in their lives, but will never hold back praise from the kids when they do well.
From what I see of you here, I think you could be a good foster parent, as long as you can find the energy to be emotionally present for the kids and enthusiastic in your care for them every day.
It's a job for someone who is caring, patient, calm, and consistent. Someone who will give the kids a new day everyday, and not hold grudges against them for lashing out. It's for someone who can hold his tongue about the other adults in their lives, but will never hold back praise from the kids when they do well.
From what I see of you here, I think you could be a good foster parent, as long as you can find the energy to be emotionally present for the kids and enthusiastic in your care for them every day.
paradoxparadigm7
Well-Known Member
I don't know you Grayman except through this forum. You've championed the underdog and you show true caring. Your own childhood and what you've been through has given you an understanding and empathy that you can use to help those children in need. You have patience and determination too.
I don't know much about being a foster parent but you might very be equipped well for the responsibility.
I don't know much about being a foster parent but you might very be equipped well for the responsibility.
Deleted member 1424
Guest
My parents have fostered many children and adopted 3. I have been extensively involved with all of them, as I'm pretty much the only individual my parents can rely on to look after their kids when they need a break. If your state is like Arizona, the entire system is rotten inside-out. Prepare to be lied to, prepare to be strong-armed into adoption and threatened regularly. If you are strictly a fostering household and not foster-to-adopt, children will be taken from your home suddenly, even if they're established and stable with you. Don't believe anything the state promises, get everything documented, and be careful. Know exactly what you're signing and agreeing to at all times. Even after you've taken all necessary precautions, go in knowing you're going to get screwed one way or another. The state will lie to you about the history of any children you're interested in fostering, such as covering up a history of sexual abuse (perpetrated by the child on other children). If the state thinks they can get you to adopt a child with severe medical issues, they will claim that the state will remain liable for medical care after adoption, but if this is not legally documented, you will be liable. They will try to cheat you any way they can.
As for the average foster child... It will be hard. You don't end up a foster child, because your life is easy and you're well adjusted. They will have behavoir problems and extensive psychological trauma. They need to see psychologists regularly. Their physical, mental, and emotional development will likely be stunted from any number of things; from neglect, malnutrition, or exposure to drugs in utero. Foster children are not regular children. Familial integration will be difficult. If you have other children, you should wait to foster/adopt until they are adults.
If you are not extremely calm/patient and lack experience dealing with troubled individuals; don't do it. If you can't deal with a child stealing from you, self-harming, hoarding, or threatening you with rape allegations or violence; don't do it. If your parenting style is wishy washy; don't do it. If you're not prepared to have your life revolve completely around this decision, don't do it. If you make stupid decisions due to feelings; don't do it. Don't adopt until you've known the child at least a year, preferably two. Expect puberty to be a nightmare that will magnify any underlying psychological/behavioral issues x5.
As for the average foster child... It will be hard. You don't end up a foster child, because your life is easy and you're well adjusted. They will have behavoir problems and extensive psychological trauma. They need to see psychologists regularly. Their physical, mental, and emotional development will likely be stunted from any number of things; from neglect, malnutrition, or exposure to drugs in utero. Foster children are not regular children. Familial integration will be difficult. If you have other children, you should wait to foster/adopt until they are adults.
If you are not extremely calm/patient and lack experience dealing with troubled individuals; don't do it. If you can't deal with a child stealing from you, self-harming, hoarding, or threatening you with rape allegations or violence; don't do it. If your parenting style is wishy washy; don't do it. If you're not prepared to have your life revolve completely around this decision, don't do it. If you make stupid decisions due to feelings; don't do it. Don't adopt until you've known the child at least a year, preferably two. Expect puberty to be a nightmare that will magnify any underlying psychological/behavioral issues x5.
Yellow
for the glory of satan
This, x1000. I was trying to be all optimistic and hopeful about other states, but I see this every damn day. Though, I'm normally working with the parents trying to get their lives back together enough to win their kids back. And trust me, that is the most arbitrary part of it. It's all down to the whim of the case worker, and how well they can lie to everyone while keeping their asses squeaky clean on paper for their "legal" meetings. I'll tell a case worker that a parent of an infant just tested positive for meth, and they close the case. But then I have a parent who has just finished treatment, gotten a stable job and a good home only to find they've been TPRed.
Grayman
Soul Shade
I am going to do respite care to start with. It will just be a few days at a time and then they will go back to their normal foster parents.
I have to fill out an essay and I am having a hard time answering the simpler questions. They ask things like "what do enjoy about children?" I know I like kids and enjoy playing with them because I do it even when I don't have to but I have a hard time putting any of this into words and identifying specifics. Is this an INTP thing or a grayman thing? IDK I hope the interviews go better than the essay questions....
I like the questions that ask how you plan to discipline or deal with various specific issues. Those ones are a lot easier to answer.
I have to fill out an essay and I am having a hard time answering the simpler questions. They ask things like "what do enjoy about children?" I know I like kids and enjoy playing with them because I do it even when I don't have to but I have a hard time putting any of this into words and identifying specifics. Is this an INTP thing or a grayman thing? IDK I hope the interviews go better than the essay questions....
I like the questions that ask how you plan to discipline or deal with various specific issues. Those ones are a lot easier to answer.
paradoxparadigm7
Well-Known Member
Here's a few ideas to choose from and flesh out:
-Their innocence
-Their curiosity
-Seeing their development
-Their humor
-The ways in which they learn
-Their individuality (how each is different)
Good luck!