How to attract the opposite gender?

[Drvladivostok]

Mating is literally the only function live has without any objective-external morality, every biological organism has the desire (Regardless of whether or not it is successful) to meet with the opposite sex and reproduce, it is the eternal evolutionary ritual to distinguish between strong organism with desirable trait and the undesirables, to be cast out to the void of incel despair and die alone to be essentially fossils.

Now how do I survive this mating tradition? I don't wanna die and lose this game, I wanna survive and have my genes pass through the ancient filter of the undesirables, how?

It seems rather difficult for me to attract females in general, honesty I'm not sure what females don't see in me (Maybe it is what they see?), Is lack of Fe knock you down the mating ladder? I'm honest to a fault based on what is objectively real, I probably scare of the possible affection or sympathy of past females I've come across, it is scientific that females are generally more emotional, I try to do the best for people by being honest to people, I don't think lying in good intentions is an action that will lead to good long term result, this seem to drive people off, my ISFJ sister even said I won't have the chance to marry, and I know she's sincere in saying that (Even if she has her emotional bias).

And this isn't incel ranting (Hopefully this won't devolve to be one), but my question is should you sacrifice your own characters to obtain a mate? Is it worth it? I understand that people need to sacrifice something for a a relationship but to what degree is it necessary, or perhaps my characters should intrinsically change, I don't see why I should I need to, I don't see a reason to. Or perhaps I should just wait for someone to be more compatible with my characteristics but this seems to be rather rare, I have very sincere female friends but I seem to can't obtain any romantic closure. Maybe I should hire a prostitutes' to know what this mating is all about and make a decision based on my experience.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Humans don't mate like regular mammals. In fact no two animals mate the same way.
I don't really know why everything in America has to have a specialty name like incel.
Its like a anime fetish or something from Japan where everday shit has to have some special hash tag or something don't know.

Anyway good luck.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Be receptive that the universe will give you what you want IF you are willing to do the work and meet it with its needs. Example. To start a garden, buy the soil, build a protective fence around it, buy the seeds, water it. You don't really grow the plant, nature does that part, but you did all of the work leading up to the creation of it. And you set an intention and asked the universe for what you wanted.

If what you want is to feel love and be happy:
Take time to figure out exactly what you want. Most of us just want to feel loved for example. Ask the universe to help you co create the feeling of being loved. Believe it will manifest. Many times there are lessons that will show us exactly where our blocks are. Lets say, you ask for something but it turns out you don't really want to do the work or aren't ready right NOW for whatever it is, because you want to take time for yourself to address something first. Then don't ask for the love yet. Do it in steps. Ask for what you want NOW, ie, house, job, whatever it is you need now, start there. Maybe its a hair salon or a career, whatever. Anyway, ask for what you are really truly ready for NOW and feel as though you have it. Take action steps to empower yourself to do something towards that goal/desire. YOU must feel empowered/believe.

Now, start programming yourself to believe these things:
Everything just falls into place. The minute I want something, there it is, better than I even imagined. Claim your dream. I live a charmed life. I am a co creator with the universe. Welcome your life. Step into a new identity. Learned to be with myself, and now I'm ready to have a relationship with someone. Say thank you, this is working, adjust energetically, emotionally that my life is working for me. Don't want for the future. Feel it now. I'm the luckiest person when it comes to dating. New identity. Not who you were, new energy brings new experiences. Surrender/allow yourself to have a new identity.
If you want someone that is just right for YOU, ask for that. So that there isn't much to sacrifice - ask for a very compatible partner. Then, use your intuition, go out somewhere when you are drawn to go, and be patient. Give it a few weeks or months to incubate in the universe and it should show up. Every day, spend some time reinforcing the dream you want.

Look in the mirror every day and repeat to yourself:
I am lovable, because I exist. I am worthy of love.
And if its another person, think you are lovable because you exist. You are worthy of love.


Life is about being open and learning lessons.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Basically I think this youtube clip sums it up.
See neo becomes one when he realizes its not real.
So anyway the bullets represent relationships right?

 

[ZenRaiden]

 

[birdsnestfern]

Good one! Matrix is actually quite insightful.

I think I just figured out why some of my love crushes formed.
I wonder if its because the person I really liked held a talent that my soul wanted deeply to develop!

They had talents like:

Writing.
Photography.
Music.
Drumming.
Loving Themselves.
Fishing.
Cooking.
My soul just wanted to explore these for itself!
Ok. One mystery solved.

Staying single is not that bad to an introvert anyway.

 

[Hadoblado]

Most people who struggle socially because they're "too honest" are deeply inflexible in their thinking. They struggle to see other people's perspectives and they have difficulty even considering the possibility they're wrong. When they offend someone they've rarely put any effort into not offending them despite there being multiple ways they could have presented the information without upsetting the other person.

From the above post alone, you sound like you fit into this category. I don't know you so take this for what it's worth but:

You just made an enormous sweeping statement about all organic life based on your own preferences to find someone of the opposite sex and reproduce. Asexuals exists. Homosexuality exists. Group selection exists. Asexual reproduction exists (in nature). Volcels exists.

While I don't think people will get too offended by what you've said, saying stuff like this basically crosses you off as an option. It kills the sexy vibes by being simultaneously wrong and insensitive.

I don't think you should "sacrifice your character" if your character is open and honest. Nobody has an issue with honest people. Your honesty is just the messenger. The message your honesty gives is what is likely turning people away: Your worldview. The main obstacle for most incels is how they see the world and how this systematically ruins their every interaction.

 

[Rook]

just relax. don't approach each interaction with the mindset of copulation but rather with the intent of having a good time. broaden your social circle/activities, it's quite simple: go to bars/warongs/chess clubs/beaches/ttrpg clubs/dances/malls/tattoo parlors/etc. and don't be shy if you find someone interesting, regardless of their gender. sometimes one friend introduces you to another. and just chill out, sometimes you can know someone for months before they become interested in you.

and if having children is your main concern, patience is good. I have nothing against folk who have unplanned pregnancies, all are free to do as they wish, but if one is not rich af starting a family is a big step. getting to know someone well and knowing that you can make a life together is wise if one wishes to start a family imo.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

Your first goal should be not having a desire to fuck lurk in your subconscious. It's giga creepy to want to reproduce in the absence of the whole environment to support that dream.

I don't know you, but people who mention reproduction as top of their value system are often in a dramatic self-esteem deficiency that they want to get out of by proving their biological fitness. Fix that if it applies to you.

If you become comfortable with the fact that you might be alone all your life and you might not mate at all you have better chance at opening yourself to others and what they feel, think or need.

If you don't force anything and mingle with people you might find a person who likes you enough and you like enough back (mutual feelings are key) to become your life partner and is open to having kids.

Reproduction never comes first, it comes last. You need to be a reliable friend, lover and provider first and be self-sufficient even when you're in a relationship.

Fucking is easy, being a reliable person and a good companion for both yourself and others is difficult and you should focus on that.

If you don't do that and you'll get drunk at a party, have a child by accident, your relationship will fall apart and you'll be a single parent for the rest of your life or you'll lose any contact with your child and your useless genes will only prolong suffering for another generation.

 

[Cognisant]

Men have a narrow focus because reproduction puts a lot of strain on a woman's body, likewise women have a broad focus because the particulars aren't as important to a woman as the value of the whole package.

Although the one thing women tend to focus on as as an indicator of that whole package is a man's confidence, they see through fake confidence easily but you can develop self confidence without faking anything. Self confidence is essentially not giving a damn what other people think, being indifferent, which is not to say you should be callous or mean of course.

Rather go the cinema and watch a movie by yourself, got to a bar and have a beer by yourself, travel somewhere by yourself you've never been to before, learn to be confident in your own skin, if something make you anxious do it because it will help you become less anxious. You won't feel confident but if you keep doing these things you'll become indifferent and it's only in the presence of people who are anxious that you realize how confident you've become, how confident you are to them.

And yes of course talking to women will make you less anxious around them too, if you can talk to an attractive woman without being anxious or obviously eager she'll be interested in you, indeed if you can confidently speak to groups of women you don't know they'll all take an interest in you.

 

[Puffy]

Yeah, this can be a hard one. I've never identified as incel because the culture that comes with it feels toxic to me. But I've spent a lot of my life celibate and can empathise with some of the hurdles that come with that. What I'm trying to work on for myself is:

1) Practicing integrity by staying connected to myself and what I want. I try to not get into situations with people just because they're available or try to be something I'm not if it feels like there's a conflict of interests.

2) Work on self-confidence - lots of ways of doing that.

3) Being light-hearted, playfulness and having fun without any particular expectation of outcome.

4) Taking an active interest in others outside of any self-interest.

 

[Minuend]

What you consider sacrificing own character is just normal adjustment for most people. Most people don't consider some flexibility of character to be the death of their character and persona.

Also, your attitude is pretty shitty and cynical. Who wants to be with someone cynical for life? You want positivity, enjoyment and hope for a better life in an otherwise shitty world. You don't want someone who radiates "I'm just with you because I feel bad without", and "I'm gonna judge you and us based on some random science like article I read, not how I experience you and us to be".

I mean, what about your attitude do you think is attractive to other people? Would you enjoy being around you?

 

[dr froyd]

dude, this is not incel ranting? It reads like something Elliot Rodger would have written

the problem, quite simply, is that you feel entitled to getting things, while taking pride in personal attributes that are counterproductive to getting what you want

 

[Cognisant]

I think you're all reading a bit too much into:

but my question is should you sacrifice your own characters to obtain a mate? Is it worth it? I understand that people need to sacrifice something for a a relationship but to what degree is it necessary, or perhaps my characters should intrinsically change, I don't see why I should I need to, I don't see a reason to. Or perhaps I should just wait for someone to be more compatible with my characteristics but this seems to be rather rare

Let's not punch down alright?

I've been a lonely young man and believe me it does some nasty things to the way you think, you feel like something's wrong with you. Imagine what it would feel like to be told you have downs syndrome, that your dick's smaller than average and that you'll likely die early from an inherited heart condition, all on the same day. Because that's what it feels like, you feel like garbage, like actual living garbage, that you're worthless and unwanted and you want to be thrown out because you're embarrassed to be alive, THIS IS WHY SO MANY YOUNG MEN KILL THEMSELVES.

@Drvladivostok
You don't have to be an extrovert, or a feeler, or charismatic or funny, there is nothing wrong with you, the fact is you're inexperienced and as young man the odds are honestly stacked against you. I didn't get laid until I was 21 and it only happened because my Dad used his experience to wing-man me into it. We were standing at the crosswalk when he (a former English teacher) interrupted a couple of Korean girls talking about how to pronounce something in English and we ended up going to play billiards with them, I got one's number and the rest was history.

I'm now 31 and dating 20yr old, because I'm an asshole
Point is things change, you cannot possibly believe how much your world is going to change in the next ten years. The fact is young women know they're desirable and they like older men, age isn't a problem for them like it is for us so why should they settle for someone who's anxious and inexperienced when they can get someone established and confident? It's bullshit, it's such utter bullshit, but if it's any consolation as bad as it is for young men it's so much worse for older women, as much as it sucked being a man in my twenties I'm so fucking glad I'm not a woman, mother nature is a total fucking bitch to her daughters.

For now work on yourself, earn money, work out, build your self confidence, don't worry about getting laid or women's attention, sure get it if you can but you'll find it's usually not worth it, but rest assured it won't be this way forever and if you look after yourself properly your dick will keep working for many decades to come.

Once you have the age and the self confidence you'll get the experience and then the world is your oyster.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Personally I think people should date only if they feel like it.
I mean there is biological pressure, and societal pressure sure.
Also there is the whole - psychology think where they have a hardcore fetish for sex stuff because of Freud.
I mean its true people have drives, but they should not be decisive in all aspects of life.
I think relationships can be disastrous and pretty detrimental.
Its one thing people don't think about.
People end up divorced and financially emotionally ruined for what seems basically a dream.
People end up homeless over relationships or in therapy.

Lets not even start with the fact relationships no guarantee of happiness or some mutual benefit.
Some relationships have not mutual benefit just negatives.

Lets not forget about the benefits of single life.
You have more time.
You can think more.
You don't have to socialize unwantedly.
You don't have to think about starting a family willingly or unwillingly.
You don't have to deal with nagging.
You can focus on your goals.
Over all the amount of bullshit you deal with invariably doubles in relationships.

I mean forget lame ass bitches like Rodgers.

Realistically if you don't want relationship you should not have one.
I mean its borderline lazy to have relationships just because, you can't rub it out properly.
And if you are so inclined you can still talk to opposite sex for whatever reasons.

 

[ZenRaiden]

I have a theory is that reasons for psychologist promoting this idea that you have to have relationships and stuff is kind of like a lawyer will always tell you need a lawyer.
Its all about the fact that relationships generate your patients.
I mean relationships are the gold mine here lets not kid ourselves.