First Impressions

[QSR]

I'm reading the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. (listening to the audiobook actually) He makes the point that people tend to make decisions within a few milliseconds using their subconscious mind, then they spend a little time trying to justify their decision with their higher brain.

Basically the theory is that we are far more controlled by our subconscious than we realize, and therefore we tend to make judgments about people largely on their appearance (and other intangibles.) So they've told us for years that first impressions are everything, and here Gladwell points out some scientific evidence of this.

INTPs tend to be very difficult to get to know and we don't have a very good feel for the importance of appearances. This makes it extraordinarily difficult to make quick friends, mates, business contacts, etc. I'm wondering what people have done to make better first impressions on people? Is there anything you can do to make yourself somewhat more memorable?

 

[snowqueen]

IIs there anything you can do to make yourself somewhat more memorable?

I actually try to make myself a lot less memorable! Everyone remembers me and then I get into those awkward situations where someone comes up to me and starts talking to me and I have no idea who they are.

Seriously though I think nothing beats good manners for first impressions - except of course if you're trying to get into some teenage gang I guess!

It's interesting you started this thread because I was going to copy one of the paragraphs you wrote in Noddy's rant and start a thread with it - it was the one about how you approached the forum. Watching and reading and working out your approach and different individuals. I recognised that as the way I approach a lot of social situations (except parties, I still can't 'read' parties) and I think that might have something to do with the way INTPs are sometimes referred to as social chameleons. The tendency to mirror is a way to engage. In many ways I don't actually think I have much of a personality (the way I present myself to the world) at all. If I start to look for a consistency it's very hard to find. I can get on with a huge variety of people and quickly take on their characteristics. It's something that I've built up over years and I think it started because I was constantly trying to work out what personality my mother might approve of as she clearly didn't like whatever it as I was presenting to her. I was very good at acting (as many introverts are!) and I think it was just an extension of that.

My best friends are people who I talk to rather than people I do things with. In that sense it is much like here - it's about a meeting of minds. That is when I feel most 'me'.

So in answer to your OP, if I can, I watch and work out the norms and try to fit in with those as best as possible so I don't stand out too much initially. It's like a cover I adopt. I 'reveal' myself through my conversation rather than my behaviour. But I really don't think there is a particular 'snowqueen social behaviour' which I could pinpoint other than discussing/arguing. Perhaps that's why intellectuals like dinner parties.

 

[Melkor]

I do this a lot with people.

Most of my friends are of avergae appearance, but I pretty much love beautiful people on first sight.

Of course, if I actually make an attmept to know them (yes, sometimes based solely on their beauty) I will then either grow to hate them entirely or admire them for enternity.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Perhaps that's why intellectuals like dinner parties.

Heh, dinner parties... if only you knew.

Is there anything you can do to make yourself somewhat more memorable?

I've talked to a jewellery salesman who wore oddly coloured contact lenses specifically for that purpose, apparently most customers would go to the store to browse the first time then go there to purchase the second time, so by being memorable we was able to ensure all the browsers that had met him would search him out when seeking to buy. At the time I was just surprised that people in retail thought so much about their customer's psychology, but then I suppose the possibility of getting bonuses based upon sales mad has that effect on people.

 

[Concojones]

INTPs tend to be very difficult to get to know and we don't have a very good feel for the importance of appearances. This makes it extraordinarily difficult to make quick friends

Fair point. But I have good news. I read somewhere that while there's an immediate judgement based on gut feeling (primitive brain), people's rational brain processes will then take over and usually alter that first judgement, based on how the person behaves (good manners, etc.).

The funny thing is: according to that same source, almost always, that first judgement is right and our rational brain is subsequently mislead by people's behaviour.

 

[The Fury]

I actually try to make myself a lot less memorable! Everyone remembers me and then I get into those awkward situations where someone comes up to me and starts talking to me and I have no idea who they are.

I know exactly how that feels, for an introvert I make friends very easily and so I often have people at work coming up to me and acting as if we're best buds when I can't even remember them.

I think the best way to make contacts is to use that INTP sense of humor. Of course you need to have some control over it so you don't come off as eccentric or as a cold hearted bastard.

 

[Venture]

I know exactly how that feels, for an introvert I make friends very easily and so I often have people at work coming up to me and acting as if we're best buds when I can't even remember them.

I do know what you mean people always seem to rember me but what exactly does that have to do with being Introverted?

For the Origanal Post, I never think about making impressions, usally I never say more 3 or 4 words when first talking to most people, but yet people still seem to greet me and remeber me. If I were to try to make a good impression I would give more of an elaborate response.

 

[Seducer of the Homeless]

i don't think our humour is good for most. first impressions of me are cute and nice, then they get to know me and are really shocked. i start considering death while they still think i love ponies, nobody gets to know me ever.

we should maybe listen to raw instinct more often than logic? maybe i am being F here...in this situation it seems logical to disregard logic

 

[sybyll]

SotH, I'm the same way; people think I'm this goody-two-shoes when they first meet me, and then I do something they consider "weird", and are shocked. I encourage this, however, because the expression on their face is usually pretty funny

It's even better when they don't start avoiding me afterwards.

 

[QSR]

SotH, I'm the same way; people think I'm this goody-two-shoes when they first meet me, and then I do something they consider "weird", and are shocked. I encourage this, however, because the expression on their face is usually pretty funny

It's even better when they don't start avoiding me afterwards.

LOL this describes my personality pretty well. I come off as polite and agreeable, then they find out I'm nothing like that. I'm actually sarcastic and rude a lot of the time. But I don't do it to be mean, mainly just to be funny...

 

[Seducer of the Homeless]

they don't see me as goody-two-shoes, but they think i am *Seducer Pukes* c-c-cun-c-Cute

 

[sybyll]

first impressions of me are cute and nice, then they get to know me and are really shocked.

Alright, maybe I misunderstood what you meant by "nice". It's still people getting the wrong impression (i.e. not the one you want them to get), and then getting a shock later.

 

[Tyria]

First impressions can be hard to break out of, but it is possible. It depends on the person, but a nice first impression can work wonders with people

 

[Beat Mango]

I heart Malcolm Gladwell.

I tried to make more positive first impressions on people by acting all happy, smiling, asking questions etc. I don't bother much anymore, because what happens is people think I'm an extravert then get confused when I inevitably start behaving all INTP. I'd rather make an honest first impression than a good one these days, unless its something like a job interview - then I just put on an act, and I'm pretty good at doing that.

we should maybe listen to raw instinct more often than logic? maybe i am being F here...in this situation it seems logical to disregard logic

Well Gladwell said the purpose of his book was to get people to trust their intuition more (as in instinct, not MBTI intuition). I wouldn't be surprised if it came out that INTPs are people who are particularly resistant to trusting their gut.

 

[Ermine]

INTPs tend to be very difficult to get to know and we don't have a very good feel for the importance of appearances. This makes it extraordinarily difficult to make quick friends, mates, business contacts, etc. I'm wondering what people have done to make better first impressions on people? Is there anything you can do to make yourself somewhat more memorable?

Making good and lasting impressions is a big reason why I care about fashion. A lot of the things I wear are used to encompass "me" as much as possible. This is a very superficial stereotype, but it still has a good effect: I have both glasses and contacts, which I wear in certain times and certain places. I tend to wear glasses when I want to appear sharp/smart/serious. I've found that people I've met while wearing glasses have a more serious, intellectual impression of me, while those who first met me when I was wearing contacts thought of me as more light hearted.

Anyway, I remember the stereotypes and typical impressions that go with certain colors, articles of clothing, makeup styles, and accessories, and combine them accordingly in order to make a lasting impression of me. Apart from that, it's always a good idea to wear clean, flattering clothing, be nice, and crack jokes.

And even though I'm pretty good at making satisfactory first impressions, I'm still startled and borderline frightened if I make a friend or if someone makes me their friend too fast, so I'm content to let myself slip a little so I'm not overwhelmed. While it's fun making outfits with optimal first impressions, I'm still addicted to comfort: hair in a ponytail, t-shirt, and sweatpants.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

I have never understood the glasses stereotype. I recently began wearing glasses and I haven't really noticed a difference. People with glasses don't seem inherently 'nerdy' or introvert to me either.

 

[echoplex]

I suck at first impressions. I think it's unfortunate that some people will entirely dismiss someone from one impression, although I'm sure I've done it too (hypocrite alert!). What especially sucks for me is that I'm alot more shy the first time I meet someone than I eventually become. I cringe at the thought of how far off someone's impression of me must be from a first meeting. If they only knew how silly and charismatic I can be...

 

[didyouknow]

Most people think I'm either really quiet/nice/polite or occasionally they think I don't like them because I'm always itching to get away from the scary strangers. If they get to know me really well, most are shocked by how outrageous and insane I am. When I can trust someone a lot, I'm free to dance around, call them names, sing and everything.

I have asked 'F types' before about it and they say they get a 'vibe' from people. I'm not sure what that means but apparently they get a 'nice' vibe from me and a 'strange' vibe from some other people. I wonder if this is what it's like to be an F type. Hmm...

 

[QSR]

Re: Glasses. They found that intelligent people tend to suffer from myopia more than the average person. (I am very nearsighted btw lol. I wear contacts all the time because my glasses are too thick and can't see as well with them.)

Re Friends. I tend to put a big barrier between people who want to become friends quickly. I'll blow them off, etc. to make sure they understand I'm not a co-dependent type of personality.

 

[Sapphire Harp]

I've had a long history of difficulty making first impressions. I'm getting over it with social skills as well as growing to be better balanced inside, but it doesn't fix everything.

The trouble always comes in my gaze - apparently I have that intense manner of looking at people which gives the impression I'm seeing right through you. I don't really make much eye contact with people, but I inevitably do when I'm first meeting someone. My first impression always comes down to how they react to that. And word of strongly negative responses (dislike and fear) has gotten back around to me at least three times, so... it's kind of prevalent.

I hope this aspect is softening, but I just don't know.
​

 

[didyouknow]

The trouble always comes in my gaze - apparently I have that intense manner of looking at people which gives the impression I'm seeing right through you.

I had forgotten about that. But for me apparently I either always look 'tired' somehow or I just stare into space so often that I freak people out.

 

[Venture]

Actually, I agree that appearnces effect most first impressions, in public when alot people look at my they tend not to want to face me or talk to me.

 

[snowqueen]

Actually, I agree that appearnces effect most first impressions, in public when alot people look at my they tend not to want to face me or talk to me.

There are so many comedic possibilities off that statement ...

 

[Venture]

Name some