Being Ignored

[Zero]

I'm not sure if this specifically an INTP issue, since I simply want to ask the reason for ignoring.

You see, I've often encountered this irritating problem when I make a post on a forum. It's happens here as well, so it appears I could get some insight about it. Sometimes when I make a post, it (appears to) goes ignored. I expect this from a "What's your favorite color?" or such threads.

I don't expect to be ignored in actual discussion threads or, even more so, debate threads. In this case, I may post a reply, it may seem to "pause" the thread and then a discussion resumes. It really bothers me, because I don't know the meaning/reason behind this.

I wonder, Are my replies too long?
I don't normally think my replies are too long and I try to adjust them for the forum. I have been told before that my posts are long, so I try to control it...

Are my replies irrelevant?
I try stay on the topic. Depending on how long the thread is I may skim a few pages or read it all. My replies are usually aimed at the current discussion. In addition to this, it seems to me that if someone feels your addition is irrelevant they will feel compelled to tell you. If the post is extremely irrelevant it seems like people are more likely to reply to it...

Am I interrupting?
Are people missing my reply, because they're waiting for someone else's? Despite the fact that I may be contributing do people normally completely ignore your post if they're focused on someone else's posts?

Do I come on too strong?
Sometimes I think, I know, I come off a bit worse than I mean to. But are people going to ignore your posts if you're coming on strong? Aren't they going to mention your approach?

Does no one think I'm capable of providing a valid opinion?
I know it's possible that I've made a bad enough impression that no one would bother replying to me, let alone reading what I write. I find that extreme, but I can be oblivious. It doesn't seem to matter if it's in real life or online I seem oblivious of what people are thinking...

Did I put too much?
Not in regard to length, but perhaps squashing too many thoughts into a couple paragraphs. Is it possible that my posts are overwhelming in that aspect?

Are my posts simply impossible to reply to?
Have I somehow made my reply too thorough or too on target or too useless? It doesn't seem possible. Maybe I seem too malicious, too much of a challenge or not enough of one? For some places I could imagine that, but for most, not at all.

Was my reply simply missed?
Sometimes it seems like that's possible. But with several people passing through a thread I can't imagine all of them missed it...

Was my reply not direct enough or too direct?
Was the person I was generally aiming to have respond not aware my (vague) reply was mostly aimed at them (but open to general as well). Is it too direct, so that other people can't reply to it?

So:
Have you had this problem yourself?
What questions crossed your mind in regards to being ignored?
What did you figure was the reason?
Does anyone know the reason for sure?

 

[Kuu]

1) It's not that they're too long. A post can be very long, stating facts or setting up an argument... It's that you make too many questions (like this one above). So either you answer them all (too much time) or none at all. You could at least number them so it's easier to reply to them.

2) Maybe

3) Well it depends. If what is being said is interesting, and I have something interesting to comment, then I will. Just like in real life.

4) If you come on too strong, its like throwing wood to a fire... they should respond. In fact I like doing this - even outside forums - saying something extreme that I know will force the other person into a debate, even if I don't really believe in what I said. Entertainment guaranteed.

5) I don't think this is the case. That's just INTP paranoia. And besides, you know, there's already an Oblivious around...

6) Refer to 1)

7) Maybe

8) Most probably. Not that they didn't read it, but when you have read several pages, your mind is already filled with replies, and a couple of posts might not register.

9) Well that's pretty post specific... but I reply to posts directed to someone else, if there is something that must be said...

10) Yes

11) Do they all agree? Do they think its stupid? Have they not seen it? Have I covered it all and they have nothing to say? What's for dessert?

12) I didn't. We'll never know unless we ask everybody...

13) I don't think so.

 

[Cabbo Pearimo]

I'd say that people think you're beyond them. I do. But I generally tend to agree with you, and you cover pretty much all the bases. If no-one has a counter-argument, you win.

 

[loveofreason]

I know for myself it boils down to a question of resources. My time and attention are far too limited - I simply can't respond to everything that piques my interest.

Take your mistyping thread for example. That really interests me and I'd like to contribute, but it requires that I have some deeply uninterrupted time in which to sort out my thoughts and compose them so they would be valuable in some way to the discussion. Some time in which some other thing is not a priority, and during which my very limited energy could not be creating more of a return. If I can turn out six replies that don't require me to engage in a level of "personal resource mining" that is simply too taxing, then I choose the many easy replies over the one really costly one.

However the costly one is more valuable, and sometimes I get around to making one of those deeply processed answers to threads long after they have ceased being topical, but oftentimes I do not.

In general I find you pose things that require more than a glib level engagement - things that are costly to respond to. Your posts are intensive. There are often intensive posts from many of the people here, you're not the only one who may feel 'ignored' at times.

I know that in the too brief time I have to scan the forum tonight that I shall be going to bed with untyped answers forming in my head, but tomorrow will demand I deal with the tasks of living, and the words will sulk in some tender part of my mind, waiting to be born but rapidly wasting for lack of opportunity.

 

[Cabbo Pearimo]

So really, time's a wastling.

Hey, there's a new word for ya.

 

[Dissident]

You see, I've often encountered this irritating problem when I make a post on a forum. It's happens here as well, so it appears I could get some insight about it. Sometimes when I make a post, it (appears to) goes ignored.

I find your posts very interesting, the thing is that most of the time they are personal things that dont have much to reply to exept for "that happens to me too" or stuff like that, but are valuable imputs and certainly things that many of us relate to. They are somewhat long, but thats no problem. You shouldnt feel ignored, please keep the post comming

 

[Jesin]

Yes, I think it's that you bring up too many things in one post, and I feel like if I can't respond to the whole post all at once, I shouldn't respond at all.

However, usually all of your points are good ones, so I don't recommend cutting down on that. Instead, I think it should be OK to respond to posts in pieces. Yes, I think I'll start doing that.

----------------

The one thing you seem to have trouble providing a valid opinion on is yourself. You have some serious self-esteem issues. Where some people turn too much of their criticism outwards and end up horribly arrogant, you seem to have turned most of your criticism inwards and ended up annoyingly self-deprecating. Seriously, you criticize yourself too much. Before you start ranting again about what a terrible person you are, take your flaws and compare them to those of humanity in general. I mean, sure, you're terrible, but as far as people go, you're not actually all that bad.

OK, if I go any further on this topic I'm going to derail the thread. I think I'll make a new thread about this.

 

[EditorOne]

Ah, see, now, that entire list of reasons why you are "ignored" and not one of them is for a bright and shining positive thing. Let me help you out, Zero: Many of your posts do not get a response because they are gleaming examples of unimpeachable logic, seamless in their presentation and overwhelming in content. There is simply nothing worth saying in response.

Now that wasn't so bad, was it?

And then there's the possibility they aren't ignored any more than other people's posts routinely are ignored. :-) It's merely your perception, because you were hoping for a response and didn't get one. Other people may post and not even notice whether anyone responds.

 

[Thread Killer]

It depends, but I may ignore a post in order not to derail a thread or to prevent annoying the person I am replying to if they have a tendency to feel they should reply back and thus keep things going back and forth (which is why I don't do IM because I often get in these sort of convos and it becomes extremely awkward). Those are my reasons. Sometimes there are things I would say and want to say but refrain because of the above reasons.

 

[Zero]

Thanks everyone for your replies. They're very insightful. Also, I did not mean to solely target this forum. It has happened here, but it's happened more so in other places and I've found myself curious about it (like there's some overall reason that anyone might be ignored and I've totally missed it). I don't expect all of my posts to be responded too, it's more or less the ones in which I tried to present a valid point and I'm glad to see that I do.

I typically try to include as much as I can think of. I don't mind if people just pick up on parts of it. It seems it would be more productive to find a point and simply post that. That would be more direct and probably come off stronger.

I am painfully aware of my self confidence issues and I do tend to equate ignored with ill reasons. Other than being overwhelming, so I could try to focus that. It doesn't seem to be a matter of being ignored as much as simply not being replied too, so I'll keep that in mind.

I might not respond to something I can't add to or argue... Or don't find interesting, so I should've considered that first. And I suppose it's also true that if I thought it would be a burden or cause a burden to reply to someone's post I wouldn't do it. I apologize, I seem to have made a deal about it.

I was wondering if it was common with INTPs to often be un-replied to?
Hmm, now that I think of it my posting style might be something I learned from the early days on Gaiaonline. If you didn't post an actual discussion your thread would be thrown into chatterbox. So it was common to see kids making a "discussion", then putting prompts/questions.

 

[Dissident]

I posted for a while in gaiaonline as well, but its crowded with trolling kids whom you cant have a rational discussion with, most threads are about sex in one or another way or just hatred about something. Its a shame.

 

[EditorOne]

"I was wondering if it was common with INTPs to often be un-replied to?"

Probably no more common than with anyone else. What is more common for INTPs is fretting about it. :-)

 

[Thread Killer]

The funny thing is, you mentioned if this is a common INTP thing. I wouldn't know if it is but I think it could very well be. What I mean is that I usually have my posts ignored and am surprised when someone actually replies directly to what I said.

Why people do this is because I am often matter of fact in how I post. I don't post in a way that encourages others to chime in. I say what I think and usually why to the point of where my posts get so bloody long because I try to provide details so people can at least see that there is some logic in some of the crazy crap I think up and because I can be sensitive to rejection of my ideas (I am pretty damn sensitive despite appearing and sometimes acting heartless).

I've noticed this posting style in other INTPs, though they usually don't write as much as I do. But I don't think it's unusual for INTPs especially since they are often less inclined to playful posts and tend to come across as more serious and decisive from what I've seen. So I think people don't feel comfortable responding generally or don't see anything to add on, especially since we tend to take such an impersonal approach to online stuff and hardly take the initiative to break the ice with people.

 

[Zero]

Gaiaonline

I posted for a while in gaiaonline as well, but its crowded with trolling kids whom you cant have a rational discussion with, most threads are about sex in one or another way or just hatred about something. Its a shame.

Gaiaonline 2008 = Business
General Discussion = 4chan rejects
Chatterbox = General Discussion rejects
GCD = Might as well be dead these days

The other, more specific areas might still be okay. Gaia started as an anime role playing site. That's what I knew it as in 03, 04, and 05. Everything changed though. Gaia use to be mainly an anime based site. They had all these events and the original comic, the first games to come out and all. I got "chosen" on one of my accounts to Beta Test towns. Commerce use to have it's own forum (a type of role playing area). I remember when they added the GCD. It's one of those places that was good back in the day, but seems for an entirely different audience now.

They've gone into a sort of main stream thing (more like Neopets anymore, completely overrun by sponsors and media). It was a fun little place at the beginning though...

 

[Zero]

On Topic

EditorOne: Ah-ha, so that's how it is.

Thread Killer: I could see that, sometimes I will post every detail I can recall. Either because I don't want to contribute again or to see if someone really has a valid argument against it. Sometimes I assume they will have something to say. I suppose that approach is the most annoying when ignored when I'm trying to get someone riled up.

Half the time I use to post and then erase what I posted, it would keep me up at night when I realized it was uneeded or I put something wrong... It appears to be rather INTP to sometimes regret our communication, even if via internet. I've also read as far sensitivity and emotions INTPs are all or none (?). I've at least found that fairly true for myself. I might think myself bi-polar at times, there was mental illness on my mom's side of the family.

 

[Aphasia]

I nearly never post in forums that I join(I regard it as a minor miracle my post count is so high). The reasons seem to be worry of inability to convey meaning appropriately, a dislike of adding irrelevant content to an argument, even if it is (on topic) and general low self esteem. In other words, abnormal behavior. XD Off-topic note: I walk and talk softly, so people ignore me in real life fairly often.

Possible reason of being ignored: Unusual rhythm of posts. Perhaps our posts use different sentance structures and tones (compared to other posters within a community). Even if they don't notice it consciously, they don't feel like replying somehow (no mood to reply, lack of things to say in response, totally ignoring the thing) (Conspiracy-theoryisms). Either that or EditorOne's theory is the right one.

 

[ShaiGar]

This thread would have been so damn better had it been left unanswered.