INTPs, Relationships and Depression.

[kazd362]

Hey INTP,

I seem to be stuck in a constant state of ennui. I just don't know whats happening to me, I'm finding it really hard to leave my house, school is just a constant run of nothingness. So far I haven't been handling anything well, I let insults slide by but when I'm out of the situation I just don't want to go on living. On the other hand though I sometimes have 'mania' days, but the pattern is generally two days mania then two weeks depression then about three to four days normal.

I like drugs, but I just can't get any, so before I go to school I generally mix some Berocca one can of V two Panadol tablets and some cough medicine. They just seem to make things, or at least give me the illusion that they are making things better.

I generally manage to hold up alright but when I shower I break down and scream out, this is where I cut myself, I touch my thumb to my forefinger and scratch up and down for about half an hour, this gives me a deep scar.

So far I have tried suicide three times, all with a legal drug overdose.

There is one thing though that brings me happiness, a girl I like, I have liked her for about two years now. I'm in denial about liking her, because its almost an obsession. It's almost like she governs my decisions, whenever she is around, I'm completely different, this includes place like Facebook where she can hear things. I place all my trust in her, despite her betraying me twice now. I have told her everything above but I think she thinks that I'm lying to her, she seems to be taking it too lightly.

I would like to know what I should do and whether anybody else has had this

 

[The Gopher]

sounds like bi-polar.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

You sound god awful similar to myself when I was 16, apart from the whole attempting suicide. To remedy the situation I got rid of all my friends, changed schools (moved to an experimental school based on a university environment) and studied my ass off. Made friends at the school with the students and teachers.

Though, the best thing I did at the time was get rid of the only person I thought that ever identified with me after coming to the conclusion she was an insidious person. Well, she was not insidious intentionally.

So man, what I have explained through interpretative dance, aka personal story, is that you have to give up. Give up on your current life and make a new one. The most important thing is to get rid of the girl. She probably the crux of the predicament your in. Remove the psychological trigger that induces changes in your behavior or mental status.

---

Something else that has dawned on me over the last six years, is that not matter how shit you feel you can still go on living and have periods of enjoyment.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

So man, what I have explained through interpretative dance, aka personal story, is that you have to give up. Give up on your current life and make a new one. The most important thing is to get rid of the girl. She probably the crux of the predicament your in. Remove the psychological trigger that induces changes in your behavior or mental status.


Something else that has dawned on me over the last six years, is that not matter how shit you feel you can still go on living and have periods of enjoyment.

I agree with this. Especially for INTPs, with the nasty cycle of depression we may go through, it's incredibly helpful to know for sure that life will always pick back up.

Others things to help:

• Think less about the negatives and more about the positives in your life
• Don't be so hesitant to voice your opinions or react to other people's negativity.
• Talk to a close irl confidant (family?) about your problems, don't dwell on them, just enough to have someone who understands you and accepts you
• Get rid of the drugs, the mind needs to be clear of outside influence if you want to be mentally healthy
• Forget about the girl, she's not helping your situation one bit
• Join a support group or a school club or do some volunteer work
• Go out and do something new; kick bad habits & start new hobbies

 

[DesertSmeagle]

its sounds like you have a mix of bipolar disorder and some kind of personality disorder. you need to talk to a professional about this.

 

[snafupants]

Let me preface this by saying feel free to take none, some, most, or all of the advice that follows. No one is telling you to do anything. The beginning of the thread starter is very telling. Your ennui claim comes before the drug issues, depression issues, girl issues, and suicide issues. At first blush it seems like a chemical imbalance made worse by your unreciprocated feelings for this girl. Ditch the girl, or rather the idea of the girl because that is only bringing you pain. The ennui coming first strikes me as important because it suggests you are trying to replace dissatisfaction in one area with satisfaction in another - the girl. Fix the underlying emotional problem by going to a therapist, and ameliorate the environmental aspect of the depression by finding more about what makes you tick, what really turns you on. What is your most important ambition? Pursue that and get rid of the accessories. In your heart of hearts, you know that the drugs are not bringing long term happiness.

 

[phantome]

quoting others before me,
I think that the main things you should concentrate on now are
1) stopping the drug use, drugs don't make things better, and having an illusion of things getting better will hurt even more when the effect wears off.
2) get rid of the girl. Especially considering she's already betrayed you twice. Do you really need that in your life?
3)Set a goal for yourself and work on achieving it, and work on developing other interests.