What a crappy day

[Thales]

The last day of my only college class was today, many of the students gave heartfelt compliments towards the Prof, after I finished my exam and made up a quiz, I was gone. On the bright side, my Prof left a paragraph at the end of my essay saying how good it was, but I left the class feeling hollow and emotionally overwhelmed at the exact same time, hollow in the sense that I didn't take much from the class. Not much educationally, nor socially,...anything. The social part really bothered me, sometimes I feel like I'm not an INTJ (or INTP as I've scored taking a different test). But I went into that class with the illusion of progress, that I would form some friendships, but that was replaced with major anxiety, and thus keeping to myself. Anyway, the feeling I had right after leaving that class, the intensity of it still burns incredibly brightly, almost blinding my inner self. Can anyone relate to what I've typed? I just have this sense of major disillusionment, and am mildly depressed.

On a sidenote, this has been a crappy day all around, not just school and work, but afterwards (after work) I was so distracted...well, let's just say I was pulled over my local law enforement, that was a crown to an overall crappy day, and I don't think I'll be forgetting it anytime soon.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

Hey man, I emphasize with that situation.

 

[digital angel]

Perhaps you feel the way you do because of your expections going into the class. That's ok. It happens to alot of people regardless of temperment type.

It sounds like you did well on the exam and probably in the class too. Is this class relevant to the field you see yourself in, in the future? If so, keep in touch with the professor. If you continue to network with him/her, you could find yourself in the position of receiving information leading to job opportunities.

 

[Moocow]

Maybe you didn't challenge yourself sufficiently and that hollow feeling is guilt. That could include forcing yourself to meet new people and talk to the professor.

 

[snafupants]

It can be hard to meet people if you're not living in the dorms.

Folks normally go to class to go to class. Not for intellectual/social stimulation and the like.

Ideally you would meet one or two like-minded people and do something after class, on the weekend, etc. Class isn't really centered around linking people up though.

Also, relax, you will have many more classes. I think because it was your only class you may have forced the issue somewhat and put undue pressure on yourself.

Just use this experience to gain insight into the situation, make some changes, and start over.

Reading over your post, let me make one comment on the social aspect of this. Your description of mild anxiety makes me think you weren't participating as much as you could have, or perhaps wanted to.

Imagine how other students would perceive that. Meeting new people means you have to be vulnerable and expose yourself once in a while, especially at the beginning. It's initially painful but, if it's a springboard to what you want, it's worth it.

Finally, most cops are assholes. I say most because I've talked my way out of my last two potential speeding tickets.

 

[Lobstrich]

Logic suggest: Talking to people instead of just leaving, as the solution. I'm generally in favor of logic.

The way I see it the only thing that can happen when you talk to people is that you either find out that said person is a complete ass or that said person is a great person whom you enjoy spending time with. I can only see positive things in that. You might find a person that you might even consider your friend in the future. If not, then you've tried. And you don't have that hollow feeling, because you've gotten explaination for the lack of social interactions. That explaination being that you disliked the people in the class. Or whatever is is one does.


That said, I can relate. I've done that alot myself, just left. Guess I thought it was awkward to just go "Soo.... Uh, hey. So do you guys like Hendrix? Or?" Or whatever you might ask. So I thought It would be easier to just, leave. That being said. I'm still in favor of logic, hehe.

 

[Thales]

Logic suggest: Talking to people instead of just leaving, as the solution. I'm generally in favor of logic.

The way I see it the only thing that can happen when you talk to people is that you either find out that said person is a complete ass or that said person is a great person whom you enjoy spending time with. I can only see positive things in that. You might find a person that you might even consider your friend in the future. If not, then you've tried. And you don't have that hollow feeling, because you've gotten explaination for the lack of social interactions. That explaination being that you disliked the people in the class. Or whatever is is one does.


That said, I can relate. I've done that alot myself, just left. Guess I thought it was awkward to just go "Soo.... Uh, hey. So do you guys like Hendrix? Or?" Or whatever you might ask. So I thought It would be easier to just, leave. That being said. I'm still in favor of logic, hehe.

Well, yes, talking to people would be the logical solution, unfortunately I can't override my social fears that easily.

It can be hard to meet people if you're not living in the dorms.

Folks normally go to class to go to class. Not for intellectual/social stimulation and the like.

Ideally you would meet one or two like-minded people and do something after class, on the weekend, etc. Class isn't really centered around linking people up though.

Also, relax, you will have many more classes. I think because it was your only class you may have forced the issue somewhat and put undue pressure on yourself.

Just use this experience to gain insight into the situation, make some changes, and start over.

Reading over your post, let me make one comment on the social aspect of this. Your description of mild anxiety makes me think you weren't participating as much as you could have, or perhaps wanted to.

Imagine how other students would perceive that. Meeting new people means you have to be vulnerable and expose yourself once in a while, especially at the beginning. It's initially painful but, if it's a springboard to what you want, it's worth it.

Finally, most cops are assholes. I say most because I've talked my way out of my last two potential speeding tickets.

I'm sorry if I phrased it in such a way as to indicate I was only experiencing mild anxiety. From my perspective, it was severe anxiousness, so much so that I would skip class. When I did go, for instance on my last day, I was so nervous I was swallowing convulsively, barely made eye contact with anyone etc. Believe me, I was fully imagining how other students were perceiving me, which made the anxiety worse.

 

[snafupants]

Well, yes, talking to people would be the logical solution, unfortunately I can't override my social fears that easily.



I'm sorry if I phrased it in such a way as to indicate I was only experiencing mild anxiety. From my perspective, it was severe anxiousness, so much so that I would skip class. When I did go, for instance on my last day, I was so nervous I was swallowing convulsively, barely made eye contact with anyone etc. Believe me, I was fully imagining how other students were perceiving me, which made the anxiety worse.

The setting itself is stifling enough, but you have to realize that other students have their own hang-ups, and they're probably not paying intimate attention to your anxiety. Also, even if they were, the average person would probably want to help alleviate that anxiety. Individuals are helpful, groups are evil and form lynch mobs.

 

[Thales]

The setting itself is stifling enough, but you have to realize that other students have their own hang-ups, and they're probably not paying intimate attention to your anxiety. Also, even if they were, the average person would probably want to help alleviate that anxiety. Individuals are helpful, groups are evil and form lynch mobs.

You know, I read an article in science daily that claimed a study found conspiracy theorists would want to conspire themselves. In other words, those inclined to betrayal fear it (or believe it) the most (not sure where I got that). How does this pertain to me? Well, I'm wondering if I'm simply projecting my own immature thought process onto others, if that makes sense.

Thing is, my anxiety is quite stubborn and persistent, I've been told it's a biochemical issue.

And btw, I know classes are not meant for socializing (obviously), I was just hoping it would provide a more subtle integration into social life, or at least give me more practice with dealing effectively with peope. I'm trying to take this as a lesson learned, but it is difficult.

 

[snafupants]

You know, I read an article in science daily that claimed a study found conspiracy theorists would want to conspire themselves. In other words, those inclined to betrayal fear it (or believe it) the most (not sure where I got that). How does this pertain to me? Well, I'm wondering if I'm simply projecting my own immature thought process onto others, if that makes sense.

Thing is, my anxiety is quite stubborn and persistent, I've been told it's a biochemical issue.

And btw, I know classes are not meant for socializing (obviously), I was just hoping it would provide a more subtle integration into social life, or at least give me more practice with dealing effectively with peope. I'm trying to take this as a lesson learned, but it is difficult.

People with rampant anxiety tend to perceive the world as a threatening place; people blissed out all the time do the opposite. This is by no means cause and effect, and it's hard to parse the thing that came first, but if you can convince yourself that people want to help you, if you can convince yourself that you won't get hurt (physically, emotionally, etc.) by relinquishing some control and taking select risks, and if you can convince yourself that being safe is ultimately not that satisfying, then I think you're life will improve. On a fundamental level, I think we manifest conditions that we subconsciously want. So, you might ask, do unhappy people secretly want to remain unhappy? The answer is a roundabout yes because they know what will make them less unhappy but they are unwilling to give something up to get there. As an aside, and personal example, I used to be even more neurotic than I am today. At one point, my father asked me a question, if you compare your two possible selves in thirty years - the one who took all of the precautions and the one who lived life - would there be any difference? I tried to put up an argument, but he had a point.

 

[xbox]

The last day of my only college class was today, many of the students gave heartfelt compliments towards the Prof, after I finished my exam and made up a quiz, I was gone. On the bright side, my Prof left a paragraph at the end of my essay saying how good it was, but I left the class feeling hollow and emotionally overwhelmed at the exact same time, hollow in the sense that I didn't take much from the class. Not much educationally, nor socially,...anything. The social part really bothered me, sometimes I feel like I'm not an INTJ (or INTP as I've scored taking a different test). But I went into that class with the illusion of progress, that I would form some friendships, but that was replaced with major anxiety, and thus keeping to myself. Anyway, the feeling I had right after leaving that class, the intensity of it still burns incredibly brightly, almost blinding my inner self. Can anyone relate to what I've typed? I just have this sense of major disillusionment, and am mildly depressed.

On a sidenote, this has been a crappy day all around, not just school and work, but afterwards (after work) I was so distracted...well, let's just say I was pulled over my local law enforement, that was a crown to an overall crappy day, and I don't think I'll be forgetting it anytime soon.

I think for us it requires stepping out of our comfortability zone which is incredibly stressful, and I know it for sure, because I tried the same thing in my classes this semester. It was exhausting for me. Yeah I know how you feel.. :/

 

[Lobstrich]

Well, yes, talking to people would be the logical solution, unfortunately I can't override my social fears that easily.

I think 'social fears' is an exaggeration. You're talking to us now. I realise that talking on a forum and in real life are two different things, but you are clearly capable of communication and communicating in real life is no different than on this forum, you just talk instead of write.

 

[Thales]

People with rampant anxiety tend to perceive the world as a threatening place; people blissed out all the time do the opposite. This is by no means cause and effect, and it's hard to parse the thing that came first, but if you can convince yourself that people want to help you, if you can convince yourself that you won't get hurt (physically, emotionally, etc.) by relinquishing some control and taking select risks, and if you can convince yourself that being safe is ultimately not that satisfying, then I think you're life will improve. On a fundamental level, I think we manifest conditions that we subconsciously want. So, you might ask, do unhappy people secretly want to remain unhappy? The answer is a roundabout yes because they know what will make them less unhappy but they are unwilling to give something up to get there. As an aside, and personal example, I used to be even more neurotic than I am today. At one point, my father asked me a question, if you compare your two possible selves in thirty years - the one who took all of the precautions and the one who lived life - would there be any difference? I tried to put up an argument, but he had a point.

Convincing myself, it is a tough task, but one I do want to accomplish, sooner rather than later. What does depress me a little is that I've been told happiness is more or less homeostatic, yes it can be "stretched" due to events but it always snaps back to a familiar level, so I've been told at least. This does not include antidepressants I suppose.

"Living life" is probably the best advice, I want to unlock my fear so it can scuttle away and I can have some semblence of normalcy, I just don't know how to attain that.