Idealization and Apathy

[Kanzika]

Well, first of all that's my first post, so hello to everybody. I've been looking around here for a bit and finally decided it was time to register

Anyway that's the thought I've been struggling quite a bit lately. Maybe some of you can give me a little push to move on from it.
Do you ever feel you have accomplished nothing in your life? No matter what you have done, how many friends you have, how many places you have visited?
Because there is always that one person who has done something more than you, that is going to that place where you haven't been to, and you get jealous, and then you start to compare your life with them, and everything you have done seems nothing compared to it.

And so you start to idealize your future life, you dream big. You are the adventurous traveler who has explored the arctic, you are the soul of the party who goes around in a Ferrari, you are the doctor with three masters.
But then you remember that you don't care about any of that crap, you don't want to go anywhere, actually you don't care where you are, you don't care about a degree, you don't care about having a job, getting a Ferrari or anything. In fact you don't care about anything. Stuff are thrown at you, and you just do them because, well, you don't care. Has been like this for all your life. People around you seem to like the fact that you do them so, why not?

And so you keep going on. And every now and the you have those glimpse where you realize whats happening, you want to change, and you start dreaming again...

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

Wrong section, Introductions are called "Introit"

Well, first of all that's my first post, so hello to everybody. I've been looking around here for a bit and finally decided it was time to register

Anyway that's the thought I've been struggling quite a bit lately. Maybe some of you can give me a little push to move on from it.
Do you ever feel you have accomplished nothing in your life? No matter what you have done, how many friends you have, how many places you have visited?

Not "nothing", think of something you can do well. I would agree with little or very little. Feeling of being lost is what signals that you need something.

Because there is always that one person who has done something more than you, that is going to that place where you haven't been to, and you get jealous, and then you start to compare your life with them, and everything you have done seems nothing compared to it.

Simplifying you would like to live a life similar to this person? Do you idolize this person? If you like what this person achieved then you can start working towards similar goals.

And so you start to idealize your future life, you dream big. You are the adventurous traveler who has explored the arctic, you are the soul of the party who goes around in a Ferrari, you are the doctor with three masters.
But then you remember that you don't care about any of that crap, you don't want to go anywhere, actually you don't care where you are, you don't care about a degree, you don't care about having a job, getting a Ferrari or anything.

Yes what I mentioned, part of the process usually.

In fact you don't care about anything. Stuff are thrown at you, and you just do them because, well, you don't care. Has been like this for all your life. People around you seem to like the fact that you do them so, why not?

Yes this is a passive losing attitude. If you really didn't care about anything you wouldn't do anything. The fact that you post here means that at the very least you want to know what is it that you care about. There are things you care about, it takes some effort to visualize and acknowledge.

And so you keep going on. And every now and the you have those glimpse where you realize whats happening, you want to change, and you start dreaming again...

Again, if you like what you see in your dreams, this points you to some desires. Maybe you should look if you want some of these things for yourself?

aaaaand... Hello, enjoy your stay.

 

[Ex-User (9062)]

Well, first of all that's my first post, so hello to everybody. I've been looking around here for a bit and finally decided it was time to register

Hello and welcome!

Anyway that's the thought I've been struggling quite a bit lately. Maybe some of you can give me a little push to move on from it.

I'll give it a try.

Do you ever feel you have accomplished nothing in your life? No matter what you have done, how many friends you have, how many places you have visited?

Do you mean a lack of self-worth?
If so, yes, that has been around for a while.
I'm working on it.
I think these three things you mention all have in common that they are manifestations of the external world.
There is a possibility that your dissatisfaction with those is an indicator for the necessity of internal development.

Because there is always that one person who has done something more than you, that is going to that place where you haven't been to, and you get jealous, and then you start to compare your life with them, and everything you have done seems nothing compared to it.

Again, you focus on the external world.
To satisfy your jealousy you would have to be the king of the world.
Now, is that realistic?

And so you start to idealize your future life, you dream big. You are the adventurous traveler who has explored the arctic, you are the soul of the party who goes around in a Ferrari, you are the doctor with three masters.

Having fantasies about the future can be a very powerful motivator.
But the trick is to be modest about it.
Taking small steps, one at a time, will get you somewhere.
Building those big castles in the sky will destroy your motivation,
because subconsciously you know that it will not happen.

But then you remember that you don't care about any of that crap, you don't want to go anywhere, actually you don't care where you are, you don't care about a degree, you don't care about having a job, getting a Ferrari or anything. In fact you don't care about anything. Stuff are thrown at you, and you just do them because, well, you don't care. Has been like this for all your life. People around you seem to like the fact that you do them so, why not? And so you keep going on.

This is the destruction of your motivations put into practice.
You stop dreaming altogether and get caught in a rut.
You give other people the authority to provide for your purpose, aspirations and happiness in life.
You will eventually realize that they can not provide for a thing that is within you.

And every now and the you have those glimpse where you realize whats happening, you want to change, and you start dreaming again...

That is a good thing.
It shows that there is still a glimmer left in you.
If you fuel the spark with the proper materials it can become a flame again.

 

[Imaginary Numb3r]

I'm new too, but first of all welcome

I know exactly what you mean and I would like to tell you something very important learned.

It's a really long story but I want to keep it concise. I used to know a girl who was a real traveler. She worked hard in the summer so she could afford travelling throughout Europe. She has been at many countries, experienced many things, went out a lot and met many cool people.

I was really jealous about that and sometimes cursed myself that I'm so lazy. I did visit quite some countries as well, but it was always with my family (not that this is bad) but I didn't think it was that impressive.

Yet, she believed that I am the bigger traveller, because I said about two or three times "oh yeah, I've been there too".

It was not only the travelling, she was part of the school magazine, had a nice boyfriend and many more things. She looked so happy and I always thought "damn, I can't possible compete when it comes to life experience", even thinking that I wasted a lot of lifetime so far.

Then, she told me that most of her life has been "like hell" and most of things she did were done to get distance from school, her partents and other problems she had to face.
Also, she simply needed various tasks so she doesn't start thinking about her life and was always around strangers as she hated people at school and also had problems in her family for a long time.

Whereas I've been happy throught my whole life and never faced major problems, it was only when I compared my life to her "achievements" that made me a little bit down. But in retrostpective I'm really happy with my life (in comparison) so far.

What the eye see's is merely a fraction of what is really going on. I guess this is the reason why "swapping lives" is a common theme in movies/(old) cartoons ^^

 

[Kanzika]

I'm new too, but first of all welcome

I know exactly what you mean and I would like to tell you something very important learned.

It's a really long story but I want to keep it concise. I used to know a girl who was a real traveler. She worked hard in the summer so she could afford travelling throughout Europe. She has been at many countries, experienced many things, went out a lot and met many cool people.

I was really jealous about that and sometimes cursed myself that I'm so lazy. I did visit quite some countries as well, but it was always with my family (not that this is bad) but I didn't think it was that impressive.

Yet, she believed that I am the bigger traveller, because I said about two or three times "oh yeah, I've been there too".

It was not only the travelling, she was part of the school magazine, had a nice boyfriend and many more things. She looked so happy and I always thought "damn, I can't possible compete when it comes to life experience", even thinking that I wasted a lot of lifetime so far.

Then, she told me that most of her life has been "like hell" and most of things she did were done to get distance from school, her partents and other problems she had to face.
Also, she simply needed various tasks so she doesn't start thinking about her life and was always around strangers as she hated people at school and also had problems in her family for a long time.

Whereas I've been happy throught my whole life and never faced major problems, it was only when I compared my life to her "achievements" that made me a little bit down. But in retrostpective I'm really happy with my life (in comparison) so far.

What the eye see's is merely a fraction of what is really going on. I guess this is the reason why "swapping lives" is a common theme in movies/(old) cartoons ^^

This. Sometimes I do feel like this girl. I objectively have had a life that should be more exciting that 90 % of people that i know (im still in my early twenties just to clarify, even if i think it shouldnt make things different), not because I wanted but because I was thrown it to it.
And still sometimes i wish i was the king of the world, and sometimes i realize that I would hate it, and all i would want is being in a desert island in the pacific just surviving of what nature had to offer, but then realize i would hate that as well.
Everything i can possibly think of get idealized, and then consequently destroyed.
And sometimes all I wanted to do was doing nothing, at all. But you cant because you have things that you own to everybody else, because you are intelligent, because you had the opportunities (financially mainly) to do it.

So yeah i dont know if any of this make any sense to you. Anyway thanks for the replies

 

[Imaginary Numb3r]

This. Sometimes I do feel like this girl. I objectively have had a life that should be more exciting that 90 % of people that i know (im still in my early twenties just to clarify, even if i think it shouldnt make things different), not because I wanted but because I was thrown it to it.
And still sometimes i wish i was the king of the world, and sometimes i realize that I would hate it, and all i would want is being in a desert island in the pacific just surviving of what nature had to offer, but then realize i would hate that as well.
Everything i can possibly think of get idealized, and then consequently destroyed.
And sometimes all I wanted to do was doing nothing, at all. But you cant because you have things that you own to everybody else, because you are intelligent, because you had the opportunities (financially mainly) to do it.

So yeah i dont know if any of this make any sense to you. Anyway thanks for the replies

Nothing difficult to understand this ^^ and sometimes it's a good thing if you are pushed into something

Especially your mentioned contrast is very familiar to me, I know exactly what you mean. But make a decision and stick with it.