Social anxiety anyone?

[phantom]

I've always been the most introverted person I know, but I think I also have some social anxiety problems. Here's how my evening went...

This evening both of my housemates had friends over - my roomie and friend were in our shared bedroom and the other 2 people were in the living room watching a movie. I needed to do some reading, so I holed myself up in the kitchen, but with the movie in the next room I couldn't focus at all - I've always been really sensitive to background noise of any kind. I was going to watch the movie with them, but with all the people around I started feeling super irritable and anxious and just wanted to lock myself up somewhere alone. I couldn't really go outside since it was after dark, so I just sat in the kitchen for several hours and waited for everyone else to go to bed. Now I'm in the living room alone and I'm starting to feel a little better. But I'm frustrated that I get so irritated when people come over, since every other normal person in the world is happy and friendly when guests come over. The living room is just too crowded with three, let alone five, people - it's like I'm claustrophobic, but with people.

My constant exhaustion from not having a room to myself is a huge drain. This is on top of the problems I've had all my life communicating with people due to anxiety, with is starting to be a problem as a college student and job applicant. For instance, I still get nervous going to talk to the professors who are my project supervisors, which is ridiculous, since I know them well and am on perfectly good terms with them.

My question is - anyone else here have similar problems with living with people? It's not that I dislike my housemates, or don't get along with them, I just get really exhausted and anxious about always having them around me and lacking the ability to isolate myself when I need to. How do you deal with this? What about in professional interactions? Has anyone had a good experience with counseling for social anxiety?

P.S. I'm sure this has been discussed before, so I'll search the forum. Part of this was just me wanting to vent.

 

[Lot]

I once shared a a 3 bedroom house with 4 other people. It eventually started to get to me. I started to have paranoid delusions about the person that owned the house. It got pretty bad. I know the pain.

Are you friends with these guys? I was able to voice my issue with my mates, because we had know each other for about 2 years. They gave me more space. Headphones also helped, A LOT. You just gotta tell them. Even though they were friends, it was hard. But you gotta work something out with them.

As for other interactions. Just do it. Sounds stupid, but it's all there is. So what if you screw up what you are saying. Everyone says stupid things. Hell some people say nothing but stupid things and get away with it. I once had a friend that would tell me the same story the exact same way, multiple times within an hour. Most people, even extroverts, have some level of social anxiety. Fake it till you make it, I believe is the phrase used.

That being said, I still have a lot to learn about talking to people and voicing my needs. But I have gotten better. So there's hope buddy.

Here is a little pick me up.

Spoiler

http://youtu.be/d-LKa1Y9_ok

 

[EditorOne]

The need for time to oneself is pretty important to an INTP. It's OK to be that way, it's not like you're defective. Don't expect everyone to "get" it, though, and don't let their inability to understand you trick you into thinking you're an aberration.
Just find a way to gain seclusion. That's a recharge time that lets you then socialize a bit before the people claustrophobia starts in again.
It never stops, but once you recognize it and sort of feed it, it's not so bad. Thorough extroverts have the same kind of problem with solitude that you do with socializing, by the way.

 

[phantom]

Lot - what am I supposed to tell them? That I would like them to please leave their house and never invite people over again?

Editor - I've always been pretty good at giving myself adequate time alone. The problem is I'm now living in a crowded apartment in a crowded city, and I don't have a car. I can never just go into my bedroom and lock the door because I share it. So I have very little control over when and if I am left alone. I think this lack of control is bothering me as much as anything.

 

[ummidk]

Lot - what am I supposed to tell them? That I would like them to please leave their house and never invite people over again? .

lol...not exactly, but you understand this. You could just have a chat with your roomate about it though.

Editor - I've always been pretty good at giving myself adequate time alone. The problem is I'm now living in a crowded apartment in a crowded city, and I don't have a car. I can never just go into my bedroom and lock the door because I share it. So I have very little control over when and if I am left alone. I think this lack of control is bothering me as much as anything.

Areas within the apartment building that are reatively traffic free?
Streets around you crowded with pedestrians? could go for a walk
parks, other public areas that again arent too high of traffic?

Iunno just throwing out some suggestions

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

Here is a little pick me up.

Spoiler

http://youtu.be/d-LKa1Y9_ok

Lovin the Gravy Rainbow!

 

[Beat Mango]

Oh you have no idea. Social anxiety is a cancer that has slowly infiltrated my psyche since I was about 14, growing bigger and bigger and taking more of me with it.

I'd have far preferred actual cancer, given the choice.

 

[Lot]

Lot - what am I supposed to tell them? That I would like them to please leave their house and never invite people over again?

lol. I would hope you have more tact than that. You feel crowed in. Tell then that you need noise free alone time at some point during the day/night, or what ever it is that the think you need and can practically achieve. But you knew that. Give it a day to think out word words to say and some possible objections. Then talk to them. You got this man.

 

[Beat Mango]

Don't expect everyone to "get" it, though, and don't let their inability to understand you trick you into thinking you're an aberration.
Just find a way to gain seclusion. That's a recharge time that lets you then socialize a bit before the people claustrophobia starts in again.

Unfortunately, many people won't. Here's a quick summary of how people might react:

- they take it personally, "he doesn't like me". This hurts when it's family. You can tell them "I'm just an introvert" until you're blue in the face, but ultimately talk is what their soul feeds on.
- they simply feel uncomfortable or awkward. In other words, they don't like it. Probably more common in co-dependent types.
- they bully you or make fun of you. More rare, thankfully.

In saying that, talking about it DOES help. You'll need to be a bit of a broken record and continue saying you're an introvert on a regular basis. Effectiveness will very depending on the people.

People claustrophobia is a great way to describe the feeling, by the way.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

Unfortunately, many people won't. Here's a quick summary of how people might react:

- they take it personally, "he doesn't like me". This hurts when it's family. You can tell them "I'm just an introvert" until you're blue in the face, but ultimately talk is what their soul feeds on.
- they simply feel uncomfortable or awkward. In other words, they don't like it. Probably more common in co-dependent types.
- they bully you or make fun of you. More rare, thankfully.

In saying that, talking about it DOES help. You'll need to be a bit of a broken record and continue saying you're an introvert on a regular basis. Effectiveness will very depending on the people.

People claustrophobia is a great way to describe the feeling, by the way.

People claustrophobia. well said/ descriptive.

 

[Graham2k]

Editor - I've always been pretty good at giving myself adequate time alone. The problem is I'm now living in a crowded apartment in a crowded city, and I don't have a car. I can never just go into my bedroom and lock the door because I share it. So I have very little control over when and if I am left alone. I think this lack of control is bothering me as much as anything.

You could try the library. I can't imagine there wouldn't be one by where you live.