INTP taurus whats a good fit for partner

[ZenRaiden]

I was recently thinking that I have yet to come across someone IRL that I feel comfortable on a level that it would make sense to be partners with them. I mean like a intimate partner.
I can be fairly flexible when it comes to male friends and I can just about be friends with anyone to a point as long as they are respectful of my person.
But when it comes to the idea of intimacy I really cant stand a lot. I am fairly sensitive to a lot of behaviors that would otherwise not bug me.

For example I don't care for political beliefs or world views that are based around similar core values I have.
For example Id date with in any religion as long as the values she has are same as mine.
When I watched late videos of post Trump america I was shocked women literally divorced husbands for voting Trump.
Like I could not care less who she votes for.
Now when it comes to have commonalities I was wonder if the hindrance is my personality.

I tend to give off less visible vibes and I think I often don't connect the way that makes me as likeable as I would have been have I had not been INTP and taurus.

For example in tarot cards I have lovers devils birth card, and I also noticed a lot of other esoteric nuances, that makes me pretty open to relationship.

Yet I still cannot really figure out what makes me so incredible inaccessible to people.

 

[Hadoblado]

You come across as disorganised in your belief system, which might create difficulties for people trusting they know who you are. When I read one of your posts, I never really know what I'm going to get. Sometimes I suspect you're posting high, others you're quite lucid. If I name any topic, I don't think I could guess what your opinion would be unless I've already been exposed to it. I'm not really sure what your core values are.

I'm not trying to say this is the way you are, after all, I only know the limited part of you that you give online. But it might be something that creates distance if other people interpret you the same way. Talking to people I've had relations with, they often say they struggled to know what I was thinking or what my values were and this made me more difficult to approach.

 

[Cognisant]

Are you looking to get laid or settle down?

Step 1 to getting what you want is knowing what you want.

Tell me whether you want runners or business shoes and then we can talk about fits.

 

[Puffy]

I don't know enough about you to really say anything specific. But some factors that could apply.

I'm guessing that a lot of people on INTPf don't make themselves as socially available as they could do. Meeting someone you'll vibe with means meeting enough people to filter through that you find that person. So I guess be honest in your appraisal of how socially available you are to others. If you can think of places where people with similar core values hang out then that would be a start.

Another thing is that you've shared that you're neurodiverse and we don't necessarily relate to people in the same way most do. Even that aside, I think reflecting on how you've connected with most people doesn't matter as they're clearly not the right fit for you.

The way I think about it is that I'm monogamous and only need one partner. So I don't need to relate to or connect with most people, I only need to relate to or connect with one person. So I think focusing on knowing who you are and building the life you want is what matters and then other people know what they're getting into to say if that is what vibes with them and what they want to align with.

 

[dr froyd]

i think hado is onto something

you have to be like coca cola. When people are in the store they reach for coca coal because everyone knows exactly what it is. Most people can only hold something like 2 or 3 categories in their head so you have to make it simple for them

i don't even think it's a problem to be an introvert, as long as you fit some "introvert" stereotype. Tell them you like to read books and listen to sad music in your spare time. The most dangerous thing to people is something they don't understand, and when it comes to women - who are usually full of neuroses and complexes - it's particularly important to be understandable

 

[Cognisant]

It's Plato's Cave, we can never directly know each other only characterize each other based on superficial impressions. All the world is a stage and whether willing or not we are all actors upon it, playing characters.

It's beneficial to be aware if this and portray the most fun and compelling character you can. When someone asks "what's your favourite colour?" they're really saying "I want to be your friend, help me modify my behaviour to that end". So for example if they have a red lollypop and a blue lollypop they know which one to give you.

I once went out wearing a shirt that had a picture of a D20 and the words "Crit Happens" and I couldn't go 10min without someone trying to talk to me. A lot of people want to play D&D or already are avid players so by advertising my interest I had unwittingly opened the floodgates of unwanted human interaction.

 

[Puffy]

It's Plato's Cave, we can never directly know each other only characterize each other based on superficial impressions. All the world is a stage and whether willing or not we are all actors upon it, playing characters.

It's beneficial to be aware if this and portray the most fun and compelling character you can. When someone asks "what's your favourite colour?" they're really saying "I want to be your friend, help me modify my behaviour to that end". So for example if they have a red lollypop and a blue lollypop they know which one to give you.

I once went out wearing a shirt that had a picture of a D20 and the words "Crit Happens" and I couldn't go 10min without someone trying to talk to me. A lot of people want to play D&D or already are avid players so by advertising my interest I had unwittingly opened the floodgates of unwanted human interaction.

I want to hear your advice on getting laid.

 

[ZenRaiden]

I think I got an idea. Lots of good feedback.

 

[Cognisant]

I want to hear your advice on getting laid.

Date women that make bad choices.

Gucci bag but has to put stuff back when she goes to buy her groceries?
Like shooting fish in a barrel with a shotgun.

Of course you don't marry those ones.

 

[ZenRaiden]

You come across as disorganised in your belief system, which might create difficulties for people trusting they know who you are. When I read one of your posts, I never really know what I'm going to get.

Well this is frankly possible problem IRL, but this forum is disorganized too. We have variety of topics, and each topic has different level of depth for me. I assume it would be same for others.

Sometimes I suspect you're posting high,

Been called high and drunk IRL not sure why.

others you're quite lucid. If I name any topic, I don't think I could guess what your opinion would be unless I've already been exposed to it. I'm not really sure what your core values are.

I never virtue signal my values, plus I like sarcasm irony and jokes so people might often interpret what I write in a wrong way, not their fault though its limits of internet and limit of not knowing the person. I probably have to be more mindful of that in future. Lots of room for misinterpreting. I often feel like it happens more often and nuance is lost in the 0s and 1s, that would otherwise not happen IRL.

I'm not trying to say this is the way you are, after all, I only know the limited part of you that you give online. But it might be something that creates distance if other people interpret you the same way. Talking to people I've had relations with, they often say they struggled to know what I was thinking or what my values were and this made me more difficult to approach.

I can see how I am less relatable so this is valid post.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Are you looking to get laid or settle down?

Step 1 to getting what you want is knowing what you want.

Tell me whether you want runners or business shoes and then we can talk about fits.

I have more P than J approach to this. I want someone who enjoys my company and I enjoy their company.

 

[ZenRaiden]

I'm guessing that a lot of people on INTPf don't make themselves as socially available as they could do. Meeting someone you'll vibe with means meeting enough people to filter through that you find that person. So I guess be honest in your appraisal of how socially available you are to others. If you can think of places where people with similar core values hang out then that would be a start.

Yeah thats pragmatic issue that I am aware off.

Another thing is that you've shared that you're neurodiverse and we don't necessarily relate to people in the same way most do. Even that aside, I think reflecting on how you've connected with most people doesn't matter as they're clearly not the right fit for you.

Yep.

The way I think about it is that I'm monogamous and only need one partner. So I don't need to relate to or connect with most people, I only need to relate to or connect with one person. So I think focusing on knowing who you are and building the life you want is what matters and then other people know what they're getting into to say if that is what vibes with them and what they want to align with.

True, that seems to be always the advice. I guess that is part of the way to do stuff.

 

[ZenRaiden]

i think hado is onto something

you have to be like coca cola. When people are in the store they reach for coca coal because everyone knows exactly what it is. Most people can only hold something like 2 or 3 categories in their head so you have to make it simple for them

i don't even think it's a problem to be an introvert, as long as you fit some "introvert" stereotype. Tell them you like to read books and listen to sad music in your spare time. The most dangerous thing to people is something they don't understand, and when it comes to women - who are usually full of neuroses and complexes - it's particularly important to be understandable

I am thinking I need to know how to demonstrate my value to other people. As dumb as it sounds.

 

[scorpiomover]

But when it comes to the idea of intimacy I really cant stand a lot. I am fairly sensitive to a lot of behaviors that would otherwise not bug me.

Then you want someone sexually conservative?

I am thinking I need to know how to demonstrate my value to other people. As dumb as it sounds.

That's easy enough:

I was recently thinking that I have yet to come across someone IRL that I feel comfortable on a level that it would make sense to be partners with them. I mean like a intimate partner.
I can be fairly flexible when it comes to male friends and I can just about be friends with anyone to a point as long as they are respectful of my person.

For example I don't care for political beliefs or world views that are based around similar core values I have.
For example Id date with in any religion as long as the values she has are same as mine.
When I watched late videos of post Trump america I was shocked women literally divorced husbands for voting Trump.
Like I could not care less who she votes for.

Since you don't care, then the people who would like that, are the people who normally get rejected and humiliated for their politics and religion, as they'll love you, because you'll never do that to them.

E.G.

When I watched late videos of post Trump america I was shocked women literally divorced husbands for voting Trump.
Like I could not care less who she votes for.

You probably want a sexually conservative woman who loves Trump and has far-right religious views. Someone like Ann Coulter.

There's actually LOTS of women like that, especially in the USA.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Then you want someone sexually conservative?

Ah OK, may mistake, I did not explain what I mean by intimacy.
What I mean is psychological closeness, but when it comes to sex I am probably OK with whatever. Physical touch and sex, are kind of thing I have no issue with at all, its the intimacy based around psychological needs like relying on people or mutual emotional bonds. Granted sexual stuff is sometimes overlapping, but I have problem with psychological closeness. When it comes to sex I am OK with that. Tho I never had sex, because I never felt close to anyone even sexually I suppose.

Since you don't care, then the people who would like that, are the people who normally get rejected and humiliated for their politics and religion, as they'll love you, because you'll never do that to them.

E.G.

I have a principal of no harm. But I also value free thinking and independent minded people.
SO I don't want a carbon copy of myself. I might want even someone who challenges my own views from time to time, because they do believe in something.

But as long as they uphold principals of no harm or at least are reasonably nonviolent Id be OK with such person.

But I also don't want a doormat, that can't fight back.


Hope that makes sense.

 

[dr froyd]

I am thinking I need to know how to demonstrate my value to other people. As dumb as it sounds.

i think that's a good and important principle, but one should also be careful not to overdo it

at the end of the day, to most women "value" is just a normal, stable guy with a sense of humor

 

[ZenRaiden]

normal, stable guy with a sense of humor

I can do stable more or less, and I can do humor. What even is normal tho?

 

[Puffy]

I'm guessing that a lot of people on INTPf don't make themselves as socially available as they could do. Meeting someone you'll vibe with means meeting enough people to filter through that you find that person. So I guess be honest in your appraisal of how socially available you are to others. If you can think of places where people with similar core values hang out then that would be a start.

Yeah thats pragmatic issue that I am aware off.

Another thing is that you've shared that you're neurodiverse and we don't necessarily relate to people in the same way most do. Even that aside, I think reflecting on how you've connected with most people doesn't matter as they're clearly not the right fit for you.

Yep.

The way I think about it is that I'm monogamous and only need one partner. So I don't need to relate to or connect with most people, I only need to relate to or connect with one person. So I think focusing on knowing who you are and building the life you want is what matters and then other people know what they're getting into to say if that is what vibes with them and what they want to align with.

True, that seems to be always the advice. I guess that is part of the way to do stuff.

People generally say it as I think people are generally attracted to people who are self-confident and know what they want.

 

[dr froyd]

normal, stable guy with a sense of humor

I can do stable more or less, and I can do humor. What even is normal tho?

yea who knows, dude

im pretty much in the same boat as you. Over the past 15 years i've met about 1.5 women with whom i had a solid connection

there's no single simple explanation for it, i think. But it sure as hell doesn't help that with 99% of women out there i wouldn't even know what to talk about because i have zero interest in pop culture, home renovation, and all the stuff normies love to chat about. I've tried dating "smart" girls but they all turned out to be 3rd-wave feminists

 

[Hadoblado]

normal, stable guy with a sense of humor

I can do stable more or less, and I can do humor. What even is normal tho?

While a lot of people "don't want to be normal", it's the minimum standard that comes with normality that's important to most people, not the conformity.

Normal is being able to respond in real time (listening skills) and push conversations forward naturally, it's in the eye of the beholder. Some people are normal by virtue of having shared interests etc., but it's a lot harder to be considered normal when you don't have anything in common.

 

[fluffy]

I've tried dating "smart" girls but they all turned out to be 3rd-wave feminists

Barely in college / have a degree.

What I have seen is that self awareness gets you further than just above average intelligence. ( So it's rare, like two percent )

Normal is being able to respond in real time (listening skills) and push conversations forward naturally, it's in the eye of the beholder. Some people are normal by virtue of having shared interests etc., but it's a lot harder to be considered normal when you don't have anything in common.

I guess one would just need to talk. See how both interact. Because as long as some topics come up that lends themselves to more common in interests you can get to specifics later.

Unless you meet specific women tho one should not talk about Pokemon or kid things as that turns off women looking for a man that can support them. Likely you will want to be taller and have muscle but only enough to show you can talk about adult subjects if necessary. Male features physical or psychological that are rugged enough or show strength somehow. Older Boyish men have an appeal only if mentally strong.

 

[ZenRaiden]

People generally say it as I think people are generally attracted to people who are self-confident and know what they want.

That does not hurt true.

there's no single simple explanation for it, i think. But it sure as hell doesn't help that with 99% of women out there i wouldn't even know what to talk about because i have zero interest in pop culture, home renovation, and all the stuff normies love to chat about. I've tried dating "smart" girls but they all turned out to be 3rd-wave feminists

Yeah tell me about it. My brain goes places, but the normie topics like that are something I just don't think about at all.
But what is the deal breaker with 3rd wave feminist really?

 

[ZenRaiden]

Normal is being able to respond in real time (listening skills) and push conversations forward naturally, it's in the eye of the beholder. Some people are normal by virtue of having shared interests etc., but it's a lot harder to be considered normal when you don't have anything in common.

I know how to listen, not sure how to contribute to conversations much.
I guess shared interest is something that could help.
I really feel like most of the shit is random and outside of control.

 

[dr froyd]

But what is the deal breaker with 3rd wave feminist really?

it does sometimes show that the woman has some pretty radical ideologies floating around in her head, which can create animosity and complication in unpredictable ways.

for example one announced to me that she pays for her own food - which is fine with me. If we're paying for each our own food, it's pretty normal (at least for me) that we buy rounds of drinks i.e. 1 person buys two drinks at a time. But when saw me buying 2 drinks she got all pissy because that's patriarchy or whatever. It's an example of an individual's social functioning breaking down due to ideology.

it's a silly example of course but these sort of things continuously keep cropping up in my experience, and it's just another layer of bs you have to deal with

 

[ZenRaiden]

of bs you have to deal with

Yeah I get what you mean, just mind games.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Consider taking a fun class like art, photography, cooking where you can get out and be with other students or maybe travel with others.
It might help if you meet and talk and get to know people in settings like that with where you have shared interests.
Then ask someone towards the end of the class on a date to a theme park or somewhere a little bit thrilling.
Taurus is good with other earth and water signs.
Earth: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
Water: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
Do you know your rising sign?
If you go to https://www.astro.com/horoscopes and know what time you were born, you can do your Natal chart for free to get your ascendant.
Your ascendant (rising sign) is how you appear to everyone else physically.
If it happens to be Scorpio ascendant, thats your answer. They scare people easily with their penetrating stare.
In that case, I recommend talking to a video cam of yourself and seeing how you come across and fine tuning it by videoing yourself a lot until you like what you see. Usually it involves softening your mindset, just be softer in expression.
Or, if you have super bushy brows, consider getting them thinned out, sometimes those scare people off too.
Most likely, people can see you are nervous and the attitude you want is to be enjoying yourself and relaxed, as people pick up on those vibes and want to share in enjoyment.
Also, you can't start out by talking about heavy topics, most brains just don't do that. Find superficial things you probably don't care about to talk about, every day things and force yourself to talk about those for the first two or three dates until they feel safer with you, then slowly add in deeper topics. Go slow.

What do you think about the 'weather' the 'shopping center' the 'actor' or the 'parking' whatever, just to get them to start talking kind of ice breaker. Make it about your interest in their opinion. Make them feel its important to you that they are free to speak or not and don't take things personally if they do not reciprocate. Just learn from each attempt. You are going to try to be a fun salesman who is asking questions to find out what she wants/likes. Video your self asking questions until they seem natural and fun. You are going to watch to see if she asks similar questions of you and returns what you give. Give and take is what you are encouraging.
If you need to find clothes/hairstyles that fit your persona, that can be done. But, are you really ready to take on someone new? Also, you be ready by having a job, an income, and a reason to share yourself with someone and take responsability for them? Thats probably what they want, just show you want that.
Your value to people is also in how you show you love them with sentiment, songs, flowers, lighthearted jokes, and doing things you both enjoy and finding a few amazing things to do together. Lakes, Mountains, Concerts, Theme parks, Classes, Dancing classes, friends, travel, hugs, back rubs, etc.

Oh, and be willing to let her 'mold and shape' you, and also teach her about what you want from her. This can be exciting aspect, of give and take. Shaping each other up. But only if both are giving and taking. When you find issues of conflict, use gentle teaching to share your views without insisting they adopt that view, ie, know that there will always be opposition, and plan to allow the difference if you can.