I need advice

[BrBaFan225]

I have been friends with these two guys since middle school. I'll just say C and D. C who ended up being my absolute best friend that I spent pretty much every day with, and D I would still consider a very close friend. Us and this other guy were all in a group chat and all made plans to hangout often. All was good. Then I was hanging with C and noticed he was texting them in a group chat w/o me. Suddenly over the course of a few weeks I notice that they are making plans to hangout without me. All the time. They made plans to go to a concert without even mentioning it to me. C, the person I spent almost every day with, doesn't even speak to me now. When I ask him to hangout, he says he has homework or is busy, but is at D's house. He posted on social media, "7 DAYS", and I asked what it meant and he said, "it's just how many days until October", today I found out that they were going to another concert on that day. So they aren't just forgetting to invite me, they're hiding it from me. I don't understand what I did, and why I'm being dropped like this so randomly but I just broke up with my girlfriend, so now I have no one. All of my closest friends have dropped me for no reason and I don't know what to do.

 

[TAC]

Here are your options:
1) Make some new friends
2) Address C and D about your issue directly
3) Try some new things. The busier you are the better. Often you can make some new friends when you develop a routine where you cross paths with others
4) Focus on yourself: Read some books, start a project

I've found so far in my life that good friends really stick. They're may be some times where you drift in separate directions, but when they come back it is as if no time has passed. I hadn't talked to my best friend in four years. Now we're living together 2000 miles from home trying to figure out life and find careers. Perhaps C isn't as good a friend as you think he is, but he'll come around if he is. You may only have a couple friends right now, broaden that base. In high school, I was into so many different things and always had somebody to hang out with whether it was guys on one of my sports teams (Rugby, Swimming, Track), classmates from my tech classes. Shit I'd stay after school and talk to my math teacher about ideas and help kids figure out there hw because I had to kill time before practice. The more stuff you do, the more people who will notice you and before you know it, you'll make a lot of acquaintances and even some friends. They won't always be great friends, but at least you'll have some fodder for social experiments.

PS. I'm assuming you are in high school, so correct me if this drivel is irrelevant.

 

[BrBaFan225]

Here are your options:
1) Make some new friends
2) Address C and D about your issue directly
3) Try some new things. The busier you are the better. Often you can make some new friends when you develop a routine where you cross paths with others
4) Focus on yourself: Read some books, start a project

I've found so far in my life that good friends really stick. They're may be some times where you drift in separate directions, but when they come back it is as if no time has passed. I hadn't talked to my best friend in four years. Now we're living together 2000 miles from home trying to figure out life and find careers. Perhaps C isn't as good a friend as you think he is, but he'll come around if he is. You may only have a couple friends right now, broaden that base. In high school, I was into so many different things and always had somebody to hang out with whether it was guys on one of my sports teams (Rugby, Swimming, Track), classmates from my tech classes. Shit I'd stay after school and talk to my math teacher about ideas and help kids figure out there hw because I had to kill time before practice. The more stuff you do, the more people who will notice you and before you know it, you'll make a lot of acquaintances and even some friends. They won't always be great friends, but at least you'll have some fodder for social experiments.

PS. I'm assuming you are in high school, so correct me if this drivel is irrelevant.

I'm actually not in high school lol. I'm actually taking a break from college at the moment and it's making it a lot worse, because I don't have anything to occupy my time really, besides work. The other day when C was talking about it in my face, I decided to confront him and I said, "you're really going to talk about hanging with them in front of me and none of you invite me" and he said, "I'm just letting you know how my nights going to play out". I really don't understand it but they're aware of what there doing, and they continue to do it. I'm trying to accept the fact that I'm going to have to drop them and make new friends, but it's so hard because they really were my only close friends. Just doesn't make any sense. Thank you for your advice, I'm going to act like it doesn't bother me and not contact them. Try and make some new friends. Just wish I knew why they dumped me, why I wasn't good enough.

 

[Tannhauser]

With the right mindset, this problem becomes very simple.

First thing to realise is that people who treat you this way were not really your friends in the first place. They are just people you happend to get along with at some point in the past. They are not bad people, they are just not real friends.

How to proceed then? Try to figure out what sort of person you want to be and what sort of people you want to surround yourself with (although the latter is a consequence of the former). After that, none of these exterior events should not carry any weight whatsoever. It is like placing a bet on the roulette wheel and then losing - the person you were when you placed the bet might have been the person you want to be or otherwise, but the outcome itself is just noise, fluctuations.

Like this post I am writing now. I might get some approval for it or I might not. But that doesn't matter. What matters is whether me writing it aligns itself with what I want to be.

 

[Sinny91]

If I were you, I'd just burn my school down.

 

[Joe13414]

I'm in highschool, I have a similar problem, but mine is a bit more emotional, some others might of read it, but that's not important right now, I would find new friends, at least 2, I have 4, I'm happy with 2, and at least 1 trusted friend. Get to know them really well, and make sure you can trust them, and then earn their trust. Go out with them, go to the theaters, a library, a concert, and make sure your old friends see your happy with them, soon you'll forget about them. I would ask them for the truth, and if it hurts, tell them to go Fuck themselves, or some really effective insult, peace and a happy-ending is not always the answer, we learned that in 1945.

I'd rather know the ugliest truth than the prettiest lie.

 

[E404]

With the right mindset, this problem becomes very simple.

First thing to realise is that people who treat you this way were not really your friends in the first place. They are just people you happend to get along with at some point in the past. They are not bad people, they are just not real friends.

How to proceed then? Try to figure out what sort of person you want to be and what sort of people you want to surround yourself with (although the latter is a consequence of the former). After that, none of these exterior events should not carry any weight whatsoever. It is like placing a bet on the roulette wheel and then losing - the person you were when you placed the bet might have been the person you want to be or otherwise, but the outcome itself is just noise, fluctuations.

Like this post I am writing now. I might get some approval for it or I might not. But that doesn't matter. What matters is whether me writing it aligns itself with what I want to be.

This is what I did this summer, and it is going well... though it took a few months.

Here are your options:
1) Make some new friends
2) Address C and D about your issue directly
3) Try some new things. The busier you are the better. Often you can make some new friends when you develop a routine where you cross paths with others
4) Focus on yourself: Read some books, start a project

I was going to type advice, until I read this. This is great.

If I were you, I'd just burn my school down.

I just quote this because it made my day. Thanks Sinny!

 

[ivan]

INTP are quite unaware of social interaction so it is very possible that you are doing something that other people do not like.
Some of my advices are:
-Make sure you are not a vibe killer. Do not be negative. INTPs are notorious for being lame so make sure you appear enthusiastic
-INTP can be unaware of what is popular right now. Make sure you know what to talk about. Ex. talk about some tv show that is popular right now or just improve small talks.
-Maybe you do not feel comfortable hanging out with a big group of people and you are not being invited to concerts because of it.
-See if other things about you are awkward, weird about you that you are unaware of.
Ex. your haircut, clothing, bad social skills.
- Don`t be afraid to ask people how you are different from others. They will give you a list of things that you will have to improve.

 

[Joe13414]

-Make sure you are not a vibe killer. Do not be negative.

I think if so called 'friends' don't like you for being negitive or being yourself they're not friends, find friends who care for you, look for people who accept you and even accept your negativity, my few friends aren't shit-eating assholes and accept my angry, bitter and asinine attitude. My friends try to help me when I'm angry or bitter, they really care, they stand for my logic-obsessiveness, they stand for my morbid sarcasm, they're real friends, they (sadly fail) try to get me to go to places, they took me to see Primus and Alice in Chains this August. Unless they really do care, find new friends, I bid you luck in your journey to find friends.

 

[E404]

INTP are quite unaware of social interaction so it is very possible that you are doing something that other people do not like.
Some of my advices are:
-Make sure you are not a vibe killer. Do not be negative. INTPs are notorious for being lame so make sure you appear enthusiastic
-INTP can be unaware of what is popular right now. Make sure you know what to talk about. Ex. talk about some tv show that is popular right now or just improve small talks.
-Maybe you do not feel comfortable hanging out with a big group of people and you are not being invited to concerts because of it.
-See if other things about you are awkward, weird about you that you are unaware of.
Ex. your haircut, clothing, bad social skills.
- Don`t be afraid to ask people how you are different from others. They will give you a list of things that you will have to improve.

If someone doesn't like you because of your haircut, that's not your problem...

You also shouldn't have to know "what's popular right now" or watch certain shows for attention.

Why would you change yourself to make other people happy? That doesn't make any sense...

 

[ivan]

Because INTPs are usually unaware of them selfs and long hair or greasy hair doesn't help you to make new friend or keep you current friends.
You don`t need attention but you need to know what to talk about with other people so you wont be lame.
You should improve yourself so other people would want to be friend with you.

 

[E404]

Because INTPs are usually unaware of them selfs and long hair or greasy hair doesn't help you to make new friend or keep you current friends.
You don`t need attention but you need to know what to talk about with other people so you wont be lame.
You should improve yourself so other people would want to be friend with you.

I'm an INTP and I'm pretty aware... On top of that, as an INTP I'm interested in many topics. Besides, even if you're not aware you should find friends who accept you for the way you are. You can't have NOTHING to talk about. And you're not going to be friends with everyone. So just find the friends who accept you for the way you are. I don't need to be into the Kardashians just to keep up with people who like it. If I have nothing to talk about with them, so be it. I'll find people who I can talk about what I'm interested in with (one of the reasons for joining this forum...)

 

[Joe13414]

Because INTPs are usually unaware of them selfs and long hair or greasy hair doesn't help you to make new friend or keep you current friends.
You don`t need attention but you need to know what to talk about with other people so you wont be lame.
You should improve yourself so other people would want to be friend with you.

*themselves

BrBaFan225, be yourself, if they have a problem, they can go find new friends to neglect, you don't need a make-over to be happy, you need to be yourself to be happy, and look at the logic in it, people don't want a perfect friend, they want a friend to respect and care for them. Ivan if you have a problem, its not ours, so take it and shove it up your ass, Your ass, not ours.

 

[ivan]

Sounds like a quote from some fake self-help book, and yes I have a few problems and everyday I am Improving it so I can be a greater version of myself. I had similar problems that is why I am giving my advice to BrBaFan225. He said that somehow his friends stopped inviting him to hang out and you are just saying "It is cool, just be yourself. No need to be perfect." rather than saying something meaningful that will help in real world.

 

[Joe13414]

Sounds like a quote from some fake self-help book, and yes I have a few problems and everyday I am Improving it so I can be a greater version of myself. I had similar problems that is why I am giving my advice to BrBaFan225. He said that somehow his friends stopped inviting him to hang out and you are just saying "It is cool, just be yourself. No need to be perfect." rather than saying something meaningful that will help in real world.

Because fake people will never know who they are, and live in confusion in a constant search for who they truly are, and you sir, sound like a Kardashian trying to be wise, stop being so stuck-up and look around, you're more irrational than a fucking Dr.Seuss book, grow the fuck up.
(For record, Dr.Seuss is great! )
“What is right is not always popular and what is popular is not always right.”
― Albert Einstein

 

[Joe13414]

Now we need to help BrBaFan225, not call him imperfect.
I lost the girl I thought I loved, she just stopped talking to me, like this problem. What am I doing now? I'm moving on to show her I'm happy without her lies. I'd rather live with an ugly truth than a perfect lie.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I can't think of a reason they would do this to you other than that they're hiding a nasty drug addiction and don't want you to find out. That or one has convinced the others that you're dead-weight (probably the new guy).

You guys have been friends for a long time, so it might be worth a shot to put your pride on the line to figure out what's really going on. Otherwise I don't think the situation is mentally healthy in the long term.

 

[Pizzabeak]

Is there something you aren't telling us? Either way, maybe they were never your friends in the first place. That being said, you should try and make some new ones but all the while this is happening they will be reveling in the greatness of seeing you have to do that, hoping you fail, obviously.

You aren't impressing them enough, for one. Or, maybe they feel slightly threatened by your personality? It's a little hard to tell from the posts. So, you can either try and hang out with them more if you actually enjoy it or try and develop your own thing. Chances are they're just allocating resources and can't afford to share the goods. Maybe you don't actually enjoy hanging out with them and they can tell.

 

[Crux_Cheetah]

I have been friends with these two guys since middle school. I'll just say C and D. C who ended up being my absolute best friend that I spent pretty much every day with, and D I would still consider a very close friend. Us and this other guy were all in a group chat and all made plans to hangout often. All was good. Then I was hanging with C and noticed he was texting them in a group chat w/o me. Suddenly over the course of a few weeks I notice that they are making plans to hangout without me. All the time. They made plans to go to a concert without even mentioning it to me. C, the person I spent almost every day with, doesn't even speak to me now. When I ask him to hangout, he says he has homework or is busy, but is at D's house. He posted on social media, "7 DAYS", and I asked what it meant and he said, "it's just how many days until October", today I found out that they were going to another concert on that day. So they aren't just forgetting to invite me, they're hiding it from me. I don't understand what I did, and why I'm being dropped like this so randomly but I just broke up with my girlfriend, so now I have no one. All of my closest friends have dropped me for no reason and I don't know what to do.

Maybe C and/or D has a relationship with someone who doesn't value you and C and/or D values that person more than you.
You shouldn't obsess over your mistakes. If they valued their friendship with you, they wouldn't drop you suddenly, they'd at least try to work it out.
You can go make new friends, just be normal and make an effort searching for people like you. If it's hard to make friends just brainstorm conversation starters in your head. Most people actually make good friends after a few conversations.
Or you can go talk to someone who knows C, D and you. Maybe that person knows something that you don't know.
But whatever it is, it's not your fault. At least it's not entirely your fault. If they are to blame whatever it is on you, it's also their fault for hiding things from you instead of dealing with the problem in front of you.