Micro movements (or becoming still)

[fluffy]

I hadn't focused much on the body.

But everything changed when I decided to move and breathe at the same time.

Usually I think too much but this time I was exercising and things just slowed down.

I was sleeping excessively but I was not feeling better. I had to slow down and this required breathing at the same time moving. Standing up without moving and holding arms or a leg out without moving but breathing at the same time.

The body makes micro motions that if you get in tune with them they go away. Then your body flows in gentle ways. And it's unlike being forceful because you're leaving behind what caused tremors. It all settles in.

Tremors have a source and it's in the bodies positioning that tense up without realizing it making the body imbalanced that tremors compensate for. So without being in a cramped position you allow the body's muscles to work naturally and unhindered.

Relaxation was hard before I looked at the muscles as needing to move naturally. They had too much force behind them. And it was in the breathe where I tried to stop the tremors first.

In meditation when beginning you don't feel anything and this is annoying so you stop the practice. But it's not about a ritual of counting or anything but to become aware and feel everything. This lets you control at the same time relax. It feels better not worse. You only need to go as far as you can go and not more.

There are less tremors as I move now.

Just by watching how to become still.

And looking at the heartbeat.

Not forcing anything to far.

 

[fluffy]

Sitting on the floor without noise.

I was sleeping but remembered to go to the store.

So I am just here now on my back.

Doing nothing is ok right now.

I have to wait because I got a new computer but it won't activate without an Internet connection so I can't do anything yet.

It might be days or weeks.

And calming down the mind is difficult.

I keep breathing and try to move slowly.

You can move awareness without moving the body. Takes time to adjust.

The body and mind both want to be active.

So moving them in the right way is key.

I have to hold back certain motions.

Where emotion and energy goes.

Then I am in control of myself.

This feels better than not being in control.

Because then you need external things to feel this way.

If it comes from the inside you can do what you want which doesn't happen always with an external source for it.

 

[fluffy]

I have had this pain in my head since 2015

For some reason I have gained more control over it and it has subsided by 90%

When I had the pain in 2015 I was listening to some music I did not like and forced my way through it. But this left a twisty contortionist feeling top right side of my head. Now it seems to be almost gone.

I think the reason is that I had thought about what someone said about God and the afterlife. If I don't repent I don't get to be with God. But more so the reason people act out and do bad things is because of pain. So I decided that I was going to be a better person and not be angry as much at people and to do so I would need to feel less pain.

I think that to feel less pain you first need to know it exists. I thought that I should look at it more but also that I should know that I should not force it on to anyone else. When people have pain they feel they need to get rid of it by putting it onto other people but that's not how to best get rid of it. I felt that I just needed to abandon my need to force it somewhere else. The person in the video helped me see that I was projecting in the wrong ways. That if I had to believe in God I need to stop.

When we have pain it can be activated by other people in that we think they want to hurt us and we must fight back in some way or do something about it. But that's not always the case. If we look at what's really happening social pressures are the real reason we try to defend ourselves. It's hard to not react to others because we have been conditioned for keeping a social status. If that status diminished then others will not help us or try to hurt us.

Threats have ways of getting into us. That we don't know how to find ways to fix without others assistance. That's why we feel threatened to begin with because others hurt us and now we need to stop that from happening at all costs. But if we think about it, not everyone is supposed to be help us. And not everyone wants to hurt us. It feels that way because society is larger than us. And it's bigger than we evolved to handle.

The thing is that I was able to disconnect the pain from the feeling of being threatened. And that helped me see that I don't need as much as I did before. Social things can affect us too much and I was too much affected by other people. I don't want to be forced to do certain things and I want people to help me but it matters who's doing it because how big society's have become. Not everyone matters in a persons personal life. Not to be angry at or to seek help from.

There is less pain because of the change in my expectations. I have gotten away almost from thinking about what others think about me. In the larger sense we didn't evolve for that many people in our lives. So I am somewhat better.