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OK, it's on.
INFJ men are confusing.
- Thread starter alrai
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EyeSeeCold
lust for life
You could visit them on their forum and hopefully get some responses. Although I'm sure that place is riddled with INFPs, some INTJs and ENTPs, and even shadowy INTPs.
Bird
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Puffy
"Wtf even was that"
Re: INFJ men are confusing
INFJs like to come to their own conclusions, in my opinion. So I would say by giving them the space to do so I guess.
INFJs like to come to their own conclusions, in my opinion. So I would say by giving them the space to do so I guess.
I have. It just created more doubt about where I stand.
It seemed like the whole thing had great potential, but it never amounted to anything. I know I'm a bit indecisive, and feelings often make no sense to me so I just try to rationalize everything(sometimes my thought were only rational by structure, and actually had no basis in reality, which were supported by part of me trying to deny what I feel.
In the midst of the confusion, it all felt like a big game to me(which was fun, as a challenge), but feelings built up, i hated the fact i couldn't control them, because, I had no idea how he was feeling, at the same time, I couldn't really understand what I'm feeling well. I finally figured that denying the emotion just empahised it, but I never managed to accept it seriously until towards the very end of our course.
After the first encounter, he immediately stood out as special(at least to me) in some way, I never really fully understood him, sometimes I think he even confuses himself with seemingly irrational behavior, but sometimes it just added to the appeal because it demonstrated some sort of sincerity(but in a crazy way), and his demanding behavior was difficult to accept at first, but gradually I learnt to appreciate it. I acknowledge his consistence on some occasions, it made it more difficult to walk away like I usually do, and also made me feel indebt to accept any discomfort which he causes me.
More time, I was probably ambiguous and vague because I felt that I was rarely allowed to see the person behind his mask, which made me less inclined to take of mine. I often never showed him a softer person as the likelihood is that he'll walk all over her. I'm not generally a soft person, but I try to choose the appropriate times based on my belief system, I'm not actually cold either, but I can naturally give people that impression. They're both aspects of myself, but I try to express them when it's suitable. Yet, I can't help but mirror people who are soft (and seem genuine), not initially, but eventually.
We never fully grew apart, but time was limited, and now we haven't spoken for very long.
From what I understood, it's unlikely we'll resolve our conflict. But at the least, If I
learnt anything from this, it's that INFJ's are complexly warm, capable of rich depth(that I cant say I've come across before), confusing, and crazy.
It seemed like the whole thing had great potential, but it never amounted to anything. I know I'm a bit indecisive, and feelings often make no sense to me so I just try to rationalize everything(sometimes my thought were only rational by structure, and actually had no basis in reality, which were supported by part of me trying to deny what I feel.
In the midst of the confusion, it all felt like a big game to me(which was fun, as a challenge), but feelings built up, i hated the fact i couldn't control them, because, I had no idea how he was feeling, at the same time, I couldn't really understand what I'm feeling well. I finally figured that denying the emotion just empahised it, but I never managed to accept it seriously until towards the very end of our course.
After the first encounter, he immediately stood out as special(at least to me) in some way, I never really fully understood him, sometimes I think he even confuses himself with seemingly irrational behavior, but sometimes it just added to the appeal because it demonstrated some sort of sincerity(but in a crazy way), and his demanding behavior was difficult to accept at first, but gradually I learnt to appreciate it. I acknowledge his consistence on some occasions, it made it more difficult to walk away like I usually do, and also made me feel indebt to accept any discomfort which he causes me.
More time, I was probably ambiguous and vague because I felt that I was rarely allowed to see the person behind his mask, which made me less inclined to take of mine. I often never showed him a softer person as the likelihood is that he'll walk all over her. I'm not generally a soft person, but I try to choose the appropriate times based on my belief system, I'm not actually cold either, but I can naturally give people that impression. They're both aspects of myself, but I try to express them when it's suitable. Yet, I can't help but mirror people who are soft (and seem genuine), not initially, but eventually.
We never fully grew apart, but time was limited, and now we haven't spoken for very long.
From what I understood, it's unlikely we'll resolve our conflict. But at the least, If I
learnt anything from this, it's that INFJ's are complexly warm, capable of rich depth(that I cant say I've come across before), confusing, and crazy.
TheDrake
objective means purpose
I am a confusing INFJ man who highly values authenticity. Your last post sounds like you could have been describing me; I don't know the particulars of your situation, so I could be way off, but I will respond as if you were interested in me:
You made an assumption that I would stomp all over you if you were to show me your softer side; I think that's a wrong assumption. It may be the case that you would perceive my reaction as a "stomping all over you", but that would not be my reaction's intention - rather, its intention would be to show my appreciation in a way that gauges whether or not you received and appreciated my intentions; you perceiving me as "stomping all over you" would mean that my intentions weren't appreciated. INFJs affirm their righteousness, but rarely make it explicit.
I would also say that when you say you can't control your feelings because you don't know how I feel, you are being inauthentic and refusing to take responsibility for your feelings. I intuitively sense this inauthenticity, and regard it as a limit to potential.
I would recommend that you get in touch with you INFJ guy, to see if he wants to get together. Expess your appreciation of his complex warmth, rich depth, and even his confusing craziness. Express a desire to get together simply because you appreciate him; he is most likely to appreciate the simple authenticity of your request. It is good that you are able to tolerate him to a degree, even if it means bringing yourself under some discomfort. You must bring yourself under more discomfort if you want to be able to tolerate him, and he you, to a greater degree. This discomfort is for a good cause, though - it is to push the other beyond the limits of their being. It means, for you, to take responsibility of your feelings by giving them more credence, and taking action on their behalf, which means communicating your confusion in order to test the validity of those feelings. More generally it means being open and encouraging to potential for growth.
It may turn out your feelings were not completely valid, and your actions didn't yield all that you'd of hoped for, but it is likely that you would have enriched the quality of your relationship, in whatever form it ends up taking, by fulfilling potential and inspiring new potential.
What exactly is your conflict over?
You made an assumption that I would stomp all over you if you were to show me your softer side; I think that's a wrong assumption. It may be the case that you would perceive my reaction as a "stomping all over you", but that would not be my reaction's intention - rather, its intention would be to show my appreciation in a way that gauges whether or not you received and appreciated my intentions; you perceiving me as "stomping all over you" would mean that my intentions weren't appreciated. INFJs affirm their righteousness, but rarely make it explicit.
I would also say that when you say you can't control your feelings because you don't know how I feel, you are being inauthentic and refusing to take responsibility for your feelings. I intuitively sense this inauthenticity, and regard it as a limit to potential.
I would recommend that you get in touch with you INFJ guy, to see if he wants to get together. Expess your appreciation of his complex warmth, rich depth, and even his confusing craziness. Express a desire to get together simply because you appreciate him; he is most likely to appreciate the simple authenticity of your request. It is good that you are able to tolerate him to a degree, even if it means bringing yourself under some discomfort. You must bring yourself under more discomfort if you want to be able to tolerate him, and he you, to a greater degree. This discomfort is for a good cause, though - it is to push the other beyond the limits of their being. It means, for you, to take responsibility of your feelings by giving them more credence, and taking action on their behalf, which means communicating your confusion in order to test the validity of those feelings. More generally it means being open and encouraging to potential for growth.
It may turn out your feelings were not completely valid, and your actions didn't yield all that you'd of hoped for, but it is likely that you would have enriched the quality of your relationship, in whatever form it ends up taking, by fulfilling potential and inspiring new potential.
What exactly is your conflict over?
*nods*makes sense
I'm not sure if he felt authenticity was an issue, I think my indeciveness was possibily more inflaming. But I see what your saying about the responsibilty for feelings bit.
I would take the risk of approaching him, unfortunately, the possibilty of getting greeted with a rifle, and an army of critisms is slighly discouraging, still, there's more to lose so I'll attempt it given the oppurtunity.
Our conflict is complex in itself, I'm not sure if I can call it cheating, we wern't together, but we did to some extent have an unwritten contract that binded us together. How would you deal with someone that walked away? assuming that you actually liked her.
I'm not sure if he felt authenticity was an issue, I think my indeciveness was possibily more inflaming. But I see what your saying about the responsibilty for feelings bit.
I would take the risk of approaching him, unfortunately, the possibilty of getting greeted with a rifle, and an army of critisms is slighly discouraging, still, there's more to lose so I'll attempt it given the oppurtunity.
Our conflict is complex in itself, I'm not sure if I can call it cheating, we wern't together, but we did to some extent have an unwritten contract that binded us together. How would you deal with someone that walked away? assuming that you actually liked her.