I am a bunch of fluctuations...

[Anktark]

... worrying whether or not my (in)action(s) will have a positive effect to me and whom/what receives the negative.
I am a cleric in RPGs, for multiple reasons, but mostly perverting characters and doing something out of the ordinary with the class.
An engineer. I am curious how and why everything works. "Lego" was my favorite toy. Now it's programming and lucid dreaming.
I consider myself a grammar warden (nazi is wrong term for this purpose) and I get a feeling as if a very thin steel cable snaps every time I stumble upon a common mistake or l33tsp34k. I expect some effort, not perfection though.
A collector of quotes in txt files. Why would you not keep something like "I don't know what you're acting so dignified about. You got squeezed headfirst out of someone's vagina once"?
I see beauty in order, chaos and subjectivity, I keep asking "why?" and during an argument with someone I am actually having two.

I hate vanity and it's one of the things I am not hypocritical about.
I am perceived as slow, though I think it's because I rethink my intended sentences before I say them from both logical, syntactical and semantic standpoints (which often leads me to realization that I don't know or forgot what a lot of words actually mean and how small/limited my vocabularies are ).
I enjoy eating meat (cooked, baked or raw) while knowing how inefficiently it is produced.
I enjoy versatility and am not overly impressed by over specialization.
I appreciate my mistakes being pointed out, unless it's done with intention to start a fight and driven to the ground while poured on with personal opinion about my value in society.
I love a good argument, doesn't matter if I am an observer or participant.
I am an atheist, but if there is a personal god, then it will be the best it to have arguments with.
I enjoy the journey or process more than the goal or result.
I like play of words or just funny words like "deadline" and "therapist".
Sometimes I forget words, even in my mother tongue. That both scares and annoys me.
For around three consecutive weeks I thought "accomplice" means "acquaintance". Oh the shame.
I can retell books, except for their titles, authors and character/location names and dates. I also don't know how I know things that I do/ can't remember my sources.

I passively hate the concept of money and bindings it creates.
I love algorithms, systems, concepts and their exploitation in a way the creator did not intend or expect them to be used. Consequently, I don't enjoy brute force.
I don't appreciate direct lie, but enjoy one made out of (literal) truth(s).
My interests range from social engineering to tiniest bits of interstellar space to vastness of quantum physics. Having an interest does mean understanding or having proficiency.
I enjoy movies (live action and anime), but think that literature is the superior medium, be it fiction or poetry. When enjoying a fine piece any external stimuli (unless potentially lethal) and bodily functions get a very low priority. That is, reading good fiction is an out of body experience for me.
I laugh enough to have a tiny six pack. I start crying from laughter too often. It's a bit unlucky that laughing by yourself (to tears) because you just had a hilarious thought is considered weird. And trying to suppress laughter doesn't work, because then I start tearing up more and immediately consider the social absurdity of the situation. This recursive laughter is usually broken by pain or fatigue.

I might be able to temporarily fall in love with spectacularly elegant lines of code. My first love was an implementation of Quicksort and this is a more recent one:

void str_copy(char* ptr1, char* ptr2) {
for( ; *ptr1 = *ptr2; ++ptr1, ++ptr2);
}

If they were girls I would force myself to ask them out on a date.


I believe that good and socially unacceptable are subjective and ultimately, so am I. I don't seek perfection or self improvement, just enjoy the ride. I am happy I saved whatever this is before I hit "Preview" because I was logged out.
I am worried that I use too many "I".

I have lurked around for a day or so and it seems we will resonate well.

 

[alludes2profundity4lyfe]

Would you say you are excessively proud of your lack of vanity? I kid. I feel you on the delicious meat dilemma, have you tried mycoprotein? It is palatable and similar in burger form if you slather it in condiments and bury it in fixings. Actually, I feel you on all of your points aside from the programming love, which I have no appreciation for, alas.

 

[Anktark]

Would you say you are excessively proud of your lack of vanity? I kid. I feel you on the delicious meat dilemma, have you tried mycoprotein? It is palatable and similar in burger form if you slather it in condiments and bury it in fixings. Actually, I feel you on all of your points aside from the programming love, which I have no appreciation for, alas.

What you did there. I see it. I have a hard time imagining being proud of lack of vanity. Mostly because I see it as being pointless. Probably also because I am rarely proud of anything and would really not use that quota on such a thing. Being asocial and rarely thinking what other people think of me helps too. Darn, I am a hypocrite- I was very proud of not being popular in high school.

Right then, 5 or so minutes passed here and I deconstructed this question (what question?) so far, I don't know where I stand or what's the issue. Nevertheless, it was fun.


As for meat, it's not so much a dilemma as a tiny voice reminding me of the fact. But it's easily and surely overshadowed by a metaphorical primordial beast that makes me salivate every time I see, smell or right now, imagine meat unless I am really stuffed already. For some time I was a bit worried that enjoying raw meat is a mental illness (it's not). In a similar way I enjoy cooked rice, but then the tiny voice complains I should use more salt, which is pretty much absent in my dishes.
But I will seek mycoprotein and see if I like it. Always open to options for as long as they don't inconvenience me too much.

Oh, I can pretend to not understand enjoying programming, it's not everyone's boar steak.

 

[Anktark]

I have looked into parts of MBTI (read: am obsessed with INTP, INTJ and several others) some more and realized that most of what I wrote in my introduction is familiar to this audience to the point of redundancy and I could have just typed "I am 98% sure I am INTP". And that only way for anyone to distinguish me apart would be in a way I expressed the content, not the content itself.
I suppose this intro stood more for introspection than introduction and that's a positive effect. For me (to a point). You know what I mean.

I guess I am somewhat sorry that I typed so much, yet revealed so very little (just plain inefficient).


Here is Anktark intro v1.1:

Hi, I think I am INTP. Good to know you guys exist.