Mauvaise Foi

[dr froyd]

it hit me the other day that as of this year, every single one of my friends now has a wife, kids, and a mortgage. I'm the only one left!

it's a fascinating thing, and i often try to understand how that happens. Because to me, ending up in that situation means that your life is effectively over. I understand that to many people that's obscene, maybe even offensive. And people would say: it's not up to you to judge or decide how people should live their lives. That's certainly true, but there's a problem: I know my friends, and have known them since school. And therefore I know what dreams and aspirations they had when they were younger. What's undeniable is that they are abandoning those aspirations, so the question is: why. Is it a conscious decision? Or do they just stumble into that lifestyle and forget what they really wanted to do. And how do people live with that choice? Do they say: I was not wise enough to know what my real purpose is. Or maybe they simply gave up?

 

[Puffy]

You can only know by asking them I think. People change as they get older and their dreams can change as well. There can be many reasons they might give up on a dream or change direction and they’re not all negative reasons like fear of failure or lack of self-belief.

When I was in early 20s I wanted to be a writer and to put all my effort into making the best piece of fiction I could do. Over time I let go of this dream for multiple reasons. I realised that I was compensating for a lack in other areas of my life and that I didn’t want to spend large amounts time on my own writing anymore and that I enjoyed activities with others more. My goals are more family and community oriented now where before they were more artistic and intellectual. But I would see this as character development/growth when seen within the context of my life and what I find fulfilling overall.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Or maybe they simply gave up?

I think they did give up. I don't think it was simple.
I think it was gradual evaluation of circumstances.

Generally you have up hill battle for an ideal life.

Or you might settle for less, and have it right now.

Is it better or worse? Depends on lots of factors, but one major factor is thinking how much you have left in your tank. If you are half empty and running out of fuel and elán vital.

Unfortunately for you the case is different. You like to rock on motion of big oceans and dangerous waves, you want to go into open waters and see if you can catch bigger fish figuratively speaking.

But this type of life is set in different rhythms and different dimensions. You'll be facing challenges alone and you will be facing issues that are hard to share with your friends, because they wont relate.

Simply put you have to accept the fact you have to cut ties with those that lead this settled life. Or to put it in practical terms you can only share percentage of your life.

The other part of life is for those who boldly go where no one has gone before.
Its life of danger and adventure and challenge.

You have to stop comparing your life with others, because its different.

What you want, and how you want to live is different.

Its easy to fall lock step with others and live a mediocre culture where all people are living in semi conscious states.
Some people, and probably you realize that this not something you want.
But perhaps you are still having doubts about setting sail and going forward full steam ahead.

 

[sushi]

no your life is not over, if you live long enough, you will settle down and have a family.

right now the cost of living is so high that people are more reluctant to have children.

i recommend donating your sperm if you are desperate.

 

[dr froyd]

@ZenRaiden that's beautifully put, man. I really mean that

 

[fluffy]

What does life have to offer.

Gets complicated the older one becomes.

 

[ZenRaiden]

@ZenRaiden that's beautifully put, man. I really mean that

Yeah thanks. Having doubts is sign of sanity. Think of doubts as something helping you over come limitations not as something holding you back. Doubts just mean your not delusional, but realist. Thing get hard at times. Doubting is not weakness its information. How you interpret that info and frame it is up to you.

 

[kuoka]

People aspire to do different things, but for most of them it's just saying words or mulling over thoughts without really committing.

I questioned some people on why they don't follow up on something they said until I arrived at an obvious answer. If someone hasn't done the thing they said they'd like to do it means said thing wasn't as important to them as they made it sound.

I really wonder if there are any goals that can't be achieved after you settle down? Such long term goals with a scope greater than a decade seem unrealistic from the beginning, at least to mere mortals without a strong drive. I guess starting a company and securing time and finances for it would be near impossible without committing almost your whole life early on, but if they really cared about some goal you would see them grinding on it in their free time.

It's best to ask them, but to answer your question people rarely know what they want, rarely stick to plans and give up for good and bad reasons. Some goals are not worth pursuing to the detriment of your other dreams and well-being.

 

[Chibi]

Life has a weird way of pathing itself out before you.

In Daoism, they speak of the path of life as a river. The more you fight the current, the more it's going to throw you around. If you relax, breathe, and let it guide you, it's going to be an easier ride.

 

[dr froyd]

I really wonder if there are any goals that can't be achieved after you settle down? Such long term goals with a scope greater than a decade seem unrealistic from the beginning, at least to mere mortals without a strong drive. I guess starting a company and securing time and finances for it would be near impossible without committing almost your whole life early on, but if they really cared about some goal you would see them grinding on it in their free time.

yes exactly, it is impossible without committing almost your whole life and accepting some pretty significant risks. Once you get a mortgage and a family, you absolutely eliminate any chance of pursuing such ideas because at that point you live under such constraints that even losing one's salary for a few months becomes an existential risk.

i suppose it's a choice one has to make consciously and deliberately, because if one never makes the choice, that choice will simply be made for you, and that choice will be the path of least resistance - the path towards well-being and stability. I suppose for most people that's good enough, because to most people well-being *is* purpose

 

[dr froyd]

Life has a weird way of pathing itself out before you.

In Daoism, they speak of the path of life as a river. The more you fight the current, the more it's going to throw you around. If you relax, breathe, and let it guide you, it's going to be an easier ride.

there is wisdom in that.

there's certain things i have want to do, and some days something in me boils up and tells me "you have to do this right now!". Yet i was feeling the same thing about a year ago but was stopped by a certain logic, and it turned out that if i had done it then it would have been an epic disaster. At the time i felt like a coward, like i made up excuses. Now i feel like life itself decided to show to me: look what sort of shit can happen if you try to force things too quickly.

 

[fluffy]

i suppose it's a choice one has to make consciously and deliberately, because if one never makes the choice, that choice will simply be made for you, and that choice will be the path of least resistance - the path towards well-being and stability. I suppose for most people that's good enough, because to most people well-being *is* purpose

People do what they can do.

I always felt not smart enough yet it's a matter of me not knowing what I was good at. Such that if you have overwhelming amounts of resources people often don't know what to do with it because they lack intelligence to manage it. For me it's that I was not able to build a computer at twelve and had no idea what to do afterwards. I might be able to build it from scratch with solder boards and all that retro tech but I lost the drive as an adult. Now it's about aesthetics. What am I trying to do that looks good and helps me feel good about myself. In the cartoons they had incredible things. What if I could put them in the computer. Since I don't have money in excess it's better to have it virtually.

What you are seeking you probably have the ability to accomplish it as it would not be unrealistic to do given your intellectual capital. What I want is beyond my capabilities mostly and I need to think of something I can actually do.

 

[birdsnestfern]

The knowledge is that if you start with a blank slate it probably looks formidable and scares you away from it. But just start on any small detail. The secret of discovering the process is that you think its important and have some passion for it.
Its about building from where you left off, and pushing for momentum.
Don't think too much about it.
Even a small amount daily and even from scratch, you'll be "building" and practicing some creative pursuit.
Don't follow anyone elses tracks, thats not original. Do what you do naturally and build on it.
TRUST it will come to you in the right way, in the right time, but keep building the dream.
Don't judge yourself or that it won't work out, just aim in the direction you want and try.
What if you close your eyes, slow down, ask your heart what it wants you to do? Keep asking it, and let it tell you things.
What if in the process of 'creating' your trust in this process keeps gifting new ideas, new processes.
What if, things are revealed to you that develop into something amazing. Let that be how it works,
For your effort of trying something new, you are gifted a discovery and find passion, because you are being brave and bold and trying something, see, it may reward you.