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OK, it's on.
INTPs and compliments
- Thread starter ketchupwu
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ketchupwu
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Accidently pressed submit.
At work they finally caught on to me. One of my superiors comes in, goes "You're pretty smart aren't you?", and proceeds to compliment my work ethic and resourcefulness.
My first reaction was that they would now expect greater and more things from me. Now I don't really know how I feel about it. I myself know what I'm capable of, but I don't know how someone else's opinion of me should factor into my work ethic or my motivation.
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At work they finally caught on to me. One of my superiors comes in, goes "You're pretty smart aren't you?", and proceeds to compliment my work ethic and resourcefulness.
My first reaction was that they would now expect greater and more things from me. Now I don't really know how I feel about it. I myself know what I'm capable of, but I don't know how someone else's opinion of me should factor into my work ethic or my motivation.
Sent from my SCH-I435 using Tapatalk
Polaris
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With great difficulty 
On a more serious note, I usually say that I appreciate it, but I'm just doing my job. I received a compliment the other day and would rather have sunk through the grooves in the carpet, but I somehow managed to muster up the above reply.
On a more serious note, I usually say that I appreciate it, but I'm just doing my job. I received a compliment the other day and would rather have sunk through the grooves in the carpet, but I somehow managed to muster up the above reply.
Anktark
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If it's from a colleague with whom there is a mutual (if superficial) understanding of each other, it's nice. I take it as "I see what you did there, I think it's a good solution, you can use logic, now let's continue with our pointless existence".
If it's from someone I didn't pay attention and/or someone who didn't pay attention to me before:
1. They want something from me and are trying to use diplomacy to lower the price.
2. Shit, I've stood out and been noticed. What caused that? Did something changed in the environment or did I? Deeper analysis pending...
3. They are trying to blend in and are using vague compliments that could be applied to pretty much everyone on the planet.
As for my reply- "Smile shortly and use a multipurpose shrug at the same time".
If it's from someone I didn't pay attention and/or someone who didn't pay attention to me before:
1. They want something from me and are trying to use diplomacy to lower the price.
2. Shit, I've stood out and been noticed. What caused that? Did something changed in the environment or did I? Deeper analysis pending...
3. They are trying to blend in and are using vague compliments that could be applied to pretty much everyone on the planet.
As for my reply- "Smile shortly and use a multipurpose shrug at the same time".
Brontosaurie
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internally: "what's wrong with me if people think i need reassurance?"
externally: "yes" or "hehe" or some weird smirk
externally: "yes" or "hehe" or some weird smirk
Base groove
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I usually do one of three things but I am not INTP
~ Do or say nothing by looking away or going back to work.
~ Explain my reasoning behind the deeds which earned me praise.
~ Mutter 'thanks'. Not sure how expressive I am really.
~ Do or say nothing by looking away or going back to work.
~ Explain my reasoning behind the deeds which earned me praise.
~ Mutter 'thanks'. Not sure how expressive I am really.
Pyropyro
Magos Biologis
Giving compliments are actually one of the best ways to disarm me IRL. It's much easier to gather your wits online.
A little thanks and a smile (quite a useful gesture in our culture) usually satisfies the complimenting party.
I found that ignoring the other person just bites me in the back in the future.
A little thanks and a smile (quite a useful gesture in our culture) usually satisfies the complimenting party.
I found that ignoring the other person just bites me in the back in the future.
redbaron
irony based lifeform
With annoyance.
Especially if I don't feel I've done something actually noteworthy...then I start to question and get all critical about whether or not they're even observant. Internally that is, outwardly I usually just say, "thanks" or give what probably appears to be a painful attempt at smile.
Especially if I don't feel I've done something actually noteworthy...then I start to question and get all critical about whether or not they're even observant. Internally that is, outwardly I usually just say, "thanks" or give what probably appears to be a painful attempt at smile.
Spocksleftball
not right
I have been working for 25 years in my profession, and with time all things regimental become easier. After awhile you learn to just smile and say "thanks, I do what I can"; that's all the drones want, recognition for their recognition.
I used to use self depricating humor to sluff off the complements, but then I found other's don't really appreciate that. It devalues the effort they are trying to make.
The much tougher task IMO is that once you reach a management position, you have to be the one recognizing the contributions of others. "awesome" or "good job" are not sufficient; you have to use specifics. As I am always distracted in some way, this is often a challenge to remember and be convincing.
I used to use self depricating humor to sluff off the complements, but then I found other's don't really appreciate that. It devalues the effort they are trying to make.
The much tougher task IMO is that once you reach a management position, you have to be the one recognizing the contributions of others. "awesome" or "good job" are not sufficient; you have to use specifics. As I am always distracted in some way, this is often a challenge to remember and be convincing.
Deleted member 1424
Guest
I tend to despise compliments and be highly embarrassed by them. There are often certain power dynamics to compliments; it's a way of claiming a position of authority and judgement over the person being complimented, even if it is positive. Then there are people who will get absolutely effusive in their compliments to offset unacceptable behaviors or offenses they've committed or they want something. The 'compliment' is a tricky thing, that can have multiple contradictory meanings and intentions behind them. They can even be genuine!!! I guess they make me uncomfortable because I typically don't know how to interpret them or I disagree with the assessment or even feel inadvertently insulted by them. My usual response is along the line of 'Oh, I'm really not' or a joke, but occasionally I get weirded out and don't respond at all.
Of course, I usually try to conceal this analysis and internal weirdness when being complimented, but I'm not very good at it. Male suitors quickly notice my uncomfortableness with compliments and some will do it intentionally to watch me squirm or imply I have a self-esteem problems and that the solution is more uncomfortable compliments. I think they think they're being charming, but does anyone actually like being buttered up and simultaneously talked down to? I don't get this behavior at all, but it does breed a lot of contempt that I don't express, because I'm not certain that contempt is a justified response.
Maybe I'm just an underappreciative lout.
On the other side, I make a point to remind myself that most rl people aren't odd robots like me and need to be regularly complimented/reassured. In fact a lot of them are vaguely narcissistic exhibitionists that live for the brief acknowledgement of other people they don't really know. That's my theory on why fb is popular at least. 'Acquaintance maintenance' isn't difficult, but it does feel hollow and there can be weird consequences for forgetting to do it.
Of course, I usually try to conceal this analysis and internal weirdness when being complimented, but I'm not very good at it. Male suitors quickly notice my uncomfortableness with compliments and some will do it intentionally to watch me squirm or imply I have a self-esteem problems and that the solution is more uncomfortable compliments. I think they think they're being charming, but does anyone actually like being buttered up and simultaneously talked down to? I don't get this behavior at all, but it does breed a lot of contempt that I don't express, because I'm not certain that contempt is a justified response.
Maybe I'm just an underappreciative lout.
On the other side, I make a point to remind myself that most rl people aren't odd robots like me and need to be regularly complimented/reassured. In fact a lot of them are vaguely narcissistic exhibitionists that live for the brief acknowledgement of other people they don't really know. That's my theory on why fb is popular at least. 'Acquaintance maintenance' isn't difficult, but it does feel hollow and there can be weird consequences for forgetting to do it.
Jennywocky
Creepy Clown Chick
I can't speak for others, but I appreciate "information" -- i.e., knowing what someone thinks is actually a positive end result for me. It helps me know I was effective at my work and also typically means I won't find myself blindsided by them somehow in the future (since I know their attitude towards my work is positive). When people in power over me dislike my performance, it generates some anxiety for me.
However, I usually don't "feel the strokes" as much when I get a compliment; I don't typically get gushy or excited. I would like to feel good about compliments, but for some reason they don't do much for me emotionally.
Another issue comes when I get positive feedback that I disagree with. Then I have to kind of just shut up and take the compliment even if I don't think it's accurate, because it creates more problems and sets up future conflict if you start arguing with someone who's trying to be positive. (Instead, I try to understand why they thought something I thought was subpar was good in their eyes; maybe I'm being too critical, maybe not, but I try to learn from it.)
The worst are those crappy lines on dating sites I've been fed by guys who gush over things that are the least important aspects of me (IMO): "Oh, you're cute" or "You have beautiful eyes," blah blah blah... while failing to acknowledge anything at all I wrote in my profile. I end up feeling like meat, if they only focus on the physical and totally blow off anything about ME as a person. I do accept that they believe what they are saying, probably; but it's such a flaky response to me since (1) people get old and that physical stuff slowly fades, and (2) it's not contributing to a personal, deep connection.
However, I usually don't "feel the strokes" as much when I get a compliment; I don't typically get gushy or excited. I would like to feel good about compliments, but for some reason they don't do much for me emotionally.
Another issue comes when I get positive feedback that I disagree with. Then I have to kind of just shut up and take the compliment even if I don't think it's accurate, because it creates more problems and sets up future conflict if you start arguing with someone who's trying to be positive. (Instead, I try to understand why they thought something I thought was subpar was good in their eyes; maybe I'm being too critical, maybe not, but I try to learn from it.)
The worst are those crappy lines on dating sites I've been fed by guys who gush over things that are the least important aspects of me (IMO): "Oh, you're cute" or "You have beautiful eyes," blah blah blah... while failing to acknowledge anything at all I wrote in my profile. I end up feeling like meat, if they only focus on the physical and totally blow off anything about ME as a person. I do accept that they believe what they are saying, probably; but it's such a flaky response to me since (1) people get old and that physical stuff slowly fades, and (2) it's not contributing to a personal, deep connection.
Architect
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Same. If I'm not careful I will fall into an inferior grip and get high on myself, but I've fallen into that trap too many times not to know better. Still happens, but most of the time I am just neutral and treat it as information.
Happened recently in fact, my boss stated in all seriousness that I was probably one of the top three programmers in the world. I just blinked and tried to forget he said that.
Jennywocky
Creepy Clown Chick
lol... my first thought was, "Does he know every programmer in the world to make a statement like that with validity ? How on earth could he say that? Maybe you're number #4."
Oh wait, yeah... figurative language....
Architect
Professional INTP
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lol... my first thought was, "Does he know every programmer in the world to make a statement like that with validity ? How on earth could he say that? Maybe you're number #4."
Oh wait, yeah... figurative language....
Ironically the comment was to the effect "then why do we still have this problem". lol indeed ...
Drenth has something useful to say here
1. Resist the temptation of grandiosity. Because of their individualism, as well as their Fe desire for affirmation, INTPs are often driven to produce a grand, original theory of their own. They may feel that this is the only way for them to make their mark on the world, the only way they can prove their worth. But INTPs need to realize that this is a lie of the ego. Feverishly pursuing such grandiose expectations only worsens INTPs’ tendency to act hurriedly and impulsively, burdening them with the sense that time is working against them.
2. Patience, mastery, and quality. All of this speaks to the value of patience and humility in INTPs’ worklife. INTPs who are in a mad rush to prove their worth or intelligence will invariably produce work of questionable quality and are unlikely to receive the validation they are seeking. They should be focusing on mastery, strategy, and precision (Ti), as well as exploration (Ne). Both Darwin and Kant are good examples of theorists who displayed great patience and did not publish their best work until later in life.
manishboy
Member
Usually, as others here have reported, I tend to view the compliment as information, and specifically about the persona and agenda of the one giving it. Rarely is a compliment simply a compliment.
But I will also admit that sometimes I can be overwhelmed by well-timed praise and lose my balance. This happens when, for some reason, I believe the line.
But I will also admit that sometimes I can be overwhelmed by well-timed praise and lose my balance. This happens when, for some reason, I believe the line.
Spocksleftball
not right
So we agree, finally. Online dating is a meat market. Most of the females that contacted me were dull witted, reading nothing in my profile. If you read most of the women's profiles, they are begging for exactly what you are disgusted by. They want platitude recognition that they are "pretty" or some aspect of their children or dogs as validation for their existence.