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Barren rock

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Today 5:53 PM
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Feb 24, 2014
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Hello there.

It's been a long time since I've been interested in anything. A month or so I think. But a month ago, I felt excited for only about a week or so. And then it's the usual barren rock.

I go to university sometimes but I skip a lot of lessons. I don't feel excited about anything. I don't do any homework. Even when I am in school, I'm mostly stoning in one corner. The future seems bleak. I'm not good at anything. Tried programming. Am terrible at it. Everything, I'm so terrible at everything. I can't do anything. Can't work with my hand, can't make stuff, can't even think about stuff.

I do try. I went out to this Burger King joint near where I live and wrote two short stories. They're pretty crap. Wrote it on paper. Wanted to email my psychologist those stories but I don't feel like it now.

I usually have a good week when I'm interested in something and motivated to learn stuff in school. And then I feel bland, numb, listless again for more than a month each time. Those periods suck. Now is such a period.

I don't feel sad or anything right now. I do feel a bit sad sometimes but most of the time it's just bland, barren, numb. I walk really slowly, I get up late for school everyday. It's like I'm just waiting for time to pass by.

What do I do with my time? Well, just now I was on Quora, scrolling down posts, realizing how none of the stuff interests me.

It's not that bad like this. I think a good week will come by eventually pretty soon. Or maybe not. I don't know.

I wish I was an INTP. I'd love to have my brain be active again. Well, it sort of still is just that I don't find any of its activities interesting.

I enjoy playing this game called unblock me. Well, enjoy's too strong a word. I spend a lot of time playing it, I'd say. It's okay.

All ambition has left me. All interest has left me too. Barren rock.

Have any of you guys left this way before. Please do share. It'll keep me occupied for some time.

No, really, do share.

Thanks.
 

Cognisant

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There's two kinds of depression, brain disorders and legitimate reasons for being sad, if it's the former talk to a psychiatrist and they'll put you on drugs and you'll need to administer them to yourself as a reward for doing the right things, it's not entirely healthy but you can get by that way.

If however you're legitimately sad about the state of your life well don't hide from it, people learn to stop thinking about things that make them feel sad which helps to avoid the feeling but doesn't solve the problem. Instead you've got to acknowledge that you're sad, what it is you're sad about, why it makes you sad and figure out what you can do about it then focus on how happy you'll be when you do that thing.

You also need perspective, if having high expectations of yourself is making you sad and that sadness is dragging you down you need to take a step back and reconsider your values, I mean nobody starts off as a great programmer or artist or whatever, rather they become great by doing what they do for its own sake.

Pick something you enjoy doing and do the fuck out of it, even if you're not good at it, especially if you're not good at it, before long you'll be better at it than everybody you know.
 

Ex-User (9086)

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If you are depressed, go to therapy, take drugs.

If you are feeling down, take Cog's advice and work hard, even when you don't enjoy doing something in the beginning, it will become motivating once you progress enough to unlock the creative means of expression with that skill, much like acquiring a language, or learning to read.

If you imagined something to be fun, it was probably because you were thinking of a moment when you would be highly skilled, beginnings, I've learnt, usually aren't so enjoyable.
 

onesteptwostep

Junior Hegelian
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Do you have a girlfriend? If not, I think it'll be refreshing to talk/see your family for a while, and tell them what your state is. I mean, that's what a family is for you know, emotional/motivational support.

Cog's advice of mastery is good too. Maybe find something which you want to gain mastery in and just drill/practice the hell out of it. Maybe it'll put back flavor into your life.

When I was in college it took me a while to realize that I was pretty starved emotionally, which I think was affecting my studies. The classes which I thought were interesting I did well in regardless, but for the mandatory ones I sort of slacked off and rationalized my indifference (and bad grades) on the opinion that my the profs were boring as hell and couldn't teach. I also had a pretty bad fallout with a girl which I think definitely made the situation worse :x (in retrospect)

I really doubt it's clinical depression.
 

Pyropyro

Magos Biologis
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You might want to have a check-up with a doctor. There are some depressions that aren't triggered by circumstances. Better safe than sorry.
 
Local time
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Pick something you enjoy doing and do the fuck out of it, even if you're not good at it, especially if you're not good at it, before long you'll be better at it than everybody you know.

Thanks. I think that's really good advice.

But it's really hard though because my mind constantly plays images of me failing at that thing and all the past failures come to haunt me.
 
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You might want to have a check-up with a doctor. There are some depressions that aren't triggered by circumstances. Better safe than sorry.

Funny thing is that my psychiatrist suspected I had depression since last month and gave me vortioxetine for it. It's not helping though. I have been seeing a new psychologist since a few weeks back. We'll see what happens.
 

Cognisant

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But it's really hard though because my mind constantly plays images of me failing at that thing and all the past failures come to haunt me.
Nihilism helps with that, just give up.

Depression is a state of being stuck between aspiration and reality, you have unrealistic aspirations but you don't want to let go of them because they're important to you, but honestly sometimes the best thing you can do is to simply give up. Perfectionism is crippling, if you can't proceed because what you're doing doesn't meet the unrealistic standards you set for yourself you'll never get anywhere, what you need to do is give up on those standards and just do it for the sake of doing it.

Do it for yourself, not for success, just because you want to do it.
Accept the fact that you might never be great at it, that hurts I know it hurts soo much but if you can let go of your desire to succeed and just do what you do for the sake of doing it you might never find success doing it, but you'll be happy, and then success will come to you because it's like a fucking cat :cat:

Never chase a cat, let it come to you.
 

The Gopher

President
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I have no idea how vortioxetine works, that said many medications require a while to build up in the system or to balance out/take effect. Even a month might not be a long enough time to see if something works or not. That said not every pill or type of medication works for everyone, if it did there would only be one. I've heard it can be trial and error for a while but people who have found the right medication have given me wonderful feedback.

Other than that, follow Cog and your psychiatrist/psychologist's advice and you should be good. Maybe check to see if they have killed anyone accidentally first but it should be fine. (don't bother checking if Cog has killed anyone)
 

Melkor

*Silent antagonist*
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Hey sounds familiar!

Uh... Hi everyone...
*Waves sheepishly*

Keep writing. It's bound to help something...eventually...Right?

Have a drink~
 

onesteptwostep

Junior Hegelian
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To express is to breathe ^_~
 

Cognisant

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Have a drink~
Indeed, alcohol may not be the solution but... *drinks*
I was going somewhere with this *drinks*
Nevermind :D *drinks*

(don't bother checking if Cog has killed anyone)
>.>
 

stephenpj

Redshirt
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Hi Rudolph, what a lovely name Rudolph Mondal is. Be yourself! Feel what you feel, think what you think and do what you do! Everything is actually ok with you! Simply be yourself, whatever that is, each moment! Be kind to yourself, enjoy your life. Do nothing, it's ok. Who cares, anyhow? All you need is air, water and bread. Take it easy. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. x


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stephenpj

Redshirt
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Rudolph Mondal, I still love your name. Dissatisfaction is good! Not seeing, not hearing and not understanding is a gooood place to be in! Sounds to me from reading your initial post, that you might be hearing the call! I'm excited for you.


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