Why am I an asshole with girls?

[WALKYRIA]

Now, this is a real problem.

I'm very attractive, very cold but yet very charming, knows how to make girls love me without a lot of effort( mix of chamr, sub-manipulatory processes, great dancer,...etc), pick up pretty easily.... but still don't know how to substantially connect emotionally with girls for a great relationship. I find majority of the girls I meet dumb or irrational. I regularly drive certain girls crazy, manipulate them with sheer logic, get them to beat their girlfriends because of jealousy, break up easily, many girls have a love-hate relationship with me.... Although I'm still an INTP wanna be scientist; I don't know how to speak with girls, we seem to speak different languages. REALLY. ONe ISTP girl tried to explain me that in relationship many girls just became completely unlogical and irrational, well I didnt understand a notch....

example 1 : YEstday I went out in a bar and charmed a girl, but didnt speak to her or pick up... Just danced with her and got to know her. Than, a better looking girl popped out and, in my impulsiveness I went to the other way without any empathy for the past girl.... Than I charmed the other girl, kissed her and took her number. Than left home. I do this oftentimes and never really realize what I'm doing to girls and how I break friendships like that.
Once, a girl did the same with me and I began to understand.... I became batshit crazy that the girl lapdanced on a friend of mine. BUt forgot the day after.

example 2/ I picked up a girl in a group of girls in a bar, we went home together... But I secretly loved her girlfriend too. So,the day after I've added her on fbook and picked up her girlfriend too and completely dismissed the first one. The girls literally HATE ME and hate each other now. I told the story to friends, and they said it was a normal reaction from the girls to hate me.(but aways love-hate relationship).

example 3/...etc , so many other examples of me killing people literally and being completely blunt about it. Some men with whom we used to be friends also hate me now. I'm fucked up.




SO, what up with me? I cannot link with people and it is almost impossible with girls, zero emotional connection, only the great body is taken in account. Or perhaps emotional connection happens without me being warned.
This might sound like a joke, but I need a real girl now, and I need to find a way to keep a long term relationship and not quit it as soon... I need to learn to understand girls, even if irrational they are...


SO, how do you connect effectively with girls? How to make friendship with a girl?
My Fe unconsciously regrets all the hurting endured by so many girls. I'm a very empathetic INTP and am affected by the hurting of other people... atleast before my Ti come in play and rationalize everything. "Everybody hurts and get hurts, that's life". I seem to be immune to "emotional hurting in others ", especially if it's in a love relationship.
I seem to have a too big ego for girls per example. I don't know how to sincerly say "sorry ". My problem is that I see girls as humans, so I already love them as humans, but then I see their body...

Help me please, I want better relationship with girls(I reject ALL the girls unconsciously !) because It's astonishing the number of missed chance with girls for friendship... I want to quit being a cold asshole. I believe it is all due to selective lack of empathy towards girls I'm picking up.
Please!

Also, note the discrepancy between my good-looking skills and my emotional skills. Astonishing.


PS: Tonight I dreamt about my ex girlfriend( I liked a lot but not enough for marriage !) who's in my class, giving public blowjob in a party to a friend in my class and with me seeing the whole scene. I believe this is the worst nightmare ever, I woke up shaking and sweatin..... :s I realy need to do something.

 

[redbaron]

Question:

Why do YOU think you're an asshole to girls. You seem to have said what you do and what your problem is and that you want to change, but have neglected to explain your own meta-cognitive processes and conclusions on the matter.

For example - WHY was that the worst nightmare ever? WHY do you think the girls you meet are dumb and irrational?

Also to be perfectly honest, why the fuck are you looking for intelligent women in bars and clubs?

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

Congratulations?

 

[WALKYRIA]

I think I'm an asshole, because I hurt a lot of girls.... And I'm unaware of that.
I know tey should blame it on the game and not on the player... but yet!
meta-cognitive processes? hunh? don't know... Maybe I do this because I want to keep my options open, so I cannot stay long enough and thus I cannot connect emotionally? I dunno..

Also, it's a logical fallacy to think that girls in bar are mainly dumb... Statistically speaking, there is no proof for that. Intelligent girls still are girls who can go dumb form time to time,... The worst in girls, NF per example, intelligent or not, is lack of logical consistency and I hate that...
It was the worst nightmare, because I'm very jealous... and that I break really nice and good girls who intrinsically don't deserve that. So it hurts them,, and it hurts me in the same time.. dunno.

I heard that girls married to INTP's were the most unhappy... And I begin to see why eventually !

 

[WALKYRIA]

congratulations?

I dunno, I feel like a dictator ruling unofficially over a country... bittersweet. I get girls, but feels like missing the important.. dunno. Might be part of the blind spots of INTPS? I'm 24 so I'm glad to finally finding out that quality rules quantity... and that emotional connection feels good and is the essence. The chemistry in a relationship.

 

[Cherry Cola]

If you know what you're doing is wrong why do you keep on doing it?

Are you an asshole in other matters? If not then how do you act when you're being nice and empathic?

I suggest trying to get a platonic relationship of friendship going with some girl. Tell yourself from the get go that it's not going to involve sex, use it as learning experience and don't dismiss what you find illogical at first glance, allow time for consideration and subconscious processing before you make final judgements.

See it as a learning experience, being able to charm girls is great but you also need to able to talk to them without having any goal of sex shaping your words, see it as a learning experience.

Finally I don't know you or your situation all that well so my advice may be crap, but it's what I could think of ATM.

 

[redbaron]

because I'm very jealous

Ah, okay. The only solution to this is to grow up (mentally).

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

I went out in a bar

I picked up a girl in a group of girls in a bar

Maybe I do this because I want to keep my options open, so I cannot stay long enough and thus I cannot connect emotionally?

Pick an environment that's more suitable to one on one connections.... one that isn't a bar.

 

[WALKYRIA]

If you know what you're doing is wrong why do you keep on doing it?

Oh you INFJ's... I don't know. Maybe because it's the natural thing to do, boys naturally tend to want a lot of beautiful girls, isnt that the best way to impose power upon the other men? Sexual advantage over men is the greatest power one can have; nope?
In a club I manipulate the crowd and always end up with multiple girls around me. I think I became a PUA, but not aware of that. Maybe it's the PUA teachings that messed it all up. Girls are easy and predictable, and I use my NT powers to rule. Man it feels good( rush of adrenaline and dopamine= pleasure) to have sexually needy men-thus inferior- come and try to befriend you because of the girls orbiting around you. I also think I became addicted to feeling "sexually selected" by girls and thus sexually superior to other men... maybe the habit of having a lot of girls drive nuts?
Thus to answer your question, I do it all the time because I like it and i'm addicted to the feeling. Maybe I should do detoxification...

What about your experience? Do you connect with girls or is it me being asperger?

Perhaps INFJ could explain how to connect effectively with girls?

Ah, okay. The only solution to this is to grow up (mentally).

I refuse this solution, I know I am emotionally Immature... But I cannot accept an ex-girlfiend or a girl I like to show love to another man in front of me.

 

[redbaron]

Oh you INFJ's... I don't know. Maybe because it's the natural thing to do, boys naturally tend to want a lot of beautiful girls, isnt that the best way to impose power upon the other men? Sexual advantage over men is the greatest power one can have; nope?

Becoming a bit clearer now.

You're probably an asshole because you look at women as a means of obtaining power over other men. So we now have:

- prone to jealousy (insecure)
- sees beautiful women not as people, but a means to obtaining power, and;
- believes that having sexual advantage over other men is the, 'greatest power'

When this is the kind of outlook you have on the world, it doesn't really surprise me that you can't find a meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

I think I have enough information to tell you why you're an asshole with girls now:

You're an insecure dickhead.

I refuse this solution, I know I am emotionally Immature... But I cannot accept an ex-girlfiend or a girl I like to show love to another man in front of me.

Oh boohoo, she found a love interest that isn't me. My poor manhood, I'm so emasculated right now :'( :'( :'(

Jealousy is all in your head, and it's really not as big a problem as you make it out to be.

 

[WALKYRIA]

Pick an environment that's more suitable to one on one connections.... one that isn't a bar.

Where? In my class with a majority of girls... I rule, I have sexual superiority but I cannot do anything because I have too many options( And sincerely I'm not interested to do anything, I go there to learn not to socialize like many NF's like to do...) . I'm paralyzed. Besides bars/clubs or class environment, where do Introverts meet girls?
Also, clubs are easy for me because I dance very well....

What I would like is to see if it has something to do with INTPness or if it's me?
And eventually, find strategies for INTPs to meet intelligent and interesting people...

 

[redbaron]

What I would like is to see if it has something to do with INTPness or if it's me?

It's you.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

It seems to me that you're trying to seek validation from us for your self-destructive behavior vis a vis self-medication under the veneer of self-deprecation. In the end you're just hollow inside.

 

[Hadoblado]

Women as a means of attaining power over other men? That's very strange. Ordinarily it is the dominance over other men that attains women (in a strictly selective sense).

I interpret this as you taking the dominance over men as a hallmark of your sexual accomplishment and thus cause for self-esteem.

Jees... there are a lot of posts going walk-abouts of late. Self-monitoring much?
I'm the worst offender

I feel as if I have overstepped my Dark Triad diagnostics quota, so I won't even mention narcissism, Machiavellianism, or primary psychopathy as traits googlable in conjunction with 'sexual selection'.

Nor will I speculate as to why the forum is apparently now a 'feel sorry for me I'm too good at securing sex' parade.

 

[WALKYRIA]

I think I have enough information to tell you why you're an asshole with girls now:

You're an insecure dickhead.

Thank you redbaron for the clear analysis, and the conclusion. I think I needed it. I think it's very true. Deeply I'm insecure because girls made me suffer a lot in the past, so now I'm ruling by my rules over men and women... maybe.
BUt what's the solution? I want to quit/ destroy this mental construction... really !

But again, I love power, just as every INT*... and power don't equate to money for me. Many men in suits, when they arrive in a club are psychologically inferior and cannot pick up girls effectively per example. And then they kneel before me, wishing they were me...

I find it great, but again I'm a sociopath and maybe asperger, don't know...

 

[BigApplePi]

Reading you at first seems very difficult for me. So I will only speak for myself. I thought I had great empathy for women. But then I realize when I was dating I was drawn to only those women who were smarter than me. I had great sex with some dumber ones, but dropped them when a smart girl came along. Another reason for my "empathy" with women is I can be afraid of them.

My wife I thought was smarter than me. I was afraid of her in the beginning. Where is YOUR fear? Now I realize I'm smarter than her in some ways and she me in other ways. It has turned out to be a balance.

 

[redbaron]

Interesting.

You know, picking up girls isn't all that important. It's made out to be a big deal in society, but it just isn't.

For what it's worth, I think you're relatively intelligent in other matters and when you so readily realise that you're insecure and emotionally immature, you should probably realise that going out to bars and picking up women is not exactly going to give you any sort of meaningful satisfaction.

You're basically chasing women and using your ability to manipulate them to validate your own ego, telling yourself that you're awesome and great because other guys, 'wish they were you'.

The only reason they do that though, is because they're insecure and emotionally immature as well. You said it yourself, they're psychologically inferior - so why do you give a shit what they think of you? Why is it great to have people who you readily identify as inferior think you're amazing?

Solution is probably to admit and understand that this is all pointless and leads you nowhere, which you seem to be starting to realise anyway. What you do once you realise that is up to you, but I recommend focussing on something with a bit more...purpose.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Where? In my class with a majority of girls... I rule, I have sexual superiority but I cannot do anything because I have too many options( And sincerely I'm not interested to do anything, I go there to learn not to socialize like many NF's like to do...) . I'm paralyzed. Besides bars/clubs or class environment, where do Introverts meet girls?
Also, clubs are easy for me because I dance very well....

Thoughts...:

1. You should probably listen to RB
2. Have you considered the idea of a poly relationship?
3. Library, book store, church.
4. It's you.

 

[sammael]

 

[just george]

You aren't an asshole to girls. You're a selfish asshole generally. It stems from a superiority complex.

In your posts, it is obvious that you derive pleasure not only by picking up women, but also by dominating men. The assholery that you exhibit is not gender selective.

You are still validating yourself externally ie "I pick up hot women, therefore I am good. I pick up more than other men, therefore I am good" thinking.

Your trouble connecting with women mainly comes from you thinking that you are better than them, and that you can replace them with another good looking woman. It is very difficult to form a balanced relationship when you think that the scale is tipped in your direction.

I would also wager that your difficulty connecting with people is also not gender selective.

You will never remedy your problem so long as you think that you are better than others, and that they are replaceable. You will never form a good relationship, because the whole time you are with the girl, your thoughts will be on upgrading.

The reason that you are upset at the idea of your ex girlfriend giving a BJ to another guy has nothing to do with her - it has to do with you. You are territorial, and fear that your ex girlfriend will be forever tainted if she fucks someone else. You're just upset that someone else will lay "your" girl, since that act smashes the idea that you are more special than everyone else.

Your attitude is obvious also in how you spoke about wanting a girlfriend. You don't want a relationship - you just want a girl who will fawn over you, that you can suck the energy out of until you get tired of her.

Usually, men in your position never learn. The ability to replace people is too seductive. The only thing that will teach you is nature - you will get old, you will lose your looks, and the girls that would previously swoon over you wont look at you twice. Plus, some other pickup guy comes along and bangs your girl.

When the above happens, one of two outcomes usually happens - 1) you will get very bitter and angry, reliving the "good times" in your memory, telling stories to your friends or 2) you will understand that looks and sex are passing things, that are much less important than the quality of human connections in your life.

Be careful - I've seen this happen over and over again. I worked as a DJ for years, and knew a lot of guys who were into pickup. There were always young, good looking guys in your situation, that thought it would last forever. (Or the guys were DJs, and thought that they were better than everyone else).

When the good times fade and reality sets in, the guys who get bitter and live in the past are sad to look at.

Oh and just to deflate your bubble a bit (to help you out) - you take pleasure in validating yourself through sex, but...doesn't that mean that you need validation? What does that say about you? What kind of man only feels good by saying "I have sex with hot girls, therefore I am good".

Truly dominant, alpha men feel good because they know that they're awesome - not because they got laid. Getting laid is just something that people do.

So really, you're just a good looking beta male, who will get old much faster than he thinks, who is living the best time of his life right now, not realizing that there are lots of years coming where other men will shit all over him, bang his girl no problem, and bang the girls that wont look at him too. If I lived nearby, I'd bang her myself. Just for practice

 

[paradoxparadigm7]

You want to be wanted but you don't want to want. To really let yourself want someone, you have to be vulnerable and exposed to being hurt by them. Power is much easier then desire.

You can't have both connection and safety, they are mutually exclusive. You decide...

 

[BigApplePi]

@WALKYRIA. Try chasing a girl you want who sees through you and doesn't want you. See what happens to you.

 

[Cherry Cola]

Youre acting like a silverback and feeding of the same chemical stimulus that one would. Did you know that alfamales are pumped with stress hormones because of the constant watch they have to keep over things? That would explain your dreams, its not healthy in the long run, not physically or mentaly.

I suggested befriending female(s) and keeping it strictly platonic as a means for you to practice seeing women as people rather than objects to control that are but means to self serving ends. Am I correct in assuming that you do feel some degree of remorse following your actions? If so you need to work with that. You mentioned that you felt you could understand how they after seeing girls you were into with other men, I don't think what they are experiencing is quite the same.

Rather than anger and jealousy they are more likely to primarily experience feeling useless and objectified, like a half finished plate of food abandoned for another of superior quality. You treat them as if though they had no feelings, this likely causes them to feel worthless, because even though they are thinking and feeling creatures the fact that you ignore this shows that these feelings of theirs are of a lesser nature compared to yours. Of course there may be anger and jealousy as well in many cases, but it doesn't stop there.

So, what I'm suggesting as well is that you work with the empathy you have, read up on stories of women who have been ruthlessly abused or cheated, try to understand and simulate their experiences. You have to be able to picture clearly the suffering you are causing in order for it to motivate you to change. Else wise all you have to pit against the adrenaline and dopamine is personal discipline, which may not suffice.

Another thing which you can do is pick up a boon or two by a skilled female writer who depicts what you need to see and experience.

That and the platonic thing.

Furthermore, you must surely have had some healthy platonic relationships with women in your life? What about childhood friends? What about your family? Look at your mindset in such relationships, you will need to be able to apply it much more extensively.

Finally, it is obvious that you are not in control of your actions when it comes to these matters, doesn't that bother you as an NT? What makes you any different from other addicts? You are a slave under basal beastly things.
The element of narcissistic compensation is apparent and probably a large part of the source of your behavior. Do you have issues with yourself as a person? What did your adolescent angst typically revolve around?

You are taking pride in doing something that is nothing to be proud about, sure it is natural. But so is murder, rape, pedophilia etc. As humans living in the privileged contemporary world we have the means to transcend this awful part of us which we are born with, you're giving into it.
It feels good now, but it will only get worse, we live long lifes you know, the alpha males of primordial times did not, they wore themselves out quickly.
Your behavior thus, is neither right nor rational in any sense.
When you experience the rush brought on by the release of the brains own drugs you need to tell yourself that it isn't right that you shouldn't feel good over what is bad, that you needn't be this glutton of power.
You also need to take a step back, find something else to focus on in the here and now.

Try to think of other roles you could fulfill that will leave you with a lasting sense of having done something meaningful.

 

[WALKYRIA]

Solution is probably to admit and understand that this is all pointless and leads you nowhere, which you seem to be starting to realise anyway. What you do once you realise that is up to you, but I recommend focussing on something with a bit more...purpose.

Thanx, nice; But how is it possible to be totally detached when it comes to girl? are u gay... or INFJ? What u say makes sense...
I should stop and settle for one girl... When I was little, I was considerably ahead of other kids, intellectually. But than, I became a teenager and my mind stopped focusing on astrophysics and instead focused on girls... I lost alot there.
"focusing on something with a bit more purpose", i might not agree with you here... Finding the best mate possible and get great quality kids is the ultimate purpose of life. A good job, money, prestige, humour... are just means to attain that great purpose.
thanx though for your insight, I Was hoping to have personal insight too...
Maybe my attitude towards girls is a side effect of nihilism?

 

[Cherry Cola]

Nothing is for free, you need to gather all you can and pit it against what you want to change. The desire to change alone isn't strong enough.

And besides INFPs in general would probably be further from your mode of thinking than INFJs.

 

[Absurdity]

example 3/...etc , so many other examples of me killing people literally and being completely blunt about it. Some men with whom we used to be friends also hate me now. I'm fucked up.

Uh, what? You actually murder people?

SO, what up with me? I cannot link with people and it is almost impossible with girls, zero emotional connection, only the great body is taken in account. Or perhaps emotional connection happens without me being warned.
This might sound like a joke, but I need a real girl now, and I need to find a way to keep a long term relationship and not quit it as soon... I need to learn to understand girls, even if irrational they are...

You need the idea of a girl because you're psychologically incomplete and need people to fawn all over you in order to feel good about yourself.

Learn to be content in absolute solitude and all of these other issues will work themselves out.

 

[Cherry Cola]

The one way polygamic attitude needs to be ditched asap. Masturbation might actually help you.

You are eating the cake and keeping it, you will not be able to keep doing that forever without regressing.

 

[Brontosaurie]

post a picture of yourself

 

[WALKYRIA]

post a picture of yourself

A picture wouldn't be able to capture my awesomeness, sorry !
And I don't look that good perse(OKay, moderately!), it's the attitude, the INTP manierism and especially the dancing skills( If I didnt have that I would be doomed)... It gets all the girls!
In my mind all the INTPs are players and get girls. Am I right?
But I feel that getting girls in bars don't bring me anything besides sexual tension... I love/prefere to have a great discussion with a sexy and intelligent girl.( But everybody knows that 99% of attractive girls are crazy or dumb !)

 

[Deleted member 1424]

post a picture of yourself

I found him.

Spoiler

 

[Cherry Cola]

post a picture of yourself emmanating alpha vibes, I'm sure we could totally get the vibes even if you aren't a 10/10 :P

 

[doncarlzone]

The PUA community is pure poison for insecure INTPs (mature INTPs will just laugh at it). The whole value system is fucked and they all turn out the same.

As I was unfortunate enough to read a few books on it in my teenage years, I can tell that your OP is full of DHVs (Demonstration of Higher Value), however, as the value system itself is based on a selfish and self destructive philosophy, it is incredibly easy for people on this forum to see right through it. In other words, every time you think you DHV, you're just making a fool out of yourself.

it's the attitude dude ... It gets all the girls!

Again, you continue to use your PUA strategy on us. You're pre-selected by other women, therefore you must be of high value? Did you actually read any of redbaron's posts?

 

[BigApplePi]

A picture wouldn't be able to capture my awesomeness, sorry !

If you are so awesome then you are complete. What do you need a girl for anyway?

 

[Cherry Cola]

Exactly, be Tesla in that case.

Otherwise I'm inclined to say that while you may be awesome, that's not saying it all, you're awesomely cruel and out of control. And it's going to change into awfully cruel and out of control at some point.

 

[Fukyo]

Why am I an asshole with girls?

Because you're not as empathetic as you think. You might have some tinges of regret, but calling yourself empathetic is like someone taking bathroom selfies calling himself a photographer. You depersonalize girls, probably in large part because of your sex drive and egocentricism, so naturally you cannot relate to them. Outside of wanting to get laid, which is understandable you also fuck with these girls and their friends and social circles, and I don't know how you manage to justify this mass of contradictions and call yourself empathetic when your behavior is manipulative and hurtful to them.

You seem like you lack some very basic human understanding/emotional intelligence.

This is like punching someone and then being confused about why they're angry.

 

[redbaron]

Thanx, nice; But how is it possible to be totally detached when it comes to girl? are u gay... or INFJ?

It doesn't even have to be complete detachment. Emotional maturity, understanding, empathising...whatever you want to call it.

I'm straight and INTP. Thanks for asking.

"focusing on something with a bit more purpose", i might not agree with you here... Finding the best mate possible and get great quality kids is the ultimate purpose of life.

Why?

This seems like a pretty generic life purpose. Not to say that invalidates it, but I don't think you've really thought about it much.

thanx though for your insight, I Was hoping to have personal insight too...

Personal insight, such as? You mean you want to know about me? I don't mind sharing if you ask. I didn't bring myself up because it's pretty much irrelevant to what I'm saying.

 

[WALKYRIA]

Again, you continue to use your PUA strategy on us. You're pre-selected by other women, therefore you must be of high value? Did you actually read any of redbaron's posts?

Oh, come on angel DOn carlzone, why you look down on me and PUA's? Ok, PUAs and their teachings might be bullshit but you must admit that they'v got some interesting theories. I retained DHV and preselection the most. I find them very useful in real life. So what do you have against PUA's? I've integrated some PUA tools in my personality, what's bad with it? explain more clearly...
And also, I would be curious to know how mature INTPs manage to get girls. Do they even get girls? How do you do without PUA theory?

Because you're not as empathetic as you think

I don't agree with that, I find myself very empathetic, I'm sure I am much more empathetic than average INTP, no doubt about it... But when it comes to girls and their girl's experience, I cannot. I think it is sort of a defense mechanism ... It maybe prevents me from falling in love.
I think that I'm bad with putting myself in the shoes of a girl(menstruation, premenstrual syndrome, girl's life experience, being a mother...Etc) . I'm very good when it comes to empathizing with a human being on a human general experience.(war, parents, poverty, sickness/illness,..Etc).
Women are my weakness I guess so.

It is true though that I like to manipulate girls sometimes, but I only do so in a way they cannot sense it. Sub-manipulation? But again, everybody manipulates everybody, so I'm not really ashamed of that anymore....The game is fucked up(game= the society ), not the players.

 

[Cherry Cola]

No what everyone does is not what you are doing. You dont seem to be more emphatic then the average INTP :S

 

[just george]

I don't agree with that, I find myself very empathetic, I'm sure I am much more empathetic than average INTP, no doubt about it...

To be empathetic means that you feel the emotions of others.

If you felt the emotions of others, you would know the answers to your questions.

Since you don't know the answers to those questions (in fact, you haven't got the faintest idea what the answers are) then you are certainly not empathetic.

As for this "I am much more empathetic than the average INTP" business, all it does is demonstrate that you have a massive ego, and are detached from reality.

You sound very young to me - how old are you, 20?

If I were a bad person, I'd befriend you, find out your name, find out your ex girlfriends name, contact the local pickup crew, and ask a few of them to bang your girlfriend to teach you not to be such a dick. And you know they'd do it, right

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

Regarding the Original Post
Are you sure its all you?

To what degree is the dissolution/ degradation of male: female gender roles in larger society in general impacting the various levels of your relationships? For example, 'feminism' (and it obligatory corollary for anti-maleness aka manhate) and for another example, the transitory expectation in contemporary society to generally receive and give transitory short term sexual relationships, ie 'the sexual revolution'?

These things might be so engrained (and probably happened before you were even born) in the context of your milieu you might not have even given them a second thought...and yet there might be a strong argument that most men (and women) in general are never going to connect with the opposite sex in a deep way in which they secretly, pereptually, naturally desire (because of these multifaceted/ multilayered subconscious barriers to fulfulling it)

Perhaps its not all you...you might be normal and yet your given context might be upside down.

Perhaps 'your problem' is you just refuse the role of mangina and resident effeminate (as the majority of publicly outspoken men today do)?

^by the way I think that surely there must be something in the water

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

...assholery...

nice one just george (not that the subject is or isn't one)

 

[Cherry Cola]

Hahaha

 

[Latte]

The game is fucked up(game= the society ), not the players.

Players decide what game they play. The parameters are all in our minds. Find people who want to play the game you truly want to play, if you don't want to play the one you currently want to play. Pretending there's nothing else than your current little world is a pathetic denial of reality.

That's how most highly intelligent women avoid people who behave like you do. They see what kind of game you play and find it ugly and sad.

A sidenote: Your fear of being treated the way you treat others probably fuels the way you treat others. You don't want to be the one who is "played". The one who is vulnerable, manipulated and exploited. Not getting attached and demonstrating to yourself that you are in control and don't care about your interpersonal relationships stems that fear, if only temporarily.

Most INTPs react to this fear in the opposite manner when/if they do feel it, and tend to develop towards avoidance and interpersonal carefulness instead of pre-emptive strike mode. They become highly selective with closeness and intimacy to protect themselves.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

Players decide what game they play. The parameters are all in our minds. Find people who want to play the game you truly want to play, if you don't want to play the one you currently want to play.

Or, given my earlier post, move to another country (play the game in a field with different, perhaps preferable? rules of engagement) where women are still generally women and men are still men. I can think of several nice developed nations off the top of my head...if I were younger like in late teens-late twenties and just starting out on my own I don't think I could keep myself in the US. You are obviously smart enough OP to learn a foreign language. Women in the nations I am thinking of are way 'hotter' than the women in the US these days: even though all else being equal, stripped bare and devoid of all the layers of makeup, etc they would otherwise appear exactly the same physically.

I guess I don't know where the OP is located. I'm assuming in the US or somewhere with in Europe where the nation has been infected by malignant 'modernism'. So, this assumption may not apply to the OPs situation. Just some food for thought.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

To go along with the alternate theme I am presenting:

Behold the two varieties of female which malignant modernism inevitably produces:

Men, which one do you want to come home to? I can think of only one and that is based on the little I know about the View. She may even be contaminated by the stain of militant anti-female feminism ( I saw a clip a handful of years ago where she seemed normal at that point at least but...I don't know if she still is). The larger point remains, though.

 

[r4ch3l]

Most INTPs react to this fear in the opposite manner when/if they do feel it, and tend to develop towards avoidance and interpersonal carefulness instead of pre-emptive strike mode. They become highly selective with closeness and intimacy to protect themselves.

Agree with this.

The fixation on strategy and status, power obsession, lack of empathy and pride about all of it sounds more like the tendencies of an immature or younger INTJ figuring things out.

 

[Minuend]

Yes, I'm pro-equality and I am a full-time television stripper who hate men.

It's a bit difficult when 70% of the female population are man-hating strippers. For one, it's tricky finding a job. Second, I always have to wait such a long time at the grocery shops because all the women want to yell at the male clerk before he beep beeps their groceries. That means that sometimes I only have time for a hateful scowl before attending my business that involves a lot of stripping and man-hating.

 

[paradoxparadigm7]

Help me please, I want better relationship with girls(I reject ALL the girls unconsciously !) because It's astonishing the number of missed chance with girls for friendship... I want to quit being a cold asshole. I believe it is all due to selective lack of empathy towards girls I'm picking up.
Please![/COLOR]

You want to be wanted but you don't want to want! You laude your ability to manipulate and get attention, sex, feeling desired by women. At the same time you lack respect for the women because they allowed themselves to be manipulated. YOU set the dynamic up with your INTENSIONS. Maybe this is exactly what you want?

But if you say you want a real connection then you must allow yourself to WANT and DESIRE a PERSON. A PERSON has autonomy and the freedom to accept or reject you. When you have manipulative intensions, you don't see them as a person and you sabotage your efforts. You can't have both security/assurance they will want you, unless you allow yourself to want an autonomous/free PERSON.

 

[WALKYRIA]

That's how most highly intelligent women avoid people who behave like you do. They see what kind of game you play and find it ugly and sad.

And what do highly intelligent boys do when they see the behaviour of majority of girls?
LOl, I know I don't consider girls an equal or properly... I see them as completely different from me because they are. I find people empathizing with the life experience of girls pathetic, girls have different goals in life than we men, they have different abilities and mainly play different roles. How can a man pretend to understand?

To be empathetic means that you feel the emotions of others.

Not true, empathy takes whatever definition one wants... Empathy actually has no clear definition, and it isn't really about " feeling what the other one feels".. since a feeling is strictly personal. What we can do is guessing or at best imagine what one feels ... ANd the process requires life experience.
So yeah, It's not that I lack empathy since I know I hurt someone... It's that I don't take feelings in account when with a girl.
Also you are right with the superiority complex;
Like I said above, you cannot properly empathize with an animal(let's say a dog) , because you don't share the same life experience than the dog. Also you cannot properly empathize with someone different in substance( a girl). Men and Women besides being both humans are two different entities. So don't claim to know what a girl feels/thinks or to be empathetic with a girl when she complains about boys for ex.( ex: "my boyfriend is a jerk ").
Like I said, I'm empathetic when it comes to common human experiences.(common to men and women !)
Also Just George, thank you for you insight, but why are you so emotional? What did I do wrong?
I'm sure I'm more empathetic than you man; ENTP are natural jerks . We hurt people in a more subtle way.(passive aggressiveness?).
I'm 24, but yeah I'm emotionally Immature.

Truly dominant, alpha men feel good because they know that they're awesome - not because they got laid. Getting laid is just something that people do.

AGree, that's why when girls want to fuck... I refuse and ask for bJ or erotic massage instead. Much easier for my tired body and more enjoyable when no emotional connection is established yet. I don't fuck easily but hey, majority of girls thinks it's a big deal so..

So really, you're just a good looking beta male, who will get old much faster than he thinks, who is living the best time of his life right now, not realizing that there are lots of years coming where other men will shit all over him, bang his girl no problem, and bang the girls that wont look at him too.

Haha, thanks for the good laugh... but why being so emotional? ESFP? No really don't wish me hell, I didnt do anything bad. Girls are not angels, remember? They hurt me before. Girls are devils man, do you forget that? When I see friends of mine being broken by bitchas, I feel good restoring a certain balance.

Yo, you people seem to forget who the real bad people are... good-looking girls who play at will with the feelings of us boys. We've all been through that. They don't do that because they are intrinsically bad, they do it because of dopamine in brain. Pleasure dude. They get addicted to it(not power but attention and banging high value people) till they get accidentally pregnant or get STD's. The game feels good to play, so why not play it till the extreme. Empathy doesn't have anything to do with it , don't be delusional.

Also, Is it my fault if girls are so sensitive and expect boys to treat them better than how they treat us? Why not reverse the roles after all?

If a girl get approached 10 times a day, and reject men, the hard way, hurts them and certain of them get suicidal... Can we than say that the girl lacked empathy? No, it's just irrelevant..

I do justice people. I'm a hero. They'll learn the hard way that we aren't as weak as they think we are. Again, blame it on our directionless society.

If I lived nearby, I'd bang her myself. Just for practice

I doubt you could bang her, she's an educated one and has high standards. ENTP's tend to fail badly at school... sorry.
Oh, and if you bang her. Keep it for yourself, I refuse to see or hear about certain realities.

 

[Absurdity]

Regarding the Original Post
Are you sure its all you?

To what degree is the dissolution/ degradation of male: female gender roles in larger society in general impacting the various levels of your relationships? For example, 'feminism' (and it obligatory corollary for anti-maleness aka manhate) and for another example, the transitory expectation in contemporary society to generally receive and give transitory short term sexual relationships, ie 'the sexual revolution'?

These things might be so engrained (and probably happened before you were even born) in the context of your milieu you might not have even given them a second thought...and yet there might be a strong argument that most men (and women) in general are never going to connect with the opposite sex in a deep way in which they secretly, pereptually, naturally desire (because of these multifaceted/ multilayered subconscious barriers to fulfulling it)

Perhaps its not all you...you might be normal and yet your given context might be upside down.

Perhaps 'your problem' is you just refuse the role of mangina and resident effeminate (as the majority of publicly outspoken men today do)?

^by the way I think that surely there must be something in the water

I don't necessarily disagree with your sentiment in the most abstract sense (and I mean the MOST abstract), but all you're doing here is parroting "manosphere" blogs which the OP has clearly already read and prostrated himself before in search of the almighty poon which will validate his existence and in opposition to the hostile life-support apparatus the poon is attached to. And unfortunately for all of us you are not nearly as talented a writer as Roissy (perhaps his only admirable quality).

The "manosphere" is literally the devil because it takes the traditionalist view of gender roles and precisely zero of the moral imperatives which come with such a view. It operates on the exact same level as every fundamentalist belief system and similarly targets the intellectually crippled.

"Oh big bad feminism has ruined literally every single woman in the West so that means I have to be a sociopath and become a player to avoid being played."

Who's the real pussy here?