Male/Female depression

[fluffy]

Depression is not only the emotion of sadness.

It really has to do with energy levels where you lose the drive to do some or any action.

And it's not only about specific events that happen to a person. There is not always thoughts behind the low energy mood.

All depression is at the core is whatever it is immobilizing the person.

With males they are taught not to talk about there problems so often when they don't know what else to do they act out. They hold everything in until it bursts. Women can lash out but they hold in anger less because they can do more in showing how they feel so it builds up less. When men are told not to say or do anything ever then it comes out stronger and more intense if they are under stress a long time. Also women are taught to give up and be sad where men get taught to solve the problem and not to just do nothing.

So women concentrate on the emotional parts of depression that lead to helplessness where men are concentrated on doing something but can't leading to frustration and ruminating (thinking about doing bad actions).

I often have problems I cannot solve and sometimes I get mad people will not help me. At times in the past there was a way to solve the problem but those around me just gave up and this made me feel worse and worse. I often thought "well if they don't care they can die" but this doesn't make any sense given I care about them. So what I thought instead was "it's not there fault because they have a cognitive deficiency". It's much easier to believe people are stupid than to believe they are lazy and immoral. Because if this were not the case I would be obligated to hurt them, to teach them a lesson. That is I cannot help people if I don't understand the reasons behind there inability to do what needs to be done so everything is ok. Yelling never worked in vast majority of cases. If you yell people abandon you, things just get worse.

This is also why therapy doesn't work. When you tell people the issue they object and those problems stay where they are. For most women getting out the feelings are good but for men property damage would result so they pretend to do therapy to just make it easier to cope with or distract themselves until they go back where those problems still exist. Men don't care about trivial problems they care about life and death problems (so perceived) so therapy is harder than just healing emotional trauma. Something has to happen men refuse to talk about for that reason or things go bad quickly.

So when men have depression they of try and mask rather the heal it. Drinking alcohol can result in men getting very violent but it also results in a painkiller that stops other kinds of violence from happening instead. Other drugs are less available but it's for the same purpose. Because pain cannot just be experienced it needs an action to stop it. Actions that have consequences. Men that have given up are called broken. So depression in men often they just use coping as a way to keep going without the pain going away. Doing stuff as distractions rather than laying in bed. Physical activity that can stop pain but only if it feels like something got accomplished and was not futile. Futility is the worst feeling men experience in depression. It's why they continually think up solutions to problems so they can support themselves when others won't.

 

[kuoka]

It really has to do with energy levels where you lose the drive to do some or any action.

Totally agree. One can lose the drive, but still has some energy to push forward, but if one loses the energy then it's impossible to do anything. Depression is a very debilitating condition

This is also why therapy doesn't work. When you tell people the issue they object and those problems stay where they are.

I know what you mean because I often come across people who don't listen or object to every constructive criticism. I want to add something here.

Therapy often works, especially individual therapy. In the case of group therapy both parties must be willing to undertake it for it to be effective. Both parties cannot be in denial about the problem. If one side is in denial then the other won't make any progress as they will be ignored or will be met with hostility.

And here is the sad part. It is usually better to end or limit exposure to a relationship where one party is denying the problem. This is the way for the person who is aware of the problem to work on it themselves without the constant negative influence of the others who are hostile or in denial.

I often thought "well if they don't care they can die" but this doesn't make any sense given I care about them. So what I thought instead was "it's not there fault because they have a cognitive deficiency". It's much easier to believe people are stupid than to believe they are lazy and immoral. Because if this were not the case I would be obligated to hurt them, to teach them a lesson.

Were they harmful? Why is it that you thought that you should hurt them if they don't cooperate with you on some problem? I get it that a person can be mad if they are ignored by others. Being ignored is often a sign of a toxic relationship.

So when men have depression they of try and mask rather the heal it. Drinking alcohol can result in men getting very violent but it also results in a painkiller that stops other kinds of violence from happening instead.

Trust me when I say that women do that too. With alcohol involved it's often a slow slide into dysfunction. Depression is a state that can be periodic or long term and with some form of dependency involved like alcohol it generally is the slow and constricting kind of depression.

I think at least some of it can be helped by escaping a constricting or negative environment, sometimes it's just people, often it's bad job, but it could be something as trivial as not having enough sunlight or as simple as living in a dilapidated urban sprawl without a green tree in sight. Those environmental elements and toxic relations do tax the mind and drain energy and in their absence the mind can recharge.

Unfortunately there are neurological elements to depression. Some brains are just wired to have this undercurrent of sadness going on and respond less to happy things and more to stressful and unhappy stuff. Most of the time with a good lifestyle and a healthy environment the person can function well enough, but there are situations where some form of therapy or medication is needed to help reinforce the good things and diminish the bad.

 

[fluffy]

I am not in any relationship.

But I still have problems where I get angry at the smallest of thing's with other people in my life.

When I was a kid I remember that the last time I had issues with other kids was when I decided never to interact with people because I could not make friends. I kept to myself so no one could take advantage of me.

All that left me with were close relatives. But they don't care because they are handicapped mentally in some way. They do bad things that hurt others because of mental retardation. My mom my aunt my brother.

They don't understand and hurt themselves.

And I think that so long as I have to put up with my brother abusing my mom and she will not call the police and she falls down all the time. She is stupid won't get rid of him.

But if I don't have her around then that is bad.

She mentally cannot comprehend he is abusive.

She buys lottery tickets instead of food.

This is why I cannot tell my therapist anything because she will excuse it also. I said many times stuff and other things. She told me I need to go to the hospital. It's bullshit.