An introvert's desire for social interaction

[sammael]

I have, of late, found myself to be in an interesting situation. My introversion is not, apparently, behaving as introversion should (I have all kinds of problems with that (I/E) dichotomy, it is seven types of misleading. However that is an issue for another day).
Italics - sarcasm, just in case that wasn't evident.

Back-story:

Spoiler

As a Ti dom I have all my life been an exceptionally independent, and often solitary, person. The environment of my youth really supported (and probably reinforced) my function hierarchy; I grew up in a rural, relatively isolated area, with friends few and far in between (virtually no interaction outside of school). Both my parents were introverts, we had no tv, no computer, no internet. Much of my childhood was spent alone, and I was perfectly happy with that.

When I was 16 I left school, left home, and drifted until I was 20. I owned a van which I lived in, did seasonal work when it was available, kept to myself. I went for months at a time without having a conversation or even talking to anyone beyond what was necessary (buying food, petrol etc). Again, I was perfectly happy with this.

My 20th year I came to the big city (where I have been since) and went to uni. I became a little more sociable, I had friends and a lot of acquaintances, but I still kept to myself a lot. I've had this habit of restricting friendships and interactions to activities, uni friends I kept uni related, work friends work related, sports friends sports related. Outside of these activities I avoided interaction, and people usually worked that out pretty quickly and stopped inviting me to their homes, parties, other social events.

Following that year at uni I spent two years working. A large portion of that was the coordination and sole taking of community group fitness classes. This was an interesting and very valuable experience, I learnt a lot. I never had any trouble conversing and interacting with people, I learned how to listen and figured out that people like to talk about themselves and how to get them to do that when I was a kid, my problem was more that I really didn't want to. So for me this was trying at times, but ultimately very rewarding.

Fast forward to now, two years (nearly) into another degree (I'm 24). I have, for numerous reasons, had a lot more social contact this year. And I am finding that the more social interaction I have the more I desire. I now often initiate social activities (parties, going out, hanging out etc) and invite people to my house, to the bar, to all sorts of things. Put in a room with strangers I will immediately strike up a conversation. In a group situation I can be loud and playful. All of this within reason of course, I am not nor will ever and have no desire to be a social butterfly or the life of any party.

Two days ago I had a bunch of friends over at my house for dinner and drinks, well into the next morning. Yesterday i noted that I was distinctly rather chatty. Today i was at the uni library doing a little study. At one point I caught myself wandering around looking for people I knew, or failing that, people I might like to know. When i was finished and went outside I heard music, which I immediately went in search of. Following that I considered going to the uni bar to see if anything interesting was happening there.
What is happening to me??

This is not something that concerns or bothers me, I am after all if anything adaptable . But I am curious. Is this perhaps a part of the INTP maturation process? Development of Fe? I am particularly interested to hear if any older INTPs have had a similar shift from disinterest in and indifference to social interaction to an actual enthusiasm and, at least some kind of attractiveness.

And to confirm, I am definitely an introvert. I can explain this in the expression of my Ti, but i don't think that should be necessary for this conversation.

 

[Pyropyro]

I have, of late, found myself to be in an interesting situation. My introversion is not, apparently, behaving as introversion should (I have all kinds of problems with that (I/E) dichotomy, it is seven types of misleading. However that is an issue for another day).
Italics - sarcasm, just in case that wasn't evident.

Back-story:

Spoiler

As a Ti dom I have all my life been an exceptionally independent, and often solitary, person. The environment of my youth really supported (and probably reinforced) my function hierarchy; I grew up in a rural, relatively isolated area, with friends few and far in between (virtually no interaction outside of school). Both my parents were introverts, we had no tv, no computer, no internet. Much of my childhood was spent alone, and I was perfectly happy with that.

When I was 16 I left school, left home, and drifted until I was 20. I owned a van which I lived in, did seasonal work when it was available, kept to myself. I went for months at a time without having a conversation or even talking to anyone beyond what was necessary (buying food, petrol etc). Again, I was perfectly happy with this.

My 20th year I came to the big city (where I have been since) and went to uni. I became a little more sociable, I had friends and a lot of acquaintances, but I still kept to myself a lot. I've had this habit of restricting friendships and interactions to activities, uni friends I kept uni related, work friends work related, sports friends sports related. Outside of these activities I avoided interaction, and people usually worked that out pretty quickly and stopped inviting me to their homes, parties, other social events.

Following that year at uni I spent two years working. A large portion of that was the coordination and sole taking of community group fitness classes. This was an interesting and very valuable experience, I learnt a lot. I never had any trouble conversing and interacting with people, I learned how to listen and figured out that people like to talk about themselves and how to get them to do that when I was a kid, my problem was more that I really didn't want to. So for me this was trying at times, but ultimately very rewarding.

Fast forward to now, two years (nearly) into another degree (I'm 24). I have, for numerous reasons, had a lot more social contact this year. And I am finding that the more social interaction I have the more I desire. I now often initiate social activities (parties, going out, hanging out etc) and invite people to my house, to the bar, to all sorts of things. Put in a room with strangers I will immediately strike up a conversation. In a group situation I can be loud and playful. All of this within reason of course, I am not nor will ever and have no desire to be a social butterfly or the life of any party.

Two days ago I had a bunch of friends over at my house for dinner and drinks, well into the next morning. Yesterday i noted that I was distinctly rather chatty. Today i was at the uni library doing a little study. At one point I caught myself wandering around looking for people I knew, or failing that, people I might like to know. When i was finished and went outside I heard music, which I immediately went in search of. Following that I considered going to the uni bar to see if anything interesting was happening there.
What is happening to me??

This is not something that concerns or bothers me, I am after all if anything adaptable . But I am curious. Is this perhaps a part of the INTP maturation process? Development of Fe? I am particularly interested to hear if any older INTPs have had a similar shift from disinterest in and indifference to social interaction to an actual enthusiasm and, at least some kind of attractiveness.

And to confirm, I am definitely an introvert. I can explain this in the expression of my Ti, but i don't think that should be necessary for this conversation.

Yeah, it's part of growing up. Being an introvert doesn't mean that you don't like to be with people. It just means that you tend to tire out more in social gatherings.

I think it's both Ne and Fe. You feed Ne with all the new stuff you find at the Uni while Fe indirectly anchors you to other people.

 

[doncarlzone]

It's interesting though it might just be a phase you are going through. I have two INTJ friends who both have the same story about "coming out of their shell", in their early/mid 20s when they went abroad alone. They both ended up partying frequently and they really enjoyed their new found popularity.

However, both of them, although they enjoyed the time, are living rather solitary lives today.
I would just think of it as discovering a new side to yourself, perhaps your "Ne/ENTP" side

I find the opposite happening to me, I need more and more time for myself as I grow older, I'm 24 too.

 

[sammael]

Yeah, it's part of growing up. Being an introvert doesn't mean that you don't like to be with people. It just means that you tend to tire out more in social gatherings.

I of course agree that introverts can develop their extroverted functions (and vice versa), however both theoretically and empirically speaking this is not a part of growing up, unless one is 'growing up' for their entire life. Theoretically, development of the tertiary function may be attributed to between 20-40, the inferior function often to midlife, 35+ or there abouts. Empirically I observe very few introverts who in the process of growing up (as in maturing into an adult) become very sociable (or extroverts who become non sociable).

I also agree that introversion/extroversion need not have anything to do with people. However I challenge the 'energy gain/drain' part of the theory, as I believe it to be at the least very misleading (at the most just plain wrong due to generalisation, the same problem stereotyping suffers from). Both in my own experience and from empirical observation energy can be generated from the top two functions, one of which as we know is introverted and one extroverted. I gain energy from using my Ne, and this can and does happen in social situations. Conversely I know (and have discussed the matter with) extroverts who gain energy from using their introverted function in the top two (when alone or isolated). It is a point of great amusement and irony amongst my sister (ENFJ) whom I flat with and myself, as I am far more socially active than she is. We often joke that I should be the extrovert (ENTP) and she the introvert (INFJ).

the main point of the OP was that the more social interaction I have, the more I seem to desire (and the more social I become, within reason). It is actually often quite energising and refreshing for me. I do not believe this to be typical for an introvert, or as part of growing up.

I think it's both Ne and Fe. You feed Ne with all the new stuff you find at the Uni while Fe indirectly anchors you to other people.

Yeah, I think so. That's actually a good point that I haven't considered, that perhaps my time at uni has utilised a lot more and developed my Ne, which is contributing towards this shift in attitude/perception.

It's interesting though it might just be a phase you are going through.

I would just think of it as discovering a new side to yourself, perhaps your "Ne/ENTP" side

Yeah, I am really curious about if and how long it will last, whether it's just a phase or actually due to development within my function hierarchy. That was my interest and intention in discussing the matter. Maybe I shouldn't think too much and just enjoy it .

I do believe Ne is playing a large role here, I do what I have heard here on INTPf called 'channeling my Ne, or inner ENTP' (or some variation of such, like acting as ones knowledge of how an ENTP would act (dom Ne), for example, we (INTPs) tend to be good with masks). I began doing this consciously some time ago, focusing externally, using my creativity, my playfulness to interact and respond rather than the slower and more serious cold, hard, dominant Ti logic and rationality. So yeah, I think I have discovered a new side to myself .

 

[paradoxparadigm7]

It's alright to analyze it but DO enjoy it. My wish for you is that you keep on discovering more facets of yourself.

 

[Pyropyro]

I also agree that introversion/extroversion need not have anything to do with people. However I challenge the 'energy gain/drain' part of the theory, as I believe it to be at the least very misleading (at the most just plain wrong due to generalisation, the same problem stereotyping suffers from). Both in my own experience and from empirical observation energy can be generated from the top two functions, one of which as we know is introverted and one extroverted. I gain energy from using my Ne, and this can and does happen in social situations. Conversely I know (and have discussed the matter with) extroverts who gain energy from using their introverted function in the top two (when alone or isolated). It is a point of great amusement and irony amongst my sister (ENFJ) whom I flat with and myself, as I am far more socially active than she is. We often joke that I should be the extrovert (ENTP) and she the introvert (INFJ).

Interesting, perhaps the Auxillary (Ne in our case) can be a source of energy too. I think you're in your element (the Uni) so that might tip your expressions into ENTP territory. If possible, try it on areas outside your comfort zone. In my personal experience, I tend to switch to normal INTP setting fast whenever away from my comfort zone (church and school). Perhaps you can find a change in behavior as well.

the main point of the OP was that the more social interaction I have, the more I seem to desire (and the more social I become, within reason). It is actually often quite energising and refreshing for me. I do not believe this to be typical for an introvert, or as part of growing up.
.

I remember when I told my counselor about the same "issue" years ago. I think this is beyond my MBTI comprehension but I'll try to explain anyways. It's like avoiding drinking water for years but once you get a taste it fulfills some suppressed or misunderstood need (rather than want). The more you do social interactions, the more you feel fulfilled. I guess your psyche subconsciously wish for more of this nourishment so it makes your consciousness feel good whenever you do it. My counselor told me it's normal human behavior to seek interaction. For me, the whole incident is part of growing up.

 

[Beholder]

From what you're describing, it sounds like you're experiencing something very similar to something I've experienced.

I think it stems from a combination of a sort of boost in confidence you get from learning that you actually have good social skills, basically cancelling out social anxiety, and the enthusiasm of having this newfound skill. And ya, like your counselor said, connecting with people makes us feel good.

For me it happened from travelling, learning that I can actually handle myself in social situations, making connections, meeting people etc', and it stayed with me afterwards. But I find it comes and goes, mainly depending on your level of happiness.

 

[Marshall]

You just have to get out there and practice talking to people. After awhile you get used to speaking your mind and letting the words flow without judging what comes out of your mouth. You can be a socially confident introvert, just practice. After all that's where confidence comes from, "knowing" you can do something.

 

[mu is mu]

Yikes--are you sure that you're an INTP? I think that that degree of social interaction with other NTs could be understandable for an INTP, but the idea of wanting to voluntarily spend that much time around Sensors, and then proceeding to do so on a regular basis, is almost incomprehensible to me. I don't intend for that to be perceived as an insult, but you seem much more like an ENTP, or even an ENFP, to me based on those experiences.

Maybe you're an outlier, maybe my sample size of INTPs is too small, or maybe you're just entering a new "phase" of your INTP development, but the descriptions of your newfound social life combined with your claim of being an INTP have me puzzled. My guess is that your somewhat isolated upbringing conditioned you into behaving like an introvert, but when the proper conditions arose, your true type (e.g., ENTP/ENFP) began manifesting. An ESTP I know had a similar experience.

 

[B.C.P.]

It sounds like all the people reporting this are experiencing the development of an extraverted function.

It also sounds like they're overcoming minor social anxiety, but I think you would have difficulty getting all INTP's (if they are indeed INTP's) to state that they have social anxiety, specifically at a young age.

Yet, it does make sense that relying upon a less-developed function would cause anxiety or nervousness.

If anyone has followed, what I'm getting at is I'm having trouble seeing the difference between social anxiety and simply using a less-developed function than the dominant.

An introvert would feel nervous trusting themselves in a social interaction, and an extravert would feel nervous trusting their inner judgments and perceptions.

Yet, I come back again that not all people would report having extraverted or introverted anxiety.


I just confused the hell out of myself Hope I didn't confuse you guys.

 

[sammael]

I remember when I told my counselor about the same "issue" years ago. I think this is beyond my MBTI comprehension but I'll try to explain anyways. It's like avoiding drinking water for years but once you get a taste it fulfills some suppressed or misunderstood need (rather than want). The more you do social interactions, the more you feel fulfilled. I guess your psyche subconsciously wish for more of this nourishment so it makes your consciousness feel good whenever you do it. My counselor told me it's normal human behavior to seek interaction. For me, the whole incident is part of growing up.

Ah, interesting. That does make sense, thank you.

Yikes--are you sure that you're an INTP? My guess is that your somewhat isolated upbringing conditioned you into behaving like an introvert, but when the proper conditions arose, your true type (e.g., ENTP/ENFP) began manifesting.

I think that is a very good point. I've always been convinced (since even before any knowledge of MBTI, which I have been familiar with since late teens) that I am an introvert, and since gaining an understanding of MBTI, a Ti dom. But of late I have felt compelled to actually consider otherwise. That brings up all kinds of questions on the development of the function hierarchy, which I tend to think are outside of MBTI theory. I'm sure my top two functions are Ti and Ne, and the lower two Si and Fe, however their order depending on the way they've developed over my life is a question without a straightforward answer. I am still pretty strongly inclined to think that I am indeed an introvert and Ti dom, and for the sake of this thread I will continue with that assumption, but there is an issue there that I think needs further addressing elsewhere.

It sounds like all the people reporting this are experiencing the development of an extraverted function.

It also sounds like they're overcoming minor social anxiety, but I think you would have difficulty getting all INTP's (if they are indeed INTP's) to state that they have social anxiety, specifically at a young age.

I actually am inclined to agree with this. It is certainly my most favoured hypothesis that the circumstances I find myself in are due to the development of particularly Ne, but both the extroverted functions. ENTPs are, after all, only different in that these two extroverted functions both move one up the ladder from where they are in the function hierarchy of an INTP, so it makes sense to me that developing them may make one more what is typically seen as 'ENTP-ish' or exhibit such traits or characteristics, to whatever degree.

The reference to social anxiety is also an interesting point that I am inclined to agree with. There is something inherently rather... belittling about the term and what it implies, it does seem to elicit almost a knee jerk reaction to the negative. I know that I've been guilty of that. For myself, certainly I wasn't particularly either socially adjusted or competent, and I don't doubt that this was off putting to me engaging in social interaction. Developing social skills and ability has definitely had a major impact, as Beholder alluded to. Being able to interact at least adequately is certainly motivating for actually doing so.

It does indeed make sense that using lesser in the hierarchy and/or less developed functions to interact could cause problems. I guess that's why extroverts have an advantage; their dominant function is extroverted, so it gets a lot of practice, is typically well developed, and is natural. I'm quite convinced that while Ti is a very good intrapersonal function (rapid, efficient thinking), it is not a good interpersonal interaction function. I've noticed it causes lag, conversion problems from going in then coming out, all kinds of issues. Whereas Ne is fast, spontaneous, playful, full of possibilities. But yeah, if this (Ne) is not much developed and is used for interaction, or the dominant introverted function is used instead because of the lack of development or comfort with the auxiliary extroverted function, it does appear to be a recipe for a lack of success.

If one didn't have either introverted or extroverted anxiety, it would make sense that this would then mean that they had both a well developed introverted function and a well developed extroverted function. This would appear to be a good state to be in; at least reasonably comfortable in both worlds.

 

[Minuend]

The Introverted type:

[...]It is also possible to use external engagement as a catalyst to stimulate the internal world, if this engagement is allowing the introvert to go back into their internal world, and gain moment come back out for more engagement. For instance, an INTP is a Ti dominant, meaning the social engagement and articulation required to use Fe will be the most draining activity for them. However, if this engagement is in the form of a debate for example, they can use this engagement to go back into their Ti, analyze the information taken from the other person which allows them to be stimulated by its use, and then use this energy gained to articulate their answers; making an overall very stimulating experience for the INTP.