Most beneficial smalltalk responses and why

[own8ge]

We all have experience in smalltalk, that's a fact, innit?
So, what have we learned?

I'll start.
When someone asks how is it going or something similar, I would reply with: "I live." or something similar.
Why? Well... Any other answer just makes no sense, it depends on the context of what is good or bad. Do I reply with how I objectively or subjectively feel? Or should I reply with my logical state of being, and if yes, subjectively or objectively? As you can see this results in a dilemma, and whichever perspective of answering I would choose, the answer is never satisfying. For instance, I'd say: "Not so good." But that answer, how honest it may be, is just a bummer for the one whom asked me how it is going. They may ask follow up questions, but they wont understand neither do they care, so hell with that! Me spending my time clarifying my state of being to a wall is just senseless and agitative! So instead, I'll just generalize any possible answer I could have and say: "I live." or "I will live.". It is a fact and it substitutes my state of being. Their confusion will be to hard to handle within the social acceptable time of response and their brains will thus judge it away as a joke. The uncomfortable confusion will pressure the person to ask another question, which is justified rather than me being the one doing all the effort whilst the other person is obviously the stupid one.

 

[Hadoblado]

Wrong!

The correct answer is to smile and say that you are well. People rarely actually care about your response, but since they do expect a response, it should be a positive one, regardless of the truth value.

#classical conditioning

You don't want yourself to be associated with negative things. Keep it light, and don't say anything that beg's them to ask more questions. People like other people as a rule unless they are given a reason not to. Don't give them one by being a drag.

My response would be an exaggerated "I'm fucking tremendous". Keep everything ambiguous and there may even be an opportunity to throw down a decent joke. Conversations are a lot more bearable when there are jokes to be had.

Okay my turn!

Make all of your greetings the same! Personally, I lead with a heart-felt G'mornin' no matter what time of day it is. If it's not morning and someone points this out, stare them in the eye defiantly and tell them it's morning in Afghanistan where soldiers are fighting and dying to preserve their freedom.

#AlphaAsFuck

 

[Cognisant]

I answer with "Good, how are you?" to which they'll either reply with whatever topic they had in mind or "good" which signals the end of the handshake procedure.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handshaking

It's also acceptable to ignore the question by responding with a greeting and continuing with a topic of conversation, as after all the entire point of the handshake procedure is to politely facilitate the beginning of a conversation, a take-it-or-leave-it offer.

Edit: What's with the wiki thumbnails thing?

 

[BigApplePi]

Great topic! Small talk is NOT small talk. It is an invitation to BIG talk. It gives you a choice.

 

[BigApplePi]

Edit: What's with the wiki thumbnails thing?

Yeah. What's with Wiki? I hope they get rid of that. Where does one complain?

 

[Hayyel]

I really hate small talk, because it's just delaying the obvious (mainly that someone wants something from you). I also find it annoying when someone tries to sweet talk you for half an hour before asking what they want.

And about the greeting thing... I always say a simple "Hello" to everyone, because a bunch of times I don't know what language a person talks in and hello seems international, and also because it feels like it ignores the "polite" issue (some people are sooo touchy about this whole thing, because they think that you don't respect them if you don't use their proper title).

 

[Wolf18]

Whenever someone asks me how I am, I say "finethankyouhowareyouhaveaniceday." I am honestly trying to be polite and grateful, but when someone ever asks me how I am, I never, ever know how to reply. So, I think really fast for a response, and the response comes out really fast because I'm too startled by the question, I guess, to slow down my sentences to a normal pace.

SW

 

[BigApplePi]

Question: What if you met a stranger who underneath was your soul mate or your identical twin (pick one) who didn't look like you? How would you ever know?

 

[Cognisant]

Define soul.

Identical twin, well if they're mentally identical we'd almost certainly talk about robots and after comparing notes we would very quickly realise that or minds are suspiciously similar.

If someone who was physically similar to me was talking to me it may take several hours before I realise we look alike.

 

[Architect]

Transcript show: 'Hi, how are you doing?'.

The answer is a little bit more subtle than it appears.

 

[Montresor]

All I know is at this time I intensely disagree with *some of* Hadoblado's post.

If they're asking you a stock set of questions, and you rudely ignore them, they might just get the picture.

If they're showing genuine interest, short and polite answers with 5 seconds of eye contact get a lot of communication across with very little effort.

If it is somebody YOU are genuinely interested in, remember to pause and listen to their answers and don't swoon too hard, lest you find yourself assuming the role of annoying small-talker.

But mostly, if "small-talk" turns into a list of questions I'll just give a look and commence ignore function.

 

[Hadoblado]

Could you elaborate on exactly what you don't agree with?

 

[BigApplePi]

I don't know but how IS everybody today?

 

[Montresor]

Could you elaborate on exactly what you don't agree with?

Gladly.

The correct answer is to smile and say that you are well. People rarely actually care about your response, but since they do expect a response, it should be a positive one, regardless of the truth value.

I'm sorry to project but I can't see how this is anything other than Fe-inferior judgement.

You don't want yourself to be associated with negative things. Keep it light, and don't say anything that begs them to ask more questions. People like other people as a rule unless they are given a reason not to. Don't give them one by being a drag.

More Je here. Not saying it's wrong I just don't agree, being Ji-dom myself on the same abstract axis that you're attempting to understand.

Also, I don't particularly think that poor/negative responses classify as "classical conditioning". Classical conditioning is learning that occurs via exposure to an unconditional stimulus (one carrying zero emotive value).

My response would be an exaggerated "I'm fucking tremendous". Keep everything ambiguous and there may even be an opportunity to throw down a decent joke. Conversations are a lot more bearable when there are jokes to be had.

This is why I said *some of* your post is disagreeable. I'll accept that being humorous and good natured are probably the best approach. However, exaggerating the tremendous of your fucking being comes across very strong if people aren't really interested in you.

Then the Afghanistan thing was kind of weird to me but hey.

 

[Hadoblado]

I'm sorry to project but I can't see how this is anything other than Fe-inferior judgement.

I think it's my Tertiary, but noted. I was being deliberately impertinent. I don't believe in correct answers to question such as these.

More Je here. Not saying it's wrong I just don't agree, being Ji-dom myself on the same abstract axis that you're attempting to understand.

I actually have no experience in whatever school of thought uses Je/Ji. This comment is completely lost on me. Could you please link me your favourite synopsis?

Also, I don't particularly think that poor/negative responses classify as "classical conditioning". Classical conditioning is learning that occurs via exposure to an unconditional stimulus (one carrying zero emotive value).

If people experience dislike [unconditioned response] towards awkward conversations [unconditional stimulus], the continuous pairings of yourself [neutral stimulus] with the dislike caused by awkward conversations will be generalised to you. You will be the [conditioned stimulus].

This is why I said *some of* your post is disagreeable. I'll accept that being humorous and good natured are probably the best approach. However, exaggerating the tremendous of your fucking being comes across very strong if people aren't really interested in you.

I scale it back when appropriate. Not many people that dislike that sort of humour know I partake in it.

Then the Afghanistan thing was kind of weird to me but hey.

It's the sort of joke that people find difficult to interpret. I like people knocked off guard. With their guard down, they may let you be their friend.

Edit: sorry, I don't mean to go into quote battle mode, it just makes it easy for me to address things on the fly.

 

[The Gopher]

Small talk is actually amazing. I used to think it was a horrible social thing that had no meaning or rhyme. I used to alter between I'm okay and I'm fine but I realised you learn nothing by these altercations.

You can almost manipulate people into being intelligent.

 

[Solitaire U.]

The "How are you?" family of greetings are intended simply to establish and verify non-hostile lines of communication. The standard reply of "Fine" is a particle. It doesn't really have anything to do with how you're feeling, your physical state, etc. It simply indicates that you're open and receptive to further dialog.

To reply with something non-standard and potentially negative such as "I live." to anybody except your therapist, might be taken by the greeter as a potentially hostile, sarcastic, or otherwise negative response. It's possible that this could put one or more parties on the defensive and taint further dialog.

Yes, "Fine" is fake, but it does serve the very important purpose of establishing lines of communication. However, there are specific environments in which "Fine" could be construed as a dishonest reply. For example, in drug rehab communities, "Fine" is considered an acronym for
Fucked up
Insecure
Neurotic (and)
Emotional

But that's a very specific exception.

 

[Solitaire U.]

...rather than me being the one doing all the effort whilst the other person is obviously the stupid one.

"The other person is the stupid one." That's a stellar way to establish lines of communication!

"It's judgment that defeats us."

 

[Rocco]

Q: How's it going
A: Not too bad, you?
Q: [their answer]
A: Good to hear it.
~fin

Now, would The Gopher kindly elaborate? This sounds interesting.

 

[BigApplePi]

This really happened last week. I was walking along the side of the road. My neighbor from across the street whom I hadn't spoken to in fifteen years was returning home in his car (or was it his truck?), saw me and stopped.

Dan: How ARE you?
I was a little disconcerted by his tone. It sounded like he'd heard something bad about me.

BAP: I'm good. I'm fine.
I thought to myself from his tone maybe he wanted me to ask about him.

BAP: How are you?
He replied but I forget what he said.

BAP: I admire your lawn. I'm just out here picking up trash along the road. Sometimes I cross over to your side.
I lied about the admiration but I'd often heard him on his riding mower and thought "this guy is overdoing his lawn to cut it so often. He must love his lawn."

Dan: Thank you.
This ended the exchange. All small talk but I learned he was going to be friendly in the future. Things happen along the road. Things happen to neighbors. Better a friendly neighbor than an indifferent or hostile one.

 

[The Gopher]

I'm not sure what part you want me to elaborate on to be honest it isn't that interesting. In general if you appear nice to people they will help you with stuff etc...

However everyone is an idiot until you talk to them. I have this horrible problem where I could be in the room with the most intelligent person there is and still without speaking to them assume they are an idiot.

Small talk is the initial factor where you guide the next conversation. While all you may do is small talk and leave the next time you talk to them they will almost naturally follow on from the small talk. In this way depending on what type of person they are you can get information or good conversation out of them.

For example if they are a narcissist you can subtly try to make them feel inferior so they will feel compelled to talk about something interesting or intelligent to show you that they are so much better than you. You get a nice conversation out of them and they feel happy about their abundance of brilliance and they will like your company. This is tremendously simplified however but it's the basic idea.

Another of the basic principles is even if they are an idiot there is often one area they excel in. Depending on the person find ways to get them to talk about it by small talking in different ways and your conversation will become interesting.

 

[Hadoblado]

I never knew you were so cut-throat!

 

[Rocco]

I was hoping to hear about some amazing interpersonal mind hack: "You can almost manipulate people into being intelligent."

 

[Hayyel]

Today I ran into one of my friends from high school, and I have to tell you, it was pretty awkward. First off, she started out with leaning in for the traditional kiss-kiss thingy (I hate that), then she asked me how I was doing. I told her that I'm good, and didn't ask her the same thing, because I don't really care - if I would have been interested, I would have kept in touch with her until these days. Then, she started grilling me about what I'm doing at the moment (which is always a sore point of mine, because I feel like I'm such a huge loser compared to most of my ex-classmates; some of them are already married, others have great jobs or actually own companies, while I spend most of my time in front of my comp, getting annoyed at the stupidity of other people. Lame, I know.) Anyways, instead of replying with what I'm doing I felt the need to tell her what my plans are for the future, and then she actually offered to send me a few things over the net that would possibly help me.

I guess it wasn't that horrible (but I'm still not going to my high school reunion).

 

[The Gopher]

I never knew you were so cut-throat!

I'm not normally I just know how to be

I was hoping to hear about some amazing interpersonal mind hack: "You can almost manipulate people into being intelligent."

No You can manipulate them into being as intelligent as they can be but that is all.