INTP and Power?

[Nihilmatic]

As a child my parents have gone through several financial implications where we moved a total of 4 times when i was 3-12. Each one was a different experience but none was like the one where I moved to NYC in 7th grade and was greatly socially outcasted, for extremely dumb reasons. This was a huge transition in my life where I was in an environment where the school was only 1 floor with less than 500 students and everyone knew everyone and everyone was everyones friend. Then in 7th grade it was just a huge fest of ego and social nobility. I was extremely innocent at this time and one of the first questions i was asked was "Do you watch porn?". When i replied with "I don't know what porn is" i was ridiculed and called loser and all this other crap. At lunch I was kicked out of the table because I didn't say anything and I was taking up space. I never really understood why I was treated this way so during my summers all the way up to 11th grade i studied human behavior and psychology. What happened was similar to a fire, one group thought of me as a loser and eventually everyone did because of human conformity. I was also extremely "nerdy" and skinny so it was pretty easy to bully me. I think this made me really cold where I neglected a lot of social contact. I always wanted to learn martial arts in order to defend myself or my friends and as a result wanted power. One time this kid attempted to harass me with his friends in high school during gym (since I thought everyone was an idiot there I didn't speak to anyone) and I just snapped where i grabbed his neck and just choke holded him against the wall where I completely humiliated him saying if mommy and daddy didnt give him enough attention that he has to scream and yell for attention in school, and how pathetic he is bragging about anything and everything yet being complete trash at everything. I think I even played sports for the wrong reasons (although I live inside my head 95% of the time), I played more due to an ego factor where I wanted to prove to myself that I am better than them at every aspect. As a child I would always daydream some kind of fictional environment where I would beat up the "bad guys" and looked up to super heroes since I was 3. I'm always really angry inside because of how disgusting this world is and how selfish and greedy human beings are and the effects of human conformity (holocaust where they conformed to Hitler). I think I have a huge INTJ complex where I have a blank stare of utter hatred (73% of the time I'm just thinking). I even read several books on the power of manipulation with psychology. Does anyone else feel as power hungry as me (I'm not corrupt I just want to protect myself and people I care about) so I could actually influence this world to be better.

 

[Neckbeard]

Being in charge always feels weird to me, I prefer to encourage everyone to be their own leader. I am a loner myself, mentally, anyway. I think I don't like leading people because I feel like I'm degrading them when I do. Illogical, I know.

 

[Seteleechete]

Yes, I do feel power hungry but only if I think the power matters and I usually don't(political/social, those won't give me enough benefit to warrant the effort and I feel it is fleeting power without any real substance) personal strength is the only form of power I really care about (particularly mental) and even then I don't really have the motivation to seek it. This is however only because I don't have anything I truly care about. Ultimately my nihilism tempers any tendency I would have to seek power and I end up just fantasising about fictional worlds instead(though I am usually an anti-hero). I don't particularity have any inclination to grow out of this habit either.

 

[Nihilmatic]

Yes, I do feel power hungry but only if I think the power matters and I usually don't(political/social, those won't give me enough benefit to warrant the effort and I feel it is fleeting power without any real substance) personal strength is the only form of power I really care about (particularly mental) and even then I don't really have the motivation to seek it. This is however only because I don't have anything I truly care about. Ultimately my nihilism tempers any tendency I would have to seek power and I end up just fantasising about fictional worlds instead(though I am usually an anti-hero). I don't particularity have any inclination to grow out of this habit either.

I've had the same habit since I was 2.

 

[Yellow]

I dunno. I think being in a position of power sucks anal glands. It's just more work. You know what's awesome? Being left to your own devices to do what you want and let others do what they want.

 

[Seteleechete]

I dunno. I think being in a position of power sucks anal glands. It's just more work. You know what's awesome? Being left to your own devices to do what you want and let others do what they want.

The thing is in reality this requires a certain amount of power to guarantee. Having power, though not fun is really the only way to avoid situations were you get fucked over.

 

[Jennywocky]

Power is a two-edged sword... and usually power comes along with dark impulses (see Jung's shadow, for example). Donaldon's "Covenant" series also had this interesting Oath of Peace, which was instituted as a way to keep those with power from abusing their power, but it also stripped them of their power to fight/destroy evil, and eventually they had to accept that power was a tool that could be used but also abused.

Anyway, power to protect and control one's own personal world seems useful to me... which can also filter into power in the world only in the degree that you need it to protect and control your own world and fate. Power aimed at ruling/dominating others is far more rife to abuse -- you can try to use that power for good, but you can also purposefully or accidentally use that power destructively. And then of course there are those who only want power over others but not the insight or power to examine and govern themselves.

Donaldson had some interesting things to say in his series -- like, how only the innocent were pure, but they also had no power. Only those carrying guilt had power they could then use for good or bad. etc.

Anyway, moving from childhood (little power) to adulthood brings power, if you embrace the responsibility of adulthood. You need power to do anything with your life.

 

[Frankie]

I usually don't like leading a bunch of people. I'd much prefer to do the job myself. Everything would be perfect if I had absolute power (or so I think)

 

[Latte]

Interesting motivational history for obtaining power, Nihilmatic.


I don't tend to enjoy power over other people for it's own sake.
When I have been in discrete positions of power I have been motivated to stay there for the periods I did due to stimulation from "the task", a nice sense of "parenting" people I want to succeed or thrive.
It is complex to predict people's behavior and perceptions stretching significantly into the future as they interact and influence each other and the norms of behavior in a community or a small group in many ways. Even just 1 person can be quite a ride to try to understand and steer to some degree. Even steering oneself.

It has also been nice to be able to actually physically stand up for other people and myself. Really really nice. It gave a lot of self-confidence and some feelings of being valuable and important. I'll possibly be stabbed to death one day over not wanting to feel powerless towards someone who just wants the contents of my wallet though.

I tend to shy away from having any direct or official power unless I care a lot about whatever the power is over, and see a void in capacity that others can't or aren't willing to fill.
If I suddenly got rich, I'd feel it would kind of be an emotional burden until I adjusted to become more interested and skilled in the resource allocation power it would enable me to wield.... or I might just dump whatever of it I didn't personally require to have a secure modest life into the hands of someone else to worry about.

Power that isn't just cognitive or physical capabilties can quickly make one a target for drama one would like to avoid, too. Or worse.

Spoiler

Disclaimer (but I hardly know her): Not entirely sure if I'm INTP in the deeps.