INTP+ENFP relationship?

[Not Anyone To Care For]

I have just started dating this ENFP girl and I'm wondering if any of you guys have any experience with ENFPs as well, maybe I can get a couple tips? Thanks

 

[xbox]

 

[Black Rose]

INTP+ENFP relationship?

 

[Not Anyone To Care For]

I have been dating her for about a month now and that is the most accurate description of our relationship, this forum is great.

 

[Not Anyone To Care For]

One of her biggest complaints about me is that I don't smile enough, I have a "resting bitch face" apparently. xD

 

[xbox]

i heard resting bitch face is good for your skin

 

[Rooke]

MBTI is not that reliable.

It's great for personal knowledge if you are aware of it's limitations. It is harmless for hiring and team building, but relationships isn't really the place for Myers-Briggs.

 

[Pizzabeak]

Should be good, pretty sure I had one once but she got away. She was a little older than I.
Don't act retarded and you could make a hip, power like couple, presumably, a little cringe worthy melodramatic but not much to be done there.
I might not even be INTP so this is just professional opinion and conjecture, hypothesis. Any random duo of this sort may not necessarily be soul mates but should be compatible for a short while anyway, main thing seems to be don't act retarded but they should dig your overall vibe and expression, lol

 

[Not Anyone To Care For]

Should be good, pretty sure I had one once but she got away. She was a little older than I.
Don't act retarded and you could make a hip, power like couple, presumably, a little cringe worthy melodramatic but not much to be done there.
I might not even be INTP so this is just professional opinion and conjecture, hypothesis. Any random duo of this sort may not necessarily be soul mates but should be compatible for a short while anyway, main thing seems to be don't act retarded but they should dig your overall vibe and expression, lol

Sounds just about right but what do you mean by retarded? Like don't act like fool? Because I do a lot of stupid shit.. lol

 

[Brontosaurie]

Yeah, both are lame versions of ENTP.

 

[Not Anyone To Care For]

Yeah, both are lame versions of ENTP.

The funny thing is that she used to think she was ENTP

 

[Pyropyro]

My last relationship was with an ENFP girl. If there's anything that will kill the relationship, it's the scarcity of emotional responses from the INTP. Actually, that smile issue is a big thing. Sincerely smiling or giving positive complements to them while you're with them do wonders. I didn't do both so the relationship failed.

I'm doing both in my current INTJ relationship and it does work although we enjoy talking politics and economics better.

 

[Black Rose]

Once I realized I was not flat affect with Ti I became more aware I was Fi. The picture with the pink pony, I think she is ESFP but we both have Fi so I like smiles to. I made a video about why I might be ENFP a while ago on my old channel and a youtuber named Michael Pierce picked up on it. He is INFJ. So I am glad I was able to contribute to his latest video on that type. His video helped me organize my thoughts on what a function does. The video and my notes are below. Does any of it click with how your girlfriend is?

Revisiting the Types: ENFP​

Revisiting the Types: ENFP

 

[Not Anyone To Care For]

My last relationship was with an ENFP girl. If there's anything that will kill the relationship, it's the scarcity of emotional responses from the INTP. Actually, that smile issue is a big thing. Sincerely smiling or giving positive complements to them while you're with them do wonders. I didn't do both so the relationship failed.

I'm doing both in my current INTJ relationship and it does work although we enjoy talking politics and economics better.

I'm always complimenting her and she loves it but I tend to zone out and forget to smile every once in a while. I think she understands and accepts it and I love her for it because I can be a pain in the ass.

 

[Not Anyone To Care For]

Once I realized I was not flat affect with Ti I became more aware I was Fi. The picture with the pink pony, I think she is ESFP but we both have Fi so I like smiles to. I made a video about why I might be ENFP a while ago on my old channel and a youtuber named Michael Pierce picked up on it. He is INFJ. So I am glad I was able to contribute to his latest video on that type. His video helped me organize my thoughts on what a function does. The video and my notes are below. Does any of it click with how your girlfriend is?

Revisiting the Types: ENFP​

Revisiting the Types: ENFP

Yes, that is a very accurate depiction of my girlfriend.

Thank you for adding this video to the thread it taught me a few things

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Either invest time and patience into the relationship or gtfo. Seriously. Fuck mbti. That's just a excuse for failures.

 

[Not Anyone To Care For]

Either invest time and patience into the relationship or gtfo. Seriously. Fuck mbti. That's just a excuse for failures.

I have invested a lot of time and patience into the relationship things are going very well actually, MBTI gives a accurate depiction of a persons mindset (although it may not all be 100% true). What do you mean by failures?


Also, fuck you.

 

[GillBatesTheHobo]

I have invested a lot of time and patience into the relationship things are going very well actually, MBTI gives a accurate depiction of a persons mindset (although it may not all be 100% true). What do you mean by failures?


Also, fuck you.

Hey bro, chill, no need to take offense. It's a place for discussion and learning. There is a lot of truth in what he says (even though he put it ungracefully, and might I add, bluntly) take what you can from the criticism. What he means is spend productive time with her, take this time you were given to develop your communication skills and get closer to her. He wasn't claiming that you were inadequate in a relationship.

It can also help if you two have something that you can like in common, and you two can spend time together on said thing, I've also heard ENFPs are quite project oriented, being the brainstorming powerhouses they are, so maybe even invest in doing some kind of project with her to really deepen the bond.

@TheScornedReflex: While MBTI can be used as an excuse for failures, it is also a tool for growing yourself and understanding the actions of others.

 

[GillBatesTheHobo]

Also, I should add, if you aren't ready to grab the relationship by the balls then you may be in for a tough time, usually because of social roles women have imprinted in their minds that men should take the initiative in relationships, as sad and one-sided as this perception is, it holds true because people uphold this.

Make absolute sure that your perceptions are clear, and state them clearly (I mean you better be damn sure of what you are saying and make it absolutely transparent) and in a way that can not be misunderstood, that said, when expressing disagreement make sure you maintain a neutral tone (sometimes I can be condescending and in a hurry to prove people wrong, but after the impulsivity passes I am left with a smug ass look on my face and the other person boiling and offended). So you better do some Te'ing and assert dominance when necessary (in a responsible way, of course, too much of anything is bad). I learned that the hard way.

Another thing. Don't be a passive aggressive bitch. *(I'm not saying you are one) Be direct, concise, and honest. People like that and it bodes well for relationships.

An example of being an accusatory, passive aggressive fuckatron -

Wife: Honey, could you take out the trash?

Husband: *Aggressively cuts onions while whispering under breath* "Fuck. You." (yelling) "Why do I have to do everything?!"



An example of being not a bitch -

Wife: Honey, could you take out the trash?

Husband: I'm sorry, but I am busy cutting onions right now, could you do it for me? It is difficult and stressful for me deal with so many things at once and I don't want to forget.

This link should help, if you haven't dug in this wonderful site for information yet: http://mbti-notes.tumblr.com/post/121784589487/mbti-emotional-health-13

It takes two assholes to produce a shitty relationship, if one person is doing bad in it, you can either clean up their shit or walk away like it isn't your problem, because sometimes someone else's impulsive shitting really isn't your problem. If they don't want to grab the mop, neither should you grab the can of Lysol, meaning if they don't care about nurturing the relationship, then bid a well-mannered goodbye, retrieve your coat from the rack, and politely shut the door behind you.

I know I haven't stressed the emotional feedback or intellegence thing, so be sure you understand her emotional needs, sit down and talk to her (I mean actually sit down in an eye-to-eye conversation). Ask her of her emotional/physical needs, express your own, and strive on providing those needs. Keep in mind: Make sure to let her know it is a serious conversation, so you don't get confused by any answers or mix yourself up.

Another something I almost left unaddressed is perceptions, and that is where MBTI MAY OR MAY NOT HELP YOU If she doesn't perceive what you are trying to convey correctly and how it appears in your own mind, let her know that her view (or your own) is distorted and say why, maybe even make an attempt to express it in her terms. (From my experience, though it is human nature to assume, ENFPs assume a lot, somehow all at the same time, too) So this is what I mean when your thoughts must be transparent. Due to your inferior feeling function, it may clash with her more prevalent feeling function, not to mention one is Fi and the other is Fe. You can even use your knowledge of how functions interact to figure out the most effective style of communication.

People eat up complements by the way, but make sure you mean the complement, otherwise it is completely useless and downright pretentious.

Notice how I have barely mentioned MBTI once in this reply, that's because MBTI is almost irrelevant when it comes to building relationships, if you don't take these simple but fundamental steps in building a relationship, then there is no relationship. It's a useless detour. The best thing you can learn from a mindless relationship with no goals is the effects of not trying.

http://mbti-notes.tumblr.com/post/119650355087/hi-can-you-talk-about-an-intp-enfp-relationship

Tl;dr - Be a man, be genuine, take responsibility, treat her like the beautiful flower she is, and most of all... Don't loose sight of yourself.


Edit: I want to add that every ENFP I have come into contact with is friggin adorable.

 

[Not Anyone To Care For]

Hey bro, chill, no need to take offense. It's a place for discussion and learning. There is a lot of truth in what he says (even though he put it ungracefully, and might I add, bluntly) take what you can from the criticism. What he means is spend productive time with her, take this time you were given to develop your communication skills and get closer to her. He wasn't claiming that you were inadequate in a relationship.

It can also help if you two have something that you can like in common, and you two can spend time together on said thing, I've also heard ENFPs are quite project oriented, being the brainstorming powerhouses they are, so maybe even invest in doing some kind of project with her to really deepen the bond.

@TheScornedReflex: While MBTI can be used as an excuse for failures, it is also a tool for growing yourself and understanding the actions of others.

I took what I needed from his criticism

Yeah, I always try to include myself into her interests (she enjoys painting and similar artsy things) and I can tell she enjoys it.

 

[Not Anyone To Care For]

Also, I should add, if you aren't ready to grab the relationship by the balls then you may be in for a tough time, usually because of social roles women have imprinted in their minds that men should take the initiative in relationships, as sad and one-sided as this perception is, it holds true because people uphold this.

Make absolute sure that your perceptions are clear, and state them clearly (I mean you better be damn sure of what you are saying and make it absolutely transparent) and in a way that can not be misunderstood, that said, when expressing disagreement make sure you maintain a neutral tone (sometimes I can be condescending and in a hurry to prove people wrong, but after the impulsivity passes I am left with a smug ass look on my face and the other person boiling and offended). So you better do some Te'ing and assert dominance when necessary (in a responsible way, of course, too much of anything is bad). I learned that the hard way.

Another thing. Don't be a passive aggressive bitch. *(I'm not saying you are one) Be direct, concise, and honest. People like that and it bodes well for relationships.

This link should help, if you haven't dug in this wonderful site for information yet: http://mbti-notes.tumblr.com/post/121784589487/mbti-emotional-health-13

It takes two assholes to produce a shitty relationship, if one person is doing bad in it, you can either clean up their shit or walk away like it isn't your problem, because sometimes someone else's impulsive shitting really isn't your problem. If they don't want to grab the mop, neither should you grab the can of Lysol, meaning if they don't care about nurturing the relationship, then bid a well-mannered goodbye, retrieve your coat from the rack, and politely shut the door behind you.

I know I haven't stressed the emotional feedback or intellegence thing, so be sure you understand her emotional needs, sit down and talk to her (I mean actually sit down in an eye-to-eye conversation). Ask her of her emotional/physical needs, express your own, and strive on providing those needs. Keep in mind: Make sure to let her know it is a serious conversation, so you don't get confused by any answers or mix yourself up.

Another something I almost left unaddressed is perceptions, and that is where MBTI MAY OR MAY NOT HELP YOU If she doesn't perceive what you are trying to convey correctly and how it appears in your own mind, let her know that her view is distorted and say why, maybe even make an attempt to express it in her terms. (From my experience, though it is human nature to assume, ENFPs assume a lot, somehow all at the same time, too) So this is what I mean when your thoughts must be transparent. Due to your inferior feeling function, it may clash with her more prevalent feeling function, not to mention one is Fi and the other is Fe. You can even use your knowledge of how functions interact to figure out the most effective style of communication.

People eat up complements by the way, but make sure you mean the complement, otherwise it is completely useless and downright pretentious.

Notice how I have barely mentioned MBTI once in this reply, that's because MBTI is almost irrelevant when it comes to building relationships, if you don't take these simple but fundamental steps in building a relationship, then there is no relationship. It's a useless detour. The best thing you can learn from a mindless relationship with no goals is the effects of not trying.

http://mbti-notes.tumblr.com/post/119650355087/hi-can-you-talk-about-an-intp-enfp-relationship

Tl;dr - Be a man, be genuine, take responsibility, treat her like the beautiful flower she is, and most of all... Don't loose sight of yourself.


Edit: I want to add that every ENFP I have come into contact with is friggin adorable.

I realized that she tends to take things I say in a very different way and I have fixed my ways but I still need to talk to her about it. Everything about her assuming things is 100% true and I can't thank you enough for bringing these points to my attention.

Edit: Yes she is extremely adorable.

 

[Papillonne]

Hello Hunter Wulf
I read your posts and I thought i would give you my thought as an ENFP girl in love with an INTP guy. So.... the reason why I think it can work is the fact that we are both types easy to leave with, independent, and we don't try to change the other person, ENFP are the less judgmental types I think. We always see the positive things in people.
INTP are so attracting for us ENFP because they basically don't give a shit of what people think about them. Yes that's true that the guy I am in love with doesn't smile a lot but this makes me smile actually . I make fun of him and tell him that I miss his grumpy face of the morning . What you need to know about the ENFP girls is the fact that we sometimes needs to be secured. We are most of the time very strong, self confident and assertive but it happens sometimes that a situation strongly hurts us and in that case we can be a bit more uncertain and fragile. This is when it becomes complicated for an INTP guy I think as they don't really know how to act with us in those moments and they will think we are too emotional... But honestly this doesn't happen that often and ENFP like to be positive so they will come back to their confident mood very quickly. The other point that might create a bit of tension is the fact that the ENFP is a people person and they like to invest time with others and will always have new friends and new connections. For the INTP it can be overwhelming sometimes and they might think ENFP are too genuine with others but you have to accept this part of us and likes it as we won't change on that point. I think your ENFP just needs to understand that you don't always need to be part of the social stuff and it can actually create a pretty good balance between both of you if you respect the fact that you are different as the ENFP will go out with friends some evenings when the INTP will stay at home chilling and have space, things that you really needs I think.
I am in love with an INTP at the moment and before that my longest relationship was also with an INTP guy... The reason why it didn't work out is because this INTP guy was not really happy in his life and was the passive aggressive types. He didn't verbally communicate enough with me and because of that I miss-interpreted him in many occasions. So the best advice I can tell to any INTP persons dating an ENFP persons is to be honest and direct with us. Always tell us what you need to be happy and explain us how you work. We need the instruction book basically . I am personally not the kind of "touchy" type easily hurts so if you tell me tough things I will be okay and will actually value how honest you are. I hope my tips will help you guys . Best of luck with your relationship... If you have time please feel free to look at my own posts as I also would welcome your advice in my situation... I am in an impasse at the moment ...

 

[Crux_Cheetah]

Just be yourself and let her be herself. Try not to be too stuck-up when your upset and support her when she's upset instead of shying away from "too many emotions".
Enfps and Intps work out cool just being themselves besides the point that Enfps have to learn to be a bit more patient and Intps need to learn to actually face conflict trying to understand the other person instead of shying away with rage. Lol