birthday over-hype

[Helvete]

So it'll be my birthday again soon and a fairly important one apparently; I'll be 21. It's also so close to Christmas I just fine the whole experience slightly suffocating. Having to spend hours with the family socialising together, having an enormous Christmas dinner and exchanging presents. This is nice and relaxed, where I'm able to shy away from too much attention and can participate when I want to. Then when my birthday strikes it's an exact repeat of this except all focus is directed at me (when the family is involved again). It's horrible. My parents are pressuring me to have some form of celebrations whether with friends or family or whatever. The past few years they'v tried to do this too and I've always managed just to put it off with varying excuses and disinterest. But this is supposed to be an important milestone so I should be doing something rather than nothing.
I find hosting parties tiring. A family gatherings just become boring and monotonous when all they want is to talk to me about what I'm doing/ have been doing etc. I hate talking about myself to others, especially when it's almost expected from me because of some family status, it just feels intrusive and awkward.

I was thinking of going for a meal or something instead but I happen to work in the nicest restaurant in town, so have no desire to go there. Still I could find something niche maybe along these lines.
Or maybe some music event.

Maybe there are some better ideas, of something to do that takes the focus away from me.
I'v never really explained my stand point to them, as the last time I opened up my thoughts I offended the majority of them, so I tend not to bother.
I could always just put it off again, but it can be stressful and annoying repeat conversations that lead nowhere and only serve to waste every ones time.

 

[Pyropyro]

How about watching a movie with them? You give them family points by being with them and you can be your lonesome in the dark theater (or house).

After the screening, you can talk with them about the movie rather than about your life.

 

[Helvete]

Yes, that would work. Except that after I seem to instantly forget a lot of details from the movie and just seem to remember it's points and themes rather than what actually happened. I suspect I'm not the only one like this in my family also and focus would inevitably just revert back to me.

 

[k9b4]

i turn 21 in april 2015 and i will not be doing anything to mark the occasion

you don't have to do anything if you don't want to

here's what you do - next time your parents try to pressure you into doing something you say:

"fuck you mum i do what i want bitch yolo"

 

[Pyropyro]

Yes, that would work. Except that after I seem to instantly forget a lot of details from the movie and just seem to remember it's points and themes rather than what actually happened. I suspect I'm not the only one like this in my family also and focus would inevitably just revert back to me.

Let them do the discussion and the talking

 

[redbaron]

Easiest solution I can think of is to just take immediately family for a meal to a different restaurant. Couple hours of boredom then back to normal.

Alternatively you could view it as an opportunity to have a social event with people you normally don't get to. I couldn't be around most of my family on a daily basis, but it's nice to see them on occasion and in certain contexts. They appreciate it and I realise that it's easy to take people who are interested in you for granted when there's a surplus of them in your life.

 

[paradoxparadigm7]

One thing you might want to consider is how much grief you'll experience when your family is hounding you if you don't do something for your birthday versus the hassle and grief you'll experience actually doing something for your b-day. Weigh it out and face the negative either way.

Happy Birthday btw

 

[Anktark]

I don't get the point of birthdays either. I get to have a cerebralion (cerebral marathon celebration (just made it up)) nearly every day which is great. Before/During a birthday people (want to) get in contact with me and talk while getting wasted. Does anyone have any conclusions based on observation which one of those processes I prefer?

I think my one and only birthday was over two decades ago. Even then I couldn't give a damn about these traditions.
So and so years ago I slid out of some vagina with no conscious effort on my part whatsoever. Great success. Birth is a magnificent event that on average occurs only about every 4.2 seconds if you count only humans and leave other mammals out. I am glad I don't have a literal birthday every year. It would be terribly awkward and painful for at least one of the persons involved.
Want me to have fun during my yearly birthday? How about you go party without me? That would be lovely, thanks.

 

[Helvete]

i turn 21 in april 2015 and i will not be doing anything to mark the occasion

you don't have to do anything if you don't want to

here's what you do - next time your parents try to pressure you into doing something you say:

"fuck you mum i do what i want bitch yolo"

no

Let them do the discussion and the talking

Could only work to a certain extent before reversion.

Easiest solution I can think of is to just take immediately family for a meal to a different restaurant. Couple hours of boredom then back to normal.

Alternatively you could view it as an opportunity to have a social event with people you normally don't get to. I couldn't be around most of my family on a daily basis, but it's nice to see them on occasion and it certain contexts. They appreciate it and I realise that it's easy to take people who are interested in you for granted when there's a surplus of them in your life.

Yes, this is partially why I was thinking something along the lines of eating out, it puts a limitation on the time being spent. Plus food to distract you. I would try and find a quint pub somewhere to do this though, as it would hopefully be quieter.

The close friends I have are away and won't be around so it'll have to be family based. I get what you mean about taking these people for granted though, as I know there interest is genuine. I am often too busy to see most of them very often at all and I can feel bad about this, although I do see them and enjoy there company on Christmas day. A big part of it is the focus though, Christmas is about everyone and not grossly centred around one person. It allows for enough room to breathe and makes communicating information more comfortable. It's just this is also so close to my birthday that the combination of both is something I just can't help but dread.

One thing you might want to consider is how much grief you'll experience when your family is hounding you if you don't do something for your birthday versus the hassle and grief you'll experience actually doing something for your b-day. Weigh it out and face the negative either way.

Happy Birthday btw

Yes this is pretty much the reason why I do want to do something, even if it isn't a lot. And I know there will be more grief involved this year compared to others so it'll be easier to do something than not.

And thanks. I'll try to make it work

 

[k9b4]

no

yes

do you think im joking?

 

[Helvete]

yes

do you think im joking?

And at which point do you discipline her with your discipline stick?

 

[k9b4]

And at which point do you discipline her with your discipline stick?

at all points

never stop disciplining with the discipline stick

if i say "mum make me a sandwhich" and she doesnt make me a sandwich, out comes the discipline stick

 

[Helvete]

at all points

never stop disciplining with the discipline stick

if i say "mum make me a sandwhich" and she doesnt make me a sandwich, out comes the discipline stick

And the response you give to your dad? - this is a general question not directly related to sandwich making

 

[k9b4]

And the response you give to your dad? - this is a general question not directly related to sandwich making

lol what dad?

 

[redbaron]

Yes, this is partially why I was thinking something along the lines of eating out, it puts a limitation on the time being spent. Plus food to distract you. I would try and find a quint pub somewhere to do this though, as it would hopefully be quieter.

Sounds like the best easiest idea.

Or you could do something like go-karting. That's another way to direct the focal point away from yourself and potentially having fun at the same time (if that's your thing).

The close friends I have are away and won't be around so it'll have to be family based. I get what you mean about taking these people for granted though, as I know there interest is genuine. I am often too busy to see most of them very often at all and I can feel bad about this, although I do see them and enjoy there company on Christmas day. A big part of it is the focus though, Christmas is about everyone and not grossly centred around one person. It allows for enough room to breathe and makes communicating information more comfortable. It's just this is also so close to my birthday that the combination of both is something I just can't help but dread.

It's understandable. I dreaded all of my birthdays up to the age of 21 but I still ended up enjoying the time spent with family/friends anyway. In retrospect, as pointless as they seemed at the time - I'm glad I ended up having those events.

 

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