**Hi, could you please type me again ?

[e.lee.sa]

1)I sometimes dk how to talk/write to say what I mean without explaining too much, misunderstanding, etc...
Sometimes I'm unable to say what I mean in words.

2)I can like both alone time & being with others, but as I'm a lil shy/socially anxious, some types of social situations or interacting with some ppl can decrease my energy level & make me tired.
In known or new situations, If the person (or a group/atmosphere,etc) is warm, or normal but friendly, comfy, talkative, cheerful, open, &...Idk...gives me good vibes, I find myself enjoying that person/them, wanting to spend time with them, receiving energy & joy from them & being me.
Otherwise, (If I feel that they probably don't like me, with serious ppl & with quiet or judgemental ppl, or in formal situations) I act cold & serious & being with them hurts/drains me.

3)I do like having me time, but sometimes I even join some classes to meet new ppl, & If I join a class or go somewhere & find no good friends there, I lose interest & going to that places becomes frustrating.

4)I sometimes love thinking about abstract ideas & metaphysical theories, etc in my head, & I sometimes enjoy talking about them with a like minded or impartial person, but I hate being active in debates. I'd rather keep my ideas for myself or just talk about them to similar minded ppl.
In debates, I act defensive & may break hearts & become heartbroken.

5)I have a hard time finding friends. I can act serious in some places, & have trust issue.

6)I enjoy being with family/close relatives more than friends. & sometimes, I skip my friends, just to spend more time with family/close relatives. I think I'm more comfy around them, can trust them more & can be "me" around them.
So sometimes my family members think I'm antisocial.
It's not that I don't hate any family members or never get into fight with them. I actually hate some of them & never talk to the ones that have done lots of bad things to me. But I'm generally more comfy & cheerful around the ones I love.

7)I usually communicate with ppl through activities (rather than conversations). Sometimes a real logical intellectual person can turn me on & make me interested by his great ideas, but I rarely open up to ppl that way. That's why I prefer S types more (as friends).

8)I enjoy trying new things, joining some new classes & learning new skills, esp with a good companion.

9)I enjoy having good friends (which I rarely have). I watch movies & see good friends & become jealous of them, but still haven't found the right friend/group.
Also, I realized that I do love having good friends & doing activities together, but I usually try not to be dependent & hate dependent friends who always ask for favors & need help or ask private questions.

10)I hate ppl who always want to do what u do, or buy what u buy.
I try to be original & hate it when some ppl want to do what I do.

11)I can write & talk to strangers on-line, but IRL I'm unable to talk about my emotions or ideas or what's in my mind with ppl. & I hate "we need to talk". & I have phobia of arguing.

12)I sometimes have difficulty saying "No" or standing up for myself. In those situation I start hating that person. I either avoid that person, act passive aggressive, or plot a revenge in my head. I may do it or just keep it to myself.

13)I'm really sensitive when it comes to ppl. I try to read between the lines, read their minds, care about their actions & body language, & analyze what they say. & I'm a true pessimist (paranoid).That's one of the reasons I hate socializing.

14)I can get eally nostalgic. About places, ppl, or events.
(Whenever my grandma/pa leaves our house I say things like ; yesterday this times s/he was here, she drank water with this glass, she told me this, came to this street, etc)

15)I also collect things that remind me of those memories, & try not to forget that event.
(I had a surgery & I collected everything I could from that day & tried to remember everything about that day.
I kinda knew it as a sacred memory that I shouldn't share it with all ppl.

16)When it comes to knowledge, skills, art, etc...I'd rather keep it to myself or share it with a few close ppl. What I know can be one of my secrets.

17)I wish I was popular, but I'm not. Popularity would give me energy,

18)I'm secretive.

19)I love learning new languages, cultures, travelling & new places.

20)I may love staying home after a busy day. But in normal days, I'm outdoorsy & energetic. Staying home makes me crazy. But I'd rather go out with family/close friends than alone (most of the times).

21)I love eating exotic food, playing sports, going to gym, etc

22)In classes, If I don't like the subject, I become distant & start daydreaming & become sleepy.

23)I prefer working alone to team work Cruz I want to do it my way, & I'm scared that others use me or I feel left out.

24)although I'm not really J, I get annoyed if Things don't go my way. I love to-do lists & I plan but not always go by it.

25) sometimes, I like to make friends, but I'm afraid that they use me or back stab me.

26)Irl, Idk how to hold a conversation & Idk what to talk about. But If I know the subject & like it, I can talk. But in general, I'm not a good story teller, esp around ppl I'm uncomfy with.

27)I have ocd & sometimes become mentally masochist.

28)when talking to ppl, I usually try to speak directly. I try not to make jokes or play pranks Cuz I don't want to annoy ppl. Unless I'm really comfy with that person.

29)I get offended easily.

30)Irl, I try to keep to myself. I'm awful at small talk & banter. When chatting, esp group chatting, I get stressed, confused & analyze everything. I'm not good at it & if ppl don't pay attention to me, I get offended & depressed.
So I try to stay away from it.

31)under stress, I become really anxious.
In acting, I'm an improviser, but In talking, I usually plan what I want to say.

32)I enjoy active & talkative ppl a lot. But If I don't like a place,I become quiet & detached.

33)As a kid, I was really active, didn't care about what others think or say, but at about age 14, I became Self consious & socially anxious & depressed. I wish I could change, I hate my life.

34)I'm agnostic.

35)I can't connect with ppl emotionally. & I'm so boring. Idk how to be funny. Idk how to have charisma & attract ppl. Most of the times, if we are 3 friends, I'm the one who is left out.

*****I know my post is too long, but I thought about my list a lot Cuz I really want to know the answers.

Also, I's it me or my shadow? I hate who I am.

Ask other questions if necessary.
Thanks.

 

[Relic]

I don't think you understand how typology works, it's not so mu g about your lifestyle as it is about how toy interact with the world and judge information. Obviously you are an Introvert so IXXX I'm going to ask a few questions and then just give your honest answer.

Do you find that you make decisions based on your morals and how you feel and whether it will make other people happy or sad? Or do you weigh all the facts and decide what is logically beneficial regardless of how people feel?

Do you find yourself as a detailed planner, in which your plan 8s step by step. Or your plan just kinda an outline of what you want?

Also do you find yourself thinking about the past or future more?

 

[Alias]

You seem a bit INFP to me, definitely I like said before. You're certainly a Feeler with deep thoughts.

 

[Nihilmatic]

I think you're an INFP that hasn't found his "place". Turbulent I/Entp sounds possible but you have a deep value of what's right and wrong and it seems well developed. You're just socially awkward and haven't learn to socialize. Socializing is a 2nd language, we learn it while growing up like we do our native language, you most likely are an only child? You were never really around children growing up so I guess it didn't become your native tongue. I was outcasted too and I learned a lot just by merely observing. Look up the INFP and how you can develop your functions and be a bit more assertive (just enough to not seem like a pushover).

 

[Nihilmatic]

http://similarminds.com/jung_word_pair.html the best test i could find

 

[OptiMist_Prime]

...
*****I know my post is too long, but I thought about my list a lot Cuz I really want to know the answers.

Also, I's it me or my shadow? I hate who I am.

Ask other questions if necessary.
Thanks.

e.lee.sa let's give you a Rorschach test. jk. Oh just a guess but I will say INTJ...partly just to disagree with other people, haha Hey if you really want to, you know you can get tested in person right? It's about $200 or something I think?

So e.lee.sa, did you suffer from abuse growing up? Bleh, I'm too distracted right now to read your posts thoroughly...I know you thought INTJ was a possibility, and I read somewhere that INTJs who suffer as children sometimes test as INFP because they really focus on their feelings and the past and such. Just a thought. Also, INFPs really care about people though don't they? The fact that sometimes you can be a pushover doesn't mean that you care about people's feelings though. And the fact that you are sensitive doesn't necessarily mean you are F does it? (Can't INTPs be really sensitive?) Also, you seem to think both convergently (planning and stuff, “J”) but also divergently (open-ended, you know, “P”), so maybe you are both. Have you taken any tests where you get the percentages? I forget what type of tests they are called but you will get for example, %62 I, 65% N and so on, and you might be close to %50 P or something. Have you had your social anxiety and depression diagnosed and treated? Because that could make your MBTI score a little off, don't you think? (And that stuff can get pretty serious, so please get it looked at.) Also, don't hate who you are, it'll be ok in the end. I'm sure you are an awesome person. Hey, will you let us know if you ever find out what your score is? I have money riding on it.

 

[e.lee.sa]

Hey guys, thanks a lot for helping me...

@Relic ;
1)this question always confuses me. It really depends on the situation. Could u plz ask me some tricky questions or bring me some examples ?

2)I guess I usually plan the outline of what I want, unless It's really important. Even if I come up with a detailed plan, I usually can't go by it. It sometimes makes me mad, but it is what it is.
For example, when I was a kid or teen, my ESFJ mom always forced me to study my lessons & do my homework with plans. So I always got good grades. But after high school, she stopped doing that. At first I was kinda scared, but now in college, I don't go by plans & rarely study, so...although I'm really sad about it & want to change it, I can't come up with a good plan & go by it, my grades are bad Cuz I'm careless. & I hate it.

3)depends, I can think about both. When I'm sad or depressed or disappointed, I think about past. When I'm happy or or hopeful, I think about future. & when I'm energetic or love/enjoy something, I think about present tense.
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@Nihilmatic ;
Wow, you nailed it, I'm an only child
an only child with strict parents. I was never allowed to go out with my classmates after school, I couldn't go to myfriends' houses & couldn't invite them either. I have NEVER gone to a birthday party Cuz I was never allowed to. These rules continued to exist even when I was a teen & even now that I'm a college student who lives with her mom. When I was a kid, she sometimes let me go to some of her trusted co-workers' place every once in a while.
But most of the times, I was either home alone, or in another city at my grandparent's home.
& as a teen, I was either at school or home alone.

At first I didn't like it, but then I got used to it. I got used to solitary indoor(or outdoor) activities.
But now I realize that my social life is effected.
I can't be like my other peers. I'm not good at small talk, having fun, banters & emotionally supporting peers. I'm not comfy around my peers & can't be me. I guess others find me serious and boring.
Idk how to be warm/friendly & entertain my peers. Idk how to make or keep friends. I'm really sensitive now, do when & how to stand up for myself & be assertive. Idk my limits in socializing so I'm afraid of it. I also can't trust ppl. I always TRY to be extremely polite in front of my peers. While they use banters, curse or insult as a joke or etc, I speak directly & act polite & look cold, detached & serious.
Idk what to talk about or how to hold a conversation. I've learned not to talk about my problems even with my friends or close friends, etc.

Even now that I'm 21 & go to college, I'm only allowed to meet my friends outside on the street. & I'm still not allowed to date. So while others make friends & become closer, I just watch them with jealousy, but I prefer to be alone & safe. But my problem got more obvious after highschool.

I can only connect to others through doing activities. So I usually socialize well with ppl who are warm/cheerful/extrovert or active around me. & adventurous ppl.

I sometimes get suicidal. Cuz I can't be normal, I've tried but I just can't.

& one example that happened yesterday ;
We were talking at college about something & suddenly one of my peers said "it's none of ur business!" as a joke. But at that moment, I just sat & tried to control myself not to show it or cry. In my head, I said : why does she hate me? Why did she say that? Am I a bad person? Was what I said inappropriate ? etc.
I guess most of them found it out. Cuz then she told me : hey, I didn't mean anything, I was just joking, plz forgive me.
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@Nihilmatic. ; I took the test 2 times.

First time: ISFP (72% I, 56% S, 50% F, 58.33% P)
2nd time : ISTP (75% I, 54.17 S, 54.17 T, 62.5 P)

Isn't cognitive functions test better ?
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@OptiMist_Prime ;
Yes I was abused a few times at school by some haters. Sometimes Cuz of being a good student & sometimes Cruz of other things. Not always though.

& I was also abused a lot at home, emotionally, verbally, mentally & physically. The abuse went on & on till 2015. After that, due to a family problem, a few things happened & at least the physical aspect of abuse is over.

I was also bullied for being tomboyish (by family), so last year I decided to become more feminine. It also made me more depressed & unconfident.

**also, as you said, I guess I only act like a pushover & do favors for others & act like I care, until we live/study in the same place & I know they might be useful one day.
For example, if my peer calls me, I assume she has called Cuz she wants me to do her a favor. Well at first I try to act passive aggressive & don't answer. But if she texts me, I sometimes try to lie to her & give her good reasons for not doing it for her, & sometimes, depending on who she is & how useful she can be (for class notes, etc) or my reputation in that place, or how she'll react, I do it for her (& still sometimes passive aggressively reject).
I usually try to act democratic.

***no I have never talked about my depression & anxiety with anyone IRL. I'm ashamed of doing that. I never talk about these things.

 

[Cherry Cola]

Where do you live?

 

[Nihilmatic]

A lot of people aren't worth your time. Like I said just be more assertive and don't act like too desperate for friends (most of them are really dumb anyway). Get out of your comfort zone and if ur bullied just don't let it get to you.

 

[onesteptwostep]

I think it's great that you're able to articulate your problems and also acknowledge the forces that formed your current identity. There's so many ways to improve yourself, but I think one way that might work would be to meet international students at your school.

Your peers in your home country are probably drenched in cultural norms and generational cliques which you probably won't understand intutively because your parents didn't let you be free as much. International students usually are a clean slate culturally speaking- well because they obviously haven't been in whereever you were their entire life! So yeah, try seeking them out. Maybe there's an international students club on campus? You really have to open up and be honest about yourself to them, however. But I think you'd also enjoy it since you seem to like learning new cultures and languages.

Or another alternative is to go abroad and study. You'd probably meet like-minded people, and people in other countries will probably treat you kindly since you're new to their culture. It's a great way to develop new relationships.

I think it's great that you're in touch with members of your extended family thogh. They can help you a long way, from what I've experienced. May I ask what your parents do for a living? Generally speaking.

EDIT: Oh and my guess on your typology is INFJ.