I am stupid

[own8ge]

I am so stupid, I hate the guts out of myself. How I think, how I act, everything. It all makes no sense. Everything I do disappoints others if not myself. Who am I to have principles, isn't that hypocritical? But then again, I need those principles to think. Damn I hate myself and my personality. So I do nothing all day long. Wow, that is satisfying! -_-

Every day is all the same. I wake up, I hate myself and I go to sleep. There are no bright sides, there is no improvement. There is nothing at the end. So why am I still alive? What a coward am I for not killing myself already. I contemplate it every single day, it is the only thing that gives me purpose, the only thing that stimulates. Hell, it is the only thing that keeps me alive.

I'm not in a depressive mood or nothing, I'm just being realistic. Thy can be happy, but that doesn't mean that all those bad factors in your life has disappeared... You'll just stop noticing them. I myself notice every fucking thing, my awareness is insane. That, whilst I'm dead stupid. Can you imagine the agony in that?

Then again, if I observe with which principles I act it is completely justifiable if objectivity taken into account. There becomes this social complex. I am stupid, but whenever I express such. People will think: Oh he's just stupid. Regardless of self-reflection. Thus they are being so stupid too, and nothing makes sense anymore. So instead, I pretend and act as if I'm the Intellect, which in most cases (relatively considered) I actually am. But I ain't shit. Neither are the persons I'm talking with. I can see right through them, understanding the principles they think on. And in the end, we all are insignificant individuals. Nothing more than ants whom do what they naturally are meant to do. We might be thinking with purpose and whatnot, but it's all an illusion in the end. Why would you still wanna be alive? I don't understand shit.

 

[Duxwing]

I am so stupid, I hate the guts out of myself. How I think, how I act, everything. It all makes no sense. Everything I do disappoints others if not myself. Who am I to have principles, isn't that hypocritical? But then again, I need those principles to think. Damn I hate myself and my personality. So I do nothing all day long. Wow, that is satisfying! -_-

Every day is all the same. I wake up, I hate myself and I go to sleep. There are no bright sides, there is no improvement. There is nothing at the end. So why am I still alive? What a coward am I for not killing myself already. I contemplate it every single day, it is the only thing that gives me purpose, the only thing that stimulates. Hell, it is the only thing that keeps me alive.

I'm not in a depressive mood or nothing, I'm just being realistic. Thy can be happy, but that doesn't mean that all those bad factors in your life has disappeared... You'll just stop noticing them. I myself notice every fucking thing, my awareness is insane. That, whilst I'm dead stupid. Can you imagine the agony in that?

Then again, if I observe with which principles I act it is completely justifiable if objectivity taken into account. There becomes this social complex. I am stupid, but whenever I express such. People will think: Oh he's just stupid. Regardless of self-reflection. Thus they are being so stupid too, and nothing makes sense anymore. So instead, I pretend and act as if I'm the Intellect, which in most cases (relatively considered) I actually am. But I ain't shit. Neither are the persons I'm talking with. I can see right through them, understanding the principles they think on. And in the end, we all are insignificant individuals. Nothing more than ants whom do what they naturally are meant to do. We might be thinking with purpose and whatnot, but it's all an illusion in the end. Why would you still wanna be alive? I don't understand shit.

Call a suicide hotline, own8ge. Nothing much else to be done.

-Duxwing

 

[own8ge]

Call a suicide hotline, own8ge. Nothing much else to be done.

-Duxwing

Once again, I'm not depressive. I don't need some other stupid individual to tell me life is worthy, because it isn't. "Oehh, yeah but then you get married, and you'll have kids you will have the time of your life! oehh.." No I won't. I would still hate life every single day. I'm merely being realistic because if you are not, how can you have a purpose for doing something? I can't...

 

[Chad]

I am so stupid, I hate the guts out of myself. How I think, how I act, everything. It all makes no sense. Everything I do disappoints others if not myself. Who am I to have principles, isn't that hypocritical? But then again, I need those principles to think. Damn I hate myself and my personality. So I do nothing all day long. Wow, that is satisfying! -_-

Every day is all the same. I wake up, I hate myself and I go to sleep. There are no bright sides, there is no improvement. There is nothing at the end. So why am I still alive? What a coward am I for not killing myself already. I contemplate it every single day, it is the only thing that gives me purpose, the only thing that stimulates. Hell, it is the only thing that keeps me alive.

I'm not in a depressive mood or nothing, I'm just being realistic. Thy can be happy, but that doesn't mean that all those bad factors in your life has disappeared... You'll just stop noticing them. I myself notice every fucking thing, my awareness is insane. That, whilst I'm dead stupid. Can you imagine the agony in that?

Then again, if I observe with which principles I act it is completely justifiable if objectivity taken into account. There becomes this social complex. I am stupid, but whenever I express such. People will think: Oh he's just stupid. Regardless of self-reflection. Thus they are being so stupid too, and nothing makes sense anymore. So instead, I pretend and act as if I'm the Intellect, which in most cases (relatively considered) I actually am. But I ain't shit. Neither are the persons I'm talking with. I can see right through them, understanding the principles they think on. And in the end, we all are insignificant individuals. Nothing more than ants whom do what they naturally are meant to do. We might be thinking with purpose and whatnot, but it's all an illusion in the end. Why would you still wanna be alive? I don't understand shit.

Hmm, Wired I though you were female. Anyway, it's all well in good to call yourself stupid but to what end and what point.

I for one understand the my knowledge is extremely limited. Then again realistically speaking its quite broad compared to the average human.

Saying that you are being realistic because you see that the world sucks is well not realistic. The world is not evil at at in reality its quite ambivalent to you. Being happy isn't about hiding form all the negative aspects of life. At least not IMO.

I am relatively happy with my life because I live better then most of the people on this rock. (technically live like 1/2 the U.S. poverty level. I not saying I a well off). However, I still have my hopes and my dreams and a very functional marriage. I am slowly getting myself out of debt as my wife drills us father in (she is in pharmacy school however, once she get out we have a plan to get completely out of debt.). LIfe is tight and I haven't had work in over 3 months. however, I am a live and me and my wife are making it.

I am happy because I know that even with all the disappointment of life there are always moments of greatness were you like I am glade I am alive to experience this. I live for these moments and I deal with the bad ones. I am happy not because the would is good but because it preferable to being depressed.

 

[BigApplePi]

Once again, I'm not depressive. I don't need some other stupid individual to tell me life is worthy, because it isn't. "Oehh, yeah but then you get married, and you'll have kids you will have the time of your life! oehh.." No I won't. I would still hate life every single day. I'm merely being realistic because if you are not, how can you have a purpose for doing something? I can't...

I'm in no position to tell you if you are stupid or not. Maybe; maybe not. As for your life being worthy, I'd say, "Define that." You don't know what you can do/create in the future.

One thing I would ask you to do (action) is to look for targets. Pick one and go there and see if it's horrible or fun. Next is not to get that answer on your own. Ask or look for someone else what they do, discard them but use them to bounce off of. You can look at Duxwing and see what he does. If that doesn't appeal to you (Duxwing is special) pick someone or something else.

Right now I gotta go do some exercises. They are interesting to watch (self-observe) cuz your body changes. What do you do for exercise? Aerobic and anaerobic? That may be an off the wall question, but I'm asking it anyway cuz I'm trying you out.

 

[Jennywocky]

We might be thinking with purpose and whatnot, but it's all an illusion in the end. Why would you still wanna be alive? I don't understand shit.

At the moment, it's the only game in town besides death, and at least I know what to expect with this, so I'll play it out and think my thoughts and create my creations and explore whatever there is to explore until I get bored.

You never know. Maybe I'll find something I wasn't expecting. I'm gonna die one day anyway, so it's not like i'm missing out on exploring death; it makes more sense to search this life while I have time, in case there's something I haven't thought of, and eventually I'll have my chance to explore death and what happens after (if anything).

 

[Duxwing]

Once again, I'm not depressive. I don't need some other stupid individual to tell me life is worthy, because it isn't. "Oehh, yeah but then you get married, and you'll have kids you will have the time of your life! oehh.." No I won't. I would still hate life every single day. I'm merely being realistic because if you are not, how can you have a purpose for doing something? I can't...

You may feel like you're fine, but these two statements are mutually exclusive: Hating life "every single day," and believing that you will do so in the future-- in other words, feeling hopeless-- is a hallmark of depression, and your suicidal thoughts, regardless of their origin, pose a real and imminent danger to you. Furthermore, one doesn't call a suicide hotline to be talked down to like that; one calls the suicide hotline so that one can go to a psychiatric hospital and be treated.

If you doubt that you're depressed, here's another quote:

I'm not in a depressive mood or nothing, I'm just being realistic.

Hating your life but not feeling like you're in a depressive mood doesn't mean that you're fine; to the unfortunate contrary, it means that the pain* you feel from the problems in your life (by your description, not feeling smart enough and being unfulfilled in conversation) has hijacked your mind and is painting your world blue because feeling bad because the world-- or your life, as if it were an external object-- is bad in itself feels better than simply having this gnawing pain. And seeing the world painted blue only makes you feel worse, and so your feelings warp your perception of reality even more-- a vicious cycle, which, if left unbroken, will make you self-destruct. Going to a psychiatric unit is the first step in breaking the cycle.

-Duxwing

*You hate certain things, and hate is kind of anger rooted in the idea that something is hurting you and you must destroy it so that it will stop; however, you have no real outlet for the hate and no immediate way to make the objects of your hatred disappear, and so you internalize it (paraphrased "I hate myself," "I am stupid"). Internalized anger is a hallmark if not a cause for depression.

 

[UfarkTheRipe]

Everybody is a loser. Everybody is a hypocrite and a liar. Everybody is insecure. No one is qualified to give an opinion on anything.

It is your responsibility to make something with the box of legos you were given. You know it's not going to be a functional internal combustion engine- that's not possible with legos. But you can make SOMETHING and you must.

 

[Jennywocky]

It is your responsibility to make something with the box of legos you were given. You know it's not going to be a functional internal combustion engine- that's not possible with legos. But you can make SOMETHING and you must.

As devil's advocate, I'm compelled to ask, "Why?" Why the must? What happens if we don't?

 

[Duxwing]

As devil's advocate, I'm compelled to ask, "Why?" Why the must? What happens if we don't?

Seconded. Why not burn the world?

-Duxwing

 

[Jennywocky]

Seconded. Why not burn the world?

-Duxwing

Cuz I don't have enough matches. next question.

 

[own8ge]

I'm in no position to tell you if you are stupid or not. Maybe; maybe not. As for your life being worthy, I'd say, "Define that." You don't know what you can do/create in the future.

One thing I would ask you to do (action) is to look for targets. Pick one and go there and see if it's horrible or fun. Next is not to get that answer on your own. Ask or look for someone else what they do, discard them but use them to bounce off of. You can look at Duxwing and see what he does. If that doesn't appeal to you (Duxwing is special) pick someone or something else.

Right now I gotta go do some exercises. They are interesting to watch (self-observe) cuz your body changes. What do you do for exercise? Aerobic and anaerobic? That may be an off the wall question, but I'm asking it anyway cuz I'm trying you out.

Oh BAP, you are my hero.
Anyhow, I'd define my life not being worthy as a comparison to Ants. Though we are these conscious animals, but I don't like a single bit of it. My life isn't worthy, as nothing appeals me. Why would anything appeal me? I don't understand.

I must say that yes, other people and in general being with other people helps the problem a little. But as I said, that does nothing more than to distract you from being aware of your life. Life is still as shitty, but then you aren't focused on that. And because I'm aware of this, what is the purpose of being with other people? To avoid problems? That doesn't sattisfy me at all. Besides, even if I wanted to be with other people, no one would ever want to be with me. (That's a fact)

I have no motivation at all to do what others do (that what gives them stimuli). Because I don't see the purpose neither does it give me any pleasure. I also never watch TV and stuff like that which other people do, simply because I believe it to be completely senseless, pointless and simply see no purpose to do so.

I don't do any exercise. I am 154 lbs (70 kg), and I have always been that. I don't gain weight, neither do I lose muscle. Statistically I am rather healthy (besides my lungs if not my heart). I've lost quite some condition, but I don't see a reason to have a good condition in this society. I love the way I look, although any other person would think otherwise. (It's been told that I am strange looking, or simply ugly or scary. But I don't care all to much about such opinions as I don't judge.)

 

[UfarkTheRipe]

Unused legos- just sad. Unused legos write emo threads. Next Question!

 

[Montresor]

Dude you spend your whole life dying. If you want to die just die it's not like you're not going to if you don't want to.

Along the way all you're going to meet are other lost souls, dying beside you. They don't want to feel like they are dying so they pretend they are not dying and expect the same from everybody else.

It's all one big scam, the whole world pretending they are not dying.

The harsher the judgement, the more stable the insecurity.

 

[Chad]

Unused legos- just sad. Unused legos write emo threads. Next Question!

This is epic and I will add to my signature.

 

[own8ge]

You may feel like you're fine, but these two statements are mutually exclusive: Hating life "every single day," and believing that you will do so in the future-- in other words, feeling hopeless-- is a hallmark of depression, and your suicidal thoughts, regardless of their origin, pose a real and imminent danger to you. Furthermore, one doesn't call a suicide hotline to be talked down to like that; one calls the suicide hotline so that one can go to a psychiatric hospital and be treated.

If you doubt that you're depressed, here's another quote:



Hating your life but not feeling like you're in a depressive mood doesn't mean that you're fine; to the unfortunate contrary, it means that the pain* you feel from the problems in your life (by your description, not feeling smart enough and being unfulfilled in conversation) has hijacked your mind and is painting your world blue because feeling bad because the world-- or your life, as if it were an external object-- is bad in itself feels better than simply having this gnawing pain. And seeing the world painted blue only makes you feel worse, and so your feelings warp your perception of reality even more-- a vicious cycle, which, if left unbroken, will make you self-destruct. Going to a psychiatric unit is the first step in breaking the cycle.

-Duxwing

*You hate certain things, and hate is kind of anger rooted in the idea that something is hurting you and you must destroy it so that it will stop; however, you have no real outlet for the hate and no immediate way to make the objects of your hatred disappear, and so you internalize it (paraphrased "I hate myself," "I am stupid"). Internalized anger is a hallmark if not a cause for depression.

Life is like animal porn. It isn't for everybody. ...
If you've sat through half a movie, and you have hated every single moment of it. You know it isn't gonna be very much better at the very end and make it all worth while for you. (-Doug Stanhope)

And I'm not depressed. I've been depressed from time to time, but now I'm not. I'm just lifeless. My soul agrees that I should perhaps just kill myself (I've looked deep). Which eliminates the whole concept of depression. Now, all I do is waste time to procrastinate death. That what in the end, we all are doing. The difference is, that I am living being aware of this.

 

[own8ge]

Dude you spend your whole life dying. If you want to die just die it's not like you're not going to if you don't want to.

Along the way all you're going to meet are other lost souls, dying beside you. They don't want to feel like they are dying so they pretend they are not dying and expect the same from everybody else.

It's all one big scam, the whole world pretending they are not dying.

The harsher the judgement, the more stable the insecurity.

THIS!

 

[Duxwing]

Life is like animal porn. It isn't for everybody. ...
If you've sat through half a movie, and you have hated every single moment of it. You know it isn't gonna be very much better at the very end and make it all worth while for you. (-Doug Stanhope)

And how do you know that life will be bad? And furthermore, what "problems" are you worrying about, exactly? I'm not trying to say that they aren't real, I just don't know what they are.

And I'm not depressed. I've been depressed from time to time, but now I'm not. I'm just lifeless. My soul agrees that I should perhaps just kill myself (I've looked deep). Which eliminates the whole concept of depression. Now, all I do is waste time to procrastinate death. That what in the end, we all are doing. The difference is, that I am living being aware of this.

This is late stage, pre-suicidal depression talking. You should call that hotline soon before your soul decides that it's time for exit, stage left.

-Duxwing

 

[UfarkTheRipe]

This is epic and I will add to my signature.

You're alright Chad.

 

[Montresor]

You're alright Chad.

BARF

 

[pariahmariah]

At the moment, it's the only game in town besides death, and at least I know what to expect with this, so I'll play it out and think my thoughts and create my creations and explore whatever there is to explore until I get bored.

You never know. Maybe I'll find something I wasn't expecting. I'm gonna die one day anyway, so it's not like i'm missing out on exploring death; it makes more sense to search this life while I have time, in case there's something I haven't thought of, and eventually I'll have my chance to explore death and what happens after (if anything).

Very well said! Make a game of life. See what you get. This totally sums up the super long post I had planned... Now what do I do? (Twiddles thumbs and sighs)

 

[Chad]

BARF

Your reaction to complements is highly unusual. Just say.

 

[Milo]

I can run really really fast!

Refer to my thread "Get out of the Cave!"
http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=15870

Also, my comment is me yelling at you from outside the cave. Nonetheless, this is relevant to your soullessness.

 

[UfarkTheRipe]

^I'm sorry, every time I see your name, I kiss my dog.

 

[Milo]

^I'm sorry, every time I see your name, I kiss my dog.

I am intrigued. I wish every time a woman saw me, they would kiss their dog.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

I don't think death has to be a particularly sad event, especially one's own.

Why are you so anxious? Doesn't matter if we live or die. Doesn't matter if you're clever or thick. No need to fret. You can relax. When it comes down to it, it's all ok. The universe will keep spinning. Our achievements are insignificant and, fortunately, so are our failures. Don't mind how much people fuss over their little dramas; we just do it for entertainment. Live or Die. It's all fine. You can fret if you want, but you don't need to and it's exhausting. It's ok to relax a bit and accept things in the world and in yourself for how they are.

That's what I try to do anyway.

You've also expressed a desire to want to live. You want to find something worth living for, which in and of itself is one of the better reasons to live imo. It presents a legitimate query and all sorts of interesting opportunities if you're patient, inquisitive, and open-minded. Considering that life is no longer at stake, you're free to become fearless as well.

 

[RadicalDreamer31]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFhBSpSwgH8

own8ge: "Life sucks, fix that."

Responses:
"Just be happy, because just be happy, just be happy, that's what I do!" -Denial
"Seek professional help. Try new things. Have a passion." -Completely missing the point
"Don't you dare have a rational reaction to the suck that is reality. Emo bitch." -Unnecessary tough love.
"They're your legos, it's up to you what you build" -Delusion

 

[Hawkeye]

Welcome to nihilism; probably the most accurate, yet by far the most boring perspective of life.



The exit is to the right. Through the mist and behind the singing walrus.

 

[pjoa09]

Once again, I'm not depressive. I don't need some other stupid individual to tell me life is worthy, because it isn't. "Oehh, yeah but then you get married, and you'll have kids you will have the time of your life! oehh.." No I won't. I would still hate life every single day. I'm merely being realistic because if you are not, how can you have a purpose for doing something? I can't...

Start treating your life like you hate it.

 

[Milo]

The worst thing you can do is take your life seriously. Takes all the fun out of it.

 

[UfarkTheRipe]

I am intrigued. I wish every time a woman saw me, they would kiss their dog.

I'm a dude and I love my dog. His name is your name.

I made that level to honor him and the data files in that game are like this:
data.mil
Short for..

 

[Milo]

Oh hahaha.

Gross!

 

[own8ge]

Oh hahaha.

Gross!

Dat facial expression when you said that.

 

[walfin]

Friend, you need a stiff drink, is all.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism

 

[Lyra]

Assertions to explore:

You will never die. You are an immortal consciousness choosing to play a game with itself, and if you want to end this one it doesn't really matter. The curious thing is that if you knew what I was saying, instead of only trying to believe it, you'd probably begin to find the game joyful and interesting enough that you'd stay a while.

That said, if you want to get smart-- truly smart-- in this life, then the type of recognition you expressed in your first post seems to me the best foundation. You are in a knowledge game, a game of veils. Veils can give way to reveal what can only be accurately described as higher levels of coherency and ability to hack the game. The need to strip away, the recognition of the paucity of the stage where you are, is your base material. The spark that ignites it is the drive to generate/discover coherently structured ideas, understandings, and worlds upon that basis. The more bloodyminded fervour with which you apply the two, the more explosive the combination, and the higher the stakes your alchemy will be, in terms of its impact upon or danger to your personality-form and social-position in this current, bizarrely particular and single-sighted, social climate.

These two elements are primary. The base and the spark. What I can tell you for certain is not that anything else in this post is true in precisely the way it might seem from a reading at a certain stage-- some things can only be attained and vaguely pointed to, not spoken-- but that the feeling that there is some great secret or achievement to be found which keeps that combination going is on the trail of a secret which exists and is worth the struggle. Ecstasy, divinity, illumination or whatever else you want to call the resolution is omnipresent, and the evils of mortality, suffering, fear, morality and the possibility of failure can burn up in its recognition. The transformation of one into the other is the secret and ecstasy, the cosmic laughter that only individuals and seekers have known, hidden deep within the labyrinthine prison of illusions and restraints that is human history.

If you don't realise it, it really doesn't matter. It's not tragic. On another level you already are it, and you will find your way home in time.

You are already in heaven.

Cue shitstorm.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

I am so stupid, I hate the guts out of myself. How I think, how I act, everything. It all makes no sense. Everything I do disappoints others if not myself. Who am I to have principles, isn't that hypocritical? But then again, I need those principles to think. Damn I hate myself and my personality. So I do nothing all day long. Wow, that is satisfying! -_-

No. The world is full of disinformation. You're probably beginning to realize this.

Every day is all the same. I wake up, I hate myself and I go to sleep. There are no bright sides, there is no improvement. There is nothing at the end. So why am I still alive? What a coward am I for not killing myself already. I contemplate it every single day, it is the only thing that gives me purpose, the only thing that stimulates. Hell, it is the only thing that keeps me alive.

Why don't you do something about this? Go on an adventure??

I'm not in a depressive mood or nothing, I'm just being realistic. Thy can be happy, but that doesn't mean that all those bad factors in your life has disappeared... You'll just stop noticing them. I myself notice every fucking thing, my awareness is insane. That, whilst I'm dead stupid. Can you imagine the agony in that?

Maybe you're depressed?

Then again, if I observe with which principles I act it is completely justifiable if objectivity taken into account. There becomes this social complex. I am stupid, but whenever I express such. People will think: Oh he's just stupid. Regardless of self-reflection. Thus they are being so stupid too, and nothing makes sense anymore. So instead, I pretend and act as if I'm the Intellect, which in most cases (relatively considered) I actually am. But I ain't shit. Neither are the persons I'm talking with. I can see right through them, understanding the principles they think on. And in the end, we all are insignificant individuals. Nothing more than ants whom do what they naturally are meant to do. We might be thinking with purpose and whatnot, but it's all an illusion in the end. Why would you still wanna be alive? I don't understand shit.

Why do you care what others think? Why not simply care what the people you're close to think?

 

[UfarkTheRipe]

No. The world is full of disinformation. You're probably beginning to realize this.

That's the understatement of the ages.

 

[BigApplePi]

Damn. I haveta postpone death on accounta I'm busy. Lemme finish 1st, then I'll think about it. I let a stock drop in price this morning. Now it's half way back. You don't think I'm going to just leave it without seeing what happens? It's like that guy said, "My house is a mess. I don't want to leave it so somebody else has to clean up."

Thanks for the thread.

 

[Duxwing]

Assertions to explore:

You will never die. You are an immortal consciousness choosing to play a game with itself, and if you want to end this one it doesn't really matter. The curious thing is that if you knew what I was saying, instead of only trying to believe it, you'd probably begin to find the game joyful and interesting enough that you'd stay a while.

For all we know, this is the only life that each of us has. Let us not shuffle off this mortal coil too soon lest we find out-- too late-- that nothing else comes after.

-Duxwing

 

[Milo]

For all we know, this is the only life that each of us has. Let us not shuffle off this mortal coil too soon lest we find out-- too late-- that nothing else comes after.

-Duxwing

Duxwing... You're taking life too seriously. Cmon now! What have I been telling you? Lol.

 

[Hawkeye]

Re: I am lost

The title should be renamed - I am lost

 

[Duxwing]

Duxwing... You're taking life too seriously. Cmon now! What have I been telling you? Lol.

Surely you speak in jest. A boy's life hangs in the balance.

-Duxwing

 

[Milo]

No jest. Life is an experience to go around doing whatever you want in. Don't let your worries of its limitedness stop you from roaming around freely.

 

[crippli]

Maybe you can take some comfort in that you are most likely much smarter then I am. Just today I decided to 'buy a camera' and I had to wire over the money, quite a lot too, about 1200$. So I went through the information I was given, and decided that this was most likely a scam. Very little added up. But I'm not going to know for sure unless I transfer the money. So I did. And now it's quiet, phone is turned off, and no reply on mail. Yay-I was correct. I have this compulsion to test out my ideas.

And the good thing is, that it doesn't feel as bad as I thought it would feel. I think I'm getting more skilled at handling negative emotions. Maybe it was even well spent money.

 

[redbaron]

Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time.
What's your hurry?
Everyone will have his day to die.

(But) If you choose to pull the trigger,
should your drama prove sincere,
do it somewhere far away from here.

 

[Montresor]

Crippli you would have KNOWN FOR SURE if you would have consulted some other people.



sorry mate I was trying to hold back but I feel I must say something

Unfortunately for you, you think that the only way to learn something is to learn it first-hand.

I know you don't want pity. You have my understanding. I've been swilled before. So have my friends. The underworld of kijiji is full of scum.

 

[crippli]

Crippli you would have KNOWN FOR SURE if you would have consulted some other people.



sorry mate I was trying to hold back but I feel I must say something

Unfortunately for you, you think that the only way to learn something is to learn it first-hand.

I know you don't want pity. You have my understanding. I've been swilled before. So have my friends. The underworld of kijiji is full of scum.

Pity is not necessary. I did it on complete purpose. And I have done it many times, only once I was scammed. And I could be wrong. It was just yesterday. I can update here if the package arrives. I did make a small security check, due to previous error. I had him write my name on a note and put with the equipment and send picture of this. So he does have it. But his phone number was secret, not researchable, bad sign. No name/location/address in the ad/bad sign. Besides I am rather paranoid. So I bet on the small information that he does have the camera. No other information is confirmed.

So I had the option, fall victim to my own suspiciousness. Or just believe him and what he said. I didn't want to do the first. I thought maybe it could be tangential relevant to the topic, or maybe not.

Actually, now I think it may arrive, I've calmed down, and I suspect I was just being paranoid/suspicious/not trusting. And that is what I'm working on to be better at.

I can see that this line of thinking can be valid in many situations. And often times one fall victim to ones own illusions. That is the idea here.

The one time I got swindled was hilarious, same amount of money. I made a complaint to the police. They found out who it was, and it turned out he couldn't be prosecuted because he had IQ on a retard level. True. And had swindled during a few months for about 35000$. Christ, I've never felt as stupid.