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How the fuck do I get out of existential crisis? I want to start living MY LIFE.

WALKYRIA

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Isn't it normal for any INTP young person to be lost around 21( generaly for the IN types); apathy, existential depression,..etc
I was personaly a complete mess by age 21( but yet I knew that certain steps were necessary if i wanted to reach my goals).... But when your life is a mess because of too much Ti or Ti-Si loop; you need to develop your Ne.( developping your understanding of the world).

21 is pretty young( but at the same time, your twenties are going to past pretty fast !); if you don't have a medical condition, start building your life by following the normal steps and using the society for reaching your interests. If you are not extremely and clearly talented in any area, well you can't afford to leave your life the way you want it... you need first to make money and grow up.

1° go to college
2° get a job
3° find a wife and be happy

The problem with INTPs is that Ti and Ne have a hard time sitting/working/ prioritizing and living an perfectly organized lives... That is the hardest I've found in being me. I'm hectic and chaotic in my thinking. Also the need to have logical perfection in our lives. Our jobs, our wives, our family... everything must be logically sound. THis perfectionism and idealism is harsch man( hence since logic makes us happy, we are rarely happy in the illogical real life) !
The solution would come with learning to let go and compromising,aswell as accepting things the way they are... rather than expectuing things to he as we wishes them to be.
Get power first, than use this power to conform life towards your needs...
Easier said than done, I know...
SO start with doable goals: college, job, spiritual growth, family..etc
ANd seek help if you feel that you need it.
Perhaps asperger? or schizoid? or anything?
 

louiesgonnadie

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I was going to let this thread die because I felt like it was mental masturbation but after re-reading some posts, there are some things I do want to clear up because I do see a certain practical need to it.

I get the same feeling about your posts loisgonnadie to be honest. Coupled with how you have a response to every suggestion, about how you can't do that for one reason or another. It's not possible to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. Giving feedback is pointless if you don't want to even try to accept any of it.
Actually, no, in many of my responses I haven't been like that. A lot of it has just been asking people questions about things I wasn't sure about. Look, if I was that negative, I wouldn't say things like "since I'm on Earth, why not give it a shot?" or "I shouldn't be focusing on worst case scenarios right now, considering I still have quite a few options. " I only say I can't do something if I have a logical basis for it i.e. "I can't do this right now because it's an anxiety trigger for me and anxiety causes me to lose focus." I just say things like that to add clarity, so the person on the thread giving me advice can have some understanding which could lead to better advice. It doesn't mean I don't want to ever tackle the problem. And no, I'm not looking for validation that I can't do something -- if anything, I'm doing it for validation that I can because my anxiety gets so amped up I feel like if someone with more experience with it says "yes, you can you just have to work at it hard" I won't feel so demotivated about working towards it because my anxiety says "since you don't have much experience with the world, you should probably trust someone else's answer than yours!" even though I know that's bullshit. But since it's emotional, I feel like I have to do it anyway. even though it was stupid. But that shit doesn't really matter.

I don't believe you have nothing to talk about with people, even online. What are you doing all day on your laptop? Surely you must at least be reading something that is enriching your perspective, something giving you food for thought, something giving you things to talk about? If you are not, then start doing it.
Again, I don't know the fundamentals of anything. So yeah I don't know that much enough to contribute to most discussions, especially IRL when social-style is more on the fly. Really, I haven't done much besides playing video games and escaping into my imagination based on those games, and watched people stream those games on Twitch. I've generally just used the internet to marinate and chill. Yes, there were things that piqued my interest, like Typology, but I've never been able to really dive deep into it because of my lack of focus. Looking back over the past 6 years I've felt like I used certain hobbies as a method of coping rather than actually being interested in it. I feel like it was a defense mechanism against my depression, feeling the need to latch onto something to make myself feel more secure rather than genuinely being interested in it. It's never really gone anywhere. The lack of focus and comprehension thought pattern continues today and I'm at a loss about what to do about it. Also it's funny because talking with someone else on a forum about this, they suggested that studying words and concepts weren't ideal right now given my situation. However, that's essential if I want to improve it because a great deal of my bad situation involves not being able to relate to people (and as you attest to, because I don't know anything or have anything to talk about; so I'm confirming this for you -- I have generally done nothing on my laptop.)

^ honestly this is the only thing I really want you to pay attention to and give me an answer about here. I really want to start learning about shit -- seriously -- but I can't because I often cannot focus, which leads to incomprehension. Reading paragraphs are not good for me right now. I tend to skim and often when I have to read every word when trying to understand something, the anxiety rushes through me (subtly) which causes me to miss key things. I also feel like jumping out of my skin. When I watch videos on youtube, I often find that the rate that someone explains things goes by really fast, which causes me to go back on certain timeframes repeatedly. So it's kind of the same thing. How can I work around this? Do you have experience with this? What has helped you? Should I not focus on it right now if it's that much of a trigger?

No I am not asking you this just for some narrative of how severe my situation is just so I can have a bullshit excuse to throw a pity party for myself. I'm asking you this because I genuinely want advice. Besides drugs/nootropics, nutrition, or really anything that costs money -- I'm at a loss on how to deal with this. Maybe exercise or meditation. I cannot find a way to efficiently hold information and learn. I want to, and at this juncture I probably need to. Insight would be appreciated here.

If I would be completely honest, I thought the exact same thing as Fukyo. I thought to myself: there seems to be two kinds of people: those who look for help only as a way to find narratives for perpetuating their current state, and those who actually want to change themselves.
This is not what is going on. At all. Might seem like it because I haven't responded to posts that had solid advice (Like Tannhauser's and Redfire's) but that was because I didn't see anything that needed clarity and there was nothing else to do but listen to them. Hell tannhauser, your post about concrete goals inspired me to start writing shit down. I guess I should have confirmed that by saying "thanks, I'm gonna take your advice!" each time but I don't want to fill the thread with shitposts, lol.

You don't have to participate in this forum, per se, but interacting with others online is a stepping stone for other interactions. You need to become a part of a collective, even an online one. It might not sound like much, but it's a start.
Actually, I kind of am making that step of talking to people online since I keep responding. I have questions and strings of them mean I'm trying to converse with people. Hell, I'm considering taking your advice and posting on some threads on here when I have the time. Because why the fuck not? I relate to the INTP type in the dichotomy perspective, which means there's social overlap between myself and other members (even though in Jungian I'm probably not an INTP) so I can see myself positively contributing on some level, as low as that level may be.

For argument sake, I think the things that would really be holding you back if what you say is true is your family. If your family is the cause, if you get rid of them you will treat the symptom. I have to say, IDK how bad your family has abused you and therefor don't know how bad your symptoms are. I will say that I don't know why you didn't start this thread with the premise of talking about your family abuse since that is the real cause of your symptoms.
It was only my father who abused me and everyone including my mother were affected. My mother has supported us financially for the past 4-5 years, so she's fine -- even though she really has her own shit (not getting into that). It's the indirect effects (being taken out of school because my dad was the breadwinner and couldn't provide shit, being trapped at home for 3+ years during puberty which led me to be unable to relate to people and developing social anxiety and then depression) that led to my situation now. So you're right that it probably did cause these symptoms, just indirectly. That's irrelevant because I had a negative reaction to the family abuse (chemical reaction mind you) so ultimately it is my fault, since I've had some opportunities over the past 6 years and I've pretty much blown all of them because of my depression/anxiety complex developed. (Depression was not a natural state for me before). I've accepted what happened to my father, even though it does suck. I've put it behind me though.

You can get tools and ideas 'while' you take your steps and improve. I don't expect you to do it alone and on strength of will alone. No one can change for the better in complete isolation. We all need someone.
Why did you edit or delete your post? It was much longer. It was a good post too. Yeah it's hard because I have pretty much no one, which is why I consulted the forum. I was referencing this post BTW:

Yes, accept it and make the best of things.
Yeah, again I got the feeling you just said this because you were under the impression that I wanted someone to confirm this because I wanted an excuse (which was again, not true, in fact the opposite) just to shut me up because you thought I was full of shit. I mean, if you provided at least some brief analysis as to why you thought that instead of point blank just saying "your situation is that bad." I would believe otherwise but you didn't, so I think you were trying to shut me up. It doesn't matter though because it was a dumb question.

Kuu's post is my favorite thus far, though I have some concerns:

3. You don't need to "catch up" to anything. This is the most poisonous thought you have right now. Learn to live life on your own terms, at your own speed. It is the obsession with these external judgements that is stressing you out. Peace of mind comes from within.
This is really tricky. Yes you're right because pressure can be evil, but I'm afraid if I do this, I'll be taken away by the current, en route to wasting away the next few years. Perhaps I don't need to (inherently I don't) but I want to catch up, which is another thing. I feel like if I just chill out I'll be just coasting, below spectacular things. So I'm not sure how to find balance. I agree with this but I want to pursue a lot at the same time. I think being conscious of it is an advantage.

4. Your first relationship will be a failure, most likely. Not because of your present state, but simply because that's how it is in general, there are too many variables outside of your control. If you seek a relationship in the state you are in now, it is almost a guaranteed trainwreck. Do not seek a relationship now, the opportunity will come once you stabilise yourself and are more prepared to seize it.
Not necessarily, although you're right if I pressure myself too hard. Young love is important to me though (yeah I know, it's kind of stupid to want it so hardcore but I'm just trying to listen to my heart -- here's why I'm probably not an INTP) so I do think that I can stabilize quickly given the right conditions. I know myself pretty well so I won't have any issues being comfortable with/"loving" myself (given I'm on the right track). At that point, since the love thing is so important to me, I don't see myself having an issue holding a relationship since I'd be taking it seriously. At that point I think I would find a balance between passion and pressure. Finding someone might be trickier, but I have some tricks up my sleeve. I feel like I could be good at being able to tell if someone wants something serious.

Fighting yourself is a matter of facing your fears, and getting out of your comfort zone. You (your mind) is your worst enemy. It's what got you into this mess to begin with. Whatever your mind thinks, do the opposite. Try it. Do not think about it. Do it. It will hurt. You will fail. Do it anyway. Understanding will come later. You already know this.
This is also really tricky. I can agree with this, but where is the line between being productive and being reckless? reality triggers me. 2 weeks ago when I hung out with my friend I was just like "fuck it, I just wanna get out of the house. whatever happens happens" and everything I was afraid would happen, happened. I just feel like failing will have lots of consequences. Not externally, but internally. When I've tried things in this mindset, with little preparation -- it just fueled my depression and anxiety.

I mean, my anxiety prevents me from interacting with the world in real-time. In other words, I'm actually doing things, but I'm not focusing on them. I can't succeed in that mode of being -- I know from experience. Dropped out of tech school because of it. I'm not saying I can't do it ever, just right now with the intense brain chemistry problems, things could get ugly. I know I'm not stupid or incapable, just in the short term, I'm just not sure if it's going to be healthy for me.

I like this mindset when it comes to meditation, exercise, and pushing myself to learn. But when it comes to interacting with the real world, I'm not so sure. Do you think it's too reckless for me or should I just continue to go for it even if it's a trigger?

Now by all means I'm not saying this is bullshit. I will try this, but at the same time I have to be careful.

Seek out your friend, ask him for help. (DO IT)
I've been trying to get a hold of him on three separate occasions in the past week, haven't gotten a response from him. Not sure what else to do but play the waiting game because I feel like I'm on the verge of nagging him.

Avoid diagnosing yourself but you might talk to people on this forum. You seem to have a few things in common.http://www.psychforums.com/schizoid-personality/
Perhaps asperger? or schizoid? or anything?
Also, I've noticed people have thrown around certain brain disorders to fit some pieces into my situation. At this juncture, this is totally irrelevant unless something else besides a mood disorder is keeping me from functioning (depression and anxiety, mainly anxiety, have been my nemesis the past 6+ years). Please keep in mind it's so easy to fit someone into a criteria when someone is unhealthy. That doesn't mean they have the disorder. There are many similarities on the surface between SPD and social anxiety.

Done, for now.
 

Minuend

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I don't know if you answered earlier questions about whether you've been seeking help from psychologists or the like. Have you tried that?

I think you need it because of how many areas you have problems with. I don't think forum posts are enough, I think you need a conversation with someone over a longer period of time. Perhaps even a year+. That way you can gradually work out your issues step by step and gradually see where things go wrong. The way you are now you might try something new, but then you find yourself maybe failing you go into full frustration mode with nobody there to counter it. And the progress you've made gets undermined.

Reading and replying to posts might feel better for a bit for a short time, but when you go out and fail, (which you will at times because everything is new. Failing is good though, you learn from it), you might very easily fall all the way back down.

I'm not sure whether you are able to counter it yourself the way you are now. You can definitely learn it, but it will take time. I think it will take longer if you don't talk to anyone regularly about your problems. It doesn't have to be a professional, but venting that much to friends could drain them dry, so a professional might be the better choice.

You also have a tendency to struggle against beliefs you don't like, which makes you frustrated and depressed. Accepting that some of your life plans might not be realistic or that you are in a situation where they are very far off can be painful, but it helps accept the moment and gradually start focusing on improving and making the best of things. Same with accepting ones short comings. If you get stuck in the idea of your goals being unrealistic and that's terrible, you'll never be able to make peace with it, move on and feel better about your life. You might keep thinking "but what's the point if can't reach my goals" or "but not being able to reach my goals is fucking terrible". But these thoughts are the very thoughts that make that situation terrible. If you started thinking "it's ok to change my goals" or "it's ok that I don't reach my current goals", you wouldn't need to feel shit about it.
 

cheese

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louiesgonnadie,
Try probiotics for the anxiety/depression. Get capsules with high dosages (billions per capsule), and with more than 1 species. Make sure you get some Bifidobacterium Longum and Lactobacillus Rhamnosus. I take about 100billion total each day (about 10 different species combined).

There's some promising evidence (clinical trials) that it can help with anxiety and depression. I encourage you to research this yourself. In my experience, it's not a cure, but it does cut down on the mental noise, and you need that quieting.

Once you've lowered your anxiety, you will be able to handle and implement the good advice you've been given. I do believe you are making a serious effort, as much as you're able given your current state. (Even if part of the reason you're not trying harder is simply because your thoughts on the matter are warped.)

I'm suggesting this because it's an easy and practical thing you can start doing right away. Literally just popping pills. There's no reason not to do it aside from money. Get the money and make it happen. Try it for a month at least. I noticed a difference in a week or two. If after a month you feel exactly the same even after daily high dosing, then you can choose to save yourself the money. Just invest in a month to start with.

The key now, as it was a year ago, is to break open the prison of rumination your brain has constructed. Once this has happened you'll still need to implement the advice given and it will still be hard because you will still be in the habit of not doing anything. However, you will find yourself naturally able to do more things with less internal resistance. At the moment you're stuck arguing with advice and feeling unable to do hard things. Taking some pills isn't hard and doesn't require much thought. These won't harm you, there's only upside.

Please at least give this a try.

[Also, what Min said. See a professional.]
 

QuickTwist

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If you are an intelligent person, you can see why people were thinking you don't actually want help and instead just want to vent. You have disagree with nearly everyone on the nature of your situation and how to solve your problems. It may not be in the form of "do x, y, z and your problem will be solved", but that is really besides the point. People have shared their perspective on how you are not being genuine in seeing their perspective on the matter and that is where the conflict arises.

Aside from that I see your situation and I identify with feeling much of the same. The difference I think between myself and you is that you are clinging to your problems and wanting them in a way, because it allows you to not take the necessary action to get out of the situation. In my life I have come to grips that the problem of being productive falls solely on my own shoulders and I can choose to act in a way that the rest of the world values or I can do what I myself value. The thing to remember here is that ultimately it is up to you, to work at the pace that best works for you and do what you feel is a benefit for the overarching goals and attitudes you want to have toward and about life. You are your own person, and it is not at all as impossible as you make it out to be and that is really the key. Those who say I cannot do a, b, c for x, y, z reasons are greatly limiting themselves to what is their potential. Even in pursuing what you have done for the past 6 years, it is apart of you, just as being proactive toward a change from that is also apart of you. The thing is, once you start saying "I can't" you no longer can do whatever it is you would do. I do not feel you are as trapt as you say. If you truly desire change, you will seize that change. I do not believe you are as hopeless as being forced to do something, but are only limited by your own ambition.
 

Sixup

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You should probably quit the internet for at least a month. Probably more like 3+.

Get out every day and be around people. Force yourself. Some people seem like natural social butterflies. Those of us who suck at it need to consciously practice. It's going to really suck at first but you will get better.

Also start working out if you aren't already. Doesn't matter how. Pushups, situps, and running would be fine.

Get out in nature at least once a week. Go for a walk or do it as part of your workout, whatever.

Just some ideas. But main thing is get off the damn internet. Even reading positive things online is not going to help. It's passive bullshit. Mental masturbation. You need to actively push yourself out of your comfort zone. Good luck.
 

louiesgonnadie

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You should probably quit the internet for at least a month. Probably more like 3+.

Get out every day and be around people. Force yourself. Some people seem like natural social butterflies. Those of us who suck at it need to consciously practice. It's going to really suck at first but you will get better.

Also start working out if you aren't already. Doesn't matter how. Pushups, situps, and running would be fine.

Get out in nature at least once a week. Go for a walk or do it as part of your workout, whatever.

Just some ideas. But main thing is get off the damn internet. Even reading positive things online is not going to help. It's passive bullshit. Mental masturbation. You need to actively push yourself out of your comfort zone. Good luck.
I generally agree -- thanks for the advice and I'll try, at least limiting my internet usage.
 

louiesgonnadie

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louiesgonnadie,
Try probiotics for the anxiety/depression. Get capsules with high dosages (billions per capsule), and with more than 1 species. Make sure you get some Bifidobacterium Longum and Lactobacillus Rhamnosus. I take about 100billion total each day (about 10 different species combined).
Thanks for the advice and at this juncture I would. But the problem is I don't have the money, and I won't until I get a job. And that could be tricky with the anxiety What do you use? Primal defense or jarrow formulas? I did a quick shopping search and the former was the most expensive, the latter one of the least.

Also what do you think of nootropics? (Like onnit)
 

louiesgonnadie

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If you are an intelligent person, you can see why people were thinking you don't actually want help and instead just want to vent.
Which is why I wrote this:

This is not what is going on. At all. Might seem like it because I haven't responded to posts that had solid advice (Like Tannhauser's and Redfire's) but that was because I didn't see anything that needed clarity and there was nothing else to do but listen to them.
What makes you think I didn't?

You have disagree with nearly everyone on the nature of your situation and how to solve your problems.
Honestly no, I haven't disagreed much with people about my situation really at all. If anything the things I've disagreed with are people's opinions on things outside of my situation, or I'm just correcting people to bring about clarity. Why are you seeing this? Quote some of my posts. I fail to see it.

People have shared their perspective on how you are not being genuine in seeing their perspective on the matter and that is where the conflict arises.
How am I not being genuine?

you are clinging to your problems and wanting them in a way, because it allows you to not take the necessary action to get out of the situation.
Look at this point this is irrelevant because it's not the case. Maybe in the past but I've broken through that bullshit. I'm not looking for an excuse, I said it before and I'll say it again. I jogged this morning. Even harder than I did yesterday. So hard my gut started hurting to the point where it feels like I'm bloated (and I'm still feeling this way). I made an effort to do the dishes again. Then, I did my daily exercise routine for the second day in a row, even though I felt like shit and still felt bloated. It's a small routine because I just started and am very out of shape. Wall sitting for 5 seconds, lots of situps, stretching and could only muster one pushup, which hurt like hell. Then I talked to my mom about her helping me with some steps to improve my situation even though it turned into an argument because she can't find the time to help me because of her shit. I'm trying to talk to someone in my extended family because I have no one else to talk to. I'm trying to talk to other people online. And fuck, I'm engaging in conflict on this forum even though I'm uncomfortable with it because I'm afraid someone's going to come along and say "no, you're bullshitting yourself, you're not really tackling your problems, you're overrationalizing things and here's why (good, logical reason why)" and then the demons in my head, aka the irrational domains of my depression will come out and be like "HAHAHA SEE? This is why you can't trust yourself. You agreed to yourself that you should admit when you're wrong, right? Well you were wrong about PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING! You can't trust yourself for insight! THIS IS WHY YOU FAIL, BUDDY!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" and trigger negative emotions to try to get me to go back and just give up and marinate for another year while I kill people on GTA. That's what I risk for expressing a conflicting opinion on a forum but I don't care because I just want to give myself the benefit of the doubt here. It's only of benefit because fuck, maybe I'm wrong. And then I can only learn from my failure. As fuckin' painful as it is. If I really was running away from my problems, would I be confronting you like this right now?
 

QuickTwist

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Relax man, relax. You did some exercise, which is good. Keep doing it. The best way to get in shape is to keep exercising and eating right. But you HAVE to keep doing it. Don't expect to see any real change for a while.

Here's the thing about making changes: it takes others a lot longer to see you are making changes than it takes for you to see results.

If you are overweight (which I suspect), I encourage you to stick to the plan. You will not really see results for a while and that can be daunting given that you will want to tell people that you have started working out and them not seeing the effects of that. Keep doing it though.

When I started wrestling in hs I was a skinny little prick who could hardly do any strenuous exercise, but come my senior year in HS I was able to bench 142% of my weight, Squat nearly 200% of my weight and power clean 181% of my weight. That took a long time to get to that point. Stick with it and you will start to feel really good about yourself and you will really start to see changes.

As far as diet goes, I highly recommend asking nanook or architect about that stuff.

Get some weights. IDK how much you weight, but I'd suggest getting weights that are 1/6th your weight if you are skinny and 1/10th if you are heavy. Look up what to do with these weights on line somewhere, there's plenty you can do with just a single weight like a cowbell or something.

One last thing... You don't want to work the same muscle group every day.. work half the muscle groups one day, take the next day off and then work the other half the next day. Typically you want heavy days and light days, but since you are just starting that should be a fine starting point.

Best of luck.
 

Sinny91

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This forum has a propensity (my word of the week, has anyone noticed?) , to loose things in translation.

I like you. Sounds like you need a buddy, hit me with a PM if you'd like to accept :)
 

cheese

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Thanks for the advice and at this juncture I would. But the problem is I don't have the money, and I won't until I get a job. And that could be tricky with the anxiety What do you use? Primal defense or jarrow formulas? I did a quick shopping search and the former was the most expensive, the latter one of the least.

Also what do you think of nootropics? (Like onnit)
Borrow the money. Use whichever's cheapest. Don't know enough about nootropics.
 

Grayman

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@quicktwist

I wouldn't underestimate the power of exercise. For some it can be a focal point for change. It can be a meditation that builds determination, discipline, and confidence.

For him it may not just be exercise but instead a stepping stone into a new him a shaping of himself inwardly and outwardly to be a different person.

It also can help fight depression and apathy and this in turn can change a persons outlook and how they handle negativity.

Arguably it isn't enough alone to change his whole life but I think that it can be the push that gets the ball rolling in the right direction. He is taking that first step. As long as he keeps up with it he might just be setting the path for change as he gains a different perspective of himself and expands outward from there.
 

Bock

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I still live at home with family. I spend every day on my laptop. Occasionally I might go out for a walk, and I have therapy once or twice a week, but I'm pretty much 99% in my head. I've been like this for the past 6 years, even in school. I have shut myself off from other people temporarily because of my situation, so I don't talk to people, and haven't for the past two years -- with the exception of reconnecting with a friend from school, but I'm not sure if that will work out at this point so generally speaking, I don't go out and talk to people at all. I am trying to change that though -- I'll probably come along for Thanksgiving to see my family, just to marinate in social experience.



The only thing I don't see changing is the relationship one considering that I've felt strongly about it since I was a kid, since I've felt about it for such a long time I think it's probably just a stable value of mine. Everything else is kind of flexible, but I don't really want to be a part of the 9-5 rat race. So flexible, unorthodox job would be nice. But if it's essential, I can adapt.

But those are long-term goals. Right now I'm focusing on short term ones -- eliminate anxiety, and find stability (stability e.g. mentally/physically/emotionally secure, focused, informed, independent)
I can relate, only thing that keeps me from giving up completely is the idea of finding a nice girl. Nothing wrong with that but just stay grounded in reality. Love/whatever isn't "above it all", if anything it's a rather simple "transaction" with different requirements depending on your sex. If you're a guy you NEED to have a basic variation of money/looks/charisma/social status yada yada, and if you don't have much of these things then you'll have to work on them because otherwise you'll have a hard time meeting any girl at all. This naturally leads to the topic of the extremely unbalanced sexual market of today but i can't be bothered tbh, maybe later/some other time.

Exercise helps with anxiety/mood (and a multitude of other things obviously). Also, get your testosterone levels checked, maybe vitamin D etc.
 

mrrhq

Dedicated Debian Dude
Local time
Today, 10:18
Joined
May 22, 2014
Messages
59
Well, I just want to chime in. My situation is different. I do live alone, but my parents are helping to support me every month, since my apartment is too expensive for SSI alone. I get SSI due to my disability, but it's not SSDI.

And DHS gives me a meager income of about less than $200. I really don't know if I should be telling people about this, but whatever. So, money is extremely tight, and I've been getting a lot wiser with my money. I don't spend it on crap (all the time), just... when I really think I can, I need some saved so I'm not asking my peeps for more cash.

So heck, I live alone and I also don't talk to anyone. I'm just not that social. I can't hold a conversation with most personality types but my own, even stranger ISTPs annoy me sometimes, though they are usually cool buddies I know I could talk to and hang out with if I, for example, met them Online.

Living alone has... been rough emotionally for me at first. I have shouted at people and cried in bed before. After a year of doing living alone, I guess you kinda get used to it, just like anything else, especially if you've lived in the same nice and quiet place for over several months. I tried the roommates situation, which is definitely a cheaper possibility, but the last pair of roomies I've had just sucked. I mean, to put it simply, roommates fuckin' suck. But, it's defiantly a surefire thing you can do so you don't have to be homeless, implying that you get ANY sort of income...

The reasons why I don't work is a personal thing, but it's my own decision for now. The labor industry is really judgmental, and it seems like they always expect too much of people. I wonder how much easier it would have been to get a job in any other culture but the United States' one. it fuckin' sucks.

And I am afraid of procrastinating college, though I've wanted to do it again. I never feel like I have the right head for college. It's designed for people who want to learn and deal with the bullshit that college has on the plate for you. I'm not a bullshit dealer, I like to cut right through the bullshit, but college insists that if they want to give me a FAFSA grant, I have to pass all of my classes, or else they won't pay for them, and suddenly I owe a lot of money. That's bastardization to me.

My life in a nutshell.jpg.

So anyway, good luck with your life. You will need it, bud. :cool:
 

QuickTwist

Spiritual "Woo"
Local time
Today, 12:18
Joined
Jan 24, 2013
Messages
7,182
Location
...
Well, I just want to chime in. My situation is different. I do live alone, but my parents are helping to support me every month, since my apartment is too expensive for SSI alone. I get SSI due to my disability, but it's not SSDI.

And DHS gives me a meager income of about less than $200. I really don't know if I should be telling people about this, but whatever. So, money is extremely tight, and I've been getting a lot wiser with my money. I don't spend it on crap (all the time), just... when I really think I can, I need some saved so I'm not asking my peeps for more cash.

So heck, I live alone and I also don't talk to anyone. I'm just not that social. I can't hold a conversation with most personality types but my own, even stranger ISTPs annoy me sometimes, though they are usually cool buddies I know I could talk to and hang out with if I, for example, met them Online.

Living alone has... been rough emotionally for me at first. I have shouted at people and cried in bed before. After a year of doing living alone, I guess you kinda get used to it, just like anything else, especially if you've lived in the same nice and quiet place for over several months. I tried the roommates situation, which is definitely a cheaper possibility, but the last pair of roomies I've had just sucked. I mean, to put it simply, roommates fuckin' suck. But, it's defiantly a surefire thing you can do so you don't have to be homeless, implying that you get ANY sort of income...

The reasons why I don't work is a personal thing, but it's my own decision for now. The labor industry is really judgmental, and it seems like they always expect too much of people. I wonder how much easier it would have been to get a job in any other culture but the United States' one. it fuckin' sucks.

And I am afraid of procrastinating college, though I've wanted to do it again. I never feel like I have the right head for college. It's designed for people who want to learn and deal with the bullshit that college has on the plate for you. I'm not a bullshit dealer, I like to cut right through the bullshit, but college insists that if they want to give me a FAFSA grant, I have to pass all of my classes, or else they won't pay for them, and suddenly I owe a lot of money. That's bastardization to me.

My life in a nutshell.jpg.

So anyway, good luck with your life. You will need it, bud. :cool:
I identify with a lot of what you say. I know this doesn't help like people think, but you are not alone.
 
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